Thursday, March 17, 2005

Free Fallin!

Tom Petty seems appropriate right about now. I've had a great last 24 hours, and the next will prove to be even better. Free fallin for sure. Such a road trip song. We are leaving on a jet plane, and just going to where it is warmer, happier. This will prove to be one of my last major Marquette memories: Senior Spring Break.

I'm packed, and we pick up the car tomorrow after I finish my Spanish test. Thank God he is letting me take it ealier. The prospect of focusing on that test at 3pm looked pretty grim.

I spent the last night on Natalie's floor, after watching a few episodes of Sex and the City. I got up about 4:45 to the din downstairs, and we had "kegs and eggs" before going over to Caffrey's at about 5:15. The wait was fun, and once we were inside Hilary (one of the bartenders) gave me a free pitcher. (she likes me cause I tip.) Anyway, I hung out there for a while before I went tanning at 7:30, then back to Caff's and then over to McCormick for a drunken breakfast with some of my old theater friends. Fun stuff. I saw Jocelyn... Hehe... I love showing that side of me every once in a while.

I ended up passing out in my 9:35 class, so then decided to skip the rest o the day. Woke up and found out that Alex and Beth had won (55%-40%) and I MADE IT TO THE TOP THREE for Senior Speaker. Me, Tom Freesmier, and some honors program kid that I have never really warmed up to. Wow... This was the first popular election I have come out on top of like ever! (granted, I havent run for anything since pretty much middle school).

Anyway, I cleaned, cooked, did laundry, watched some favorite movies, and now feel prepared for tomorrow and totally good about today. Except, of course, that T.J. still has my favorite hat, and he doesn't seem particularily inclined to give it back. I am going to call him like 50 times tomorrow... Grrr. I want my hat!

Okay, beddie-by. Happy Spring Break!

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Cold Calling? What an Idiot!

Last night I was all tucked in after a successful night (we'll get to all that) and was finishing the 1st season of the OC with Will. (so sad that it's over...) Anyway, Alex Hermanny calls me and tells me that there have been reports of Brant (the other candidate) making cold calls on University phones reminding people to vote tomorrow. And Alex wasnt the first perosn to hear about this: he was told by the elections commissioner, who also had told Jon Dooley. Both are extremely pissed. This is not only a violation of election rules, but straight up University policy. Ane the best part is that our campaign has some inside emails proving that Brant knew what he was doing, knew that it was wrong and was encouraging his team to cover it up.

Right now I should be getting ready for dance class. Ehhh... Its snowing, and I dont think I want to go... Yuck. Snow. How many hours left till spring break? We had a little meeting last night to go over last minute little details. We changed one of our plans so that we would end up hanging around Atlantaand then driving through the night to Miami. Sounds good to me!

The training last night went spectacularly. I definitely proved myself, not just to them, but to me. They were very happy with my presentation. The only snag was that I had it written down for 7pm... Nope, definitely 8pm. Justine had kindly accompanied me, so we jetted over to noodles, grabbed something to eat and then went back... It was wonderful to have her there with me.

Yesterday I also made peace with Tim, our MUSG President. I had pretty much bitch-slapped him on Monday night for refusing to ask any directed questions of the candidates. When the debate was over I marched up to him and told him I thought that he was weak, and that he had stifled the one opportunity that student's had to clarify and question the candidate's positions. I really went off on him. And then yesterday he called me into his office. I was prepared for him to tell me I had been out of line or whatever, but instead he told me that he had thought about it, and that I was RIGHT! See, this is the kind of rolling over that bugs the hell out of me about Tim. Love him to death, but he is always trying to appease everyone. What kind of legacy is that going to leave? Anyway... whatever...

Otherwise, yesterday I got my haircut, went for a tan, campaigned a little. Handed in my pornography thesis, handed in my Restaurant review, which actually turned out pretty decent given my last minute writing. In class, that moron waxed on about how he is writing his own book, and I swear he went on for 20 minutes higlighting the plot and his whole process with it. Thanks buddy... Really helps my writing a lot. I still need to talk to Ken Ksobiech about that class.

Tonight I am going over to Nora and Natalie's with Christina and we are going to have a slumber party: Sex and the City gossip... fun stuff like that... Anyway, we'll get up at like 5am to go to Caff's for St. Patrick's Day. Then I think a water bottle will be prudent in class... something to keep the buzz going before I pass out after Ethics... This should be a fun end to the week! Spring Break, here we come!

Monday, March 14, 2005

105 hours till Spring Break!

This week has a lot of small, but important stuff going on. The campaign for Alew and Beth is in full tilt, but it is rather odd, because it seems like the other guy, Brant, has given up to some extent. We know he is not allowed to spend any more money on ANYTHING and that hi following is kinda lame, but it really sounds like he isnt planning to push much this week. Hmmm...

