Slutty Slutty Hoebag... And other Bachelor-Party Euphemisms

Good God... Last night was a lot of fun.

My head hurts so much right now that it hurts to type. Not sure Im gonna make it through this post...

(some 8 hours later)

Well... It has certainly been a fun couple of days. From what I can remember ;-)

Friday night I ended up cheering up and playing with the setup on my Blog. Hence the fucked up way that it is reading at the moment. On the plus side, I feel proud that I figured out how to add things to my sidebar in HTML all on my own. Downside: I screwed up the whole page so it reads funny now. Hmmm... I have a couple of my wonderful geek friends looking into it. I fell asleep after I got frusterated and missed all the calls that I was lamenting not receiving in the last post.

Yesterday I got an amazing amount of nothing done before I went to Anthony's Bachelor party. I did end up getting a call from Nebraska, and I made it clear that I was kinda put off by him not calling last night when I thought we had plans, and I left it as, "Well, you give me a call when you want to hang out." It 's the "ball is in your court, Im not going to work for this" tactic my friend Will taught me. More on this later.

Before the party, I was a little nervous about the money to be spent on the evening, and it truly was a pricey night, but it was a fun one to be sure. We started at his place (2 drinks) where we changed and got into the limo (2 more drinks) and went to the St. Paul Grill (2 more drinks) and had a very upscale dinner. I started chatting with this guy (M) who I thought had something to him, seemed deep, cute enough, whatever. We have a couple of smoke breaks together, and Im feeling it. We got done with dinner just in time to catch the Taste of the Cities fireworks (shhh... no one tell Anthony that they weren't for him). At that point I got a call from Nebraska saying that he would be out that evening, and he wanted to see me. I told him cool, and that he should give me a call when he knows exactly where he would be. We then go to a St. Paul bar, Trikkx. Fun enough. I could see it getting really fun when its packed, but it was mostly an older crowd. I picked Anthony up at this point, threw him over my shoulder and paraded him around to get spanked by the various patrons. Oh the fun hasnt even started yet.

We left and drove (2 drinks) to Boom (1 drink). Along the way I found time to make out with M in the limo. That's One.

We hung out at Boom just long enough to finish our drinks, then drove (one drink) to Saloon, where we paraded in. It was a fun crowd, and kinda a blur at that point. I usually drink beer, and I was doing vodka tonics and champgne all night. Soon after we got to the Saloon, I found that M was kinda on all types of other guys. Hmmm... Whatever. I can roll with that. Then I saw.... Nebraska.

To start, I am not the guy who waits around for guys to call him. It is my biggest pet peeve when people say they are going to call and then dont. So I walked over to Nebraska with a big smile, with the whole Bachelor Party watching me. I give him a hug, pull back, and pull out my phone. "No missed calls, no messages. Thats too bad. Talk to you later." And I walk away. Just to make it clear, that was me ending it with him. Too bad too, cause I liked him. Thought about him a lot. Some things just werent meant to work. None of my friends liked him anyway, so no giant loss.

So, I go to find M, find him dancing shirtless on the dance floor with another guy in our group, R. I go up and dance with them, and together they wrestle my shirt off me (havent danced shirtless in an age). Then R and I start making out while M is dancing up on me. Wow. Okay.

The only other eventful thing (that I remember) at the Saloon was that this incredibly awkward kid J kept trying to get cozy with me. He kept putting his arm around me and squeezing or grabbing my chest or whatever. He probably figured that since I was making out with everyone else... Anyway, I almost broke his arm, twice, trying to make it clear that he was not allowed to touch me. Eghhh... Some guys just dont get it until you are pinning their arm behind them with their face pressed against a wall while you shout obsenities at them. Now that I think of it, hopefully that wasnt a turn on. Ewwww.

As things are slowing down (3am?) we start to head back out to the Limo and we continue drinking there. One of our group needed to throw up, so while he is being taken care of, I had a couple more drinks with this guy who had been there with his boyfriend (his bf was, in fact right outside the limo). Well, he started making out with me. (notice the use of passive voice) It was hot, but wierd too, cause the bf evidently didnt care... Either that, or those were some damned good tinted windows.

Then went back to the house, were I promptly passed out on a leather couch. Apparently there was a good little after-party in that room... People must have just sat around me... I was out.

Funny moment though, was that I woke up to music playing. Someone had turned on the stereo. I looked down and the floor is littered with a couple of sleeping guys. I got up to turn off the stereo, turn around and there was already someone asleep on the couch where I had been. Part of me was mad, but I was more impressed than anything by the ingenuity of the guy who had conned me out of my comfy couch spot... I let him keep it and found another couch.

Woke up and no one loved me...

Talk about wakin up on the wrong side of the bed.

Im in a relatively bad mood. It's about 8:30 at night on Friday, and I can count at least 5 people who were supposed to call me to get together. Yuck. Nebraska is officially giving me the "no call break-up." Yuck. Im pretty sure my sister and I are in one of those default force-of-will contests over who will call first (because calling first is, of course, an admission of error). Yuck.

Tonight is not one of those Fridays that I have mentally prepared myself to stay in. To be honest, I anticipated a good happy hour with a diverse group of friends, meeting up with Nebraska and getting laid by this point. Guess not.

As for the "break-up," believe me that it is the last thing I am going to shed tears over, but it is certainly inconvenient. I could have spent the last week working on other hook-up options. Shit! I might not get laid this weekend! THAT pisses me off. It has been a very long time since I have gotten the blow-off from a guy, so I suppose that turn-about is fair play and all. Still leaves me questioning why he was all coupley last weekend (Pride=the hook-up highlight of the year) and then all of a sudden lost interest. I fear that he may have finally caught on to some of my more callous statements last weekend (see blog entry), but I dont think thats the case as he didnt even seem to wince at the time. Whatever. Next!

As for my sister, well, thats just a family trait. But now with my Dad in China till Sunday, and her apparently not wanting to talk to me... Feeling kinda alone at the moment. Oh sad.

Time to drink till I cant feel feelings.

Great article to think about

I had this "judicial conservative" guy get in my face last semester about the role of the courts. He was aggressively touting how great it was that finally we are getting a "conservative" Court which will back off and let the "real" democracy do their thing. I didnt quite know how to react. I am proud of some of the progressive measures the Court has put into place in the past, and I have never been willing to concede that the court system isnt part of our democratic process.... I wish I had read this article then to be able to better have this conversation...


Fair to Meddling - The myth of the hands-off conservative jurist. By Seth Rosenthal

Good God!

I just woke up and have had Michael Jackson's "Heal the World" running through my head. Why? No idea. Havent heard that song in a decade. Apparently it is impossible to exorcise from your memory. I have two thoughts:

1) Can you dig a song out of your head with scissors?

2) If there was ever an indication that it is going to be a shitty day...

Interesting Day

Spent the day today at a Continuing Legal Education seminar on divorce law and procedure, which was both interesting at parts and boring at parts. It was nice to focus on a different aspect of law for a day, but I do look forward to returning to work tomorrow.

Got the first of two calls from my sister mid-day: she was dying to tell me this gay joke she had come up with. I kinda humored her and went on with my day. She had called me twice last night to tell me the joke, but I was asleep when she called (calling twice is also our family signal for emergencies, but I dont think she realized she had done it). Anyway, much later today she calls to tell me that she is working with this guy who hurt his knee taking off his cowboy boots and giving himself a pedicure, and it made her think of me, cause he's gay. I was kinda appalled really, and at first didnt say anything. Then I decided to call her back: I really dont like being thought of as the "token gay" in the family. Come on! If anybody should be past that stuff, it should be them.

Think of me when someone is witty, generous, a good listener, supportive, abbrasive, terse, aggressive, WHATEVER... but dont think of me when you hear about some guy painting his toenails. That's not who I am! Im not some episode of Will & Grace... I just am really past being thought of as the "gay one." My Dad has a tendency to do that too, and I addressed him about it. He is, afterall, the one who wanted me to be "more than just gay." So I am turning the tables and asking them to think of me as more than it too.

On one hand I am so unbelievably lucky to have the supportive family that I have. But on the other, I kinda want them to move past that (or perhaps do something about it... maybe what is truly bothering me is that my sexuality is used for joking, but never for politics or for activism.... Maybe I should tell my father that for every funny Cher joke he says to me, he has to go to a PFLAG meeting... anyway). Well, now my sisters pissed, even though I tried to be as constructive and kind about pointing out the whole thing as I could be... She got really pissed saying I was way out of line. Hmmm... I dont think so, especially since I was literally just telling her how I was feeling, and it DID happen twice in one day. Maybe Im wrong...

I realize though that I miss Dad... He's still in China until Sunday. Im sure its amazing, and I hope he's doing well. Its funny how strong our connection still is though. There have been a number of times (esp. given an ethical dilemna I had last weekend) that I have wanted to call him up and talk something through with him. This situation with my sister is one of them.

I guess I am also worried that my sister is floundering. She's not doing so hot at life right now, so no one is calling her on her shit. So things keep getting worse. I could go on about this extensively, but I wont at the moment. Suffice it to say that I feel like I was quite fair in ONLY telling her how I felt about the things she was saying to me.

Then I spent the evening interviewing a couple for my "long paper" (essentially a law school thesis). This gay couple had adopted 3 kids about 5 years back, and they literally have the exact life that I long for, down to the Saab Convertible and the kitchen with a granite island and great knives. Oh, and the kids are pretty damn cool. Anyway, it was an interesting peek to get into their lives.

On a political note, I havent been able to read about the Supreme Court's Hamdan decision, but just getting a glimpse of CNN, I think Im going to be a happy camper tomorrow. That, and I get to see Nebraska. Later!

Everyone should read this article.

These are the things we all KNOW about Guantanemo... But here are the facts to back that up.

http://www.slate.com/id/2136422/

Curiouser and Curiouser

Well, it has indeed been a good week so far. I have mostly been revive from a weekend worth of gay-fun. Its nice to be back to the real world, getting some of my real work done. I got one project done on Monday, and looking to finish another today. Im heading to the Court of Appeals today just for fun, so got all dressed-up nice for that.

