Beautiful Disaster

Before I begin my recap, I have to touch on a bit of news: today at 3pm, the New Jersey Supreme Court will rule on whether it is legal to prohibit gays and lesbians from getting married in that state. With less than two weeks until the mid-term elections, this ruling could change the entire face of it. While it would be beautiful to see another court uphold the dignity of same-sex relationships, the result of a positive ruling would devestate the campaign against a Constitutional Amendment to ban same-sex marriage in Wisconsin, the first state in the union where the polling shows that such an Amendment could be beaten. On the flip-side, if the NJ Court were to find that it is within the realm of the legislature to forbid gay marriage, it would be another example of unfortunate jurisprudence, but it would utterly defeat the argument that "activist judges need to be restrained."

I dont know what I hope for on this one. Defeat in the battle for victory in the war? "Beautiful disaster" seems about right.

As for me, this Monday I returned from a week of distractions from all things law and law-related. It started with a staff-party that was just killer two Fridays ago. Most of the lawyers in my office just ripping it up on a Friday night. It was amazing fun, and I had to excuse myself rather early so I could assure that I woke up on time for my flight to Chicago the next morning.

I then spent the next five days visiting with family and friends in Chicago, which was just beautiful. We ate well, and I have always said that I never laugh as much as when I am with my family. (sister: "You know this song is about masturbation..." My father and I both scandalized, "You're a dirty whore!") My sister is starting to date, and that is amazing to see. Granted, Im going to have to knee-cap the first gentleman who breaks her heart, but its good to see that guys are starting to realize how stellar she is.

Hung out with some of my oldest friends in the world last Monday, who accompanied me to a gay bar where we realized we were one friend short of our group of Boy Scouts, all sitting around at the gay bar. The next morning went on a fun personal quest for a shower... Fun story.

Back in Minneapolis I dealt with some drama I had created the week before, which resolved well in the end. Also got to take TWO trips to the DMV to become an official citizen in this State. That was never-ending fun! (more never-ending than fun) Then last weekend I staffed a camp for kids being adopted out of foster care. Simply amazing. I essentially got to spend the weekend playing and roughhousing with a group of about 40 while working with some of the most incredible people I have met in a while. Im pretty sure that I fell in love with several of the other staffers. Just the most genuine, caring and diverse crowd you could imagine. And organically diverse too... I enjoyed the weekend so much that it all has me really thinking about my future in law. I was invited to apply for postition to work at the camp for the summer, and while it would be about the worst career move ever, Im seriously considering it. I suppose that could be another "Beautiful Disaster."

Now that Im back, this week is a bit overwhelming, but it helps that I took the break to get an even keel. Ive had meetings all week that Ive helped to plan on top of my regular schedule, and Ive also been in charge of planning our law school Halloween party which will (hopefully) be for about 150 people. Its been quite a project, forcing everything (including whatever schoolwork I would normally do) to the backburner. I will be a very happy camper when Thursday has come and gone.

In all of this, many of my friends havent seen me in months. Sorry if you are one of them. I wish I could claim it was going to get better. Until Thanksgiving I am so busy I can hardly see straight. We'll hang out during finals?

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Beautiful Disaster" Kelly Clarkson,
Breakaway

Caution: Don't Operate Under the Influence of Anger

Where did my Zen go?

And my charm with it?

This week I got angry. I let something get to me on Sunday. A wrong that I knew just had to be righted. People had come to me seeking guidance, and I took their issues on as my own.

I am trying really hard not to write off the lessons of this week as "Drink more, Care less," which is, of course, my first inclination. But I think there is a greater lesson to be learned. I got so very very full of righteous anger at this situation that in the process of trying to solve this "great ill" I stepped on a dear friend's toes and insulted her, perhaps overstepped the bounds of a leadership position that I have been trusted with, and might have umm... well... threatened the Dean. Yeah. Im feeling like a pretty popular guy right now. All because I let myself get angry.