As for us, I am doing debate prep today, after I spent about half an hour coming up with the bitchiest quesitons possible for the other team. I released my inner-bitch and it really dominated. Questions like, "In your platform you complain that the Union charges too much for their services and also say that we need to bolster area businesses. Yet you also advocate taking money from the local bars by allowing alcohol in the Brooks lounge. Can you explain these inconsistencies?" I went through their resumes, their platform, their personal history. grrr... I dont normally get to be this mean.

I have to write my restaurant piece yet for tomorrow. I dont much care though anymore. I am waiting on crazy Cristen to email us the interview we made her do. If she doesnt come through I will blame it on Salsini... It was his idea anyway. Otherwise, this week will be fun, busy and by the end of it I will have some idea about the Senior Speaker thing. (Honestly though, Tom Freesmeier will be in the top three, and the administration loves him... so I really can't get my hopes up... I would be happy to see him do it anyway)

We had a staff meeting yesterday at Fluid. Dee ended up waxing on for far too long about his "vision" of what Fluid is and what it could be. Me and Damion just kept shooting looks to each other, trying not to laugh. It's a bar dude. And while it is your entire life, maybe that's not such a good thing. Anyway, everyon critisicm that was made didnt have to do with me, so I just sat there and tried to look cute. Then we did some deep cleaning, and I dusted the ceiling and all the ceiling fixtures. Fun stuff. The shift itself was decent... Nothing to write about really.

Time to start my week. Closer to 104 hours now...

Sunday, March 13, 2005

write write write

I'm trying to sit down and write three pieces that are floating around in my head: the UWm LGBT seminar, a Tribune piece for Tues and a restaurant review for Critical Writing. I actually woke up really early with all these ideas shooting through my head. That and a wierd dream that some teenage girl had broken into our apartment, got on Will's computer and was broadcasting things onto my computer. So I wrestled her to the ground and pretty much had to sit on her while I called the cops, who never showed. I eventually got bored with the dream and woke up. That's wierd. I don't often remember my dreams, especially in such detail.

Talked to Mae-Mae yesterday. Turns out that Aunt Lisé is 5 months pregnant. WHAT??? How did I not know about this? I know I rarely call, but it seems like that is the sort of info that I should get from Dad. Oh well, he's earned himself some slack, because I absolutely love the little camera he bought me for graduation/birthday.

SWEAT was a blast last night. I ended up being able to help, which for me is important. I am just wierd that way: I enjoy myself more if I have something to do. It was hotter than HELL there, and packed beyond measure. Literally a line out the door. Once they reached capacity, Jon McPheters kinda started freakin out, and I just grabbed him and reminded him that this is a charity event and that this type of showing is GREAT publicity, even if people have to wait to get in. I started IDing and putting on bracelets so that the manager could serve as bouncer. I would be surprised if there weren't 400 people there and they raised a grand. Good stuff.

Work before that was fine. Same on Friday. Except I spent most of Friday night babysitting people who were WAY too drunk. It was my fault for serving them the first drink, but at least two of them were bombed when they sat down. I had to literally force one guy to come back into the bar and sit down. (2x) Fun times. I guess you have to take the good with the bad at this job. I had a nice chance to bond a little with Bill last night. I feel like he definitely feels that he can trust me now. That's good to know. We had these four guys come in last night (one was Stewey from ARCW who I adore) and Bill and I just traded flattering comments back and forth. Oh, and the guys convinced me to light my crotch on fire. Hmmm...

Actually, looking at that group of friends (all very intelligent, pretty attractive) I was kind of reminded of my lack of gay friends. I had that one summer after freshman year in TC that I was constantly with Ian and Justin, but other than that, I have NEVER hung out with gay people. None of the gay kids on campus (all 4 of them) even talk to me anymore. I am too straight for them. Anyway, it doesn't really bother me, but it does make me ocassionally jealous when I see a group like Stewey, Jon, Jerry and _________ from last night.

Okay, time to write now. Maybe shower too eventually.

Friday, March 11, 2005

How long till Spring Break?

174 hours. Exactly. Good lord, this week seemed to drag on. The debate was on Monday, and that went awesome. Then Wednesday was the election, which we still havent gotten results from due to some massive controversies. Then yesterday was dinner with Dr. Ghanem and her son at Sobelman's. Way fun, as Sobelman's always promises to be.

Last night I ended up sitting on Christina Mahady's bed dishing with the girls (Natalie and her two roommates). We had some margaritas and just chilled and talked about the next 71 days before we graduate, and what will follow. I really enjoy Christina, mainly because her sense of humor is so freeing and she is in much the same place as I am with guys right now: don't need, don't want. While I hope that T.J. gives me my hat back, I can't say that I am really that devestated that things aren't going to work out. I have kind of realized that that's the way life substantially works with relationships... most aren't going to work out, but just keep trying it and enjoy the experience while you are at it.

Anyway, I made it into the top ten for Senior Speaker. I am just kinda talking to everyone, trying to get friends to vote for me. It feels a little narcissistic to campaign for an "honor," but the popular vote isnt what decides if I am worthy; it is what decides if I am popular enough.