Havent really seen Nebraska in the last couple of days. Not worried about that though, as we did spend the entire friggin weekend together. I have social/work/networking engagements for the next two nights, but I think he and I plan on getting together for Happy Hour on Friday, which should prove to be fun. I gotta say, its smart of him to give me my space right now. Most guys would "move in" at this point and I would get to feeling overwhelmed and under-interested. Well played... "Your move, holy man..."

Went out last night for a couple of friends birthdays. They went to dinner first, which I didnt join since I am as broke as I have ever been in my life (is it sad that I had a dream last night that my grandparents died and left me a ton of money?) and felt a little queasy about dropping a bunch of money on a nice meal. But I joined later and really enjoyed catching up, as I havent seen the two friends I was there for in a couple of weeks. We went out, got shafted by Brothers (I always hated that shitty bar) and went somewhere with $2 taps. Sweet!

Anyway, after staying out till about 11pm with those girls, I took the bus home and say these two guys at my entrance. I dont know how to properly preface this story without going too far into the history of the thing but I'll try: one guy I met while he was visiting campus and he just smelled gay. I approached him, and now he's coming to UST Law next fall. He lives with a roommate who I met at the 19 one night and have kinda developed a mild crush on. As 19 is a gay bar, and they live together, and they both seem pretty gay, and they live in the "gay neighborhood," I always presumed that they were both gay.

So, I come home last night, see them smoking and decide to join them (mostly cause I have a crush on the one guy). We start chatting and after a little while, I ask them how they enjoyed Pride, things of that nature... then the one going to UST Law mentions his wife. What? You're married? I was very confused. Apparently he wasnt playing with me. Okay... Cool. I can roll with that, I wasnt interested in him anyway. Then they insist that I go up to their place and have a drink, and I try to be coy and then give in. We go up and have a drink, and it is now getting very late for me, and then the one I think is cute mentions something about being straight. Huh? Say again? Yep. Straight.

I have always known that I go for straight-ish guys (Nebraska being a good example) but apparently I need to truly realign my gaydar. Holy shit, I used to be spot on accurate with that stuff... I have been bumping into these guys for 6 months now, (in fact I was still with (Mitchell) when I first met the UST-bound one) and I could have sworn they were gayer than a box o' leprechauns. Where does one go to get their gaydar re-aligned?

On the political front, anyone who loves reading Scalia's raging, abusive opinions may appreciate the first day of dialogue referring to it on Slate: http://www.slate.com/id/2144476/entry/0/
Someday when I am truly bored at work I want to look up some of Scalia's writing before he was a justice. I wonder when his writing style turned so un-Godly hateful. Oh, and the other thing I like about the Slate article is the mention of Justice Thomas' use of italics. It is pretty funny.

Moving on to the executive branch, I, funnily enough, actually appreciate the line-item veto that Bush is trying to get passed. I have always liked the idea that the President (or morelike his staff) can cut through the pork that inevitably gets attached to a bill. Two arguments can be made as far as the legislative effect: a) it will either allow legislators to save face by being able to say, "Hey, I tried..." or b) it will relieve legislators of any sense of duty to responsible spending in their state. Perhaps argument (b) only exists in an idealized world. Anyway, Bush's veto plan would get around the New York v. Clinton because it allows Congress to override the specific item vetoed with a simple majority vote. (Besides, given the dissents on New York v. Clinton and the changes in the Court since then, it wouldn't rule the same now anyhow.) My only concern with the thing is whether it will lead to partisan abuse: ie. allowing pork projects that help Congressmen from your party while disabling spending for those opposition party members who are vulnerable... I guess we'll have to see.

Funny though that the only President to never veto ANYTHING out of Congress, but to use more "signing statements" (essentially "Fuck Yous, Im going to do what I want") than any president before him is pushing for this line-item power....

Enough for now.

A Terrifying Message from Al Gore

Anything that combines Futurama and my favorite political issues is okay by me.

A big gay t-shirt!

So this last weekend was Pride, and I had an unbelievable amount of fun. I spent most of the weekend with Nebraska, which was very cool, and funny enough I didnt get annoyed with him. That says something. Normally after about 12 hours with someone, I'm ready to cleave their skull in two. Not so with Nebraska. He gave me my space, let me do what I needed to, yet we still spent a good amount of time together being all "coupley." And I didnt have any homocidal feelings. Thats a good sign.

By Saturday night I was all Prided-out. I had enough "gay culture" for the evening. So Nebraska and I went to go see Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth." I need to do some independent research to see how much of what he is saying is slanted or whatever, but my first thought is that the movie was damn compelling. Definitely recommend it. Great ending too with a Melissa Etheridge song. Anyway, back to Pride--

A couple of observations about Pride: first-- What the fuck do I have to do to convince people Im gay?

I spent a good chunk of the weekend helping to man the booth for my law school, and got to be the "Im a student here, and I love it," guy. And people would cock their heads and puzzle, and finally ask, "Well, are YOU gay?" Id kindly respond that I was, and I love my school. But it must have happened a good 20 times. Maybe I should have been wearing a tighter shirt.

Then, I was watching the Pride parade yesterday with Nebraska by my side, still being coupley and everything, and this guy taps me on the shoulder: "You're straight, right?" Huh, what? Im standing at the mother-fucking Pride Parade with the guy Im sleeping with, and Im still getting that? What do I need to do, develop a lisp and a limp wrist? Seriously. My question for the guy who was asking was then, "Why do you ask?" His response, "You just look straight, and I was trying to prove a point that not everyone here was gay..." So, apparently, this guy looked into a crowd of homos and determined that I was the straight one.

I guess the only reason that this even mildly bugged me is because I spent the weekend NOT judging (at least out loud) (okay, outloud but at least not so they could hear me) the relatively freaky fags that come out at Pride. Good for them. God Bless. Not my type/style/size/color, but whatever. And yet I dont happen to fit into the norm on the other end, and I get questioned. Wierd.

Second observation: just cause Im at Pride doesnt mean I want you speculating about my "relationships" any more than anywhere else. Its really none of your business.

I was walking hand-in-hand with Nebraska, which feels pretty damn cool, and this guy from the Minnesota Committed Couples booth (or something of the sort) comes and gets in our face, "Are you two a couple?" I almost mauled out his eyes. Here I am, a somewhat committment-wary guy, trying to avoid "the talk" as best as possible. By "the talk," of course I mean the "we're-sleeping -together -regularly, -so -what -are -we, -lets -get -a -definition -out -on -the -table, -and -PS -you -cant -look -at -other -guys" talk. Then comes along a complete stranger who decides he needs that talk to have happened and for us to come hang out with him now. That warrants a mauling in my mind.

Later last night I had rejoined Nebraska at the bar (where we were oddly exiled outside... wierd setup) and another person asked us. Having a few beers under my belt, the answer was glibbly, "He's good in bed, so Im gonna stick with him till I get bored or annoyed." Funny enough, Nebraska didnt seem to mind that answer. Maybe he might work afterall.

Favorite t-shirt quote of the weekend:
"I dont cuddle, but I'll hold you tight while I fuck you."

I have someone who empties my garbage at night...

I just had that thought: everyday when I come in to work, my trash is empty. I've never had someone that performed such an invisible personal service. New.

I went out with Nebraska again yesterday. He and I went out for lunch, then met up after I had a meeting with the Prof I am working for. I turned in the chapters I had been doing, and that felt rather nice. Then he handed back a stack to edit almost just as big. Great. Here's to a fun summer. Anyway, Nebraska and I had dinner at this Mexican place a couple blocks away then went for a romantic stroll in the sculpture gardens. He's totally an introvert, but he is quickly opening up, and I cant seem to take my eyes off of him. It was totally a nice date, just hanging out the two of us. I could get used to this.

Today, work has been good. I was assigned a new "rush" case which I have to push myself a little on. I should have a good chunk of it finished tomorrow though if I focus... And I went to meet the attorney on the case, and I already love her. She seems very cool. Moreso to in that she is letting me argue the motion! Kickass! While I cant be certain, Im fairly sure that winning this would secure release for a kid who's in for five years. Sweet! Best of all, its a winnable case. I just really have to kick my ass this next week getting the arguments together.

Mob Internet Justice, Part II; Nebraska, Part II

I awoke this morning to some fun news: the story that I posted June 10th about the guy how was seeking justice through the internet for his friends stolen SideKick finally resulted in an arrest of the individual involved. I gotta be honest, as someone who is now part of "the system," when the Internet guy, Evan, started running into roadblocks by the police, I was fairly certain that this whole thing would stall out, and that justice would never be done, regardless of how much work this one man had put into it, and how much attention he had received.

But here is is: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/21/nyregion/21sidekick.html

The original link is also: http://www.evanwashere.com/StolenSideKick

Now this girl's case will undoubtably land on a PD law clerk's desk in Queens for receiving stolen merchandise. (I say PD's office not because they are Mexican, but because they bought a SideKick from a taxi driver...) Should be an interesting case, I might be geeky enough to follow it myself.

On a completely different note, I went out with Nebraska again last night. Had him meet me and a couple friends out for drinks. (or "drink" in his case... this guy definitely isnt a lush. but then, I can corrupt anyone) We ended up having some fairly deep conversation. He doesnt talk much, but he is one of those people that you want to listen to when he does, cause it is usually something important. Anyway... He and I have lunch today. That makes me smile.

What I want to Do, What I'm told to do, What I should do...

So Im looking toward next year. Perhaps I am putting the cart before the horse, but I applied to the Law Review, and have been thinking a lot lately about whether or not I want to do it. This job is phenominal about getting me into contact with people who can give me perspective on some of these things.

Everyone at law school (professors, students, mentors, janitors...) pretty much mandate that you should do Law Journal if you are good enough, do On Campus Interviewing if you are strong enough... I have never been on eto do things jsut because people have expected it of me. If it is a good idea, if it will help me to succeed with my dreams, if it will make me happy then it is worth doing. If not, then screw it, Im not going to (take that class) (play that sport) (jump off that bridge).