It's like this Incredible Hulk thing. People generally find me gregarious and easygoing. But if something manages to get me angry, well, then Im not so much fun to be around. I want Justice, and I want it NOW!!! Unfortunately, 99% of the time, that is not the way the world works. The person who is to blame for the situation I am trying to solve will undoubtably face consequences in his life for his actions (or not). But the situation which I suppose should concern me more is the way that I have allowed myself to become isolated in my anger at the situation. And there is noone to blame for that but myself. I havent let others become involved in the ways that they otherwise might come forward. I havent respected my school enough to at least let them TRY to get this right. They might not, but I guess the greater issue is whether I am going to let myself become lost in the process.

Maybe the lesson here is, "Drink more, but still care in the right way." The irony is that the prayer, reflection and even breathing that I have tried to make integral parts of my life got completely left on the wayside here. And I lost.

Learn this lesson Christian.

Damnit. Learn this lesson.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"The World I Know" Collective Soul,
Collective Soul

A student ... and North Korean Nukes

So... I've seen some recognizable faces in the news lately.

Last spring, for those who remember, I had an absolutely dreadful semester teaching kids at a downtown school different lessons related to the law to their 10th grade English class. It was, bar none, the worst volunteer experience of my life. However, I had one student who was engaged (if overly so) and was constantly trying to bait us into "Why shouldn't we impeach Bush" discussions. In short, he was awesome. I continued to play to the middle, and by the end of the class he accused me of not only being conservative but of being homophobic. Alas, I just couldnt win with that crowd.

Well, I just saw him in the news, confronting some homophobic parents who were protesting about the lessons at the school being too open about sexuality. God bless him. Seriously, almost makes the miserable volunteer experience worth it. Almost.

[edited for a minor amount of discretion]

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, North Korea purports to have successfully tested a nuclear weapon. Is there anything else G.W. can fuck up?

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Weenie Beenie" Foo Fighters,
Foo Fighters

Just showing Im not the only one who thinks he's a jerk...

Justice Scalia started out the judicial term with a bang. Not much of one, for him, and yet still a pretty decent gaffe if it were to come from a normal person. Something about Mexicans not being expected to abstain from their tequila. They are Mexicans after all.

From Slate.com:

"Nobody laughs. But then, nobody winces or flinches, either. Somehow, a remark that would have flattened us had a Souter spoken it is just a solid day at the office for Scalia. I have no idea where the tequila comment should register on the nation's macaca-meter. The more interesting question is about Scalia's deliberate carelessness with language, his sense that he is somehow above the sorts of linguistic delicacy the rest of us expect in our dealings with others. Indeed, he seems to think it's his obligation to be ever more reckless with his words, perhaps because he's about the only guy left who faces no consequences for his rhetorical body-slams."

Interestingly, that is exactly what I had questioned him about some weeks ago: not his judicial theory, but his callous use of the English language.

"If George Allen had uttered Scalia's 'nobody thinks your client is abstaining from tequila' crack today, it would have been front-page news. The rest of us would have been forced to form some opinion as to whether it was an 'aspersion,' a stereotype, a gaffe, or just a celebration of worm-laden beverages. But the court exists on a different plane, and for good reason. We don't want every branch of government to be beholden to the electorate, but that doesn't mean that the justices shouldn't be beholden to themselves. Scalia wants to be a part of the national conversation, but not on the terms the nation has agreed to. And each time he unleashes one of these remarks, I find myself wondering whether he's protecting his right to express himself, or just relishing his free pass."

At least I know that, at my school, he didnt get a free pass.

I wouldn't let him have one.

How Republicans made me sick

I had a wonderful day yesterday, ending up with me going to my school's Diversity Potluck (the gay org brought rainbow Jello). For the second year in a row, I was delightfully surprised by how much I enjoyed being around other people who realized the necessity for increased diversity of all types. At one point, a named-partner from one of the local firms talked about how diverse his office has become, and I went, "Wow. I could work there." That, from me who has avidly sworn off firm life.

Well, among the many diverse foods at the potluck, the Republicans brought McDonald's cheeseburgers. Classic. Way to show your diversity.