I work most of this weekend. Going to the SWEAT dance on Saturday (still have to get tickets) . Other than that, not too much to get into academically. I give my seminar for UWM on Wednesday, and I should prepare a bit for that I suppose (since they are paying me big bucks). Then most of next week is living through my first St. Patrick's day in the U.S. at the bars and getting ready for spring break. Good God, I am ready for that!

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Senior Speaker?

Yesterday I got an email confirming that I am one of the top ten finalist for Senior Speaker. Now it goes to popular vote to round it down to three candidates. Wow. That would be cool. I need to not think about it... Went out to dinner last night with Justine. We finally could get seating at The Cheesecake Factory. Quite honestly, it was only decent food. ehh whatever.

I bought a new memory card for the camera Dad is sending me. Great price on it. Yeah!

Otherwise, I am trying to lay off my cell phone use. I spent about 100 minutes earlier this month trying to solve the Spring Break disturbances. But now I only have 150 left for the next 15 days. Hmmm...

I guess that the only other thing would be that UWM is paying me $75 to teach an LGBT acceptance unit, 45 minutes total. Geez... I would do it for free... But that's totally cool... I'll take the money any day. I just hope that I can live up to their expectations.

Nothing else much to report... Good, relaxing day yesterday. Today should be too. It is the Primary election for my candidate, so there are some last-minute efforts, but nothing I feel I really need to worry about.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Kick ass, debate style...

I really should be working on my presentation and writing assignment for tomorrow. Ahh well. It will be a shorter day since my ethics class is canceled. I'll nap then.

Tonight kicked so much ass! I had spent much of my day preparing Alex and Beth for tonight's MUSG debate for President and EVP. April had developed a list of questions and she and I grilled both of them, essentially trying to make them "quotable" and really come out strong in the minute and thirty seconds they had. And did they ever. I took charge of making sure that a bunch of our stronger questions got asked, the questions that I knew they had prepared with us for. And those two not only sounded more cohesive and intelligent, but WAY more eloquent than the other tickets. I kept finding myself correcting the grammar of some of the other candidates. Kick ass! Plus way had easily 3x the showing of any other candidate. There were NO green shirts at all, perhaps 10 pinks and maybe 20 yellows. We'll just see how that all translates into votes. Anyway, our positions were strong, we toppled some of the "insider" accusations of the other candidates, and it went so well over all that I was literally gitty when it was over. Afterward I found the Tribune reporter, gave her our speech (to make quoting easier) and schmoozed with her a little. Just made her job a little easier... She seemed receptive.

Part of this is that I am having a lot of fun with this effort. I have found that I am EXTREMELY good with taking the candidate's messages and honing them into public-ready, polished statements that are concise and attractive. I guess I kinda have the PR bug. Geez... for the amount of crap I talk about PR, I am really good at it, and I enjoy it.

Bob Brick called me back today. I'll call him tomorrow and have a conversation about buying houses. Wow. That will get the ball rolling and I'll just have to see where that goes... Fun stuff... Later!

Buy a house??!!??

thats a lame title. Oh well, that's about the only way to sum up these last few days. After (Webster) presented me with a check for his portion of the cruise (which I was planning on paying, we whopped Houston on Wednesday, went drinking with some Moms at Caffreys, then got an insurance check for my bicycle on Thursday... I was having a good week. Friday I had to wake up at 4:30 to catch my flight to Minneapolis. Everything worked out great, and I quickly became re-enchanted with the city that will become my new home. Incredible public transport: for $1.25 I got from the airport on lightrail, then transfered to a bus line to get uptown to look at an apartment.

So... apartments. I found this place on 22nd and Grand that is about 20 minutes away from the university by bus. Its a safe neighborhood, with a library across the street, and the units are awesome, as is the grandmother-type that is the administrator of the place. But here's the thing: rent is WAY higher in Minneapolis. Places closer to the University go for about $600-900 for studios, and about $1200 for two bedrooms. Wow. Even for a studio, I would be paying twice what I am here. The place on 22nd was between 900-1000 for a two bedroom, and that was about the best deal I could find.

I started to think about it... During 3 years of law school, I am going to lose between $18,000 and $25,000. Down the hole. No return. Just money lost. I started talking to some people, and ended up going out with Adam, a bartender from Milwaukee who has moved to Minneapolis and we are considering being roommates, and he introduced me to his friend Dustin. Anyway, Dustin does investment real estate, and he seemed pretty sure that he could get me something around town that would have a 25% return on it in 3 years. Now, maybe he was full of shit, but it is still something to explore. Even if I don't MAKE money on it, I would probably not LOSE the 18-25 that I would renting. I could get a house or condo and rent out the extra room(s).

This is really intimidating for me. I'm 22! I am not sure that I am ready for that kind of monetary and temporal commitment. On the other hand, it would be SUCH an adventure, and it is a good idea from an investment stand point. I take out no-interest student loans for all my college expenses and living stuff, pay off house stuff with the money I have saved and the money from renting out a room... The idea of getting a condo seems smarter too: less maintenence, but it has less improvement (and headache) potential.

