It's time to do the right thing.

I have a friend who is grappling a lot lately with his mother. She constantly seems to be playing hot and cold with the fact he is gay. One minute she seems okay with it, another she seems to draw needless hurtful lines in the sand that only create a further distance between her and her son.

I had the opportunity to mentor a lot of young gay folks when I was in college. And one truth was apparent: the parents nearly always come around to accept their child and love him deeper for the secret that no longer stands between them. It may take years, and years, but most eventually become their kid's greatest allies and fiercest defenders. And in the few instances where they didn't, the gay person went on to be happier for being who he is, but he went on without his parent(s). And its cripplingly sad, but he is the one who moves on. The parents never really do.

I just want to take this mother and shake her. Do you realize how much you are going to regret all of these petty little fights? All the times when you hurt your beautiful son? I am confident that she will one day come around, and I want to tell her to do it soon. There is no "gray" in love. You either do or you dont. You support him or you dont. You want him in your life or your dont. And every time you make some petty-ass decision to let something come between you and your son, you will regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not even soon. But someday you will look back: perhaps you will then have a greater understanding of what an ass you were or perhaps you will simply wonder why you dont have a better relationship with your son. And here's the answer: you didnt love him enough. So its time to cut the bullshit. Its time to let it go, see your son for the magnificent young man he is. Someone who is kind and caring, funny and intelligent, driven and, most importantly: happy in who he is.

Be happy for him. Be happy with him. I guarantee that it will only make both your lives better.

Top Chicago Pride Moments

* Studying flashcards while driving so as not to get frustrated with Wisconsin drivers

* Having a road race at 105 mph the moment I crossed over the Illinois border

* Listening to the absolutely AMAZING new Coldplay CD, Viva la Vida (I don't even like Coldplay!)

* Rolling into town, getting frustrated with parking, so just illegally parking long enough to grab a beer at my favorite spot, Roscoe's.

* Hanging out with my oldest friends in the world, Pete and John

* Laughing til I cried with my lil sis about Arrested Development quotes

* Eating a crazy good thai lunch with the aforementioned sister and admiring everything she has learned about child rearing

* Cooking a rather nice dinner on the grill and then throwing a dance party at Justine's place

* Helping certain friends get laid/find new dates ;-)

* Listening to Justine go on an on about Warren Buffet and Mars and wondering if I was the only crazy one who didn't think purchasing a planet was a good idea

* Staying out til 4:45 am and then walking a 1/2 block back to Justine's fantastic place

* Getting Mojitos at 12:30 in the afternoon and watching the Gay ROTC and Kimberly Locke with my two favoritest people in the world

* Wondering "Would it look too gay if I danced?" And then remembering that I was at Pride... In Chicago... At the Kimberly Locke concert...

* Taking a "gay break" and watching Wall-E with the only person who could truly enjoy it with me

* Spending a relaxing night in to rest for the following morning... asleep 15 minutes into the movie

* Experimenting with eggs on the grill, then eating a fantabulous brunch (try sweet-potato hash-browns some time, they're killer!)

* Catching up with D and remembering some things never change. Which is awesome.

* Seeing Kim's new hair!!!

* Screaming at the Log Cabin Republicans "You're all F'ing Idiots"

* Dancing in the rain (a little Salsa with D, a little Cha Cha Slide) during the parade delays

* Seeing Kim do a Marilyn Monroe

* Eating egg rolls that some random stranger offered me because Chicagoans are AWESOME! Amazing!

* Float-hopping with some amazing chick in a purple wig

* Sitting on the ground with a couple pot-smokin drag queens as cops strolled by

* Arriving back in Minneapolis to a friend who knows exactly what I need to hear. I'll miss you Joshie!

* Coming home to find a guilt-ridden note from my aunt "Remember to cultivate loving relationships with all the people who love you. Accomplishments in this life are worth nothing if you can't share them with the people you love." I couldn't agree more! Thank you to all my wonderful Chicago friends!


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Strawberry Swing" Coldplay,
Viva la Vida

Tendering my Notice

So today I gave my landlord my notice to vacate my apartment at the end of August.