Anyway, I was hungry, and had a little bit of everything, and did indeed eat the cheeseburger. It was the only meat I ate, and about 4 hours later, I regreted that decision with every lurch of my stomach. I have not felt that sick in a very very long time.

I think it was my body just rejecting the fruits of the Republican party. (or perhaps it was the really really low-grade meat that the rich feed the poor to increase their profit margins...)

Funny, I went on a few dates with a Republican a couple of weeks back. He was charming, witty, had a great apartment and a pretty good body. But there were some major self-hate issues going on. The final straw was when he refused to kiss me good bye in his car when dropping me off in my uber-gay neighborhood. I have worked for 7 years now to be comfortable with who I am, Im not about to start heading backwards.

Speaking of republicans (or Democrats if you believe Fox news) the internet is all abuzz with the Mark Foley scandal. My only thoughts for the moment are this: I am tired of Americans using alcoholism as an excuse for everything from racism to ephebophilia (being attracted to adolescents). Its truly vexing that a serious social disease is just being cast around as an excuse to get people off the hook.

Secondly, here is where I think sexuality fits in:
"If this has a familiar ring, look in the Catholic Church for the bell. Republican leadership was acting like the Catholic hierarchy, which played shell games with men accused of sexually abusing children. And there's a good reason for the similarity. The inability to deal straightforwardly with gay people leads to other kinds of truth-avoidance when things go south. But that's what comes from not wanting to know something, and going out of your way to remain ignorant." David Link of the Boston Globe

It's time to deal with people as they are. Haven't we learned from our past that telling people that they are "wrong" to be gay only confuses them as to what is truly right and wrong?


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"You Learn" Alanis Morissette,
MTV Unplugged

Pelosi's 100 hours

Why I love this woman. This would be like a dream come true.

Pelosi Says She Would Drain GOP 'Swamp' - washingtonpost.com

Election Fun

Its not making much news right now, but the new polls may prove me wrong in my previous post reacting to the NYT story about Democratic strategy.

If the election was held today, the Dems would gain 3 or 4 seats (we need 6 for a majority) with two states in a very close toss-up. The delightful thing is that the toss-up states are far from those you might expect: Tennessee and Missouri, classic Republican strongholds. The only seat that the Dems look to lose is New Jersey, and that race is within 2pts. Also, it's pleasant to see the vile Santorum down by a full 13 points in Pennsylvania. Good Lord, I will weep the day that man is pushed out of office. For joy.

As far as the House, the national polling is even, with 48% on each side saying they would vote either Red or Blue. There is at least one Florida seat that I am fairly certain the Dems are going to win. What a hypocritical jerk. I feel like I should have sympathy for the pathetic state of his life, but then again... I dont.

As for Minnesota, both the 2nd and the 6th seem to be polling Red by about 9pts. Both House seats were Red last election, so there is really nothing lost, but given Bachmann's serial idiocy, and the dress she was seen in at my law school last week, her victory would be rather unfortunate. Do you really want your Congressperson to dress so tragically? You can tell she definitely doesnt have any gay friends... They wouldnt let her leave the house looking like that.

As for governors, a lot of Red states look likely to elect Blue executives (Co, Ark, Oh, Pa), and it is good to see that my homes states are at least looking hopeful: Hatch is anywhere between 2pts up to 4 pts down against incumbent "If I cant eat it, Im not paying for it" Pawlenty. Dem Jim Doyle is up by anywhere between 3-9% in my favorite drinking state, and Granholm is between 2-8pts up in Michigan. That last one looks tight, and will effect my family (read: father) more than any other race. I'll send good karma that way.

MY night

Last night I stayed in.

It felt so friggin good. I cooked for the first time in weeks, did five loads of laundry, cleaned out my briefcase, got shit off my desk, payed bills, drank a bottle of Syrah, and watched some Will & Grace. It was great!