So what now? I guess I have some calls to make. I want to talk to Bob Brick to see what advise e would have, and see if he has anyone he trusts in Minneapolis. I want to call this Dustin kid (who I ended up with on an air mattress on Friday night... showed him a real good time) but I am not sure that I trust him with my real estate. Is it unethical to have two realtors looking at options for you?

Anyway, the open house at St. Thomas was substantially boring, only because this was my third time there and I didnt really need the sell line. Just two things: I felt like such a baby! Almost everyone there had taken some-many years off doing real jobs before looking at law school. Wow... I'm finally gonna be the "young one." Not sure how I feel about that. Also: no one goes out! I searched for a while to find current or prospective students to go out with for a beer, and everyone was busy with school work. On a Friday! Good God, is this what my life is going to look like? Yuck... Am I ready for that?

Overall, I guess that a lot of my time there was slapping me in the face and saying, "You are going to have to grow up here pretty quick."

The cheapest hotel room I could find as $111 at the Courtyard. Grrr... But after a much needed nap, I wen out to a fantastic Thai restaurant (Sawatdee) and spent way too much on a fantastic dinner and several glasses of Gwertzameiner. Then Adam came by, and we had a pretty damn good night.

Coming home, I went straight to work, had a good shift although I had NO energy. But I made $80 on a Saturday happy hour, which is extremely rare. I resisted the temptation stay out, and went home thankfully early. In bed soon thereafter.

Yesterday, I went to brunch with (Julie) at Louise's which was splendid. It was about 55 degrees, and sitting in the sun eating salmon benedict and drinking bellinis with my best friend... That was something. Then checked out an art show at UWM for my critical writing class. (Oh... I told that teacher that I thought his class was worthless... but that's for another time) Then home, cleaned like a mad-man. The apartment is SO much more comfortable now. Went shopping with Will, so now I have some meals, which is very nice. Then meetings until 10:45pm when I went out with T.J. to Three. It was fun enough... I got out of there for $20. T.J. and I dont really have that much to talk about, but he is fun to make out with. I was hopeful about him for a little while, but as happens with many boys, it just wasnt working out. I'll just play this one by ear.

OH, one last thing... I am kinda coordinating campaign messages for Alex Hermanny's campaign with April Kusper. April and I are honing their message and making sure that Alex and Beth sound like the absolute best candidates in the field. And ya know what? I am REALLY good at this. Partially because of my multiple personalities, I am able to think about what is being said from about 6 different angles, detach and engage each of them, and react with what is going to work best as a PR message. I am scary good at that. I would love to be "Toby" or "C.J." from the West Wing. Give me a law degree and we'll see where I go from there. Anyway, this is fun. Debate tonight, and I am onthe prep team... I really enjoy this stuff.

Alright, thats enough for now... hasta luego aligator

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

And the drama continues...

SOOOoooo... Yesterday, I had it worked out that I would pay for (Webster's) cruise, we would drive his car down, and all would be good. My biggest concern at that point was that the girls were going to be a bit hostile towards (Webster). It was going to be $425 out of my pocket, but to a certain extent, we need the ride, and I want my best friend there with me. God damn it, we ARE going on this trip.

Well, then (Webster) talked to his parents and they forbid him from taking his own car down. Huh, what? Now it ust seems like they are trying to keep him going without being honest about it. They had no objection to the car thing two weeks ago. Now all of a sudden its a problem? This put us in a whole new situation. I took my offer off of the table with (Webster) and we now had to find transportation AND a third person to fill the spot.

I found out we could rent a car for about $350. It hurts, it's gonna sting to pay about $125 more each, but thats kinda the only option we have left. I called (Julie) and let her know. She seemed to think that was a decent option. Then, when I was in the shower, I had a revelation: If I am willing to pay $425 to have my BF come with me, even though it served a certain utility before, why am I not willing to pay $525 for him now? He made the comment that someday, perhaps my third-year of law school, he will call me up and take me to Vegas or something. I consider this an investment in my friendship and an investment in a future vacation sometime. Honestly, I have the money, I might as well make something of it.

After having that revelation, I said pretty straight up to (Webster): "You are coming. I am paying for your cruise and the car. But God damnit, you are coming with us!" He didnt seem to be able to argue with that. So now we have a solution!

I told the girls in a rather roundabout way that (Webster) would now be coming with us. I went around in a circle, starting with (Julie) then (Dierdre) then (Webster) saying how much I loved them and how much I am glad they are coming with me. When I said it about (Webster) they totally did a double take and it took about 5 seconds for them to take it in. I then explained that we were still going to need to rent a car, at which point (Julie) jumped in and said that her father is going to pay the extra $200 for an upgrade to an SUV or MiniVan. Kick ASS! But wait, we're not done with this drama yet:

At this point (Dierdre) breaks down and says that she has been so upset for the last 24 hours about this whole thing, and she thought that we were al planning to cancel the vacation, and she has already thought about other plans, and now this is even going to cost more... Etc etc etc... We get her to calm down a little, but she is still really mad (mostly at Webster for his last minute waffling). To be far, she was right. Right to be pissed at him, right to think we had given up. (Julie) and I had been working for solutions for the past 72 hours, and I hadnt once called to update (Dierdre). So as far as she knew, it was hopeless. After talking to her at great length, I suggested we take twenty minutes to seperate, think and pray, knowing that once she calmed down, (Dierdre) would realize how cool it is that we have made this work again.

