Hey all... I found this in an old file on my computer, thought it was great... Some of them need to be edited. Post your suggestions...
You Know You're A Marquette Alumni If...
1. You have an 8x10 glossy of Chris Farley framed in your living room.
2. You don't balk at the idea of taking public transportation to and from the bar.
3. You're not impressed if someone tells you they just rode in a limo.
4. Lake Michigan feels toasty warm at 68 degrees.
5. You have carpal tunnel syndrome from playing so many rounds of Boat Races.
6. You know that a big white tent on the West Mall of the AMU means free food.
7. You prefer the Champagne to anything made by Anheuser-Busch.
8. You skip dinner full well knowing you'll be filling up on mozz sticks and Cheeseburgers at one of Marquette’s fine eating establishments around 2:30 Am.
9. You have gotten into at least one fight with the guys at Gyros, probably because you tried to swipe someone's bag of food, passing it off as something you ordered and paid for.
10. You know it's ok to wear New Balance sneakers when you go out on the Weekend.
11. You believe a gold t-shirt is the essential part of any wardrobe.
12. You've stiffed the guys at Real Chili at least once.
13. You're not scared of bums.
14. You have seen the inside of Sinai's emergency room.
15. You look both ways, 3 times, before crossing Wisconsin Avenue, to avoid getting nailed by a city bus.
16. When you attend a baseball game, you miss the first five innings due to the 3-kegstand minimum at the tailgate.
17. You or someone you know gets their hair cut by Gay Don.
18. You know about the "other" Harp.
19. At some point, you have gotten in trouble for having beer in your fridge.
20. You bowl and throw darts better when hammered.
21. You have been to Target, via the City Bus, at least twice.
22. You have volunteered hungover at 8am on a Saturday and loved it.
23. A backyard BBQ consists of a mini-weber, the family pack of brats, and 3 30-packs of miller products.
24. The toolbox, the monkey cage, and the jes res are some of your old haunts.
25. You dream of re-opening the Avalanche.
26. You were able to wear shorts for only 4 weeks of the school year.
27. You either are a devout packers fan, or are someone who makes fun of them.
28. You know who Chris Grimm is. And you know that when he goes on the court, it's bad news.
29. You were, at one time, a member of the student athletic board.
30. "Home" is either a suburb of Chicago or a small town in Wisconsin, with a few exceptions.
31. Cumulatively, you have spent at least 10 hours outside on cold winter nights, thanks to fire alarms.
32. You can leave your house with $15 in your pocket on a Thursday night and come back wasted.
33. You used to reserve Monday nights for progressives at Caffrey's.
34. The only time you ever drank at Angelo's was freshman year... for good reason.
35. You know at least three girls who claim to have slept with Diener.
36. You have to bypass at least 3 "ethnic food aisles" when grocery shopping.
37. You know that the fewer number of white guys on the basketball team, the better.
38. You know where to go to get hammered off of one margarita.
41. You think Naylor was an asshole.
42. Warrior vs. the Golden Eagle discussions can raise your blood pressure. And "Gold" gives you a palpatations.
43. You remember eagle option 2 for 1 at the pub.
44. You know at least one person who can do a dead-on Father Wild impression.
45. You left the dorm on Thursdays at 6:00 pm with an empty backpack
46. You entered the dorm on Thursdays at 6:15pm with a full backpack
47. You have drank green beer until you have puked, or passed out, or both (often in class)
48. You know Angelo’s is run by the mob.
49. You think "Goddamn Marquette Girls, you think you're better than me? Bitches!" is funny.
50. You remember Greenfield
51. You've bought shots in a basement
52. You ate at Ziggy's (probably only once)
53. You still go by some nickname you earned within the first year and a Half at MU
54. You know what somebody means when they say that they had to "ride on the cheese"
55. You know what the sausage race is, and you know "hot dog" always wins.
56. You can tell which direction the wind is coming from just by the smell
57. Your shower caddy consisted of: soap, shampoo, 2 cans of beer
58. You have memorized id information while on your way to a bar
59. You've been to "the dugeon" even if you didn't know any of the people who lived there
60. The beginning of April is the perfect time to take a run down to Lake Michigan via Wisconsin Ave.
61. You remember Louie D's and how much better it was than Marquette Gyros
62. You have sun bathed at McCormick beach
thanks for 59-62 Amy!
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Procrast... aww crap, I'll finish spelling it later
Sunday. Nice. Made it through my Friday property final, and seemed to walk out of there with less of a limp than many, so I think I was able to get the B- that I was aiming for. That is truly a victory. Afterward, went out with the law crew for a little bit, and then went with Kenz back to her place to meet up with Ang who is now in town TO STAY! Anyway, Ang passed out, then I passed out, and it was looking like an early night. Kenz dropped me off back at home, and I was walking up the stairs when a classmate invited me up to his place for some beers and a movie. Cool... Chill enough. He and another old friend from the theater program at MU and I watched a cowboy movie, then started watching True Lies, while taking frequent smoking breaks. On one of the breaks I ran into another guy from the building, who is a total hottie. The guy then later texted me to go over to his place... Ended up with him till 5am... Nice.
This guy, however, was ultra fit, and I feel like he looked on me with a certain amount of disdain. Law school has killed my discipline for working out. In fact, tomorrow I am gonna try to go on a new fitness kick. Anyway, he kept making little comments that seemed to illude to the fact that he thought I wasnt taking care of myself. Dude... Whatever. I dont care how hot you are... That shit is just worthless. I still look pretty good, all in all, not peak, but whatever. I got better things to stress about. (afterthought: while this guy works out 2 hours a day, I am staying sane in law school, volunteer teaching kids and helping at a legal clinic, trying to keep some sort of social life... eat me. You're gonna get old and lose all that you have worked for. I will not.)
Anyway. Then I nursed that MASSIVE hangover the rest of the day. It was the perfect day to sit around and enjoy a good hangover, in that it was cloudy and rainy all day. Kinda nice really. Then met up with Ang and Kenz and went out on the town with them. They had to call it an early night for shoe problems, and I had already almost started a fight at the Saloon, so we were on our way earlier than usual. Still a good night though.
Ive got another final on Wednesday... Crim Law. Totally unprepared for this one. I truly havent been paying attention, doing the reading, anything lately. And yet I look at the material we are supposed to know and it is fairly sparse, which then reminds me of our Contracts exam. It wasnt about how much you knew, but how you argued it. I can handle that... But knowing that, now I am slacking again. I'll kick it into gear tomorrow after the study session scares me a little bit.
This guy, however, was ultra fit, and I feel like he looked on me with a certain amount of disdain. Law school has killed my discipline for working out. In fact, tomorrow I am gonna try to go on a new fitness kick. Anyway, he kept making little comments that seemed to illude to the fact that he thought I wasnt taking care of myself. Dude... Whatever. I dont care how hot you are... That shit is just worthless. I still look pretty good, all in all, not peak, but whatever. I got better things to stress about. (afterthought: while this guy works out 2 hours a day, I am staying sane in law school, volunteer teaching kids and helping at a legal clinic, trying to keep some sort of social life... eat me. You're gonna get old and lose all that you have worked for. I will not.)
Anyway. Then I nursed that MASSIVE hangover the rest of the day. It was the perfect day to sit around and enjoy a good hangover, in that it was cloudy and rainy all day. Kinda nice really. Then met up with Ang and Kenz and went out on the town with them. They had to call it an early night for shoe problems, and I had already almost started a fight at the Saloon, so we were on our way earlier than usual. Still a good night though.
Ive got another final on Wednesday... Crim Law. Totally unprepared for this one. I truly havent been paying attention, doing the reading, anything lately. And yet I look at the material we are supposed to know and it is fairly sparse, which then reminds me of our Contracts exam. It wasnt about how much you knew, but how you argued it. I can handle that... But knowing that, now I am slacking again. I'll kick it into gear tomorrow after the study session scares me a little bit.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Thank God for the Internet
Well, yesterday wasnt as bad as I thought it might be. I received some 8 IM messages, 6 emails, 5 MySpace Posts, 3 facebook messages and some 20 facebook wall posts wishing me a Happy Birthday. Even a professor of mine sent me a very funny e-card when I tried to make her feel guilty for making me study on my birthday. A bunch of friends from school called, and Carey and I had a good long chat. This all helped to make up for a no cake, no cards, no gifts, eatin-Pasta-roni, not leaving the apartment, my roommate doesnt know, my father doesnt call (till 9pm) I'm studyin all day Birthday.
Truly, the father thing is the only part that still bugs me. Everything else is cool. But I seriously had thought he had forgotten me. He said that he had had a busy day, and then proceeded to tell me about all the meetings and things he had had, didnt even get a lunch break, and then, of course, he had a massage. Busy Day. Fuck that. But apparently he has sent me a gift. He got it in the mail... yesterday. I should receive it about a week after my birthday. Oh. Thanks. It doesnt quite help that I went downstairs to check the mail (the only occasion upon which I left my apartment yesterday), eagerly anticipating some nice birthday treat from someone. Well, if student loan statments count, then I got my wish. Yuck.