This semester is thusfar going very well. But I am at that brink of panic when I look at my calendar on Monday and realize that I dont have any personal time for 5 days. Ive been working, volunteering, getting Journal stuff done, planning OUT!Law events, doing Moot Court, helping out at Bar Reviews, and of course doing homework occassionally. Yesterday, I didnt qualify into the semi-finals for Moot Court (top 8) and it was somewhat a blow to my ego. But then I went out and enjoyed a few beers with some friends, sitting in the sun, and got to enjoy the rest of my Saturday. It was probably the biggest "blessing in disguise" I could have hoped for.

I have a fair amount of stuff to accomplish today, and another busy week ahead of me, but it all seems far more reasonable now that I have regained my mental focus. Thank God for that.

Oh, and for those who have asked for a shot of the new haircut:

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Lie to Me" Jonny Lang,
ALBUM TITLE

Here we Go Again...

The New York Times (I wont even try linking, as it requires a subscription) reported today that in the next six weeks before the midterm election they would be focusing on the Republican majority's failures in ... Education? No. Health Care? No. The Deficit? No. Energy Policy? No. Environment? No.

Iraq.

This is why I find it so very very hard to identify with the Democrats some days. Not for their values, but for their dumb-ass strategies. We lost the 2004 election pounding the electorate with negative messages over Iraq. Granted, far more people now realize that Iraq is, was and continues to be a mistake, but it is not a motivating issue for voters. Sorry to say it, but we already tried this and lost.

The other reason we lose by pounding the Iraq war is that there is no solution. We tried to pass pull-out resolutions earlier this term, and low-and-behold, we were labeled as cowards. Not a good plank to run on. Further, opposing Iraq war opens a rhetoric discussion which we lose not on the merits but on the sound-bites. We say, "Iraq was wrong." They say, hear and replay, "We dont care about our national defense." As much as you and I see through that as total B.S., we are not the voters in play here.

With strategies like these and the slowly decreasing price of petrol, Im losing confidence in this election. I need to start running campaigns.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Stay (Wasting Time)" Dave Matthews Band,
Before these Crowded Streets

Tired

Today seemed like a long day. Im pretty sure that it was.

I know that with my question to Justice Scalia brought a certain level of controversy into my life. I know that my participation in online forums discussing gay rights since that day have further opened the discussion. And I have largely been pleased with the supportive reactions of many of my friends. But to be honest, there are times when the educating that I do, the debating that I engage in, the tirades that I tolerate... it all becomes like a bandage ripping off a wound that I sometimes forget has not quite healed.

To some extent I had largely forgotten that there are people around me who judge me based on my sexuality. I get very comfortable around my friends, around those I trust. But wake-up calls occur, and as I said, I am the one who set the alarm for this particular wake-up. But that doesnt mean that I am not still exhausted.

This is why I love Milwaukee: The only city where you can walk into a bar and get your head shaved...

I spent this last weekend partying it up in Milwaukee. Anyone who knows me understands what that means for my liver.

We got in a little before midnight and my friends dropped me off, backpack and all, at the bar I used to work at. That place had become like my second home, and walking back in there made me miss my old haunt and my old friends very much. I was lucky enough to bump into the Owner and a couple of the other bartenders I used to work with. After hanging out with them for a little while, my favorite of them, known for his distinct Bitchiness, said something along the lines of, "Your hair is WAY too long... It makes me want to just attack your head with a pair of scissors." Hmmm... Okay!

Before I knew it, the Owner of the bar was using the bar scissors to remove chunks of hair from my head. As the event progressed, it became increasingly clear that I was just going to have to shave it all. It was totally worth it. My hair is now shorter than I have EVER had it, and actually looks pretty good.

But I know few other people who have gotten their heads shaved at a bar. There's seriously no place like Milwaukee.

I then hung out until about 4:30 at the dance club, drinking and reconciling with a surprising friend from the past.