I want to help people. I want to open my own adoption agency. I never feel like clerking. I never never want to work in a law firm as an underling associate. What is going to help me in my endeavors will be getting as much volunteer experience as possible. Showing a dedication and drive to work in the public sector. Making connections in the legal public-service world. None of those things require working for the Law Review.

It turns out that my goals may be very different from those that are giving me advice. I have never been one to do something just to put it on my resume, and I dont think that I am going to start now.

Something Awakened

It was a nice relaxing day today. I thought this week was going to be super busy, as I have 3 chapters of the book I am editing to turn in, a major assignment to hand in to the Chief Public Defender tomorrow, and to top it off I was supposed to be mock-second-chairing a trial all today and tomorrow. Well, ofund out early today that the trial has been postponed (till August? so much for a speedy trial). So I got to spend the day pretty much putzing and doing clean-up work for cases since I had planned on being out. Its fun having a job where people arent staring over your shoulder every five minutes to make sure work is getting done.

Our group of clerks is a bit reserved. Most of the lawyers even comment on it. I like most of them, but I am about to throw down with one of them who keeps remarking about those of us who go out on Friday's as "making quite the name for ourselves." Number 1: its Friday. I'll do what the fuck I want. Number 2: Im networking with more county employees than I could ever do during the weekday. Number 3: Shut the fuck up. Anyway, the highhorse thing is getting annoying. Im probably going to ask people to stop talking about going out around him cause he's being such an idiot-head.

I met a man over lunch who is part of a Minnesota gay families organization. He and I got to talking about the need for a gay-friendly and gay marketed adoption center in the midwest. He has an organization to work with. It got me so excited that that was all I could think about for the next half hour. I am trying to set up a time to meet with him and his family and learn how the process went for them, what the decision making was like, etc. And it was equally cool to see him be so supportive of my long term goal and excited about my excitement. It just makes me... well, excited!

Well, last time I wrote about a guy. I feeling it. Something has been awoken in me which I have tried to repress since my last break up, for better or worse. Just the simple act of having companionship... Tonight is the first time in a while that I have longed for that again. Im actually kinda pissed at the moment about that. I was doing so well just having my fun and getting stuff done, then someone has to come along and remind me that I'm human.

Gee thanks...

If I were a South Park Character...

A one-night stand gone right

First of all... I am loving life. Majorly. I got some great news on Friday, and am walking on air right now. I went out with the crew from work on Friday night after I left a tad early and went home for a nap. It started storming tremendously, but I happen to love storms, so that was all right with me. Had a fair number of drinks at Rosen's before the crew decided they wanted to go to the Brass Rail, a gay dive/strip bar. Hmmm... I had never been there before, and who was I to rain on that whole parade? If they didnt know I was gay before, they may have figured it out there... Then met up with Anthony for a little while at the Saloon. Didnt stay too long, but I had had my fun already.

Yesterday I just chilled, ignoring the work that seems to be piling up for this book Im editing. Caught a bus to Anthony's house to go to his pre-wedding party. Met some very solid people and just chilled out for a while until we all decided to make our way to the Saloon. Through Anthony I have been able to FINALLY network enough that I felt like I had a crowd to chill out with last night. One couple I had met the night before, a group of four guys who I hope to hang out with later, and our whole group. It just felt nice to feel like I belonged. And I dont know if it was the comfort level thing, but I was getting checked out left and right. At one point I asked Anthony if I had something on my face... People were just looking at me... Havent felt that way in a while.

Anyway, at one point I saw this kid sitting against the wall, looking just kinda bored and lonely. I had spent about 6 months feeling like I didnt belong, so I decided to share the wealth. (this same tactic was how I became friends with Anthony and Dan afterall, so it is worth it) Anyway, I start chilling with this guy, brought him into our group, introduced him to everyone. Well, after a while, they all disappeared (seriously... that was wierd) and I just looked at him and was like, "Any interest in going back to my place to chill?" He is this totally cute Nebraska boy... Anyway, the night proceeded as many of my weekly encounters (its to the point where i could pretty much set my watch by them) go, but as the night progressed into the morning, we just... clicked. He ended up staying around with me until the mid-afternoon, watching a movie and just being together. I'm gonna be kinda honest: Im a little smitten. I havent had anything more than a purely physical connection with anyone in a while. It felt really nice.

It could go nowhere. Knowing me, it probably will. But its cool to feel that possibility out there. I havent felt that way since (Mitchell). I still am capable of feeling like this. Hmm, at least thats good to know.

Displaced once again...

Dear Elders,

I moved to Minneapolis in August of last year to attend law school, leaving everyone I knew behind at my undergraduate and back home. It has been a rough transition, as I have found it difficult to connect with people and make friends in this bigger city. After a little under a year at toiling to make friendships happen, I find myself slipping back a little.

I took an excellent job at a local firm where I am getting great training, but the hours are pretty nuts. I feel that I am quickly losing touch with the friends I started to make over the year, and their lifestyle no longer fits into my schedule. Everyone talks about how hard it is to balance work with a social or family life, but I have never had a problem with it before. My friends have always meant the world to me, and I feel like I will be so lost here if I lose the ones I have worked to find...

I guess I am looking for advise as to how to best balance work and friendships when your work seems to require all that you have? Is it enough just to tell my friends how much they mean to me?

ELDER RESPONSE I:
It's important to tell your friends that they mean a good deal to you, but it's a fact of life that people--and friendships--change and that much of this change has to do with lifestyle changes: proximity, time, and job interests all impact friendships.

Take stock of the free time you have. Do you have weekends off? Lunchtime free? Monday evenings? Then schedule dates with those friends you really want to keep for those times, but make it a point to do so regularly.

Meanwhile, you may just find yourself making new friends who are in much the same situation through work or school.
Best Regards,
Jud

ELDER RESPONSE II:

From what I've observed and been told, law school is an intense experience that leaves little time for other things. In addition, you are working in a law firm. Sounds like your plate is full.
Sometimes we have to put our personal lives aside for a while in order to achieve a goal.
Your schedule and work load are intense. It is hard for people who have never experienced this kind of work load to know how hard it is to get off the treadmill.

You can tell your friends how much they mean to you, send little e-mail messages and cards to let them know you are thinking of them and hope they understand.

You can also look for new friends who are in the same work/school situation as you. They will be more understanding. As our lives change, our friends often do too. It is part of life's passages.

True friends, who like and love you for who you are, will always be your friend. These are rare in one's life. I've had a couple of friends for over 45 years. In that time, I've also had lots of acquaintances. Now that I have retired, I have made two new very close friends. It takes time and effort. When I was working full time at a hectic 18-hour job, the only people I ever saw were co-workers. That's just the way life is sometimes.

Be good to yourself and don't try to do everything at once.

Best Regards,
shreya

Here's my day:

Oops... Accidentally mis-set my alarm this morning when I woke up at 5:50am (as usual) to workout. I decided to skip the workout and sleep till 6:30... I set the alarm as p.m. Oops... Woke up at 8am, when I should have been at work at 7:30. Doah! Fortunately everyone at work is super cool and as long as I make up the time, everything is hunky-dory. So I worked on the same project I have been working on for the last week and a half, finally getting through all the rules of all the states I was doing. Wow... That was a lot of material. Now to writing my flipping memo. Fortunately, the persuasive arguments are pretty easy, I just have to fit them together over the next few days.

Went to lunch with Mac. Normally I pack a lunch in the morning, but today I obviously wasnt about to take the time. But it was good to spend even just a half hour with her. She has a lot going on right now emotionally. I just want to steady her. Its gonna be cool. Be cool. Anyway, great salad and good to see her.

After that I had "Writ Duty" where we take paperwork and run it all over the government center area (really like a four square block area where things need to go). It was nice, and a welcome break from my project.

I stayed at work till 5pm to make up for my tardiness (and I'll stay late tomorrow too. yuck... I usually am out of there by 4pm) and then walked home and worked out. The walk is something I try and do everyday. Mostly cause I like checking out the guys along Nicolett, but also cause its beautiful out and it feels good to be out of the office.

After the workout, I went upstairs and started cooking the pork loin I had been marinating since yesterday. It was a little overgingered and I had to play with the cooking time/style but it ended up being cooked perfectly, so my instincts are really starting to kick in. I have got the cooking bug major again, and in the last three days have really tried four different recipes (one for marsala sucked, but for the most part they are kicking butt). The homemade cookies I brought into the office on Friday have earned my quite the reputation, and people are still talking to me about them. Fun.

After dinner I went back to my desk to work on this book I am editing for my old Prof. It is long, rather tedious work, but I suppose that if nothing else I am learning my Professional Responsibility lessons, which may make the class easier next year. I have a little stopwatch that I keep track of my time (rather meticulously) that I am putting into the editing. I just finished with the first, and largest, of the chapters tonight, so that feels really good. The other two are supposed to be due at the end of the week. We'll see how that goes. I'll do another hard night at it tomorrow, then Thurs and Friday are play days and then Saturday I should be able to plow through the rest before going to Anthony and Dan's wedding shower.

Maintaining a balance of work/social/play has been a bit of a challenge, but I am doing okay. Mostly my friends are not used to me not being able to go out till 1am and getting to class the next day. Not till now did I realize how nice school really is: even if I have a 9am, its only for an hour, then I get to go back to sleep.

Okay, sleep now!

The things we teach the world

I just finished reading Newsweek's latest coverpiece on the alleged massacre in Haditha. God this war sucks. It sucks to be those soldiers, it sucks that they lost control (allegedly) and it sucks that we are there in the first place. And we struggle to be the force in the world that plays by the "better" rules. Its okay for the insurgency to place IEDs all over the place as we attempt to create peace, and for them to bomb their own civilians, but we may not. Its a hard thing to grasp, but I think it is important to understand the advantage of our position in the world, and that we a civilized and moral society.

On that note, I am having trouble with the assassination of Zarqawi this last week. I know that this guy was a big al-Queda ringleader, and that he needed to be stopped. There is no doubt that he has been responsible for taking more lives than anyone other than Saddam Hussein himself. However, the assassination just seems wrong. And further wrong for us to celebrate it. He was a bad man, fighting for a bad cause, but it is only a reminder of the twisted and sad world we live in, not something to give high-fives over on FoxNews.