Well, I was right (mostly). She came back almost 35 minutes later after (Julie) went and talked to her, and said that she DOES want to do this, and that the money is NOT that big a deal. She still has to talk to her parents about it again though. Fair enough. So, now I need to change some rental car arrangements and wait her out. (I know she will say yes though)

On a seperate note, what is with all my friends' parents having such an ubsurd amount of control over their existence. I call my father often for council, but I can't tell you the last time he told me I could or couldn't do something... Perhaps that's because all my money is earned, I don't have a car that belongs to him and he doesn't pay for my education. Am I the exception to the rule? It just seems like if there has been one MAJOR barricade in all of this, it has been my friends parents "laying down the law" on how (Webster) should spend his money (or lack thereof) or where he can drive the car they let him have, or where (Julie) can take the car she was given, and finally what (Dierdre) can decide about these last minute changes. I am, without a doubt, dropping more cash on this vacation than any of these people, and while I consulted my Dad, his advice is no longer applicable to the situation (although I think he would discourage the route that I have chosen to take, which is why I am not asking him).

Anyway, I have a Spanish test today that I havent even cracked the book yet for.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

P.S.: Dad Rocks

Oh. And I can't forget this:

Dad and Carey are fighting, just random teenage freedom issues. But Dad was amazingly supportive last night. He listened to me rant about Spring Break for a good half hour. (As did Sam Wills, my ethics friend... but anyway) And it turns out Dad told me not to buy anything major within the next week... Hmmm... I mentioned that I was planning on getting a digital camera as soon as my voucher shows up... He told me that he had already bought me a Cannon SD200 Elph! He had been planning on getting me something like that for graduation, but after our conversation a few weeks ago (see blog: me being a spoiled brat) he decided to move up his purchase date. SWEAT!!

I like when Dad and Carey are fighting. He buys me things! (just kidding, he said that himself...)

Spring Break???

Oh, Dear GOD!! Along with the mid-terms and projects that I have to be working on this week, the campaign I am helping with to elect Alex Hermanny for MUSG President and trying to get some publicity done for SWEAT 2005 (the benefit dance), the last two days I have been dealing with all kinds of Spring Break stress.

Sunday, (Webster) came home and told me that he had made his final decision: he can't afford to come with us. Now, we booked the cruise about 5 months ago. We booked the hotel about a month ago. I understand completely, and for me the worse part is that my best friend can't come with us on my senior Spring Break bonanza.

At that point I tried to explain that we were now going to have to give away his cruise ticket to someone else who could share the other expenses (essentially meaning Webster has to cough up $425 while someone would get a free cruise). Webster went ballistic. Started accusing me of having coerced him into agreeding to the trip in the first place, that I was now trying to make money off of his misfortune... etc. I tried to talk him down, and essentially reminded him that if he thought I was being hostile, he had no idea what was ahead of him with (Julie) and (Dierdre) the two other girls that were being inconveninced. I talked to both of them, and they were already coming up with a list of demands, some of which I found slightly vindictive.

Well, so yesterday I spent a good portion of my day asking random friends if they wanted to go on the cheapest cruise ever. No bites. Then I took my Theo mid-term, and totally kicked its ass. Yeah! Then, during our work-out, (Webster) actually apologized for going after me. Wow! Amazing. I was totally impressed. We had a good workout.

But then last night, as I am still stressing about the whole thing, and after having cooked an amazing couscous curry with tons of veggies and chicken and sausage, (Julie) called. She had some bad news: her car had been our backup if (Webster) backed out. But yesterday, her parents absolutely forbid her to take it down to Florida. So now we are one person down, without a car, stuck in Milwaukee, having already paid for the cruise. ARRGGHHH!!!!

(Julie) had come up with an alternative trip to Arizona that would simplify things a bit, but we would all lose $200 a piece on the cruise and pay an extra $400 for a plane ticket. This sucks. A lot. While I appreciate that she came up with an alternate plan, I want my cruise. So I thought about the whole thing... A lot... And decided to pay for (Webster's) cruise. It is an extra $425 out of my pocket... But at this point it seems like I would have to pay that to change the trip anyway. This way, we get our cruise, I get to be with ALL my friends, and I get to see my family towards the end of the trip...

I talked to Dad, and he seems to think this would be okay IF I got the other two to put in like $100 as some sort of car-rental fee. I agree with his logic, but here is my problem: I think that they would resent it. There is little I could do about that, and I want to balance my desire for everyone to get along with the money thing. If I pay for (Webster's) ticket, I would never mention it again. Ever. It is an anonymous gift to ALL of us. I would tell the girls that he changed his mind... But if the girls paid in, I feel like I can't trust them not to bring it up on the trip somewhere, and I know Webster's ego enough to know that this would spoil a lot of fun.