The weekend was full of all sorts of other fun and debauchery, and the 5 hour car ride both ways with the belching, farting girls was all sorts of fun. Interesting conversation about how love gets harder as we pass through relationships and lose the faith and naivety of youth. Later a comment by myself about art in France: "The Louvre is just like the Mall of America. But with Art." Glad Im so cultured.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Wake Me Up When September Ends" Green Day,
American Idiot

Today, Justice Scalia Spanked Me

Justice Scalia came to our law school today. He started with some quick comments about why he is smarter than everyone else and then moved into question and answer. I was the first questioner:

Question: In reading Lawrence v. Texas and Romer v. Evans I largely agreed with your judicial reasoning, but I had trouble looking past the scathing language you used and the stereotypes you cited into the record. Mr. Justice, do you believe that, as a member of the United States Supreme Court, you have the intellectual responsibility to look past gross stereotypes of communities of people, rather than reinforcing them as you did in Romer v. Evans by stating that gay and lesbian communities are largely affluent and centered in distinct areas of the country? And if you don't (interrupted)

Justice Scalia: I think they may have been erroneous, but not stereotypes...

Me: I would contend they can be both.

Justice Scalia then proceeded to explain his judicial philosophy in Romer (which hadnt been my contention) and then insult my question as a "When did you stop beating your wife?" ... I felt a bit sore about it for about 20 minutes before I realized that I had a) managed to get a Supreme Court Justice to have to avoid a question and b) just gotten spanked by a Justice of the highest court of our land. As a second-year law student, I can walk away from that my head held high.

Part of my reasoning behind the question was less about the answer, but more about the question itself. I dont want (My School) to be seen as the place where men like Scalia can come and vent their bile without ever being challenged. When you cut through his humor, he spent 90% of the time making fun of anyone who disagreed with him. In retrospect, I am proud to be among the ridiculed.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Polaris" Jimmy Eat World,
Futures

(UPDATE: Although I had more than a few people at school avoiding making eye contact with me for my perhaps brazen tactics, I also had a few who came up and thanked me for having the guts to ask the question others may have been afraid to. I have never been afraid to confront authority. Why start now?

Still feeling a little awkward about the spanking I had received, I went to into work. I love this place. As I told my story to a few co-workers, I started getting high-fives.... I went to tell my supervisor about the whole thing, and she said, "Oh, Justice Scalia is in town? I thought I felt loathing eminating from that area of the city." I then told her about my question, at which point she marched me into the Big Boss, who said, "Let me shake your hand. Congratulations for having that kind of courage." He also noted that Justice Scalia's little rip at me at the end of his answer only indicated that he felt threatened by the astutness of my question.

I love my workplace.)

This Just In: QUIET PLEASE!

Sooo... This just got printed in our inter-school updates:

"Library Quiet Policy: Please remember that the entire library is considered a quiet zone, with the exception of the second floor area next to Circulation. We are a professional community, and we expect each member of our community to be respectful of others as they study in the library. We encourage you to remind each other of the need for quiet. If one or more of your colleagues continues to be disruptive, you are welcome to contact library or public safety staff. Library staff will also be making more regular visits to all floors of the library. We hope these steps will reduce the noise level very quickly, but we will continue to follow up and make sure that quiet zones remain quiet."

This is the direct result of a 1L student who not only got in the faces of a bunch of upperclassmen because the upperclassmen were enjoying themselves (as they have for the last two years) in their normal study spaces. This kid got all aggravated that people were talking, and went and told a librarian. When the librarian intervened, one of the upperclassmen approached the 1L to apologize and explain that the same students had studied, albeit noisily, on that floor for two years, and the 1L might want to find a new place to study if it bothered him (believe me, we do not want for study spaces in this building). The 1L then proceeded to insult the upperclassmen in all sorts of ways. Other upperclassmen intervened, and the 1L went to a Dean and tattled that people had "threatened him." Yes... A gang of rebel law students had "threatened" him in the mutha-fukin law library. Okay...

Im starting to agree with my new favorite blog in describing some of these 1Ls as "douchetastic douchenozzles."

A little environmental ranting...

Hey there. The world is ending. Do something. And try not to drive yourself while you do it.

I read a beautiful article, "If only gay sex caused global warming."

"NO ONE seems to care about the upcoming attack on the World Trade Center site. Why? Because it won't involve villains with box cutters. Instead, it will involve melting ice sheets that swell the oceans and turn that particular block of lower Manhattan into an aquarium.