We are in Iraq trying to spread democracy and freedom and justice and peace. Shouldnt we pretend to hold those values ourselves? Where was the "due process" here? How are we supposed to tell Iraqis that it is not okay to chop off the hands of thieves or beat their women if they dress improperly when we bomb the shit out of somebody who presented a problem for us without any sort of systemic way to make sure that WE ourselves are not the unjust ones, imposing an unjust rule...

I know that the Hussein trial has simply been a circus. But that is because it is run by the international community. If we knew enough to bomb Zarqawi, we probably could have sent in a force to capture him. If he fought back (which we know he would have), then I have no problem with his body becoming riddled with machine gun fire, just as with anyone who opens fire on our police force here in the U.S. But suppose, just suppose, that we captured him alive. We could turn him in to the Iraqis and let them serve justice on him as they wish. We have enough foreign pressure in Iraq that we could have assured that he not be treated lightly, but it would have been an incredible act of good faith to show that we are confident enough in the new government to let it deal with its own traitors in a judicious manner.

Mob Internet Justice. I love it

Whoever said that possession is 9/10ths of the law had something to learn from this situation. I never liked that rule. This guy is taking the remaining 1/10th and getting back what he deserves. Really interesting integration of property, criminal, juvenile, and communications law.

Check out the forum on legal issues if you get a chance.
http://www.evanwashere.com/StolenSidekick/

Nobody Knows Im Gay...

Its rather interesting. Right now I am in this office, and feeling very comfortable with the people around me learning to like me for who I am and for the work I do and the cookies I brought into the office today (yes Im serious). But I have yet to “come out” to anyone here yet. It is not an awkward thing, in fact quite the opposite. Everyone here uses gender-neutral language for the most part (partner, significant other etc.) and our managing attorney is promoting Pride events later this month. I have no doubt that if I told people I was gay that they would accept me, but I largely feel that there is no reason I need to tell them.

While the other clerks that work around me are a good group and we are slowly starting to get to know things about each other, I would prefer that they get to know my style, devoted work ethic and sense of humor before they know who I date. It just shouldn’t be an issue in a workplace like ours, and it isn’t. Which is wonderful.

So now that I have written all of that, it is almost harder to answer the next question: when do I come out to these people as I get to know them? There are often scenarios when I come out to prove a point or to rectify some behavior I find offensive or something. Now that I don’t “need” to come out, it is a question of when I “want” to… Not something that I am often presented with. I may end up saying something at Happy Hour tonight to a few of them, then again, maybe not. Its kinda nice though that it is completely my call.

Who's got a case of the Mondays?

Blah...

Sitting at my desk, truly trying to pretend I am doing work. Oh, to be a government employee... Its not that I havent been getting stuff done, I am just not used to having this down-time to my day. Right now the research that I have to do requires that I go to another building, but I have to meet with a lawyer I am working for before I do anything else, and he isnt available, so here I sit.

Went out last night to celebrate a wonderful friend's birthday. I love that group of people. I dont write that just cause I know they read this, but rather because I am truly so lucky that I fell in with people that I feel so welcome and comfortable around.

(The lawyer I just wrote a 13 page motion for just pulled me aside. He thought my work was really good, especially for the first week. He thought my arguments were very well laid out and well crafted. "B-" in Lawyering Skills my butt. Booyah!)

So yeah... Life is good. I'm kinda counting down the time today to get out of hear, a feeling that I am sure many of my other office-bound friends can relate to. Good day so far though.

This is why I dont buy organic...

Well... Havent written in a bit. Ive been busy either doing nothing (pre-job) or busy being really really busy (post-job). The grades for this last semester are coming out, and so far they are a bit lower than I hoped, but right where I expected. If that makes any sense. I just need to wait till the other half of the grades post, cause those were the classes I felt decent about. Whatever, I passed.

And moving on, I have started my job clerking for the Public Defender's office. The more I learn about the place, the more I love it. I went out drinking with a few of the clerks last night and a very shot-happy lawyer in the office who I am working for. We had a blast. They were all very fun, very open-minded, very effusive people. I feel really good about this job and really good about the work I will be doing. After a couple days of very... comprehensive orientation meetings, we now have our days to ourselves to get our work done. I was one of the few that got three assignments at the get go, one due yesterday, another due Monday. These are really fast deadlines (most clerks havent had anything due yet). But I loved it, got them both done, and they look good. Next up is a big assignment from the big boss (the Chief). That should keep me busy all of next week.

But for the first time in my life, I have a desk that is mine, a phone that is mine, a government email, security passes to government buildings... there's a certain sense of importance that goes with those things. I also have to get up in the morning at about 6 to get to work on time. The office atmosphere is great: I can take lunch when I want, wander out of the building for whatever reason (as long as I sign out), wear what I want (for the most part) ... And my bosses are freakin cool so far. It's an extremely supportive atmosphere.

The other cool thing is that Ive been told pretty verbatim how secure my future is if I like what I am doing. I can continue in the fall (and then get to go to a fun weekend conference!) I will automatically get a spot for the next summer, and then pretty assuredly get offered a spot as a lawyer when I graduate. Hmmm... interesting to have that in front of me. And wonderful enough: none of it is dependent on grades!

Other than that, I am just getting into the routine of work, waiting for that first pay check, and trying to get through the book I am editing for my Professor.

Oh, and before I forget, I was very proud of myself for walking over to the organic grocery store that is nearby to buy food, as I was totally out. Not something I will do again I think... I realized how much I love crappy food, with pesticides and poor social policies. They had almost nothing I really needed, and what they had was uber-expensive (because of the quality, yada yada yada). Then I got home and tried to cook up some corn, and 2/3 of it had little catapillars on it. Ewww! This is why I like pesticides: it kills the pests, so I dont have to see them. Enough of that.

Wierd...

Sooo.... Last week I had gone out dancing with Anthony and then went home and ate an obscene amount of Thai food in bed and then went to sleep... Woke up the next morning barely able to move, my back hurt so badly. Finally went to my father's chiropractor today, and went through all my physical activities from that day. Turns out it was the food of all things... Ive always thought that chiropractors were all mumbo-jumbo, but somehow they know how to make things feel better. Apparently my back got screwed up by overworking my digestive system while I slept. He popped a couple things and I feel way better. Nice. The food thing is wierd though, never thought Thai could screw up my back...

Anywho, I am back in Michigan now for the time being. Its been uber-relaxing, and nice to get away from things for awhile. I have just been chilling with the family, making meals, watching TV and working on my submission for the law journal. This thing is really long and I have been chipping away at it for a week now. Yuck. Im not sure my submission is even going to be that good, but it will at least be a "good faith effort" in case I am on the honor role again. I just dont have the energy to put forth much more about now.

I made a really good meal on Monday night for the dinner group Dad has: Spicy corn soup with spinach ricotta dumplings and zuchini cakes. It was a lot of work but my sister helped with a lot of it. Turned out great though.

I am heading to Chicago on Friday or Saturday to visit friends, then back to Minneapolis to chill for a week before I start my new job. I will have 3 chapters of a book I am editing for a prof waiting for me when I get back, but other than that I can largely relax for the week (still). Nice!

"You're so drama"

I went out to one of my favorite bars on Tuesday to celebrate our last Bar Review and the fact that we had all made it through finals. Yeehaaw! Anyway, I danced it up and had a blast, but a friend said something that bothered me. I hadnt seen her in a while cause I have kinda cut ties with her group for my own reasons. But it was good to see her, and we started to chat outside for a little bit. At one point I was apologizing for falling off the face of the planet, but alluded to the fact that I had a falling out with her sister. She then looks at me and says, "Well Christian, you are a lot of drama" as if that should help me to understand the whole thing...

I have been told a few times (always by straight people with very little "gay" in their lives) that i am "drama." Ive decided that this pisses me off. While this might lead one to the conclusion that I am INDEED drama, I am fairly confident that I am not. I am very chill, go with the flow, and generally get along with everyone. My friend's have always credited me with "telling it like it is." So why would I be labeled "drama?" This girl's rationale, "You often walk into a room with a 'You'll never guess what happened to me the other night...' thing going on." Funny, I didnt think that was drama, just good storytelling.

What this tells me is one of two things. Either a) she doesnt want to hear my stories, which I thought were generally enjoyable or, b) she doesnt mean "drama" she means "gay."

I wonder if she looks at any of her other male friends and calls them "drama." I can think of a few who are reasonably much more drama than I could ever be. I try not to jump to conclusions, but it really feels like an attack on who I am rather than what I do. Whether that's me "being drama" or just being gay, Im not sure, but I hate it either way. It's like looking at a black man and calling him "gangsta." It's an offhand comment based on some stereotype you hold about people. Seriously, after that short interaction I have no interest in talking to this person again any time soon. Perhaps that's drama, or perhaps that's just self-respect.

I recently ended my therapy at the school. One of the major focuses was that I was bottling up stuff that I felt like I didnt want to burden my friends with. This girl sheds a little light on why I might have felt I needed to.
*****************************************************

As for the end of finals, it has been magnificent to get my life back. I have spent the last few days catching up with friends, doing major spring cleaning, doing some dating, and recovering from a dancing related injury. I went out dancing with Anthony on Wednesday at the Townhouse, had a blast, saw a lot of really hot guys, danced a bunch, and was home by 1:30 relatively sober. It was a good time. Yesterday morning I woke up, barely able to move. My lower back was SO sore. I must have hurt it doing something... Hmmm... Signs Im getting old for 100 Alex.

My last exam, Con Law, ended up pretty well I think. There were three essays and I felt prepared in answering all of them. The last of the essays was on the Constitutional arguments of "Don't ask, Don't tell," which is kinda a specialty of mine. Of all the "gay" issues, this is the one I am knowledgeable about. So it was nice to just be able to turn on the auto-pilot for that segment and know that I was going far above the Profs expectations on that one.