So... Am I being an idiot in playing into the hand of a friend who is horrible at managing his money, incentivising so to speak, his mis-spendings? Am I grasping at straws trying to keep this Spring Break together? Or am I trying to be a good friend who sees the utility behind keeping things together and getting a car out of the deal? I'll just have to find out.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Sunday, babay, Sunday

I wish that I had just a few hours to be isolated and forced to sit down and write to my friends afar. I think of everyone I have been meaning to write in the last months: roommates, surrogate family, friends, lovers... and I hope they understand that I am just not good at doing that stuff. Falling behind on these past friends also makes me nervous for the hundreds of friends that I have here. Will I lose contact with them all too?

This week has a pretty solid work load, and I rather wish that I had been able to have a weekend. I will have worked three shifts by the end of the day, which is great for the pocketbook, but not so much for the study habits. Tomorrow: Theo mid-term (essays. yuck) Tuesday: TV critique on Fox's new "Stars without their Makeup." Horrid show really. Spanish exam on Wednesday. And I have to be working on both my Theology and PR projects before I leave for Minneapolis on Friday. Plus campaign work for Alex Hermanny and publicity stuff for the benefit dance. Geez. For the few weeks before Spring Break, I am going to be as busy as any other semester. Time to bring out the daybook again. LOL. This Thurday I was looking all over the place for it, and then realized that it was in my work bag, which meant that I hadnt used it since Monday. Three whole days. I couldnt have gone three whole hours last semester without that book!

I have kinda been postponing calling Rosey about subletting in Renee Row for the summer. I just had this feeling that something would fall in my lap. I told myself I would let the weekend go, and if nothing became apparent I would give her a call. I am just so... not excited about moving out of my place... I guess that I need to just deal... It will be wierd though. I have lived here for three years now. I mean, when I was in Spain, I missed my apartment more than I missed my Dad's place in Michigan.

Well it is time to eat something and get to the studying. I work in about 4 hours, so I best take advantage of my time...

Friday, February 25, 2005

It's Friday... So what now?

I stayed up last night till 3am watching another three episodes of the O.C. with (Webster). This is great fun. I do, however, feel like I am falling behind on my West Wing episodes. Naughty, naughty, naughty. These are the things that you have to worry about second semester Senior year.

Before the O.C-a-thon, I went to Caffrey's to catch the MU-Cinnci game. Diener broke his hand a couple of days ago, so he is out for the season, as is Chris Grimm (although that is less of a tragedy). Anyway, our team was pretty brutalized. Oh well. Not the senior season that I was hoping for, but if that is my biggest dissapointment, I am blessed. During 1/2 time, I went to George Webbs and got 2 double cheeseburgers and fries for $3.80. Good God! Anyway, I hung out with Jon McPheters and a friend of his until about 11:30. I am not sure, but it may have been a "hook-up"... There were a couple things said that just seemed to indicate that this guy was interested. Or perhaps I had just had one too many. When I am at Caff's I just am not in "boy" mode: I dont even pay attention, which I kinda enjoy that I can just be me without worrying who is looking.

I wouldnt put that sort of thing past Jon though. He is possibly one of my favorite people ever. And the funny thing is that he has NO idea how desireable he is. At one point we got to tlaking about relationships, and he mentioned that he has only been in two short relationships while at Marquette. I responded with something like, "You could be in a relationship if you wanted to be." He just kinda laughed me off, not believing me. WHAT!!! This guy is gorgeous, kind, smart as hell, spiritual... At one point last semester I told (Julie) that all I wanted for Christmas was for her to have lots of babies with him. He said that he just never can tell if a girl is into him, and that the 2 relationships he has been in, both times the girls initiated the... touching. Geez. I need to hook this guy up.

Other than that, yesterday I did abs, taught our ethics class about the ethics of Porn, and argued everyone's mid-term grade up 6 points in our PR class. That was kinda the highlight of my academic day: in a class of 45 I took the professor on one-on-one on about 4 questions, until she kindly gave in on several points. Moved my grade up from an 80 to an 86. Big jump. Cool.

As for this weekend, I work much of it, which is cool. I look forward a bit to the money. I have to go grocery shopping to at some point. Then my Theo mid-term on Monday (tons of essays, yuck) another Spanish test on Wednesday and my trip to Minneapolis on Friday. It should prove to be a quick week. I just need to make sure I use this weekend wisely. Sure... we'll see if that happens

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

on more thing...

oh yeah... I forgot to mention... when I talked to (George) last night he made a comment like "Looks like you've been working out." Could there be a better victory for me? Yeah me!

time to sleep yet?