The odds of this happening in the next few decades are better than the odds that a disgruntled Saudi will sneak onto an airplane and detonate a shoe bomb. And yet our government will spend billions of dollars this year to prevent global terrorism and … well, essentially nothing to prevent global warming."

Its worth reading.

Interesting from a psychological perspective how we (and by we, I mean a GOP-run government) are not smart enough as a human species to take steps to prevent something as oncoming and threatening as this problem.

Meanwhile, "many of Earth's lifeforms are far more sensitive to subtle climate changes than us temperature-controlling, high-tech-home-dwelling humans, and some scientists fear that the planet is poised to lose 10-50% of its species. Global warming is introducing temperatures that haven't been felt in 24 million years. 'We may very well already be on the breaking edge of a wave of mass extinctions.'" Thanks Towleroad.

Then there is also the fun news ice is melting at unprecedented rates in the North Pole. There goes Santa. "This situation is unlike anything observed in previous record low-ice seasons. It is highly imaginable that a ship could have passed from Spitzbergen or Northern Siberia through what is normally pack ice to reach the North Pole without difficulty. If this anomaly continues, the Northeast Passage, or 'Northern Sea Route' between Europe and Asia will be open over longer intervals of time, and it is conceivable we might see attempts at sailing around the world directly across the summer Arctic Ocean within the next 10 to 20 years."

And the most recent:
"Global Warming: Polar bears drowning due to melting Arctic icepack; Gore says tax pollution, not payrolls; Bush officials tried to suppress federal scientist from discussing the link between global warming and hurricanes." Thanks Towleroad.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Dont Drink the Water" Dave Matthews Band,
Before These Crowded Streets

Want to know what its like to have two Dads?

Doesnt seem like this kid minds much. Ahhh... Europe.

Today I officially became a Christian

Granted, I have officially been "Catholic" since the 8th grade, but that's neither here nor there.

At 8:45 this morning, I officially took on the name that you all know (and love?) me by. I have gone by "Christian" for over 6 years now, and it was just time to make that official. I didnt realize how important this would be for me until I was standing in front of the judge, shaking a abit in anticipation. It was actually really exciting. Standing there saying, "This is who I am, who I want to be."

Nice way to start a day.

In Honor of National Talk Like a Pirate Day

Seriously one of my favorite holidays!

My pirate name is:

Red William Rackham

Passion is a big part of your life, which makes sense for a pirate. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Margaritas at the Office

I just bumped into my boss for the first time in a while. Actually, to say that he is my boss is a bit of a jump. He's my boss' boss' boss. So he's perhaps a few ranks up there. Anyway, it reminded me of an interesting story I have yet to share:

About a week back, we had our Mexican Independence Day celebration at the office with a salsa and guacamole competition and margaritas starting at 3pm. It was a total blast, but I may have learned a quick and dirty lesson about drinking at the office. Then again, I may not have.

I think that my comments had far more to do with being bone-headed than they had to do with Tequila, but Im sure the Tequila helped.

I'm standing with some of the newer attorneys, chatting about things, when someone mentions that one of the Profs at her old law school slept with one of the students. Halfway through the story, the Big Boss joins the conversation, and we are all kinda joking about the situation. And I say blithely, "Well, isnt that every student's dream, to hook up with one of their Professors?" My Big Boss turns to me and says, "Umm... Christian, you realize I teach at your school, right?"

Ummm. Awkward?

Better still was when he later walked into a conversation I was having with a few of the female senior attorneys about shaving our legs.

Yep. Tequila at work is a good idea. I cant wait for the Wine and Cheese party next Friday.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Hello Again" Hoobastank,
Hoobastank

This is why I freakin LOVE Spain!

God I miss this place.

Two Air Force Privates Wed in Seville, Spain

This is precisely why, whenever someone starts going on about "America as the Greatest Country on Earth" I start feeling like a debate.

Right now, Spain seems like the place to be.