So now life continues. Home tomorrow for a little over a week. It'll be great to see the family. Then a week off before work starts. Im starting to date a bit which feels good. Life is good. I made it through the hardest year of the hardest part of my education. Sweet!

The Very Reverend Robert Taylor

So I was just spending 20 minutes wasting time perusing the news, and I saw that the Episcopalian church in California is considering 3 gay candidates for its new Bishop... I was just reading along, when I recognized a name... the Very Reverend Robert Taylor! I met him at the end of my sophomore year when he came to Marquette with Archbishop Desmond Tutu as part of the emerging leaders foundation. I remember thinking the guy was just amazing, and quite exceptional to be coming to our campus, openly gay, supported by Desmond Tutu, and walking down the center aisle of Gesu in his rainbow scarf-thingy (I used to know all those words).

Anyway, now he is in the running to be the second openly gay Bishop EVER! How cool! Im such a fan! Gotta love those Episcopalians!

An interesting retrospective...

So I was reading through my blog going through and updating my "little black book" as best as possible, trying to see where "my number" is nowadays... Anyway I came along this passage regarding last semester's Contracts final:

"I did my best, although I am fairly sure that I bombed one of the sections because I didnt understand what the prof was looking for. Ouch. I knew the info but..."

I was sure that I had failed the damn thing, and had ridden myself pretty hard about that. Turns out I got an A- in the class. Something to think about given my current feelings about my performance in Crim. Everyone who has been through this is telling me not to let those retrospective, hindsight "I should have done..." feelings get to me. They are probably right. Something to remember.

Chinese Food Makes up for Everything

Yesterday was kinda rough. I had my Criminal Law exam, and I felt under prepared walking into it. Ironically, that wasn’t my problem. It wasn’t that I didn’t have the right amount of information, it was that I didn’t know how to properly synthesize the stuff… I finished the exam with twenty minutes to spare, and thought I had really hit everything I needed to… Then listening to people talk about it afterward, I realized that I missed some very very major points.

In retrospect, I remember feeling a bit of the same way about my Civil Procedure exam, and it turns out that I got one of the highest grades in that class. But I highly doubt that will be the outcome here. I just didn’t have it, and I know it.

I suffered a bit of a headtrip about the whole thing yesterday about the whole thing. I have been on the Dean’s List, so I have that to lose, and I am substantially certain that I lost that yesterday. It means almost nothing, and the big picture of the thing is not as severe as I would have made it. The honest reality: I probably “rode the curve” and will get the B- that we always joke about. That’s not horrible by any means.

Ive just never been bad at anything before. I’ve rarely, rarely walked away from any performance and been able to look at it and say, “I could’ve done better.” Welcome to law school. I wont even find out for about a month how I did, so that will soften the blow as I will actually be PRACTICING criminal law by that time. (irony?)

The blow of the whole thing was softened by the fact that I was surrounded by such good friends. A crew of us went to Brits after the thing, and then John, Meg and I all went to Pings for some quality Chinese food. Then we went to the 19, got sufficiently ripped, and each ended up hooking up (kinda). I took home a skater-boy, Timmy and she got a number from some chick (edited). John went home to his wife. It felt good to be with those two and just hang. I dont know why it has taken me so long to do so.

I spend so much time pretending that I dont care about my grades, perhaps it is time to make that a reality. I did fine. I did my best. I couldn't have prepared much better. Just got to move past this one.

I walk alone

I went for a walk last night about 10pm. I had been in my apartment all day long preparing for today's Criminal Law test. I departed down my street, and then walked along the park, just enough to stretch my legs and get some air.

I was reminded that when I first moved here I had heard all sorts of horror stories about the park. I remember (Mitchell) worrying about me walking there at night. And I was so concerned at that point about losing (Mitchell). Moving can be a scary thing. That feeling of the unknown is hard for most of us.

Now, hardly eight months later, I walk comfortably alone around that same park. I have grown comfortable with the area, comfortable in my own skin. Even though I did end up losing (Mitchell) to the distance and the reality of the relationship, that thought no longer scares me either. I find myself very contented to walk alone.

On a completely unrelated note, Im back on one of my fitness kicks. Feels good. Even a couple days of working out makes me feel better, more energized. Also, unrelatedly, I spent about 30 minutes yesterday rearranging my schedule so I wouldnt hvae to take any future classes with my Crim Law professor. I was supposed to take Evidence with him next Spring, but with the disorganized and almost disrespectful way he has approached this exam, I am simply not willing to tolerate him for another semester. Oh well, it worked out in the long run. Now I will be taking a night class with an appellate judge. Should be interesting.

This is my friend...

This is my friend Ryan. He's in Iraq. Im proud of him. Keep him in your prayers.

You Know You're A Marquette Alumni If...

Hey all... I found this in an old file on my computer, thought it was great... Some of them need to be edited. Post your suggestions...


You Know You're A Marquette Alumni If...
1. You have an 8x10 glossy of Chris Farley framed in your living room.
2. You don't balk at the idea of taking public transportation to and from the bar.
3. You're not impressed if someone tells you they just rode in a limo.
4. Lake Michigan feels toasty warm at 68 degrees.
5. You have carpal tunnel syndrome from playing so many rounds of Boat Races.
6. You know that a big white tent on the West Mall of the AMU means free food.
7. You prefer the Champagne to anything made by Anheuser-Busch.
8. You skip dinner full well knowing you'll be filling up on mozz sticks and Cheeseburgers at one of Marquette’s fine eating establishments around 2:30 Am.
9. You have gotten into at least one fight with the guys at Gyros, probably because you tried to swipe someone's bag of food, passing it off as something you ordered and paid for.
10. You know it's ok to wear New Balance sneakers when you go out on the Weekend.
11. You believe a gold t-shirt is the essential part of any wardrobe.
12. You've stiffed the guys at Real Chili at least once.
13. You're not scared of bums.
14. You have seen the inside of Sinai's emergency room.
15. You look both ways, 3 times, before crossing Wisconsin Avenue, to avoid getting nailed by a city bus.
16. When you attend a baseball game, you miss the first five innings due to the 3-kegstand minimum at the tailgate.
17. You or someone you know gets their hair cut by Gay Don.
18. You know about the "other" Harp.
19. At some point, you have gotten in trouble for having beer in your fridge.
20. You bowl and throw darts better when hammered.
21. You have been to Target, via the City Bus, at least twice.
22. You have volunteered hungover at 8am on a Saturday and loved it.
23. A backyard BBQ consists of a mini-weber, the family pack of brats, and 3 30-packs of miller products.
24. The toolbox, the monkey cage, and the jes res are some of your old haunts.
25. You dream of re-opening the Avalanche.
26. You were able to wear shorts for only 4 weeks of the school year.
27. You either are a devout packers fan, or are someone who makes fun of them.
28. You know who Chris Grimm is. And you know that when he goes on the court, it's bad news.
29. You were, at one time, a member of the student athletic board.
30. "Home" is either a suburb of Chicago or a small town in Wisconsin, with a few exceptions.
31. Cumulatively, you have spent at least 10 hours outside on cold winter nights, thanks to fire alarms.
32. You can leave your house with $15 in your pocket on a Thursday night and come back wasted.
33. You used to reserve Monday nights for progressives at Caffrey's.
34. The only time you ever drank at Angelo's was freshman year... for good reason.
35. You know at least three girls who claim to have slept with Diener.
36. You have to bypass at least 3 "ethnic food aisles" when grocery shopping.
37. You know that the fewer number of white guys on the basketball team, the better.
38. You know where to go to get hammered off of one margarita.
41. You think Naylor was an asshole.
42. Warrior vs. the Golden Eagle discussions can raise your blood pressure. And "Gold" gives you a palpatations.
43. You remember eagle option 2 for 1 at the pub.
44. You know at least one person who can do a dead-on Father Wild impression.
45. You left the dorm on Thursdays at 6:00 pm with an empty backpack
46. You entered the dorm on Thursdays at 6:15pm with a full backpack
47. You have drank green beer until you have puked, or passed out, or both (often in class)
48. You know Angelo’s is run by the mob.
49. You think "Goddamn Marquette Girls, you think you're better than me? Bitches!" is funny.
50. You remember Greenfield
51. You've bought shots in a basement
52. You ate at Ziggy's (probably only once)
53. You still go by some nickname you earned within the first year and a Half at MU
54. You know what somebody means when they say that they had to "ride on the cheese"
55. You know what the sausage race is, and you know "hot dog" always wins.
56. You can tell which direction the wind is coming from just by the smell
57. Your shower caddy consisted of: soap, shampoo, 2 cans of beer
58. You have memorized id information while on your way to a bar
59. You've been to "the dugeon" even if you didn't know any of the people who lived there
60. The beginning of April is the perfect time to take a run down to Lake Michigan via Wisconsin Ave.
61. You remember Louie D's and how much better it was than Marquette Gyros
62. You have sun bathed at McCormick beach

thanks for 59-62 Amy!

Procrast... aww crap, I'll finish spelling it later

Sunday. Nice. Made it through my Friday property final, and seemed to walk out of there with less of a limp than many, so I think I was able to get the B- that I was aiming for. That is truly a victory. Afterward, went out with the law crew for a little bit, and then went with Kenz back to her place to meet up with Ang who is now in town TO STAY! Anyway, Ang passed out, then I passed out, and it was looking like an early night. Kenz dropped me off back at home, and I was walking up the stairs when a classmate invited me up to his place for some beers and a movie. Cool... Chill enough. He and another old friend from the theater program at MU and I watched a cowboy movie, then started watching True Lies, while taking frequent smoking breaks. On one of the breaks I ran into another guy from the building, who is a total hottie. The guy then later texted me to go over to his place... Ended up with him till 5am... Nice.

This guy, however, was ultra fit, and I feel like he looked on me with a certain amount of disdain. Law school has killed my discipline for working out. In fact, tomorrow I am gonna try to go on a new fitness kick. Anyway, he kept making little comments that seemed to illude to the fact that he thought I wasnt taking care of myself. Dude... Whatever. I dont care how hot you are... That shit is just worthless. I still look pretty good, all in all, not peak, but whatever. I got better things to stress about. (afterthought: while this guy works out 2 hours a day, I am staying sane in law school, volunteer teaching kids and helping at a legal clinic, trying to keep some sort of social life... eat me. You're gonna get old and lose all that you have worked for. I will not.)