It's so funny, I've spent the last two+ years bitching about how I just didn't "feel" the community in the Twin Cities... Just didn't feel very well connected to anything outside of law school. There were times when I swore I was gonna get out of here as fast as possible. And now that it's getting to be time to leave, I really really know that Im going to miss this place.

It's weird how this shit works. In a little over two months Im gonna have to pack up all my shit again, put it into a storage facility somewhere and patiently (not so patiently) wait to receive my placement in Wisconsin. Im sure I will eventually get really excited about wherever I get to go, to practice law, to establish a new community, but for right now all I have is the "leaving" part. My darlin little sis got all excited on the phone yesterday with me about the prospect of me moving closer to her. And that will be great, but I just couldn't share in her excitement in that moment. Cause all that means for me right now is that I am giving up everything here. Rough.

In a way its really good that I am getting out of here for a few days to go do Pride in Chicago. If I were to stick around here for our Pride it would likely only amplify my desire to stay put.

I've lived in this apartment building for about 3 years and it is seriously going to break my heart to leave this building and to leave the friendships that I feel only now are getting fortified. Its these transitions that challenge us. And at least on the plus-side I have the bar to focus on. Ick. THAT's my plus side. Haha.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Age Six Racer" Dashboard Confessional,
Swiss Army Romance

Incredible Guys

Well that was fun!

As a favor to an old friend, for the last two nights I have housed and entertained (somewhat) 4 guys who are traveling around the country in an RV creating a documentary about people who have really pursued their passion. It is, ironically enough, called Pursue the Passion.

I got to know these guys pretty quick, and they were 4 incredibly different personalities, but all the nicest guys you could ever hope to meet. It was also good to distract me from some of the shit that has been going on in my head, which was somewhat important yesterday. In particular, I bonded with Noah, a writer and rapper from Tucson, who I just had an awesome connection with. It was kinda like: "Wow. We could be good friends!" Given how hard I have found it to connect to people in the Cities on exactly that type of level, I was certainly sad to see him go. We had gone out last night with his bus-mate Zach to the 19-Bar, and just had too much fun talking politics over far too much beer.

I also just noticed that they mentioned me in their travel blog regarding a conversation I had about the concept of "vacation" in our culture. They call me a "passionate public defender." I like that. Good stuff.

And as much as I love my job, I've gotta admit that I'm more than a little jealous of the trip they continue to have ahead of them.

Below: a clip from one of the many press interviews they have had

Just What the Doctor Ordered

Okay. Wow. That was a fun weekend.

To be honest, and not to get all melancholy, but I have been getting a little depressed here in big ole Minneapolis. I don't have the friend base that I have grown accustomed to, and have had problems meeting people... I don't know quite what the deal is, but I'm finding this city just not that friendly. People don't like talking to strangers. I had a really rough week last week trying to make connections with friends who either canceled, ignored or otherwise shrugged off my attempts to find people to hang out with. I mean, seriously, how hard is it just to find a friend to go to a movie with? And I try not to, but at a certain point, I can't help but take it personally and wonder what's wrong with me... Well, nothing. And I knew that all along, but I just needed to get out of here for a bit to remember that.

I took a last minute trip to Chicago to spend some time with my oldest and dearest friends. J, probably my best friend from college, just bought an incredible condo 1 block off of Boystown, and I stayed in "Christian's Room" as she has dubbed it. It was just incredible to be hanging out with her, and meeting up with several other friends who I know I can always count on.

I took Friday afternoon off and ended up renting a car and driving down there with a buddy from work, who was likewise going to Chicago to visit his boyfriend. Once we got there, J made me dinner and after gawking at her unbelievable new home, we went out on the town. First to SideTrakk, which is MUCH the better than it's Traverse City version (the only gay bar in my home town: literally a double wide trailer). Within minutes at that bar we happened to bump into a couple from Traverse who have served as my friends and mentors since I came out at age 17. Quite incredible to see them out, and I was thrilled to catch up with them.