SOOOooo, (George) called last night while I was at work. Just left a message and said that it was time to have a conversation that was overdue. I wasnt sure what that meant, but we set up a time tonight for me to stop by. After dinner with (Julie) tonight, I went over, and we ended up clearing the air. I was honest and upfront, and he kinda just wanted to go back to our mentoring relationship. I told him that while I was interested in being "friendly," my friends are people who wont betray me (2x) and arent looking for one-sided relationships. (I almost mentioned that my father and sister would disown me if I gave George another go, but figured it would be prudent not to) He had been very flattering about the positive impact I had made on his MU experience, but I made it clear that, like everything else this semester, I am dropping that committment as well. Actually, he took it quite well. He seemed to understand my point, and didnt seem too hurt. I am very proud of the whole communication.

Now we are watching late night cartoons, after about 4 hours of the OC on dvd, my birthday present to (Webster). There are a ton of similarities to my experience in Venezuela, when a family took me off the street (more or less) for a temporary stay, and then put me up permanently. Anyway, things are back to normal with (Webster), back to normal with (Julie), and at least past animosity with (George). That feels pretty good. Time for bed. Last night was an all-nighter at Michael's after I got done with work, so I am pretty damn well tired.

Monday, February 21, 2005

"If God is good, he be not God. If God is God, he be not good." J.B.

Dont worry, I am not going all atheist on you or anything. That quote is from J.B., a play I am reviewing for my critical writing class, based on the Book of Job. That is actually what I should be doing RIGHT now. The next 36 hours are probably going to be among the worst of my semester work-wise. I work 9-close tonight at the bar, and then have to wake up to take a 9:30 midterm in my stupid PR class, then hand in a critical analysis of this play, then hand in a 3page topic paper on environmental ethics, then lead a class discussion on the ethics behind pornoraphy. Yuck... I got through a lot of stuff yesterday but my computer is getting all yucky and I can't seem to get it to be nice. Actually, I just had a good idea... Perhaps a friend from the bar could spend some time with it.... Hmmm.... Anyway, I dont have time to think about it for now, it is minimally functional, and that is what I am going to have to go with for now.

The retreat this last weekend was amazing. It was SO relaxed, and pretty darn luxurious as retreats go. The food was fantastic, highlighted by Stuffed Cornish Game Hen on Saturday night. There was also a massuese (sp?) available for backrubs, which was perfect since my shoulders were all tight from lifting. But most of all it was just the opportunity to sit back and talk about "senior stuff" with people who had been through it and were going through it. There has been a lot of stuff running around in my brain that I just needed to expose for what it was--needless worrying. "Should I see it as a failure that I havent found a partner yet?" "How do I say goodbye?" "How canI stay in touch with the hundreds of friends I have who arent really good friends but are important to me nonetheless?" Plus the weekend gave me the opportunity to finish my Senior Speaker Application form. I kicked so much ass on it. It will certainly get me into the top ten.

I talked with Dad yesterday when we got back. It was a good talk, but at one point I mentioned something about a trip or something as a Graduation gift. He made it pretty clear that he had no intention of getting me ANYTHING. "We I graduated, I was taken out to dinner and given a pat on the back." Wow... But when you graduated, you were from a family of 7, all of which went to University, you always complained about that lack of attention. You also went to a state school for 5 years.

Actually, this is just me venting. I lack for nothing, and if I wanted to go on a trip or buy something, I totally could. I just get so used to hanging out with my friends from rich Chicago-suberbia, whose parents are going all out. I guess I need to get over that.

Not that I dont have a million other things going through my head, but I need to get back to the real work that is staring me down... 89 days till graduation!

Thursday, February 17, 2005

The bluffs

Things have gotten busier. I hardly have time to drink anymore. God. If my father could only hear me now. He worries intensely that I will become an alcoholic like him. And while I have taken to drinking almost every night of the week, it is a social thing, I almost never over imbibe, and it is just a Senior Year thing.

With Valentine's and all, everyone seems to be talking about relationships again. Aack. I am tired of dating. Guys ask me out all the time at work and oftentimes it is not about them, it is just that I dont want to go through the hassle of thinking someone's attractive, then going out, hooking up (maybe), then being dissapointed that they either aren't as intelligent/passionate/driven etc. as I would like them to be or they dont understand what my life is always about. Part of this is that people see me as "the bartender." I am not whining or anything, because this helps me get laid a whole lot more than usual, but people do have this tendency to reduce me to just that job. I am just some cute guy behind the bar. Whatever, I can deal, but it makes me long for someone who REALLY knows me. I come back to what I've wanted for years: a friendship. It is the model of relationships that I really think is most likely to work out, it is the model that my father and mother taught me: be friends first let love come at its own pace. I thought I had that with (George) but he really had hi own issues to take care of. That was one of the reasons that I was SO hopeful for our relationship, is because it was all about friendship. I guess that the moral here is that I need to keep working on my friendships, gay and straight alike, to give this dream a chance. Am I waiting to make friends with some really hot guy in law school who will turn out to be gay? Maybe. But I guess the focus will be on making friends with whomever I can and waiting to see.