Closing Credit Cards

Now that the student loans have come in, and I have had the chance to pay off most of the debt from this last summer, it is once again time to close off some credit cards. Why exactly is it that while you HAVE a credit card, it feels like you are being gang-raped by a toolbox, but when you finally want to close a card, it is like you are clubbing a baby seal?

"Well, we at Discover have enjoyed our relationship, and we're sorry to see you go."

Fuck yeah you've enjoyed the relationship. Glad one of us has. Geez.

Funny, the last time I was on the phone with Discover I was trying to figure out why my interest rate had suddenly skyrocketed. "Not a whole lot I can tell you. I think your intro rate is just over..." Gee thanks... It was June, and my intro rate was NOT over... At that point, I was carrying a decent amount on the card, knowing that I had a Zero percent rate until October of this year, and had paid meticulously on time so that I wouldnt lose that rate. Then, all of a sudden, Im paying 25% on WAY too much balance. I freaked, opened a new card with a new intro rate for Zero, and paid $80 to transfer the balance. Shit.

So tonight I call Discover:

Sweetest Operator on Earth who likens my closing my account to Kitten Genocide: "Can I ask why you would like to close your account?"

ME: "Cause ya'll jacked up my rate on me, and I got screwed and scared and took my money elsewhere."

SOE: "That's just horrible. Well, I can take your rate back down now, if I can get you to come back to us, we'd hate to lose you..."

ME: (inner monologue) OMG YOU FUCKING HATEFUL BITCH! I HATE YOU AND ALL YOU STAND FOR!!! (actually spoken) Ummm... No. Thanks though.


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Drop Dead Gorgeous" Republica,
Republica

This Alcohol paid for by the Minnesota State Government

So. Alcohol is one of the only things that keeps law students sane. That is a well proven, infallible truth. It allows us to flush out the mental anguish of a semester/week/day/morning without the psychoanalysis that would surely only serve to crush our spines with additional debt. But my alcohol usage is now measurable on another level: economic.

I am still working as a clerk at my government job from the summer. I love it, but I am now half-time at government pay, which doesnt come out to all that much. Nonetheless, I got paid this last Friday and was happily looking forward to the added bump in my financial fitness.

I went to go check my statement this morning, and saw no change from earlier this week. "Hmmm... That's wierd," I think to myself. I go to see what's up.

Yep, I got paid.

Oh.

Turns out that in the last 5 days or so, I have drank enough to nullify this week's paycheck. That's a lot of beer. Granted, I threw a party last night, and am on a Social Committee charged with pulling off all the school's many parties (which can also get expensive), but that's still a lot of beer.

Good thing: Im not drinking myself into indebtedness.

Bad thing: Well, I really dont see a downside here, actually. I cant possibly think of anything more worthwhile or valuable for me to spend my money on right now, so rock on, I guess. I'll just have to remember to thank the State of Minnesota for funding my binge drinking. (looks like Pawlenty missed that when he was "balancing the budget... hahahaha... sucker)

BOOOO!!!

The "coffee date" turned into a "platonic, show you around my corporate office" thing. Booo!!! I dont know how this turned out like that. Booo!!!

Damnit. I was excited about this thing too.

Ready

Wow... Here's a good feeling.

For the first time in about a month, I feel like I am ready for the day ahead of me. I have had an astoundingly busy few days for the last while, and I feel like I am reeling a little from it, but am recovering quickly. Allow me to take note: I can do this. All of this. Its always nice to have moments like this. You need them, otherwise the despair can overtake you faster than you might imagine.

But I made it. Im still standing. I am heading toward another work-filled weekend, but Ive resigned myself to the normality of that mediocre fact. But I will make it to that weekend, catch up and be just fine. Then to another week... But I'll make it. That's nice to know


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"El Amor de Mi Vida" Ricky Martin,
La Historia

Coffee Date

Just too bad I dont drink coffee...

Soo, I have a coffee date with a super cute guy that I met while I was in Duluth two weekends ago. I met him through a friend at the super quaint Pride festivities, and next thing I know, he is being adorable on stage with some lesbians toddler. Totally melted me right then and there... Since I didnt really know him and am somewhat gutless with guys, I determined to get his phone number later that night.

