50 First Dates

This semester seems like it is going to be a bit easier than the past three. I no longer fear my classes, professors, or classmates, and since I am not technically working this semester at a paying job, my days tend to be a lot shorter. This has afforded me the opportunity to cook like crazy (this last week: Cherry-Glazed tenderloins, Three-Mustard Chicken, Indonesian Peanut Chicken, and a Vodka-Bolognese Pasta). It has also given me the opportunity to date.

A lot.

In the last three weeks I have gone on first-dates with five different guys. As one of them later commented, “It’s like dating season hit early.” I guess it’s the mild weather. Reminds me of a John Mayer song.

While the string of “first dates” with few seconds might seem dismal, I have actually really enjoyed the ability to get to know someone, determine their worth in 30-minutes or less, and then get on with my life. (I’m kidding about that last part). I have always thought that the first dates were always the most fun: getting to know someone, quietly peering into the future to see if there would be any possibility with the guy, fantasizing just a little about that prospect. It’s far removed from the actual nitty-gritty of a relationship and also gives you the opportunity to feel wanted and to remind yourself that you ARE indeed a quality dating candidate.

It’s rather funny: when you are single and not dating, you fantasize about having a boyfriend. But now that I am dating, I am not so keen on the boyfriend idea: I’m having fun doing this part, and wouldn’t want to peremptorily latch onto one candidate for fear of missing out on someone more suitable. While this threatens to turn me into a “serial dater” if Nebraska (see June entries) was any indication, I can see a good thing when it comes along. (p.s. I saw him at the bar not too long ago with a really… less attractive… date. That’s always affirming. Even though he still wouldn’t say Hello without a great deal of awkwardness.)

So that’s me. Cooking and dating. And really happy about it.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"St. Patrick's Day" John Mayer,
Room for Squares

Success and Happiness

In my youth, my mother posted a saying on one of our kitchen cabinets, where it remains to this day:

"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."

Lately I have been riding myself pretty hard about what I lack in my own life. When visiting my cousins these last couple of days, I joked self-derogatorily about my inability to find and hold onto a boyfriend. My elder cousins have all paired off and found wonderful spouses. Even some of the younger ones are showing me up in the relationship department. It's easy to look around the room and feel like your whole life doesn't measure up to the glamour of those partnerships.

One of my cousins-in-law gave me a wake-up call though: "Look around this room," he said. "Who among your cousins, or even their spouses, has the job prospects that you have? It seems to me that you are doing pretty well for yourself right about now."

I've had to concede recently that I have sacrificed a lot in terms of social-life and relationship prospects so that I could pursue my goals through law school. I have had to put my hobbies on hold. I'm not as fit as I currently would like to be. And yet I lead a very happy life. I'm surrounded by great people. I have a job I love. I am kicking ass at school (I may have to revise this after grades get posted).

I have long understood the despair that comes from comparing yourself to those around you. I think it is time for me to start being happy with the things I have earned myself, and let everything else fall into place as it will. And have faith that it all will.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Keep it Precious" Melissa Etheridge,
Never Enough

This, Right Now, Is Why I'm Single

Friday night. 10:30 p.m. I'm staying in. I couldn't be happier about that.

I spent the last few weeks stressing out about planning last night's Halloween party for the law school. It ended up being a kick-ass party, and everything went well, but I was exhausted from putting everything together and literally sleeping in my office last night so as to save time between helping to close the bar at 2:30am and working at 7:30am.

Anyway, my party-mojo is a bit spent. I have at least two parties I could make it to tonight, and was planning on going out until about 20 minutes ago. But I'm relieved as hell to be sitting peaceably in my apartment watching DVDs and listening to music.

I have moments lately when I look at my life and wonder why Im not sharing it with someone else. In the darker moments I begin to wonder, "Is there something wrong with me?" The truth is, however, that I am just not "out there" right now. The dating pool at a law school party is rather shallow (although I did have a cutie handcuff himself to me last night... but I think he is straight). And while there would undoubtably be eligible gay bachelors at the parties tonight, here I sit in my apartment.

Law school is undoubtably one of those things that one must just "get through." And this semester is likely the busiest I will have. I'm weathering things well. Very well in fact. And I suppose that if that means that I have to neglect my social life for a little while for personal sanity and health, Im just going to have to be patient with myself.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"When I Fall" Barenaked Ladies,
Born on a Pirate Ship