Honestly though, as much as aspects of this year's birthday sucked, it was good to feel such an influx of love from all over the place. People I havent talked to in years were wishing me a Happy Birthday, and I got a number of sweet phone calls. I know I have many friends who would have celebrated with me had they been available, or if I had been available. That helps to know.
Anyway, today is the day of my Properties exam. Im actually feeling pretty confident, which I think gives me a one-up on those who are scared shitless by this exam. While looking through the professor's supplement materials yesterday, I think I found one of the essays she is giving us, based on the cases she had us prepare on (it's like a closed memo)... anyway, I think there are few students who found that, and hopefully that gives me some sort of a head start. The test is from 1-5pm and I am gonna be good and ready to get wasted after that. My friend Angela lands in town tonight about 8... Would love to be sober enough to see her. Then again, I would love to be drunk enough not to.
Truly, the father thing is the only part that still bugs me. Everything else is cool. But I seriously had thought he had forgotten me. He said that he had had a busy day, and then proceeded to tell me about all the meetings and things he had had, didnt even get a lunch break, and then, of course, he had a massage. Busy Day. Fuck that. But apparently he has sent me a gift. He got it in the mail... yesterday. I should receive it about a week after my birthday. Oh. Thanks. It doesnt quite help that I went downstairs to check the mail (the only occasion upon which I left my apartment yesterday), eagerly anticipating some nice birthday treat from someone. Well, if student loan statments count, then I got my wish. Yuck.
Honestly though, as much as aspects of this year's birthday sucked, it was good to feel such an influx of love from all over the place. People I havent talked to in years were wishing me a Happy Birthday, and I got a number of sweet phone calls. I know I have many friends who would have celebrated with me had they been available, or if I had been available. That helps to know.
Anyway, today is the day of my Properties exam. Im actually feeling pretty confident, which I think gives me a one-up on those who are scared shitless by this exam. While looking through the professor's supplement materials yesterday, I think I found one of the essays she is giving us, based on the cases she had us prepare on (it's like a closed memo)... anyway, I think there are few students who found that, and hopefully that gives me some sort of a head start. The test is from 1-5pm and I am gonna be good and ready to get wasted after that. My friend Angela lands in town tonight about 8... Would love to be sober enough to see her. Then again, I would love to be drunk enough not to.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Seems about right...
Your Birthdate: April 27 |
Your birth on the 27th day of the month (9 energy) adds a tone of selflessness and humanitarianism to your life path. Certainly, you are one who can work very well with people, but at the same time you need a good bit of time to be by yourself to rest and meditate. There is a very humanistic and philanthropic approach in most of things that you do. This birthday helps you be broadminded, tolerant, generous and very cooperative. You are the type of person who uses persuasion rather than force to achieve your ends. You tend to be very sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you able to give much in the way of friendship without expecting a lot in return. |
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Looking back:
Excerpt of a post from May 1 of last year:
It's a little after 10pm, and I have all sorts of work to do for the week. Once again I am sitting here, contemplating the fact that tomorrow I start my last week of classes at Marquette. I am graduating. I am moving. My friends will be leaving, and I am now, just now, really starting to get it.
I went out last night after work to join Justine and Danielle and a few others at La Perla. Kendra was there. I hadnt seen her in ages. I know that she is dissapointed that I am not the friend she was hoping for. We have just grown apart, and I let that happen. That's gotta be okay. But just hanging out with her on Saturday made me really feel it. Here is this person that I was friends with, who meant a lot to me, and we will be moving on in a few short weeks, and we wont be friends anymore. What do I do about that?
I guess that I just need to be grateful for the moments that we had. For the times that she was an incredible friend to me. For the hope that she will have her every wish fulfilled in life.
I can't help but feel a little bit lonely. I want someone's arms to curl up in, who I can know will not be leaving me, who will be with me through these transitions. And funny, I think I could have that person if I would let it happen, but I know that this, how I am feeling right now, is just a moment, a moment that will pass as I go through the next weeks and really enjoy my goodbyes.
Still no word on Senior Speaker. Good God. I just want to know.
...
So where am I now? Tired. Scared. Wishing I had more time with my friends. Wondering where the time all went. Hoping that I dont have to grow up too fast. Maybe if I dont get these final projects done, they wont let me graduate, and I can keep things the way they are? I don't think so.
Ahhh... "Where the Streets Have no Name" just came on my mp3 player. There isnt any more emblematic song for my career here. The rush at the start of the basketball games. The cheering with the best friends I could hope for. The feeling that we can take on the world. The knowledge that we will have to do just that.
It's a little after 10pm, and I have all sorts of work to do for the week. Once again I am sitting here, contemplating the fact that tomorrow I start my last week of classes at Marquette. I am graduating. I am moving. My friends will be leaving, and I am now, just now, really starting to get it.
I went out last night after work to join Justine and Danielle and a few others at La Perla. Kendra was there. I hadnt seen her in ages. I know that she is dissapointed that I am not the friend she was hoping for. We have just grown apart, and I let that happen. That's gotta be okay. But just hanging out with her on Saturday made me really feel it. Here is this person that I was friends with, who meant a lot to me, and we will be moving on in a few short weeks, and we wont be friends anymore. What do I do about that?
I guess that I just need to be grateful for the moments that we had. For the times that she was an incredible friend to me. For the hope that she will have her every wish fulfilled in life.
I can't help but feel a little bit lonely. I want someone's arms to curl up in, who I can know will not be leaving me, who will be with me through these transitions. And funny, I think I could have that person if I would let it happen, but I know that this, how I am feeling right now, is just a moment, a moment that will pass as I go through the next weeks and really enjoy my goodbyes.
Still no word on Senior Speaker. Good God. I just want to know.
...
So where am I now? Tired. Scared. Wishing I had more time with my friends. Wondering where the time all went. Hoping that I dont have to grow up too fast. Maybe if I dont get these final projects done, they wont let me graduate, and I can keep things the way they are? I don't think so.
Ahhh... "Where the Streets Have no Name" just came on my mp3 player. There isnt any more emblematic song for my career here. The rush at the start of the basketball games. The cheering with the best friends I could hope for. The feeling that we can take on the world. The knowledge that we will have to do just that.
My Momma told me there'd be days like these-- Van Morrison
Started off the day a bit rough.... Went to go see my counselor, and ended up just bawling. Tomorrow is my birthday, and my mom's death seems to be hitting me harder than usual. Mom's are the ones who are supposed to make you feel special on your birthday. Important. I have a photo on my wall of my mother looking at me for the first time some 24 years ago. But for some reason this year I feel like I just dont have anybody to make me feel special. I have an exam the next day, so I dont quite know how I am going to celebrate the day, and I kinda feel like it is just going to pass me by without notice, and that just feels depressing.
I can think of at least one person who will read this and perhaps feel slightly offended because she would be at my side if I showed even the slightest willingness to divert from my studies, and I totally appreciate that. But this year my life just feels a little bit empty. For my 22nd I was so completely happy to celebrate by going to a "parilla" dinner while reading Harry Potter in downtown Madrid, so what I am feeling is not about being alone, but perhaps it is about being lonely. Whatever that means.
The day did look up however. I got an email confirming that our CATHOLIC law school would buy a table at Minneapolis Pride this year as a recruitment effort. This is a major deal, and I was preparing for a fight to make it happen, and am beyond ecstatic that it came about with so little pressure. Makes me very proud of St Thomas. Then I had a meeting with the other OUT!Law chairs and got pretty excited about what we are thinking up for next year. There are a lot of people willing to put some leadership in, and that always feels good.
Then I spent the rest of the day studying in the park for this dreadful exam. At one point one of Brianna's friends joined us and helped to quiz me on my flashcards. Turns out I know my stuff pretty well! NICE!
Tomorrow I turn 24.
I can think of at least one person who will read this and perhaps feel slightly offended because she would be at my side if I showed even the slightest willingness to divert from my studies, and I totally appreciate that. But this year my life just feels a little bit empty. For my 22nd I was so completely happy to celebrate by going to a "parilla" dinner while reading Harry Potter in downtown Madrid, so what I am feeling is not about being alone, but perhaps it is about being lonely. Whatever that means.
The day did look up however. I got an email confirming that our CATHOLIC law school would buy a table at Minneapolis Pride this year as a recruitment effort. This is a major deal, and I was preparing for a fight to make it happen, and am beyond ecstatic that it came about with so little pressure. Makes me very proud of St Thomas. Then I had a meeting with the other OUT!Law chairs and got pretty excited about what we are thinking up for next year. There are a lot of people willing to put some leadership in, and that always feels good.
Then I spent the rest of the day studying in the park for this dreadful exam. At one point one of Brianna's friends joined us and helped to quiz me on my flashcards. Turns out I know my stuff pretty well! NICE!
Tomorrow I turn 24.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Censorship
Nothing gets me good and ticked like old-fashioned censorship....
So I am wasting precious study time (God knows I am a procrastinator before anything else) and I notice that a link has been removed on my MySpace page. Where there used to be a super-attractive guy lying on his stomach, there is now an "Image Censored" sign care of someone at a 3rd party site, MyYearbook, which I dont even use. WTF?