(Julie) got rejected by Marquette Law. This surprises me to no end. I wish that I could march into some of these offices and just give them an ear-full about what a wonderful candidate she would be. I know few students who work harder, with more passion. It's just that on paper, she is probably not getting any consideration at all. She wrote great essays, but I doubt they are even getting that far. Another friend rom class was telling me about all the rejections he is getting. He is one of the brightest people I know. Perhaps I aimed low, but I really have never been rejected nor expected to be. I got this teeny-tiny envelope from Villanova the other day, and got all excited: Maybe I could finally tell (Julie) that I had been rejected somewhere, so I knew how she felt! (It's twisted, I know, but I already know where I am going.) Anyway, I was dissapointed to find that it was an Open House invite for ADMITTED applicants. I didnt know I had been admitted, so I called and they told me that my letter was just being sent out... Oops.

I had an "I miss my Mommy" moment on Tuesday. I don't know what brought it on, but I think that there are a lot of emotions that I havent been dealing with later, and it is easiest to vent those while focusing on my mother. Dad had sent a broshure/newspaper from the Madeleine Thomas Memorial Ski Tour to show me the art this year, and it had been just sitting on my kitchen table. While talking to (Webster) about girls, I started to leaf through it and found a piece my father had written with my mother's photo on it. It just kind of shocked me. Perhaps it shouldn't have. But from there, I locked myself in the room and ended up Googling every piece I cold find on Mom, just talking about how cool she was. I do miss her. She had become such a good friend to me, as well as one hell of a kick-in-the-pants.

Got to go to a mindless, boring class now. I'll bring a magazine and catch up on my reading.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

getting it done

There is this website that I was supposed to have done for the Bag Boyz by the end of fall semester 2003. I am still working on it. Last night i worked from 9pm till about 2:30 am on some of the more tedious elements, but I got a lot of stuff done. Good God! It is almost as if part of me didnt want to finish the project so that I wouldn't have to graduate and move on with my life.

Other than that, the Absolute Abs course kicked my ass yesterday, but I love it. I am so thrilled that Will is game to go through it with me. And I am eating healthier than ever. On a completely seperate note, I think that I am going to get slightly involved in a campus drama. ( i just can't stay away) The advisor of the Tribune was just fired, and there is a secret letter that Fr. Wild wrote him that is apparently pretty nasty. Nobody will let the students see it. Well, yesterday a faculty friend of mine told me that s/he wanted to see it in print but feared for his/her job if it were to get back to them... I think s/he was offering it to me... Anyway, I am going to check on that today. Yeah covert fun!

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Awake again

Had a blast last night. Stayed out for a bit longer than planned (11:30) then went to the library where I got to feel sorry for all those who weren't enjoying life as much as I. The irony is that I feel, given that I have awoken this early, that i am going to end up perfectly prepared for my academic day. I will be ready for a nap once it is all done, but that's fairly normal...

At Caffrey's I saw Lolo, as anticipated, and gave her a box of cigarettes to pay her back for all the ones that I have bummed in the past. She seemed keen on talking about Griff... At least she reconciled with him, so I know that he is not completely alone. At one point Lolo asked me if I was sad about the whole thing. I told her that my "disappointment" was the better word. I saw great potential in my relationship with Griff. It was based on spirituality and friendship, two things I rarely find in the gay community. But in our breakup I feel more saddened for him than for myself. I know the difficulties that he has faced, and I fear that unless he gets some major adjustments in how he views the world (ie. everybody is against him, everybody is going to hurt him) he is going to be very unhappy. Me? I have been through the disappointment before. I probably will be again. I'm just glad that we left the relationship open, so when all is said and done, I didnt lose out on anything for giving this thing a go.

Last night also gave me the opportunity to connect with some old friends. Craig, Jon Mueller, Dave Lindsmith, Karen primarily. I bought a lot of people a lot of beers, and felt happy that I could do people that small favor. Having realized how much I love that moment in time, I feel like it is the least I can do.

Time to do my assignments for the day.

Monday, January 31, 2005

Unlikely beginings

So, I must confess that I feel it is pretentious for me to begin this blog. While I know many who have done similarly, I dont know what makes me think that anyone would care to read what I have written. But, perhaps for theraputic reasons, perhaps for reasons egomaniacal, I have started this blog. In other periods of my life I have had exciting things to report, travels, strategies, the exercise of learning embodied in eager study. I dont know that I have anything of that sort to transmit to anyone reading this. I discarded a lot of things last semester: religion, power, love, some aspirations, a lot of responsibility. And I am left with a rather raw version of the person I knew before. I invested in a lot of things, and have come out only with relationships tested and proven. I guess if that is the only thing I can say for myself, its that I do not lack for friends.

I am off to Monday Night Beer club. Once again shirking my academic responsibilites (more as a flexing of my new liberation from the chains of long-term worry: I have been accepted, on scholarship, and need only graduate... Although it would be nice to stay Magna Cum Laude...) So Beer Club it is. God Bless progressives! And double fisting Spotted Cow! Cheers!