Anyway. Then I nursed that MASSIVE hangover the rest of the day. It was the perfect day to sit around and enjoy a good hangover, in that it was cloudy and rainy all day. Kinda nice really. Then met up with Ang and Kenz and went out on the town with them. They had to call it an early night for shoe problems, and I had already almost started a fight at the Saloon, so we were on our way earlier than usual. Still a good night though.

Ive got another final on Wednesday... Crim Law. Totally unprepared for this one. I truly havent been paying attention, doing the reading, anything lately. And yet I look at the material we are supposed to know and it is fairly sparse, which then reminds me of our Contracts exam. It wasnt about how much you knew, but how you argued it. I can handle that... But knowing that, now I am slacking again. I'll kick it into gear tomorrow after the study session scares me a little bit.

Thank God for the Internet

Well, yesterday wasnt as bad as I thought it might be. I received some 8 IM messages, 6 emails, 5 MySpace Posts, 3 facebook messages and some 20 facebook wall posts wishing me a Happy Birthday. Even a professor of mine sent me a very funny e-card when I tried to make her feel guilty for making me study on my birthday. A bunch of friends from school called, and Carey and I had a good long chat. This all helped to make up for a no cake, no cards, no gifts, eatin-Pasta-roni, not leaving the apartment, my roommate doesnt know, my father doesnt call (till 9pm) I'm studyin all day Birthday.

Truly, the father thing is the only part that still bugs me. Everything else is cool. But I seriously had thought he had forgotten me. He said that he had had a busy day, and then proceeded to tell me about all the meetings and things he had had, didnt even get a lunch break, and then, of course, he had a massage. Busy Day. Fuck that. But apparently he has sent me a gift. He got it in the mail... yesterday. I should receive it about a week after my birthday. Oh. Thanks. It doesnt quite help that I went downstairs to check the mail (the only occasion upon which I left my apartment yesterday), eagerly anticipating some nice birthday treat from someone. Well, if student loan statments count, then I got my wish. Yuck.

Honestly though, as much as aspects of this year's birthday sucked, it was good to feel such an influx of love from all over the place. People I havent talked to in years were wishing me a Happy Birthday, and I got a number of sweet phone calls. I know I have many friends who would have celebrated with me had they been available, or if I had been available. That helps to know.

Anyway, today is the day of my Properties exam. Im actually feeling pretty confident, which I think gives me a one-up on those who are scared shitless by this exam. While looking through the professor's supplement materials yesterday, I think I found one of the essays she is giving us, based on the cases she had us prepare on (it's like a closed memo)... anyway, I think there are few students who found that, and hopefully that gives me some sort of a head start. The test is from 1-5pm and I am gonna be good and ready to get wasted after that. My friend Angela lands in town tonight about 8... Would love to be sober enough to see her. Then again, I would love to be drunk enough not to.

Seems about right...

Your Birthdate: April 27

Your birth on the 27th day of the month (9 energy) adds a tone of selflessness and humanitarianism to your life path. Certainly, you are one who can work very well with people, but at the same time you need a good bit of time to be by yourself to rest and meditate. There is a very humanistic and philanthropic approach in most of things that you do. This birthday helps you be broadminded, tolerant, generous and very cooperative. You are the type of person who uses persuasion rather than force to achieve your ends. You tend to be very sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you able to give much in the way of friendship without expecting a lot in return.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Looking back:

Excerpt of a post from May 1 of last year:

It's a little after 10pm, and I have all sorts of work to do for the week. Once again I am sitting here, contemplating the fact that tomorrow I start my last week of classes at Marquette. I am graduating. I am moving. My friends will be leaving, and I am now, just now, really starting to get it.

I went out last night after work to join Justine and Danielle and a few others at La Perla. Kendra was there. I hadnt seen her in ages. I know that she is dissapointed that I am not the friend she was hoping for. We have just grown apart, and I let that happen. That's gotta be okay. But just hanging out with her on Saturday made me really feel it. Here is this person that I was friends with, who meant a lot to me, and we will be moving on in a few short weeks, and we wont be friends anymore. What do I do about that?

I guess that I just need to be grateful for the moments that we had. For the times that she was an incredible friend to me. For the hope that she will have her every wish fulfilled in life.

I can't help but feel a little bit lonely. I want someone's arms to curl up in, who I can know will not be leaving me, who will be with me through these transitions. And funny, I think I could have that person if I would let it happen, but I know that this, how I am feeling right now, is just a moment, a moment that will pass as I go through the next weeks and really enjoy my goodbyes.

Still no word on Senior Speaker. Good God. I just want to know.
...

So where am I now? Tired. Scared. Wishing I had more time with my friends. Wondering where the time all went. Hoping that I dont have to grow up too fast. Maybe if I dont get these final projects done, they wont let me graduate, and I can keep things the way they are? I don't think so.

Ahhh... "Where the Streets Have no Name" just came on my mp3 player. There isnt any more emblematic song for my career here. The rush at the start of the basketball games. The cheering with the best friends I could hope for. The feeling that we can take on the world. The knowledge that we will have to do just that.

My Momma told me there'd be days like these-- Van Morrison

Started off the day a bit rough.... Went to go see my counselor, and ended up just bawling. Tomorrow is my birthday, and my mom's death seems to be hitting me harder than usual. Mom's are the ones who are supposed to make you feel special on your birthday. Important. I have a photo on my wall of my mother looking at me for the first time some 24 years ago. But for some reason this year I feel like I just dont have anybody to make me feel special. I have an exam the next day, so I dont quite know how I am going to celebrate the day, and I kinda feel like it is just going to pass me by without notice, and that just feels depressing.

I can think of at least one person who will read this and perhaps feel slightly offended because she would be at my side if I showed even the slightest willingness to divert from my studies, and I totally appreciate that. But this year my life just feels a little bit empty. For my 22nd I was so completely happy to celebrate by going to a "parilla" dinner while reading Harry Potter in downtown Madrid, so what I am feeling is not about being alone, but perhaps it is about being lonely. Whatever that means.

The day did look up however. I got an email confirming that our CATHOLIC law school would buy a table at Minneapolis Pride this year as a recruitment effort. This is a major deal, and I was preparing for a fight to make it happen, and am beyond ecstatic that it came about with so little pressure. Makes me very proud of St Thomas. Then I had a meeting with the other OUT!Law chairs and got pretty excited about what we are thinking up for next year. There are a lot of people willing to put some leadership in, and that always feels good.

Then I spent the rest of the day studying in the park for this dreadful exam. At one point one of Brianna's friends joined us and helped to quiz me on my flashcards. Turns out I know my stuff pretty well! NICE!

Tomorrow I turn 24.

Censorship

Nothing gets me good and ticked like old-fashioned censorship....

So I am wasting precious study time (God knows I am a procrastinator before anything else) and I notice that a link has been removed on my MySpace page. Where there used to be a super-attractive guy lying on his stomach, there is now an "Image Censored" sign care of someone at a 3rd party site, MyYearbook, which I dont even use. WTF?

First of all, I am in law school. I am judicious enough to know to keep porn off my pages. So this image couldnt have been that bad. Worst case scenario, there was some handsome butt-crack showing.

Who is this website that thinks its a good idea to not only be censoring THEIR content, but somehow censoring MINE! Im ticked. Just for that, I think I might need to do something really truly vulgar.

Or, I might just go back to studying property law... lame.

Moving On

Good God... Its been almost a month since I have last posted. Wow... Its not that I have been busy, although I have, but more I have been happy. I guess I tend to write more when Im pensive, and Im more pensive when Im meloncholy-ish. Spring has sprung, I have found some fantastic people to surround myself with who care deeply for me, and I feel much more myself than I have in a while. Roo-Raah!

This weekend is the first one I have spent in town for a while. Last weekend I went home for Easter, which was lovely. Every time I go back to TC I find that there are fewer and fewer people there for me. With the (important) exception of Jeff & Dick, I spent the weekend entirely with Dad and Carey. The night I got home we all stayed up till 3am just catching up, and I was amazed at their talent for making me laugh.

The weekend before that I went to Milwaukee to see a friend before he shipped out to Iraq. It was a wonderful trip, and I realized how much I am actually attached to that city. I thought it was Marquette, (Mitchell), or my awesome friends there, but it turns out that it is something far more basic: I miss the familial way I am greeted at the bars, by people all over. Its just so much more blue-collar (read: less stuck-up). I got a chance to visit with a ton of people, including a quick visit with Justine. Phenominal!

It is nice to be in my apartment this weekend though. I am getting my fun out of the way before I buckle down for exams, which start this week. I just wish I could fast-forward these weeks and get to summer. Went clubbing with Kenz and Anthony on Friday to two of the most fun clubs I've been to in a while. The second one was probably the best gay bar Ive been to in the U.S. ... Although I could have just been wasted. Then Saturday I watched "V for Vendetta" (amazing flick) and then went on a boat cruise down the Mississippi with Kenz and a my law school group. It was odd because I would have felt very lonely without Kenz there. I just dont feel like a part of the law school crowd right now. The guys are all guy-ey, and the girls are... well I just dont feel real close with them right now. Anyway, Kenz and I ended up talking about some very deep things and it was just wonderful to have her there.

The reason I titled this entry "moving on," is because I have totally been in freshman mode this year. After years of working for orientation and making new homes for myself in various countries, you'd think Id be better at recognizing this process. Freshman (or 1L) year you get thrown into a mix of people who you pressume you need to be best friends with. But after some months of trying to really work these relationships of convenience, we all realize that, while convenient, these people may not really have anything in common with you. They may not make you feel good about yourself or have the qualities that you generally surround yourself with. I went through this in a major way my freshman year. Carey is finding that right now too. She is having a rough go at school feeling like she hasnt made any "real" connections with some of the girls she has been hanging with all year.