First of all, I am in law school. I am judicious enough to know to keep porn off my pages. So this image couldnt have been that bad. Worst case scenario, there was some handsome butt-crack showing.
Who is this website that thinks its a good idea to not only be censoring THEIR content, but somehow censoring MINE! Im ticked. Just for that, I think I might need to do something really truly vulgar.
Or, I might just go back to studying property law... lame.
So I am wasting precious study time (God knows I am a procrastinator before anything else) and I notice that a link has been removed on my MySpace page. Where there used to be a super-attractive guy lying on his stomach, there is now an "Image Censored" sign care of someone at a 3rd party site, MyYearbook, which I dont even use. WTF?
First of all, I am in law school. I am judicious enough to know to keep porn off my pages. So this image couldnt have been that bad. Worst case scenario, there was some handsome butt-crack showing.
Who is this website that thinks its a good idea to not only be censoring THEIR content, but somehow censoring MINE! Im ticked. Just for that, I think I might need to do something really truly vulgar.
Or, I might just go back to studying property law... lame.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Moving On
Good God... Its been almost a month since I have last posted. Wow... Its not that I have been busy, although I have, but more I have been happy. I guess I tend to write more when Im pensive, and Im more pensive when Im meloncholy-ish. Spring has sprung, I have found some fantastic people to surround myself with who care deeply for me, and I feel much more myself than I have in a while. Roo-Raah!
This weekend is the first one I have spent in town for a while. Last weekend I went home for Easter, which was lovely. Every time I go back to TC I find that there are fewer and fewer people there for me. With the (important) exception of Jeff & Dick, I spent the weekend entirely with Dad and Carey. The night I got home we all stayed up till 3am just catching up, and I was amazed at their talent for making me laugh.
The weekend before that I went to Milwaukee to see a friend before he shipped out to Iraq. It was a wonderful trip, and I realized how much I am actually attached to that city. I thought it was Marquette, (Mitchell), or my awesome friends there, but it turns out that it is something far more basic: I miss the familial way I am greeted at the bars, by people all over. Its just so much more blue-collar (read: less stuck-up). I got a chance to visit with a ton of people, including a quick visit with Justine. Phenominal!
It is nice to be in my apartment this weekend though. I am getting my fun out of the way before I buckle down for exams, which start this week. I just wish I could fast-forward these weeks and get to summer. Went clubbing with Kenz and Anthony on Friday to two of the most fun clubs I've been to in a while. The second one was probably the best gay bar Ive been to in the U.S. ... Although I could have just been wasted. Then Saturday I watched "V for Vendetta" (amazing flick) and then went on a boat cruise down the Mississippi with Kenz and a my law school group. It was odd because I would have felt very lonely without Kenz there. I just dont feel like a part of the law school crowd right now. The guys are all guy-ey, and the girls are... well I just dont feel real close with them right now. Anyway, Kenz and I ended up talking about some very deep things and it was just wonderful to have her there.
The reason I titled this entry "moving on," is because I have totally been in freshman mode this year. After years of working for orientation and making new homes for myself in various countries, you'd think Id be better at recognizing this process. Freshman (or 1L) year you get thrown into a mix of people who you pressume you need to be best friends with. But after some months of trying to really work these relationships of convenience, we all realize that, while convenient, these people may not really have anything in common with you. They may not make you feel good about yourself or have the qualities that you generally surround yourself with. I went through this in a major way my freshman year. Carey is finding that right now too. She is having a rough go at school feeling like she hasnt made any "real" connections with some of the girls she has been hanging with all year.
Anyway, now that I recognize that this has been something that I have been struggling with, I also see that I am coming out of it. There are people I am choosing to hang out with more, others less. I'll still have my drinking buddies, but it's definitely nice to know that I am finding people who I can rely on for more than that.
So, now it is heading into exams, so it may well be another month before I write. I'll try not to do that. Oh... and for those who might have been thinking about it, DO NOT upgrade your Hotmail accounts with their new beta software. It sucks. Trust me.
But Ive moved on.
This weekend is the first one I have spent in town for a while. Last weekend I went home for Easter, which was lovely. Every time I go back to TC I find that there are fewer and fewer people there for me. With the (important) exception of Jeff & Dick, I spent the weekend entirely with Dad and Carey. The night I got home we all stayed up till 3am just catching up, and I was amazed at their talent for making me laugh.
The weekend before that I went to Milwaukee to see a friend before he shipped out to Iraq. It was a wonderful trip, and I realized how much I am actually attached to that city. I thought it was Marquette, (Mitchell), or my awesome friends there, but it turns out that it is something far more basic: I miss the familial way I am greeted at the bars, by people all over. Its just so much more blue-collar (read: less stuck-up). I got a chance to visit with a ton of people, including a quick visit with Justine. Phenominal!
It is nice to be in my apartment this weekend though. I am getting my fun out of the way before I buckle down for exams, which start this week. I just wish I could fast-forward these weeks and get to summer. Went clubbing with Kenz and Anthony on Friday to two of the most fun clubs I've been to in a while. The second one was probably the best gay bar Ive been to in the U.S. ... Although I could have just been wasted. Then Saturday I watched "V for Vendetta" (amazing flick) and then went on a boat cruise down the Mississippi with Kenz and a my law school group. It was odd because I would have felt very lonely without Kenz there. I just dont feel like a part of the law school crowd right now. The guys are all guy-ey, and the girls are... well I just dont feel real close with them right now. Anyway, Kenz and I ended up talking about some very deep things and it was just wonderful to have her there.
The reason I titled this entry "moving on," is because I have totally been in freshman mode this year. After years of working for orientation and making new homes for myself in various countries, you'd think Id be better at recognizing this process. Freshman (or 1L) year you get thrown into a mix of people who you pressume you need to be best friends with. But after some months of trying to really work these relationships of convenience, we all realize that, while convenient, these people may not really have anything in common with you. They may not make you feel good about yourself or have the qualities that you generally surround yourself with. I went through this in a major way my freshman year. Carey is finding that right now too. She is having a rough go at school feeling like she hasnt made any "real" connections with some of the girls she has been hanging with all year.
Anyway, now that I recognize that this has been something that I have been struggling with, I also see that I am coming out of it. There are people I am choosing to hang out with more, others less. I'll still have my drinking buddies, but it's definitely nice to know that I am finding people who I can rely on for more than that.
So, now it is heading into exams, so it may well be another month before I write. I'll try not to do that. Oh... and for those who might have been thinking about it, DO NOT upgrade your Hotmail accounts with their new beta software. It sucks. Trust me.
But Ive moved on.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Running out of Q-Tips
Time to go shopping.
Oh, and BTW, Im still a giant slut.
After spending a week with my grandparents, which I enjoyed fully, I got home last night and needed something to off-set the MASH and Bill OReilly I had been watching. So I got together with a fantastic group of friends... And only slept with one of them. ;-)
I have to go back to school tomorrow, and am very much dreading it. Having time to myself to read for pleasure, do what I want and generally just chill has been almost decadant in the light of my normal life. I spent a few hours today putting my old Europe group-emails into this blog under the appropriate dates. They became rather celebrated among the 500+ people who received them, so I figured I might as well save them for posterity. Looking back too, I am truly impressed by how much I did in Undergrad. Seriously. How come I cant get shit done now? Seems like I am barely treading water in law school. Of course, that's like treading water with 100-lb weights tied to my ankles, but still.
The question is largely, how do I maintain this fantastic sense-of-self that I have rediscovered? I need to forget again about grades, focus on friends who treat me well, and just make myself happy. I think I can do that.
Just keep swimming.
Oh, and BTW, Im still a giant slut.
After spending a week with my grandparents, which I enjoyed fully, I got home last night and needed something to off-set the MASH and Bill OReilly I had been watching. So I got together with a fantastic group of friends... And only slept with one of them. ;-)
I have to go back to school tomorrow, and am very much dreading it. Having time to myself to read for pleasure, do what I want and generally just chill has been almost decadant in the light of my normal life. I spent a few hours today putting my old Europe group-emails into this blog under the appropriate dates. They became rather celebrated among the 500+ people who received them, so I figured I might as well save them for posterity. Looking back too, I am truly impressed by how much I did in Undergrad. Seriously. How come I cant get shit done now? Seems like I am barely treading water in law school. Of course, that's like treading water with 100-lb weights tied to my ankles, but still.
The question is largely, how do I maintain this fantastic sense-of-self that I have rediscovered? I need to forget again about grades, focus on friends who treat me well, and just make myself happy. I think I can do that.
Just keep swimming.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Looking in the Mirror
Law school has been hard on me. Hard on the person who I have come to know and develop in myself, and hard to hold onto the things I love about who I am. There is this constant challenge, and drive, and whether I admit it or not, competition. Meanwhile, I find myself uniquely alone in my surroundings, without the companionship I found in Milwaukee, Caracas, TC, and even to some extent in Madrid. I am slowly developing relationships that I can really rely on, but as with all things, it comes with some difficulty. Social development takes time.
