Tendering my Notice

So today I gave my landlord my notice to vacate my apartment at the end of August.

It's so funny, I've spent the last two+ years bitching about how I just didn't "feel" the community in the Twin Cities... Just didn't feel very well connected to anything outside of law school. There were times when I swore I was gonna get out of here as fast as possible. And now that it's getting to be time to leave, I really really know that Im going to miss this place.

It's weird how this shit works. In a little over two months Im gonna have to pack up all my shit again, put it into a storage facility somewhere and patiently (not so patiently) wait to receive my placement in Wisconsin. Im sure I will eventually get really excited about wherever I get to go, to practice law, to establish a new community, but for right now all I have is the "leaving" part. My darlin little sis got all excited on the phone yesterday with me about the prospect of me moving closer to her. And that will be great, but I just couldn't share in her excitement in that moment. Cause all that means for me right now is that I am giving up everything here. Rough.

In a way its really good that I am getting out of here for a few days to go do Pride in Chicago. If I were to stick around here for our Pride it would likely only amplify my desire to stay put.

I've lived in this apartment building for about 3 years and it is seriously going to break my heart to leave this building and to leave the friendships that I feel only now are getting fortified. Its these transitions that challenge us. And at least on the plus-side I have the bar to focus on. Ick. THAT's my plus side. Haha.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Age Six Racer" Dashboard Confessional,
Swiss Army Romance

To my Grandparents:

Jon and Jane,

It is apparent from the card you recently sent me that you don’t understand how angry I continue to be at the two of you.

I asked my father to have a discussion with you about this, and I am not sure if he did or not, but I found out sometime this winter that you both signed a petition in Florida to have the state constitution amended to permanently ban gay marriage.

Believe what you will believe. I can agree to disagree. But what you did in this act was to sign a public document stating that you never want to see me as happy as my other cousins, that you never want me to be considered equal. My father has always taught me that love is an act, expressed over and over again. Your act was anything but loving. I don’t even know how to describe your action, but it was not loving.

I have accomplished much in my life, supported by many individuals who have loved and helped me along the way. And I have come to be very proud of who I am, including the fact that I am gay and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But in my short life I have learned that I don’t need people around me who will hurt me. I am returning your check. I don’t want your money. I would sooner drown in my own debt than accept money from someone who would turn around and sign a public document stating that they don’t see me as an equal. I am better than that.

I hope that you both live long enough to hear about the day I get married. It will be among the happiest days of my life. That will be an act of love.

C

Remembering the Titans: Clinton and Obama Style

Being Saturday night, I took a break from studying to watch "Remember the Titans," which has been on my Netflix cue. For someone who hates sports movies, that truly is an amazing movie, and an amazing reminder of our history. There came a point in the movie that I had to remind myself that "this" was just 60 years ago... The abject and outright hate that tore our country apart was just 60 years ago.

It amazes me that we were at that point in our history... There is simply no denying that it is one of our more shameful historical moments. But, as Coach Carter did in this movie, we need to look to the past and let the blood of those before us inspire and teach us. To love beyond race, beyond gender, beyond nationality, and, quite frankly, beyond ourselves.

Today, Sen. Hillary Clinton announced that she was suspending her campaign. In many ways, this reminds me of Coach Yoast in this movie: she had every right to fill the "head coach" position. She should have been our "Hall of Famer." But there is a rift in our country that needs to be filled, a wound that still needs to be healed, and progress that needs to be made, and there is someone else who can better help to accomplish that goal. I am so very proud to think that Barack Obama could be our next president. Will be our next president.

It was Coach Carter's unbridled audacity and influence that transformed that Virginia town into a vibrant example of integrated, fair, decent society, slowly teaching its citizens to love and respect one another despite their differences. But in the end it was both he and Coach Yoast (the white coach) who learned to work together to make the team everything that it could be.

This is not my pitch for making Sen. Clinton the VP candidate. Quite frankly I think that would be a political mistake. Rather, I think that our party, our people, have the potential to gather around this new leader of our party and create a new reality. Taking one more step forward in a society that has learned many lessons in our short history.

These are some titans to remember.

The (Second) Worst Summer of My Life

Well, I don't know about you, but I was up until about 11:30 last night. Friday night that is... Studying. Yup. Practice Bar Essays, Outlines, Flashcards and whatnot. And here it is, 8:20 am on one of the only Saturdays until August when I DONT have a 9am class, and I'm back studying again.

Its funny: I have heard from about 6 different lecturers that we should consider this summer, the summer of Bar Prep, to be the worst of our lives. Finally one of the lecturers on Thursday conceded, "Well, unless you have had a close family member die or have served in Iraq." Phew... Well at least maybe this will be the Second-Worst summer in my life.

I think it is hard for most people to understand what a big deal this F'ing test is, and how excruciating it is to study for. Two solid days of testing over the intricate details of at least 15 different areas of law (including something called "Commercial Paper," whatever THAT is), in both essay format and multiple choice. But wait, there's more: one day you are being tested on the laws of a local jurisdiction (WI for me), and the next you are being tested on general law principles which often directly contradict your state's laws. Great. Oh, and also, in the long run your score is being "scaled" against the other test takers, so this F'ing test is on a curve as well. Yippee.

Oh, and if you fail, you will be disappointing your school, losing any potential job opportunities you had for at least 6 months and will have to do all of this again.

I was talking to a fellow bar-taker about the fact that people don't seem to get what a big deal all this is. I proposed passing a law: "All persons in preparation for taking a bar exam, within two months of taking such exam, are excused from any social obligations that might be expected of them, including anniversaries, birthdays, and things like Father's Day. This assembly recognizes that they need to fall off the face of the planet for a little while and should be allowed to do so with impunity." Or something like that.

Also, because I started to get entertained by this yesterday, here is just a sampling of the "status messages" of some of my friends who are studying for the bar right now:

Chris is going to run away and live at Greenacre.

Deepa is re-living the nightmare of first year property.

Leyla is realizing she didn't learn a darn thing in law school.

Suzanne: my brain has already reached its max...oh mf.

Ryan wishes he had an "easy" button.

Meg is contemplating a life on the pole rather than continuing to study for the bar.

Jake is Bawws deep in Con Law.

Dee Ann doesn't even want to be a lawyer.

Jenny feels like she'll never stop studying...

Karen's fortune cookie just told her she would make a good lawyer...hmmm...

John is flipping a coin between attorney and box car hobo.


Good Times.