Anyway, now that I recognize that this has been something that I have been struggling with, I also see that I am coming out of it. There are people I am choosing to hang out with more, others less. I'll still have my drinking buddies, but it's definitely nice to know that I am finding people who I can rely on for more than that.

So, now it is heading into exams, so it may well be another month before I write. I'll try not to do that. Oh... and for those who might have been thinking about it, DO NOT upgrade your Hotmail accounts with their new beta software. It sucks. Trust me.

But Ive moved on.

Running out of Q-Tips

Time to go shopping.

Oh, and BTW, Im still a giant slut.

After spending a week with my grandparents, which I enjoyed fully, I got home last night and needed something to off-set the MASH and Bill OReilly I had been watching. So I got together with a fantastic group of friends... And only slept with one of them. ;-)

I have to go back to school tomorrow, and am very much dreading it. Having time to myself to read for pleasure, do what I want and generally just chill has been almost decadant in the light of my normal life. I spent a few hours today putting my old Europe group-emails into this blog under the appropriate dates. They became rather celebrated among the 500+ people who received them, so I figured I might as well save them for posterity. Looking back too, I am truly impressed by how much I did in Undergrad. Seriously. How come I cant get shit done now? Seems like I am barely treading water in law school. Of course, that's like treading water with 100-lb weights tied to my ankles, but still.

The question is largely, how do I maintain this fantastic sense-of-self that I have rediscovered? I need to forget again about grades, focus on friends who treat me well, and just make myself happy. I think I can do that.

Just keep swimming.

Looking in the Mirror

Law school has been hard on me. Hard on the person who I have come to know and develop in myself, and hard to hold onto the things I love about who I am. There is this constant challenge, and drive, and whether I admit it or not, competition. Meanwhile, I find myself uniquely alone in my surroundings, without the companionship I found in Milwaukee, Caracas, TC, and even to some extent in Madrid. I am slowly developing relationships that I can really rely on, but as with all things, it comes with some difficulty. Social development takes time.

This last weekend has renewed me though. Friday I went out to lunch with some friends, went out with Kenz for dancing and drinking games, Saturday I had breakfast with Christina then flew to Chicago and hung out with my Sis, then got far too wasted with Will and Co. and ended up making out with a stranger. Woke up on the couch of a friend and went to brunch with Carey, J and D, looked at some open-houses too for J which I loved. Then rejuvenated at the hotel for a bit before going to Hooters for crab legs with Pete and John from back home. Then had a rather long day of flying, I ended up with my Grandparents in Tucson for a 5-day visit with them. Why does all of this matter? Because all of these people adore me. All of them get me. While I might, at times, feel very alone in my current social sphere, it is so incredibly helpful to be reminded of how loved I am elsewhere, and that, in time, I will develop friends in Minneapolis too.

I have been working very hard at liking what I look at in the mirror. It doesn’t always come easy. My friends don’t often see that, but I have trouble liking myself, seeing myself as worthy. Mostly body-image stuff really, for which I completely blame gay-culture, but other outside comparison stuff comes in there too. When a classmate treats me as expendable, it gets to me. But it shouldn’t.

The breakup with (Mitchell) jarred my sense of worth a bit. There were so many ways that the whole thing made me feel undervalued and unloved. Then I would start to wonder if anyone will ever value me enough for a relationship, and the thought-process went downhill from there. Enough. This last week, I finally realized that I am over it. Done looking at life from the “break-up” perspective. Time to move on.

I looked in the mirror just now, and I look good. Damn good. Maybe its all the love I have felt in the last 72 hours, the heinous sweaters my dear grandmother insists on giving me every time I see her (do I look cold?), the way that Will and I know it is okay to get wasted around each other, the fact that Kenz will unhesitantly accompany me to the gay bars. I have a summer job (three in fact). I am looking at buying a house. I am in the top of my class. I volunteer and live a good life. I am without psychosis, well adjusted and very little drama. And lastly, and I wish I thought it was least importantly, I am attractive. I look in the mirror, and just wonder how I am still single. I just hope that others see the same in me. And that I allow myself to see the same in others.
It feels good. And if I finish this Spring Break with nothing accomplished other than feeling good about myself again, then fuck yeah!

The week of getting let down... and yet...

Well, Happy St. Patrick's Day! I have been lit now for about 24 hours, so the Irish blood in my body seems wholly sated and satisfied.

Its interesting. I just got off the phone with my new drinking buddy who mentioned that he would miss me while Im gone on Spring Break. That actually means a lot. Even though this guy has only known me for about a month, he appreciates me enough to say something like that.

This last week I have had some friends let me down. One friend didnt want to drive through the snow so wreaked all sorts of havok on my travel plans. Another friend expected me to be at her social beck-and-call and completely disregarded me. The guy I was starting to date kinda blew me off disrespectfully. And yet...

And yet I have these "other" friends: friends who are not at my school or in my old social networks. I guess I am used to people enjoying me for the massive amount of people I know and the connections I have, and that just isnt the case here yet. So then you find out who your friends really are: the ones who take care of you, listen to you, just be with you regardless of the social scenario. Anyway, this week felt way better because I have been able to end it out with those sort of people around me. Thanks guys.

Tomorrow I fly out to Chicago to hang with the old crew from College, some high school friends, my sister, and then see my grandparents. Should be fun. Wish me a safe trip!

Eight Days Later

Well, it's March, and Minnesota has decided to become the winter-wonderland everyone was warning me about. We finally had a good dousing of snow. Classes were canceled Monday (although my volunteer clinic was not) and my ride to Milwaukee canceled on me today because she wasnt comfortable driving with the prospect of snow on hand. Hmmmm... I had to last-minute problem solve my spring break plans, ended up dropping my tax returns on a flight to Chicago and a hotel there since the "staying with friends" thing wasnt working out either. Anyway, this is more expensive, but perhaps a bit more relaxed. Too bad about missing St. Patrick's Day at Marquette. That would have been a terrific time.

This also means that I wont be having brunch with (Mitchell) as planned. The whole thing was my idea really, just to clear the air and hopefully jump-start a friendship again. One of my friends asked quite sucenctly, "What the fuck are you hoping to accomplish?" Truthfully? I want to make sure he is okay. When I last saw him he was not doing so hot, and I want to see how he is doing with the job and a few other non-public details.

Its been amazing though, and I write this more for my own ability to look back if I ever have to go through a miserable break-up again, that as of this week, or perhaps last, I am finally over it. It was a long time coming, and usually very dependent on the friends around me distracting me, but with the entrance of a new group of friends and hanging out with the law-school crowd a bit less, I really havent thought about (Mitchell) other than to try to make plans for the weekend.

Spring break starts tomorrow, and I am now flying to Chicago to hang out with Carey, Will, J and D, possibly some TC friends, maybe even get together with my Aunt. Then I fly to Tucson to hang with the grandparents. I really dont know what to expect down there, but I look forward to bonding and just relaxing if nothing else. Too bad that I am finally at an age that I want to golf, and neither of them can any longer. There is also the reality that this might be my last visit with my grandfather, so I want to be rather strategic about how I spend my time. I might even be willing to wake early and go to mass with him. (last time I was at a church with them I walked out of the service when the priest started pontificating on "acceptance"... this the same month as the Church gave $500,000 to support the marriage amendment in Michigan to ban gay marriage)

School has calmed down a bit. After my last entry I had to explain my outburst to some, but few cared, and those that did agreed with my sentiment, if not my mode of expression. I went ahead and then had another outburst in the same class when a "visitor" corrected me on the reading. This is a guy who I gave a tour to a couple of weeks ago, and he has taken to sitting in on our class... Not just that though, he bought the book and has become a balloon-hand. God, do I sympathize for his classmates next year. Anyway, I took care of the situation on an administrative level.... Hell, if the Prof isnt going to do anything, hell if I stand by idly.

LOL... on that same note, I had a tour to give today of a gay guy looking at UST, and our Prof tried to extend class into our lunch hour and everyone was pretty much dismayed... We just wanted to get out of there and are all looking to Spring Break. I told her she wasnt allowed to extend class: "Excuse, me Mr. Eichenlaub, why am I not allowed to?" I calmly responded that by order of the Dean, 12-12:30 is the "spiritual hour" and no non-spiritual activities, curricular or otherwise, were allowed to be hosted. Can't much fight with that.

We are heading toward the Marriage section in this particular class, and this Prof and I are on the opposite side of the argument, and Ive made it clear that Im not going to let much slide in class. But she and I had a good early-morning chat this week, sitting in the sunlight, and just kinda heard each other out. I really respect her for that. I am SURE that she has heard my side of the argument before, as she has made a career out of fighting it, but just having her sit there and listen and care about how this issue affects me and mine made me feel more comfortable about her, us, and the particularly sensitive issue we are going to be having shortly with 70 others.

Losing my cool

Up till now, my classmates have seen a semester and a half of me being a nice guy. Easy to be around, always friendly, strong willed and perhaps a little agressive with a professor, but always in a way that worked out well for the class as a whole.

Today, Im not sure I made any friends. They saw the "me" that can be a bit harsh.

First of all, the last week and a half has been brutal. We've all been working our asses off to get ourselves prepared for midterms and projects, all while the reading load has been increasing substantially. And the little things that used to bother me now seem intolerable.

There are quite a few people in class who love to hear themselves speak. I suppose this is to be expected as this is a law school, but there is one person who grates on me especially. Not because she is an overzealous participant in class, but because she invariably shows through her participation that she hasnt done the reading for the class. We invariably get held up on a concept that was spelled out clearly in the book, and she decides to voice why she thinks something IS something else. NOT why it ought to be something else, but answering questions blindly with no regard for what might have been in the reading she failed to do. Our professors continue with patience, stopping to then teach this concept as though she misunderstands. They dont see this for what it is: pandoring to the lowest common denominator-- a person who simply hasnt done the work.