This last weekend has renewed me though. Friday I went out to lunch with some friends, went out with Kenz for dancing and drinking games, Saturday I had breakfast with Christina then flew to Chicago and hung out with my Sis, then got far too wasted with Will and Co. and ended up making out with a stranger. Woke up on the couch of a friend and went to brunch with Carey, J and D, looked at some open-houses too for J which I loved. Then rejuvenated at the hotel for a bit before going to Hooters for crab legs with Pete and John from back home. Then had a rather long day of flying, I ended up with my Grandparents in Tucson for a 5-day visit with them. Why does all of this matter? Because all of these people adore me. All of them get me. While I might, at times, feel very alone in my current social sphere, it is so incredibly helpful to be reminded of how loved I am elsewhere, and that, in time, I will develop friends in Minneapolis too.
I have been working very hard at liking what I look at in the mirror. It doesn’t always come easy. My friends don’t often see that, but I have trouble liking myself, seeing myself as worthy. Mostly body-image stuff really, for which I completely blame gay-culture, but other outside comparison stuff comes in there too. When a classmate treats me as expendable, it gets to me. But it shouldn’t.
The breakup with (Mitchell) jarred my sense of worth a bit. There were so many ways that the whole thing made me feel undervalued and unloved. Then I would start to wonder if anyone will ever value me enough for a relationship, and the thought-process went downhill from there. Enough. This last week, I finally realized that I am over it. Done looking at life from the “break-up” perspective. Time to move on.
I looked in the mirror just now, and I look good. Damn good. Maybe its all the love I have felt in the last 72 hours, the heinous sweaters my dear grandmother insists on giving me every time I see her (do I look cold?), the way that Will and I know it is okay to get wasted around each other, the fact that Kenz will unhesitantly accompany me to the gay bars. I have a summer job (three in fact). I am looking at buying a house. I am in the top of my class. I volunteer and live a good life. I am without psychosis, well adjusted and very little drama. And lastly, and I wish I thought it was least importantly, I am attractive. I look in the mirror, and just wonder how I am still single. I just hope that others see the same in me. And that I allow myself to see the same in others.
It feels good. And if I finish this Spring Break with nothing accomplished other than feeling good about myself again, then fuck yeah!
This last weekend has renewed me though. Friday I went out to lunch with some friends, went out with Kenz for dancing and drinking games, Saturday I had breakfast with Christina then flew to Chicago and hung out with my Sis, then got far too wasted with Will and Co. and ended up making out with a stranger. Woke up on the couch of a friend and went to brunch with Carey, J and D, looked at some open-houses too for J which I loved. Then rejuvenated at the hotel for a bit before going to Hooters for crab legs with Pete and John from back home. Then had a rather long day of flying, I ended up with my Grandparents in Tucson for a 5-day visit with them. Why does all of this matter? Because all of these people adore me. All of them get me. While I might, at times, feel very alone in my current social sphere, it is so incredibly helpful to be reminded of how loved I am elsewhere, and that, in time, I will develop friends in Minneapolis too.
I have been working very hard at liking what I look at in the mirror. It doesn’t always come easy. My friends don’t often see that, but I have trouble liking myself, seeing myself as worthy. Mostly body-image stuff really, for which I completely blame gay-culture, but other outside comparison stuff comes in there too. When a classmate treats me as expendable, it gets to me. But it shouldn’t.
The breakup with (Mitchell) jarred my sense of worth a bit. There were so many ways that the whole thing made me feel undervalued and unloved. Then I would start to wonder if anyone will ever value me enough for a relationship, and the thought-process went downhill from there. Enough. This last week, I finally realized that I am over it. Done looking at life from the “break-up” perspective. Time to move on.
I looked in the mirror just now, and I look good. Damn good. Maybe its all the love I have felt in the last 72 hours, the heinous sweaters my dear grandmother insists on giving me every time I see her (do I look cold?), the way that Will and I know it is okay to get wasted around each other, the fact that Kenz will unhesitantly accompany me to the gay bars. I have a summer job (three in fact). I am looking at buying a house. I am in the top of my class. I volunteer and live a good life. I am without psychosis, well adjusted and very little drama. And lastly, and I wish I thought it was least importantly, I am attractive. I look in the mirror, and just wonder how I am still single. I just hope that others see the same in me. And that I allow myself to see the same in others.
It feels good. And if I finish this Spring Break with nothing accomplished other than feeling good about myself again, then fuck yeah!
Saturday, March 18, 2006
The week of getting let down... and yet...
Well, Happy St. Patrick's Day! I have been lit now for about 24 hours, so the Irish blood in my body seems wholly sated and satisfied.
Its interesting. I just got off the phone with my new drinking buddy who mentioned that he would miss me while Im gone on Spring Break. That actually means a lot. Even though this guy has only known me for about a month, he appreciates me enough to say something like that.
This last week I have had some friends let me down. One friend didnt want to drive through the snow so wreaked all sorts of havok on my travel plans. Another friend expected me to be at her social beck-and-call and completely disregarded me. The guy I was starting to date kinda blew me off disrespectfully. And yet...
And yet I have these "other" friends: friends who are not at my school or in my old social networks. I guess I am used to people enjoying me for the massive amount of people I know and the connections I have, and that just isnt the case here yet. So then you find out who your friends really are: the ones who take care of you, listen to you, just be with you regardless of the social scenario. Anyway, this week felt way better because I have been able to end it out with those sort of people around me. Thanks guys.
Tomorrow I fly out to Chicago to hang with the old crew from College, some high school friends, my sister, and then see my grandparents. Should be fun. Wish me a safe trip!
Its interesting. I just got off the phone with my new drinking buddy who mentioned that he would miss me while Im gone on Spring Break. That actually means a lot. Even though this guy has only known me for about a month, he appreciates me enough to say something like that.
This last week I have had some friends let me down. One friend didnt want to drive through the snow so wreaked all sorts of havok on my travel plans. Another friend expected me to be at her social beck-and-call and completely disregarded me. The guy I was starting to date kinda blew me off disrespectfully. And yet...
And yet I have these "other" friends: friends who are not at my school or in my old social networks. I guess I am used to people enjoying me for the massive amount of people I know and the connections I have, and that just isnt the case here yet. So then you find out who your friends really are: the ones who take care of you, listen to you, just be with you regardless of the social scenario. Anyway, this week felt way better because I have been able to end it out with those sort of people around me. Thanks guys.
Tomorrow I fly out to Chicago to hang with the old crew from College, some high school friends, my sister, and then see my grandparents. Should be fun. Wish me a safe trip!
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Eight Days Later
Well, it's March, and Minnesota has decided to become the winter-wonderland everyone was warning me about. We finally had a good dousing of snow. Classes were canceled Monday (although my volunteer clinic was not) and my ride to Milwaukee canceled on me today because she wasnt comfortable driving with the prospect of snow on hand. Hmmmm... I had to last-minute problem solve my spring break plans, ended up dropping my tax returns on a flight to Chicago and a hotel there since the "staying with friends" thing wasnt working out either. Anyway, this is more expensive, but perhaps a bit more relaxed. Too bad about missing St. Patrick's Day at Marquette. That would have been a terrific time.
This also means that I wont be having brunch with (Mitchell) as planned. The whole thing was my idea really, just to clear the air and hopefully jump-start a friendship again. One of my friends asked quite sucenctly, "What the fuck are you hoping to accomplish?" Truthfully? I want to make sure he is okay. When I last saw him he was not doing so hot, and I want to see how he is doing with the job and a few other non-public details.
Its been amazing though, and I write this more for my own ability to look back if I ever have to go through a miserable break-up again, that as of this week, or perhaps last, I am finally over it. It was a long time coming, and usually very dependent on the friends around me distracting me, but with the entrance of a new group of friends and hanging out with the law-school crowd a bit less, I really havent thought about (Mitchell) other than to try to make plans for the weekend.
Spring break starts tomorrow, and I am now flying to Chicago to hang out with Carey, Will, J and D, possibly some TC friends, maybe even get together with my Aunt. Then I fly to Tucson to hang with the grandparents. I really dont know what to expect down there, but I look forward to bonding and just relaxing if nothing else. Too bad that I am finally at an age that I want to golf, and neither of them can any longer. There is also the reality that this might be my last visit with my grandfather, so I want to be rather strategic about how I spend my time. I might even be willing to wake early and go to mass with him. (last time I was at a church with them I walked out of the service when the priest started pontificating on "acceptance"... this the same month as the Church gave $500,000 to support the marriage amendment in Michigan to ban gay marriage)
School has calmed down a bit. After my last entry I had to explain my outburst to some, but few cared, and those that did agreed with my sentiment, if not my mode of expression. I went ahead and then had another outburst in the same class when a "visitor" corrected me on the reading. This is a guy who I gave a tour to a couple of weeks ago, and he has taken to sitting in on our class... Not just that though, he bought the book and has become a balloon-hand. God, do I sympathize for his classmates next year. Anyway, I took care of the situation on an administrative level.... Hell, if the Prof isnt going to do anything, hell if I stand by idly.