And here's the thing: when we went to the bar to grab some drinks, random people just started talking to us. Maybe it was unique to MarketDays, which was last weekend, but it was amazing to have people strike up a conversation! I can NEVER get people to do that in Minneapolis!

From SideTrakk J and I moved on to Hydrate to meet up with one of my childhood friends (known me since 2nd grade) and his new wife. Let the flood of people wash over us there for a bit, then over to Buck's for pool. Again, people just randomly chatting with us left and right. We lasted to bar close, and then made our way home.

The next morning, J and I got breakfast, then walked around Market Days, collecting condoms and flirting with random guys at random tables. About noon we met up with another friend (also from 2nd grade) and his ex-girlfriend, who I adore. We ended up drinking outside straight from noon until 7:30. J and I actually forgot to eat, and were making ourselves quite happy drinking Bacardi's canned Mojitos.... Quite yummy. But by 7:30 I was dancing shirtless in the street and motorboating complete strangers (see photo), before I passed out neatly in my room.

I woke up about 2am, roaring and ready to go. "What the hell?" I thought, so I hit the streets, looking for some fun. As I was walking up Halstead, a small Filipino guy, Danny, approached me:

"Hey, how you doing?"

"Good." I said, wondering what he wanted.

"Are you straight?" he asked.

"No, why do you ask?" I responded.

"Good. Let's go get a drink." And just like that, I had a companion at Buck's where we chatted til about 3am. He was even super nice after I made it clear that I wasn't interested in going home with him. After Buck's closed, Danny directed me to Hydrate, where I proceeded to dance til about 5am, stopping only to make out with Paul, a publicist from D.C. Then home, playing in the rain along the way.

The next morning, J and I met our friend D (another awesome friend from college) for brunch at Orange. The wait was excruciating, (as we hadn't eaten real food in roughly 24 hours) but it gave us ample time to catch up and the food was well worth the wait. After that, we walked around Market Days for a little while longer (saw one of gay porn's biggest stars, Matthew Rush, walking around), and then I picked up my buddy from work, and we made our way back to Minneapolis. It had been a weekend of amazing friends, shirtless guys and just feeling wonderful about myself again.

It was, indeed, just what I needed.


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Spit on a Stranger" Nickel Creek,
This Side

A Day with Life

I spent the day today doing something important. It's funny, because I would so often like to think that the accomplishments of a day are "important." The minutia of law school helps us to lose ourselves in the self-love of what sort of things we can get done on behalf of clients, what kind of arguments we can make, what kind of battles we can win.

And today I blew all of that stuff off. I skipped most of the day's various obligations because a friend needed me. I called into my clinic and said, "I'm sorry that I won't be coming in. Actually, no. No. I'm not sorry. This is something I have to do." And it was.

A dear friend from school had to endure the horror of her partner going through emergency surgery. Another friend and I arrived at the hospital just as she was starting to contemplate what would happen if she lost this wonderful, dear person in her life. It immediately became clear how I needed to spend the rest of my day.

We didn't really "do" anything. We were just there. It was the only role we really could play. And yet it was the only one we really needed to.

I learned early in my life that there can be no greater appreciation of life than in the face of death. And there is no greater appreciation of love than in the face of loss. To see my friend anxious and upset over her love gave me a glimpse into the depth of their relationship, and the immensity of their love. I got to be a witness to how two people in this world have come to mean everything to each other in a way that takes my breath away. It gives me hope. Even in this sadness, there was hope.

It's truly amazing with these trials life hands us. They may be the hardest things that we ever bear, but they bring us closer to those around us. Remind us of what is important. And most amazingly they remind us of all the love that surrounds us. Lest I seem heroic or noble or whatever, I was only one of the core group of friends at school that has "been there" for this one. Each offered their distinct aspects of friendship. Whether it was humor, tact, listening, medical knowledge, administrative know-how.... each has supported this friend in their own way. And it fills me with great happiness to know that they would be there for me as well. That this trial, and our response to it, was not just a testament to my friendship to her, but to our friendship to each other.

I feel so blessed to have gotten to do something so important today as just being a friend.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Tomorrow is a Long Time" Nickel Creek,
Why Should the Fire Die? TITLE