I have had to deal with this my entire life. I am in Law School now, God Damnit! I no longer have any patience for this sort of bullshit. If I am stressed out and tired and grumpy because I didnt get enough sleep/entertainment/exercise because I got my reading done, why should I have to sit in class and let someone like this waste my time. So here is how it went:

Prof: "In a situation where ___ does ____ is there ______?"
Girl: "Yes, I think there is because ..."
Prof: "Really, who else thinks that?" (almost no hands go in the air)
"Well, Christian, why do you disagree?"
(I had adamently put my hand in the air for the other side of the issue)
Me: "Because the notes in the book CLEARLY say that this is not the case, for those of us who decided to do the reading."
Prof: "Whoa... Okay...Yeah. This was pretty explicit. But why then?"
Me: (i then continued to give a three-word answer why... and was right... because I had read...)

The entire class took a deep breath in and you could feel the tension in the room. The Prof stayed away from me the rest of the classroom, and the individual I was going after proceeded to stay quiet.

This is not a class where the Prof uses the Socratic method and this person was just trying to fudge her way out of appearing dumb. She voluntarily raises her hand to stop the class with her questions/interjections etc. I have utter and complete respect for the student who couldnt get to the reading so sits there quietly and tries to take the best notes possible. I have been there a few times myself. But to pressume to insert yourself in this discussion after failing to educate yourself enough to even read the assigned material?

Turns out I have an issue with that.

Making all the wrong decisions, or perhaps the right ones

Wow. By the Grace of God, I made it through yesterday. I had stayed up reading until about 12:30 getting through massive Properties and Con Law readings, along with two chapters for Lawyering Skills. When I tried to get to sleep, I was so nervous about yesterday's Streetlaw lesson, that I wasnt able to sleep until about 1:30. Great. That makes the day easier by far. Grrr... But somehow I made it.

Classes were sparce and the conversation dull. We are all at the point where this isnt fun anymore. We just want to make it through. But I made it through classes, ran around to take care of some small stuff (like copying out my taxes for Financial Aid, intercepting my new partner for Streetlaw, etc.) stopped into an MJF meeting, and then went to go teach my Streetlaw class.

First of all, my "supervisor" was there. We met beforehand with the teacher to ask what the HELL I should be doing to get better control of the classroom situation. My supervisor later said that this teacher's supervisory style is "not optimal" but that the situation isnt lost.... Totally cool... At least he knows that there is someone watching out for my interest in this thing. And he was at least a little more hands on yesterday during class, even if there were still times that conflict urupted (between students) when he wasnt even in the room.

Anyway, as we were starting class, the oung lady with whom I had the conflict last time calling me "the asshole" loud enough for me to hear her. You all know that I dont take insult well. Any other situation, I would have been right back in her face, telling her exactly where insults like that will land her in life. I dont take a punch to the gut very well... Anyway, I gritted my teeth, put on my best "tour guide smile" and proceeded to apologize to the class for my previous week's behavior:

"I need to start off by apologizing for losing my cool last time we were together. Im not that much older than you guys, and this is one of the first times in my life that I have to act like "an adult." I am used to responding as you would, returning disrespect in kind. But I cant do that here, and I am deeply sorry for any disrespect I showed last time I taught. I hope that you all will forgive me and that we will move on from here." At the end I was looking almost pleadingly at the student in the front of the class who had just been calling me an asshole. Well, it seemed to at least remedy that.

As for the rest of class, we found a student who was willing, in fact offered to, get "ghetto" on the other students, silencing them for us and commanding their attention when there was no way for us to do it ourselves. We went over housing law and had probably the best session I have had so far.

Sooooo... I made it through that. Now just to come up with a lesson plan for next week.

After that, back to lawyering skills, then worked on a research project for a little while, turning it in about 5pm. Then read in the library till 7pm, then went to the Minnesota AIDS Project to stuff condom packets. My motives for that were varied, but essentially I am exploring new ways to meet people. The only person I really met while there was a fairly loud queer who got extremely competitive with me when he said, "Just once Id like to have a Saturday off," and I said, "Tell me about it man." Apparently he thought I was trying to start something as opposed to just being friendly. So he started rambling off loudly everything he does in a week. I let him take that one. "Im sorry sir, your insecurity is showing."

Afterward I went home to cook dinner with like the zero amount of food I have in my apartment. Time to shop for sure. Finally got the rest of the dishes done, and was just passing out in bed from exhaustion when one of my new friends (of the couple, see below) called to see if I wanted to go out. Initially I was asleep when he called, but after his call woke me up I couldnt get back to sleep, so I figured, what the hell, and joined him out for a while. God, its nice to have new buddies. He and his BF are just good people.

So... I have an excrutiatingly long day today. But after making it through yesterday, I feel like I can take on anything. Go me!

Helping Katrina

I know that when Hurricane Katrina devastated the New Orleans area this last fall, the desire to help was almost universal. We all saw the effects and shuddered to see the devastated buildings, lives, families. As a first year law student, I felt particularly helpless. Everyone around has done little things to help, but there seemed to be nothing that I, personally, with my mountain of student loans and no legal experience could do to lend a hand.

This semester I started to volunteer with the VLN Family Justice Center Self Help Center. At the center I have been aiding people to work their way through their custody or divorce issues, doing intake and issue evaluation before they see our volunteer lawyer. It has been an incredibly educational experience to work with real, palpable legal problems in a setting where people are truly in need of your assistance. And last month, I finally got my chance to do my part in the wake of Katrina.

A client appeared early morning saying that her husband had taken her children for the weekend and now refused to give them back. They were all refugees of Katrina, and this woman had come to Minnesota because her husband had said he had friends in the area. What he really mean, she later found out, was that he had another lover up here: a lover who soon thereafter filled out divorce papers for him to hand to his wife, leaving her alone in a new state after the greatest natural disaster in the United States. Now her husband claimed that he was going to keep the children and enroll them in the school district where he had moved to.

This woman had come to us, "living by the grace and mercy of God." Everything she owned had been given to her to help her recover from the devastation Katrina left her in. After filling out intake papers with her and summarizing the legal problem for the lawyer, I received a phenomenal lesson in civil procedure. "He handed the papers to you? Well, he cant do that...This hasn't even been signed or filed..." We proceeded to help her fill out the In Forma Pauperis papers so that even if the divorce was painful, she would be spared the extra expenses. And finally, as to the children, the lawyer somehow had the incredible instinct to ask, "Did you have them with him before or after you were married?" Before as it turns out. He proceeds to flip to a Minnesota statute saying that until paternity was established, she had full custody. So... "Call him and tell him that. If that doesn't work, call the police and ask them to enforce this statute."

After spending the morning with us, this charming and gentle woman was going to get her children back. While we couldn't spare her of the impending custody struggle she was going to have, we were able to figure out the short term, and arm her with the ability to take care of herself from that point on. We do that all the time, and while I know that I shouldn't care more about this particular client because she was a Katrina victim, I did. I had finally been able to do something, however small, to help just one person displaced by that horrible event.

I would be willing to bet that most of our clients have had tragedies befall their lives. Perhaps not as renowned as Hurricane Katrina, perhaps more personal in their natures, but our clinic happens to help people when they are fighting for the one thing they have left: their families. To know that we can help, even just a little, these hard working people makes me understand why I have entered into the practice of law.

mental health day

I got to the point in my reading last night that I just hit a breaking point. Actually, I couldnt even bring myself to begin the reading, I just couldnt get over the motivation roadblock I felt. I just wanted to break out of the monotomy of what my life has become of late: Wake, school, home, nap, cook, study till midnight, maybe catch a tv show. Over and over again. This sucks.

Ironically, a bunch of the other guys hit that same breaking point last night. Good to know at least that I am not the only one blowing things off.

Anyway, after spending the afternoon avoiding the work, then the evening chatting online, I decided to meet an acquaintence from Milwaukee (one of the old Bag Boyz) out at a neighborhood bar. We chilled and got to know each other a little bit and started playing darts when I spotted a nice-enough looking guy sitting alone. Through my years of bartending, and my personal experience feeling very alone in this city, I know how cool it can be to have someone befriend you. So I looked at my Milwaukee friend, and said, "I'm going to go make us a new friend." And that I did.

Turns out this guy in on his way to law school next year, and is engaged to be married to another guy who showed up shortly thereafter. The four of us ended up talking and just chilling for a few hours, and they were actually a bit reticent about letting me go home... It was amazing how quickly I felt I had made new friends. FINALLY! It has been driving me nuts not to have gay friends in this city, and here are two well-adjusted, caring guys who were quite charming. We exchanged numbers and I hope to hang out with them again soon.

Two things:
1) How does one proceed in making non-awkward plans with a new "couple" of friends? I dont want to do the third wheel thing, and I definitely dont want them to get the wrong impressions about my interest. Do I have to wait three days to call? Wait for them to call me? Just find the next convenient time when Im out with friends to give them a call? Ideally Id have a group of gay friends that I could invited them along with, but I dont, as of now have that group. I've never quite been in this situation before. Suggestions?

2) Seeing this couple, so perfectly congruent together, matched in their personalities and yet wonderfully different people, I felt a lot of things. Envious of the obvious romance between the two of these guys. Coveting a future relationship like that of my own. Scared that I will never be sitting in such a blissful spot again. But mostly, admiring such a shining example of what I want for my own life. Here are these two, one going to law school on the east coast because his fiance wants to move out there, the fiance moving to where his boyfriend is going to law school. Met casually, through school. Getting married shortly after graduation. Big rock on the finger. Bickering about family stuff, wedding plans. There but for the grace of God go I.

I guess the biggest thing that hit me was that I have yet to meet a couple quite as "together" (even if it was just a facade) as these two guys. There is part of me that just wants so much for them to succeed, so that I know that it is possible that I do also.

On the other hand, what do I have to do to get there? Work harder or let it come naturally? Why has God not sent this sort of thing my way? Many of my friends are not the marrying type, but I clearly am. I can think of nothing I want more than to have a family with a loving partner. I dont want to be one of those single 30s people. I love being single, but when a sled-dog movie can make me tear up because I long for companionship, I cant belive that this is what God has planned for me.

Happiness is where i am, I just have to let it be. Go Zen. Breathe. God moves within and around. It all will happen in its time. (I'll just keep repeating that until I believe it).