LOL... on that same note, I had a tour to give today of a gay guy looking at UST, and our Prof tried to extend class into our lunch hour and everyone was pretty much dismayed... We just wanted to get out of there and are all looking to Spring Break. I told her she wasnt allowed to extend class: "Excuse, me Mr. Eichenlaub, why am I not allowed to?" I calmly responded that by order of the Dean, 12-12:30 is the "spiritual hour" and no non-spiritual activities, curricular or otherwise, were allowed to be hosted. Can't much fight with that.
We are heading toward the Marriage section in this particular class, and this Prof and I are on the opposite side of the argument, and Ive made it clear that Im not going to let much slide in class. But she and I had a good early-morning chat this week, sitting in the sunlight, and just kinda heard each other out. I really respect her for that. I am SURE that she has heard my side of the argument before, as she has made a career out of fighting it, but just having her sit there and listen and care about how this issue affects me and mine made me feel more comfortable about her, us, and the particularly sensitive issue we are going to be having shortly with 70 others.
This also means that I wont be having brunch with (Mitchell) as planned. The whole thing was my idea really, just to clear the air and hopefully jump-start a friendship again. One of my friends asked quite sucenctly, "What the fuck are you hoping to accomplish?" Truthfully? I want to make sure he is okay. When I last saw him he was not doing so hot, and I want to see how he is doing with the job and a few other non-public details.
Its been amazing though, and I write this more for my own ability to look back if I ever have to go through a miserable break-up again, that as of this week, or perhaps last, I am finally over it. It was a long time coming, and usually very dependent on the friends around me distracting me, but with the entrance of a new group of friends and hanging out with the law-school crowd a bit less, I really havent thought about (Mitchell) other than to try to make plans for the weekend.
Spring break starts tomorrow, and I am now flying to Chicago to hang out with Carey, Will, J and D, possibly some TC friends, maybe even get together with my Aunt. Then I fly to Tucson to hang with the grandparents. I really dont know what to expect down there, but I look forward to bonding and just relaxing if nothing else. Too bad that I am finally at an age that I want to golf, and neither of them can any longer. There is also the reality that this might be my last visit with my grandfather, so I want to be rather strategic about how I spend my time. I might even be willing to wake early and go to mass with him. (last time I was at a church with them I walked out of the service when the priest started pontificating on "acceptance"... this the same month as the Church gave $500,000 to support the marriage amendment in Michigan to ban gay marriage)
School has calmed down a bit. After my last entry I had to explain my outburst to some, but few cared, and those that did agreed with my sentiment, if not my mode of expression. I went ahead and then had another outburst in the same class when a "visitor" corrected me on the reading. This is a guy who I gave a tour to a couple of weeks ago, and he has taken to sitting in on our class... Not just that though, he bought the book and has become a balloon-hand. God, do I sympathize for his classmates next year. Anyway, I took care of the situation on an administrative level.... Hell, if the Prof isnt going to do anything, hell if I stand by idly.
LOL... on that same note, I had a tour to give today of a gay guy looking at UST, and our Prof tried to extend class into our lunch hour and everyone was pretty much dismayed... We just wanted to get out of there and are all looking to Spring Break. I told her she wasnt allowed to extend class: "Excuse, me Mr. Eichenlaub, why am I not allowed to?" I calmly responded that by order of the Dean, 12-12:30 is the "spiritual hour" and no non-spiritual activities, curricular or otherwise, were allowed to be hosted. Can't much fight with that.
We are heading toward the Marriage section in this particular class, and this Prof and I are on the opposite side of the argument, and Ive made it clear that Im not going to let much slide in class. But she and I had a good early-morning chat this week, sitting in the sunlight, and just kinda heard each other out. I really respect her for that. I am SURE that she has heard my side of the argument before, as she has made a career out of fighting it, but just having her sit there and listen and care about how this issue affects me and mine made me feel more comfortable about her, us, and the particularly sensitive issue we are going to be having shortly with 70 others.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Losing my cool
Up till now, my classmates have seen a semester and a half of me being a nice guy. Easy to be around, always friendly, strong willed and perhaps a little agressive with a professor, but always in a way that worked out well for the class as a whole.
Today, Im not sure I made any friends. They saw the "me" that can be a bit harsh.
First of all, the last week and a half has been brutal. We've all been working our asses off to get ourselves prepared for midterms and projects, all while the reading load has been increasing substantially. And the little things that used to bother me now seem intolerable.
There are quite a few people in class who love to hear themselves speak. I suppose this is to be expected as this is a law school, but there is one person who grates on me especially. Not because she is an overzealous participant in class, but because she invariably shows through her participation that she hasnt done the reading for the class. We invariably get held up on a concept that was spelled out clearly in the book, and she decides to voice why she thinks something IS something else. NOT why it ought to be something else, but answering questions blindly with no regard for what might have been in the reading she failed to do. Our professors continue with patience, stopping to then teach this concept as though she misunderstands. They dont see this for what it is: pandoring to the lowest common denominator-- a person who simply hasnt done the work.
I have had to deal with this my entire life. I am in Law School now, God Damnit! I no longer have any patience for this sort of bullshit. If I am stressed out and tired and grumpy because I didnt get enough sleep/entertainment/exercise because I got my reading done, why should I have to sit in class and let someone like this waste my time. So here is how it went:
Prof: "In a situation where ___ does ____ is there ______?"
Girl: "Yes, I think there is because ..."
Prof: "Really, who else thinks that?" (almost no hands go in the air)
"Well, Christian, why do you disagree?"
(I had adamently put my hand in the air for the other side of the issue)
Me: "Because the notes in the book CLEARLY say that this is not the case, for those of us who decided to do the reading."
Prof: "Whoa... Okay...Yeah. This was pretty explicit. But why then?"
Me: (i then continued to give a three-word answer why... and was right... because I had read...)
The entire class took a deep breath in and you could feel the tension in the room. The Prof stayed away from me the rest of the classroom, and the individual I was going after proceeded to stay quiet.
This is not a class where the Prof uses the Socratic method and this person was just trying to fudge her way out of appearing dumb. She voluntarily raises her hand to stop the class with her questions/interjections etc. I have utter and complete respect for the student who couldnt get to the reading so sits there quietly and tries to take the best notes possible. I have been there a few times myself. But to pressume to insert yourself in this discussion after failing to educate yourself enough to even read the assigned material?
Turns out I have an issue with that.
Today, Im not sure I made any friends. They saw the "me" that can be a bit harsh.
First of all, the last week and a half has been brutal. We've all been working our asses off to get ourselves prepared for midterms and projects, all while the reading load has been increasing substantially. And the little things that used to bother me now seem intolerable.
There are quite a few people in class who love to hear themselves speak. I suppose this is to be expected as this is a law school, but there is one person who grates on me especially. Not because she is an overzealous participant in class, but because she invariably shows through her participation that she hasnt done the reading for the class. We invariably get held up on a concept that was spelled out clearly in the book, and she decides to voice why she thinks something IS something else. NOT why it ought to be something else, but answering questions blindly with no regard for what might have been in the reading she failed to do. Our professors continue with patience, stopping to then teach this concept as though she misunderstands. They dont see this for what it is: pandoring to the lowest common denominator-- a person who simply hasnt done the work.
I have had to deal with this my entire life. I am in Law School now, God Damnit! I no longer have any patience for this sort of bullshit. If I am stressed out and tired and grumpy because I didnt get enough sleep/entertainment/exercise because I got my reading done, why should I have to sit in class and let someone like this waste my time. So here is how it went:
Prof: "In a situation where ___ does ____ is there ______?"
Girl: "Yes, I think there is because ..."
Prof: "Really, who else thinks that?" (almost no hands go in the air)
"Well, Christian, why do you disagree?"
(I had adamently put my hand in the air for the other side of the issue)
Me: "Because the notes in the book CLEARLY say that this is not the case, for those of us who decided to do the reading."
Prof: "Whoa... Okay...Yeah. This was pretty explicit. But why then?"
Me: (i then continued to give a three-word answer why... and was right... because I had read...)
The entire class took a deep breath in and you could feel the tension in the room. The Prof stayed away from me the rest of the classroom, and the individual I was going after proceeded to stay quiet.
This is not a class where the Prof uses the Socratic method and this person was just trying to fudge her way out of appearing dumb. She voluntarily raises her hand to stop the class with her questions/interjections etc. I have utter and complete respect for the student who couldnt get to the reading so sits there quietly and tries to take the best notes possible. I have been there a few times myself. But to pressume to insert yourself in this discussion after failing to educate yourself enough to even read the assigned material?
Turns out I have an issue with that.
Making all the wrong decisions, or perhaps the right ones
Wow. By the Grace of God, I made it through yesterday. I had stayed up reading until about 12:30 getting through massive Properties and Con Law readings, along with two chapters for Lawyering Skills. When I tried to get to sleep, I was so nervous about yesterday's Streetlaw lesson, that I wasnt able to sleep until about 1:30. Great. That makes the day easier by far. Grrr... But somehow I made it.
Classes were sparce and the conversation dull. We are all at the point where this isnt fun anymore. We just want to make it through. But I made it through classes, ran around to take care of some small stuff (like copying out my taxes for Financial Aid, intercepting my new partner for Streetlaw, etc.) stopped into an MJF meeting, and then went to go teach my Streetlaw class.
First of all, my "supervisor" was there. We met beforehand with the teacher to ask what the HELL I should be doing to get better control of the classroom situation. My supervisor later said that this teacher's supervisory style is "not optimal" but that the situation isnt lost.... Totally cool... At least he knows that there is someone watching out for my interest in this thing. And he was at least a little more hands on yesterday during class, even if there were still times that conflict urupted (between students) when he wasnt even in the room.
Anyway, as we were starting class, the oung lady with whom I had the conflict last time calling me "the asshole" loud enough for me to hear her. You all know that I dont take insult well. Any other situation, I would have been right back in her face, telling her exactly where insults like that will land her in life. I dont take a punch to the gut very well... Anyway, I gritted my teeth, put on my best "tour guide smile" and proceeded to apologize to the class for my previous week's behavior:
"I need to start off by apologizing for losing my cool last time we were together. Im not that much older than you guys, and this is one of the first times in my life that I have to act like "an adult." I am used to responding as you would, returning disrespect in kind. But I cant do that here, and I am deeply sorry for any disrespect I showed last time I taught. I hope that you all will forgive me and that we will move on from here." At the end I was looking almost pleadingly at the student in the front of the class who had just been calling me an asshole. Well, it seemed to at least remedy that.
As for the rest of class, we found a student who was willing, in fact offered to, get "ghetto" on the other students, silencing them for us and commanding their attention when there was no way for us to do it ourselves. We went over housing law and had probably the best session I have had so far.
Sooooo... I made it through that. Now just to come up with a lesson plan for next week.
After that, back to lawyering skills, then worked on a research project for a little while, turning it in about 5pm. Then read in the library till 7pm, then went to the Minnesota AIDS Project to stuff condom packets. My motives for that were varied, but essentially I am exploring new ways to meet people. The only person I really met while there was a fairly loud queer who got extremely competitive with me when he said, "Just once Id like to have a Saturday off," and I said, "Tell me about it man." Apparently he thought I was trying to start something as opposed to just being friendly. So he started rambling off loudly everything he does in a week. I let him take that one. "Im sorry sir, your insecurity is showing."
Afterward I went home to cook dinner with like the zero amount of food I have in my apartment. Time to shop for sure. Finally got the rest of the dishes done, and was just passing out in bed from exhaustion when one of my new friends (of the couple, see below) called to see if I wanted to go out. Initially I was asleep when he called, but after his call woke me up I couldnt get back to sleep, so I figured, what the hell, and joined him out for a while. God, its nice to have new buddies. He and his BF are just good people.
So... I have an excrutiatingly long day today. But after making it through yesterday, I feel like I can take on anything. Go me!
Classes were sparce and the conversation dull. We are all at the point where this isnt fun anymore. We just want to make it through. But I made it through classes, ran around to take care of some small stuff (like copying out my taxes for Financial Aid, intercepting my new partner for Streetlaw, etc.) stopped into an MJF meeting, and then went to go teach my Streetlaw class.
First of all, my "supervisor" was there. We met beforehand with the teacher to ask what the HELL I should be doing to get better control of the classroom situation. My supervisor later said that this teacher's supervisory style is "not optimal" but that the situation isnt lost.... Totally cool... At least he knows that there is someone watching out for my interest in this thing. And he was at least a little more hands on yesterday during class, even if there were still times that conflict urupted (between students) when he wasnt even in the room.
Anyway, as we were starting class, the oung lady with whom I had the conflict last time calling me "the asshole" loud enough for me to hear her. You all know that I dont take insult well. Any other situation, I would have been right back in her face, telling her exactly where insults like that will land her in life. I dont take a punch to the gut very well... Anyway, I gritted my teeth, put on my best "tour guide smile" and proceeded to apologize to the class for my previous week's behavior:
"I need to start off by apologizing for losing my cool last time we were together. Im not that much older than you guys, and this is one of the first times in my life that I have to act like "an adult." I am used to responding as you would, returning disrespect in kind. But I cant do that here, and I am deeply sorry for any disrespect I showed last time I taught. I hope that you all will forgive me and that we will move on from here." At the end I was looking almost pleadingly at the student in the front of the class who had just been calling me an asshole. Well, it seemed to at least remedy that.
As for the rest of class, we found a student who was willing, in fact offered to, get "ghetto" on the other students, silencing them for us and commanding their attention when there was no way for us to do it ourselves. We went over housing law and had probably the best session I have had so far.
Sooooo... I made it through that. Now just to come up with a lesson plan for next week.
After that, back to lawyering skills, then worked on a research project for a little while, turning it in about 5pm. Then read in the library till 7pm, then went to the Minnesota AIDS Project to stuff condom packets. My motives for that were varied, but essentially I am exploring new ways to meet people. The only person I really met while there was a fairly loud queer who got extremely competitive with me when he said, "Just once Id like to have a Saturday off," and I said, "Tell me about it man." Apparently he thought I was trying to start something as opposed to just being friendly. So he started rambling off loudly everything he does in a week. I let him take that one. "Im sorry sir, your insecurity is showing."
Afterward I went home to cook dinner with like the zero amount of food I have in my apartment. Time to shop for sure. Finally got the rest of the dishes done, and was just passing out in bed from exhaustion when one of my new friends (of the couple, see below) called to see if I wanted to go out. Initially I was asleep when he called, but after his call woke me up I couldnt get back to sleep, so I figured, what the hell, and joined him out for a while. God, its nice to have new buddies. He and his BF are just good people.
So... I have an excrutiatingly long day today. But after making it through yesterday, I feel like I can take on anything. Go me!
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Helping Katrina
I know that when Hurricane Katrina devastated the New Orleans area this last fall, the desire to help was almost universal. We all saw the effects and shuddered to see the devastated buildings, lives, families. As a first year law student, I felt particularly helpless. Everyone around has done little things to help, but there seemed to be nothing that I, personally, with my mountain of student loans and no legal experience could do to lend a hand.
This semester I started to volunteer with the VLN Family Justice Center Self Help Center. At the center I have been aiding people to work their way through their custody or divorce issues, doing intake and issue evaluation before they see our volunteer lawyer. It has been an incredibly educational experience to work with real, palpable legal problems in a setting where people are truly in need of your assistance. And last month, I finally got my chance to do my part in the wake of Katrina.
A client appeared early morning saying that her husband had taken her children for the weekend and now refused to give them back. They were all refugees of Katrina, and this woman had come to Minnesota because her husband had said he had friends in the area. What he really mean, she later found out, was that he had another lover up here: a lover who soon thereafter filled out divorce papers for him to hand to his wife, leaving her alone in a new state after the greatest natural disaster in the United States. Now her husband claimed that he was going to keep the children and enroll them in the school district where he had moved to.
This woman had come to us, "living by the grace and mercy of God." Everything she owned had been given to her to help her recover from the devastation Katrina left her in. After filling out intake papers with her and summarizing the legal problem for the lawyer, I received a phenomenal lesson in civil procedure. "He handed the papers to you? Well, he cant do that...This hasn't even been signed or filed..." We proceeded to help her fill out the In Forma Pauperis papers so that even if the divorce was painful, she would be spared the extra expenses. And finally, as to the children, the lawyer somehow had the incredible instinct to ask, "Did you have them with him before or after you were married?" Before as it turns out. He proceeds to flip to a Minnesota statute saying that until paternity was established, she had full custody. So... "Call him and tell him that. If that doesn't work, call the police and ask them to enforce this statute."
After spending the morning with us, this charming and gentle woman was going to get her children back. While we couldn't spare her of the impending custody struggle she was going to have, we were able to figure out the short term, and arm her with the ability to take care of herself from that point on. We do that all the time, and while I know that I shouldn't care more about this particular client because she was a Katrina victim, I did. I had finally been able to do something, however small, to help just one person displaced by that horrible event.
I would be willing to bet that most of our clients have had tragedies befall their lives. Perhaps not as renowned as Hurricane Katrina, perhaps more personal in their natures, but our clinic happens to help people when they are fighting for the one thing they have left: their families. To know that we can help, even just a little, these hard working people makes me understand why I have entered into the practice of law.
This semester I started to volunteer with the VLN Family Justice Center Self Help Center. At the center I have been aiding people to work their way through their custody or divorce issues, doing intake and issue evaluation before they see our volunteer lawyer. It has been an incredibly educational experience to work with real, palpable legal problems in a setting where people are truly in need of your assistance. And last month, I finally got my chance to do my part in the wake of Katrina.
A client appeared early morning saying that her husband had taken her children for the weekend and now refused to give them back. They were all refugees of Katrina, and this woman had come to Minnesota because her husband had said he had friends in the area. What he really mean, she later found out, was that he had another lover up here: a lover who soon thereafter filled out divorce papers for him to hand to his wife, leaving her alone in a new state after the greatest natural disaster in the United States. Now her husband claimed that he was going to keep the children and enroll them in the school district where he had moved to.
This woman had come to us, "living by the grace and mercy of God." Everything she owned had been given to her to help her recover from the devastation Katrina left her in. After filling out intake papers with her and summarizing the legal problem for the lawyer, I received a phenomenal lesson in civil procedure. "He handed the papers to you? Well, he cant do that...This hasn't even been signed or filed..." We proceeded to help her fill out the In Forma Pauperis papers so that even if the divorce was painful, she would be spared the extra expenses. And finally, as to the children, the lawyer somehow had the incredible instinct to ask, "Did you have them with him before or after you were married?" Before as it turns out. He proceeds to flip to a Minnesota statute saying that until paternity was established, she had full custody. So... "Call him and tell him that. If that doesn't work, call the police and ask them to enforce this statute."
After spending the morning with us, this charming and gentle woman was going to get her children back. While we couldn't spare her of the impending custody struggle she was going to have, we were able to figure out the short term, and arm her with the ability to take care of herself from that point on. We do that all the time, and while I know that I shouldn't care more about this particular client because she was a Katrina victim, I did. I had finally been able to do something, however small, to help just one person displaced by that horrible event.
I would be willing to bet that most of our clients have had tragedies befall their lives. Perhaps not as renowned as Hurricane Katrina, perhaps more personal in their natures, but our clinic happens to help people when they are fighting for the one thing they have left: their families. To know that we can help, even just a little, these hard working people makes me understand why I have entered into the practice of law.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
mental health day
I got to the point in my reading last night that I just hit a breaking point. Actually, I couldnt even bring myself to begin the reading, I just couldnt get over the motivation roadblock I felt. I just wanted to break out of the monotomy of what my life has become of late: Wake, school, home, nap, cook, study till midnight, maybe catch a tv show. Over and over again. This sucks.
Ironically, a bunch of the other guys hit that same breaking point last night. Good to know at least that I am not the only one blowing things off.
Anyway, after spending the afternoon avoiding the work, then the evening chatting online, I decided to meet an acquaintence from Milwaukee (one of the old Bag Boyz) out at a neighborhood bar. We chilled and got to know each other a little bit and started playing darts when I spotted a nice-enough looking guy sitting alone. Through my years of bartending, and my personal experience feeling very alone in this city, I know how cool it can be to have someone befriend you. So I looked at my Milwaukee friend, and said, "I'm going to go make us a new friend." And that I did.
Turns out this guy in on his way to law school next year, and is engaged to be married to another guy who showed up shortly thereafter. The four of us ended up talking and just chilling for a few hours, and they were actually a bit reticent about letting me go home... It was amazing how quickly I felt I had made new friends. FINALLY! It has been driving me nuts not to have gay friends in this city, and here are two well-adjusted, caring guys who were quite charming. We exchanged numbers and I hope to hang out with them again soon.
Two things:
1) How does one proceed in making non-awkward plans with a new "couple" of friends? I dont want to do the third wheel thing, and I definitely dont want them to get the wrong impressions about my interest. Do I have to wait three days to call? Wait for them to call me? Just find the next convenient time when Im out with friends to give them a call? Ideally Id have a group of gay friends that I could invited them along with, but I dont, as of now have that group. I've never quite been in this situation before. Suggestions?
2) Seeing this couple, so perfectly congruent together, matched in their personalities and yet wonderfully different people, I felt a lot of things. Envious of the obvious romance between the two of these guys. Coveting a future relationship like that of my own. Scared that I will never be sitting in such a blissful spot again. But mostly, admiring such a shining example of what I want for my own life. Here are these two, one going to law school on the east coast because his fiance wants to move out there, the fiance moving to where his boyfriend is going to law school. Met casually, through school. Getting married shortly after graduation. Big rock on the finger. Bickering about family stuff, wedding plans. There but for the grace of God go I.
I guess the biggest thing that hit me was that I have yet to meet a couple quite as "together" (even if it was just a facade) as these two guys. There is part of me that just wants so much for them to succeed, so that I know that it is possible that I do also.
On the other hand, what do I have to do to get there? Work harder or let it come naturally? Why has God not sent this sort of thing my way? Many of my friends are not the marrying type, but I clearly am. I can think of nothing I want more than to have a family with a loving partner. I dont want to be one of those single 30s people. I love being single, but when a sled-dog movie can make me tear up because I long for companionship, I cant belive that this is what God has planned for me.
Happiness is where i am, I just have to let it be. Go Zen. Breathe. God moves within and around. It all will happen in its time. (I'll just keep repeating that until I believe it).
Ironically, a bunch of the other guys hit that same breaking point last night. Good to know at least that I am not the only one blowing things off.
Anyway, after spending the afternoon avoiding the work, then the evening chatting online, I decided to meet an acquaintence from Milwaukee (one of the old Bag Boyz) out at a neighborhood bar. We chilled and got to know each other a little bit and started playing darts when I spotted a nice-enough looking guy sitting alone. Through my years of bartending, and my personal experience feeling very alone in this city, I know how cool it can be to have someone befriend you. So I looked at my Milwaukee friend, and said, "I'm going to go make us a new friend." And that I did.
Turns out this guy in on his way to law school next year, and is engaged to be married to another guy who showed up shortly thereafter. The four of us ended up talking and just chilling for a few hours, and they were actually a bit reticent about letting me go home... It was amazing how quickly I felt I had made new friends. FINALLY! It has been driving me nuts not to have gay friends in this city, and here are two well-adjusted, caring guys who were quite charming. We exchanged numbers and I hope to hang out with them again soon.
Two things:
1) How does one proceed in making non-awkward plans with a new "couple" of friends? I dont want to do the third wheel thing, and I definitely dont want them to get the wrong impressions about my interest. Do I have to wait three days to call? Wait for them to call me? Just find the next convenient time when Im out with friends to give them a call? Ideally Id have a group of gay friends that I could invited them along with, but I dont, as of now have that group. I've never quite been in this situation before. Suggestions?
2) Seeing this couple, so perfectly congruent together, matched in their personalities and yet wonderfully different people, I felt a lot of things. Envious of the obvious romance between the two of these guys. Coveting a future relationship like that of my own. Scared that I will never be sitting in such a blissful spot again. But mostly, admiring such a shining example of what I want for my own life. Here are these two, one going to law school on the east coast because his fiance wants to move out there, the fiance moving to where his boyfriend is going to law school. Met casually, through school. Getting married shortly after graduation. Big rock on the finger. Bickering about family stuff, wedding plans. There but for the grace of God go I.
I guess the biggest thing that hit me was that I have yet to meet a couple quite as "together" (even if it was just a facade) as these two guys. There is part of me that just wants so much for them to succeed, so that I know that it is possible that I do also.
On the other hand, what do I have to do to get there? Work harder or let it come naturally? Why has God not sent this sort of thing my way? Many of my friends are not the marrying type, but I clearly am. I can think of nothing I want more than to have a family with a loving partner. I dont want to be one of those single 30s people. I love being single, but when a sled-dog movie can make me tear up because I long for companionship, I cant belive that this is what God has planned for me.
Happiness is where i am, I just have to let it be. Go Zen. Breathe. God moves within and around. It all will happen in its time. (I'll just keep repeating that until I believe it).
Sunday, February 26, 2006
The beautiful letdown
Just had one hell of a cry. It felt terrific. There has been so much going on in my life right now, and I feel more and more solitary. Surrounded by wonderful people, still alone in my own head. Who do I call when I suddenly miss my mother, after close to 6 years, at 11:30 at night? I have been working so hard at keeping it all together, staying sane, looking forward, I think sometimes I forget to let myself sit and have emotions. I just picked up my journals from when Mom died, and let the tears fall. It felt amazing.
Good night! Im so happy I had this weekend!
Good night! Im so happy I had this weekend!
feeling sappy
What a great weekend. I did absolutely nothing productive. It was a beautiful thing.
I got through my Con Law midterm on Friday, and I think I survived pretty well. There were two questions, and the Prof gave us kinda a curve ball with the second question, but in tlaking with my classmates, I think I had a better grasp of it than most. Then went out and celebrated the night, making quite a trek that night. Good times...
Most of the rest of the weekend has been dedicated to watching movies and just chilling. I dont know what is up at the moment, but I am in one of those moods where a Kodak commercial can make me cry. Their not bad tears, but more just feeling emotional in a rather neutral way. While I IMed with (Mitchell) for the first time in months yesterday, it was a friendlier conversation than it had been in the past. One of his best friends, in fact the friend who hooked us up, came into my bar on Saturday. I was slammed at that point, so I didnt get to chat, but if nothing else it feels good to start to have some clean-up with this whole thing. I like being friends with my exs... Even if it is entirely impossible.
Speaking of exs, another one called me randomly last night. This is a guy whom I adore, as perhaps the cutest, sweetest guy on the planet. His voice just makes me smile. I wrote about him earlier when he came by around Finals last semester to rehash our breakup. Hopefully that's over with, and I hope that he still thinks of me as fondly as I do him.
Continuing with the sappy streak, I went and saw "8 Below" with a friend. Fortunately it was a friend I could cry shamelessly around, because did I ever. Wow... I dont know if it was Paul Walker being unbelievably easy to look at, or me wanting a dog, but that movie was a major tear-jerker. Wow... I must be having my man-period. Er something.
Anyway, its now 10:15 and there are all sorts of people that I want to call who I was to lazy to call earlier this weekend. I have once again fallen into the habit of being really bad at keeping in touch.
Well, at least Im "in touch" with my emotions.
Wow... Unreal bad joke.
I got through my Con Law midterm on Friday, and I think I survived pretty well. There were two questions, and the Prof gave us kinda a curve ball with the second question, but in tlaking with my classmates, I think I had a better grasp of it than most. Then went out and celebrated the night, making quite a trek that night. Good times...
Most of the rest of the weekend has been dedicated to watching movies and just chilling. I dont know what is up at the moment, but I am in one of those moods where a Kodak commercial can make me cry. Their not bad tears, but more just feeling emotional in a rather neutral way. While I IMed with (Mitchell) for the first time in months yesterday, it was a friendlier conversation than it had been in the past. One of his best friends, in fact the friend who hooked us up, came into my bar on Saturday. I was slammed at that point, so I didnt get to chat, but if nothing else it feels good to start to have some clean-up with this whole thing. I like being friends with my exs... Even if it is entirely impossible.
Speaking of exs, another one called me randomly last night. This is a guy whom I adore, as perhaps the cutest, sweetest guy on the planet. His voice just makes me smile. I wrote about him earlier when he came by around Finals last semester to rehash our breakup. Hopefully that's over with, and I hope that he still thinks of me as fondly as I do him.
Continuing with the sappy streak, I went and saw "8 Below" with a friend. Fortunately it was a friend I could cry shamelessly around, because did I ever. Wow... I dont know if it was Paul Walker being unbelievably easy to look at, or me wanting a dog, but that movie was a major tear-jerker. Wow... I must be having my man-period. Er something.
Anyway, its now 10:15 and there are all sorts of people that I want to call who I was to lazy to call earlier this weekend. I have once again fallen into the habit of being really bad at keeping in touch.
Well, at least Im "in touch" with my emotions.
Wow... Unreal bad joke.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Jump (for my love)! --Pointer Sister style
Today was just one of those mornings when you want to just run around and dance around your apartment in your boxers. I dont know what my deal is today, but I was just in an overly happy mood this morning. I was up till midnight distilling Con Law down for my midterm, so I dont think that was what had me all hyped up. But I had a good night's sleep, the sun was shining over my view of the city, and I just was doing those silly little dances that you can only get away with when you are alone.
Funny enough, the only other person I have done the "silly dance" around is my college roommate, Will, and today happens to be his birthday. Coinicedence? I think not! Happy birthday buddy, go do the silly dance!
I might also be in an unusually good mood because I got a phone call yesterday giving me a summer clerkship I had applied for at the Public Defender's office. It was a really competetive clerkship (they interviewed 50 people for 14 spots), and I will be working at my first real legal job. It should be tremendous experience in legal research and writing, plus pretty good money.
Soooo... I may not be a good teacher, but apparently I am doing okay at this law school thing so far.
Funny enough, the only other person I have done the "silly dance" around is my college roommate, Will, and today happens to be his birthday. Coinicedence? I think not! Happy birthday buddy, go do the silly dance!
I might also be in an unusually good mood because I got a phone call yesterday giving me a summer clerkship I had applied for at the Public Defender's office. It was a really competetive clerkship (they interviewed 50 people for 14 spots), and I will be working at my first real legal job. It should be tremendous experience in legal research and writing, plus pretty good money.
Soooo... I may not be a good teacher, but apparently I am doing okay at this law school thing so far.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
This is why I love my friends
Before I get into why my day sucked (or at least had a really bad moment), I need to impart how great my friends are. In response to my, "I had a bad day, leave me a note," I got the following messages:
1) Sorry your day was bad.
2) Hope your day improves.
3) I love you and hope your day gets better.
4) I love you.
5) I love you like ridiculous amounts. And also, to cheer you up, just think that Marquette's mascot was "gold"... gold diggers, solid gold, oh the fun statements are endless.
Its the little stuff like that that helps me to feel like I can make it through the day. Thanks guys.
In all actuality, my day was great for the most part. I did very well in all my classes, but Streetlaw is where I came up on my problem. I dont think I have written about Streetlaw yet, but the long story short is that I teach a 10th grade class about legal issues. I was paired with an older student (in his forties) from the UofM here, who spent the first few weeks shoving his ultra-conservative viewpoints down my throat. Anyway, after trying to diplomatically remedy that situation, and feeling like we finally had a good week with the rather rambunctious group of students we teach, my partner bailed on me about half hour before the class.
Well, thanks again to the support of my wonderful friends, I was able to throw together a last minute lesson plan, and another friend came to teach with me. Things were going decently until one girl interrupted my teaching to stand up and begin a conversation at the front of the classroom with another girl. Here's what unfolded:
Me: Would you mind sitting down for me?
Her: Whatever.
Me: Seriously, please go sit down.
Her: You can't tell me what to do.
Me: SIT DOWN!
Her: You cant talk to me like Im a dog.
Me: Apparently not, because dogs obey.
Yeah. I lost it. That was a totally disrespectful way to try and remedy the situation. I owe this girl an apology for not being the adult. But here's the thing: I should NEVER have been in that situation in the first place. This class is out of control, and the teacher does nothing to try and help us. I am not there to learn how to teach. I have no desire to discipline these guys.
My father, who feels strongly that I need to find a new classroom, pointed out that if this teacher cant control his own classroom, how should I expect to do so? He also mentioned that when I was in highschool, I took almost exclusively AP, Honors or AT courses with the only exceptions being choir, spanish, and newspaper, which were all very high-end electives. This is a gen ed at an intercity school. My expectations might be a bit high. But even so, this has just been so extremely painful so far. My partner is a schmuck, my teacher is unwilling to assert himself, my classroom is out of control, and I am miserable.
The "What now?" question keeps running through my head. Do I give up just because this sucks, and is the hardest thing I have had to do in a while? Reminds me of my relationship with (Mitchell). Do I give up just because it is hard? If I face a future of unfullfillment and frustration, as I did with (Mitchell), then it is time to walk away. But I dont want to be the guy that walks out on a class, a partner and a program. So.... What now?
1) Sorry your day was bad.
2) Hope your day improves.
3) I love you and hope your day gets better.
4) I love you.
5) I love you like ridiculous amounts. And also, to cheer you up, just think that Marquette's mascot was "gold"... gold diggers, solid gold, oh the fun statements are endless.
Its the little stuff like that that helps me to feel like I can make it through the day. Thanks guys.
In all actuality, my day was great for the most part. I did very well in all my classes, but Streetlaw is where I came up on my problem. I dont think I have written about Streetlaw yet, but the long story short is that I teach a 10th grade class about legal issues. I was paired with an older student (in his forties) from the UofM here, who spent the first few weeks shoving his ultra-conservative viewpoints down my throat. Anyway, after trying to diplomatically remedy that situation, and feeling like we finally had a good week with the rather rambunctious group of students we teach, my partner bailed on me about half hour before the class.
Well, thanks again to the support of my wonderful friends, I was able to throw together a last minute lesson plan, and another friend came to teach with me. Things were going decently until one girl interrupted my teaching to stand up and begin a conversation at the front of the classroom with another girl. Here's what unfolded:
Me: Would you mind sitting down for me?
Her: Whatever.
Me: Seriously, please go sit down.
Her: You can't tell me what to do.
Me: SIT DOWN!
Her: You cant talk to me like Im a dog.
Me: Apparently not, because dogs obey.
Yeah. I lost it. That was a totally disrespectful way to try and remedy the situation. I owe this girl an apology for not being the adult. But here's the thing: I should NEVER have been in that situation in the first place. This class is out of control, and the teacher does nothing to try and help us. I am not there to learn how to teach. I have no desire to discipline these guys.
My father, who feels strongly that I need to find a new classroom, pointed out that if this teacher cant control his own classroom, how should I expect to do so? He also mentioned that when I was in highschool, I took almost exclusively AP, Honors or AT courses with the only exceptions being choir, spanish, and newspaper, which were all very high-end electives. This is a gen ed at an intercity school. My expectations might be a bit high. But even so, this has just been so extremely painful so far. My partner is a schmuck, my teacher is unwilling to assert himself, my classroom is out of control, and I am miserable.
The "What now?" question keeps running through my head. Do I give up just because this sucks, and is the hardest thing I have had to do in a while? Reminds me of my relationship with (Mitchell). Do I give up just because it is hard? If I face a future of unfullfillment and frustration, as I did with (Mitchell), then it is time to walk away. But I dont want to be the guy that walks out on a class, a partner and a program. So.... What now?
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