At the bar, I saw him again, and we started chatting. He goes to the MBA program right across the street from my school, and I invited him to participate in our LGBT/Ally group. He gave me his email, and then ended up coming to our first meeting (which I ended up leading... looking all "authoritative" as my friends put it). Well, after a couple quick emails yesterday and today, and two very very busy schedules, it looks like we are making time to grab coffee on Thursday. Im all giddy. It's cute. I'll update with how it goes.

Its interesting. For how much I screw around, I dont date much. I forget how much fun ACTUALLY getting to know someone can be.


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
No Music: ITunes is updating

A day of High highs and Low lows...

Hey there. Long time no write. School's been busy. Life's been fun. Time to regain some sanity, time to write down some of whatever is sloshing around in my head. And there's a lot of it.

I woke up this morning to a gray and drizzly day. Perfect for the day of work I had ahead of me. I had slept well, and was on my way to getting done some of the Sunday work I had to do when I got hit with a (Mitchell) moment. It has been months since I have had one. I broke up with him nearly a year ago, and I had thought I was over these sort of emotional lapses. Apparently not. Perhaps it was the fall-ish weather that I was seeing, or the idea of settling into another school year of hard work and virtually no dating opportunities, but I got suddenly heartwrenchingly lonely.

On the plus side, I had hidden the photos of (Mitchell) so well that it took me a full 20 minutes to find them. But find them I did. Shit.

There is nothing quite so humbling as to be reminded of your own emotional ineptitude in the middle of all that is going on in your life. I live in a very controlled world, with a lot of controlled things to do, and not a whole lot of variables to throw me off. I kinda like it that way. And to have something from over a year ago still make me feel like I was pushed into highway traffic is truly a reminder of my own humanity.

So, I listened to some music, teared up a little, then made my way to my Cite check for the Law Journal. And if I didnt hate my life before...

From 11am till 4pm I was busy with the mind-wrenchingly painful and meticulous task of finding and correcting errors in Law Journal articles. It actually took my mind off my emotional turmoil of the moment, and I work with some stellar people, so I cant complain too much, but it does suck a lot. I got one article done, with only one more to do next weekend. I guess that's progress.

After a short nap at home I felt better. Sarah and I made our way to the Nickel Creek concert on St. Harriet Island. For those of you who dont know, Nickel Creek is easily one of my favorite bands ever, and this was my third or fourth time seeing them. I actually have one of the guitar picks from the first concert I went to. Im very proud, as I managed to fight off a crowd for it, and, in particular, push over an old man to get it. This concert was even more important to me as it will probably be my last chance to see this band before they split up next year (as was nnounced earlier on their fan listserve--yes, Im that big a fan) (interestingly, for the first time I have seen them there was visible/audible tension between Chris and Sarah. Interesting...) Anyway, the concert was amazing. It was outside, and a bit chilly, but their music was phenominal as always. Sara Watkin's voice is like honey melting into the breeze. Chris Thile had a ton of energy, which always makes their shows a blast. Anyway, I loved it, and grinned like a child the entire time. What a great way to distract myself.

Then, after the concert, I managed with some effort to get the pick SIGNED!!! Chris Thile came over and scribbled on it, and I was giddy like a school girl. Now I just have to figure out what to do with the pick: braid it into my hair, have it embedded into my skin? I seriously love this band that much.

It was an amazing end to an otherwise rather crappy day, and I was very glad to have the companionship of Sarah at the concert and afterward. Definitely helps.

Okay, to bed. Need to update later about Duluth, school, the first bar review, OUTLaw, my newest crush, margaritas at work, and all sorts of other fun stuff.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Somebody More Like You" ARTIST,
Why Should the Fire Die

A great week for Criminal Defense Ideas

In my office, I spend a lot of time trying to overcome certain obstacles. In the end, it all comes down to jury perseptions and so many think, "Why would someone confess to a crime they didnt commit," and "Why would the police lie?" These pressumptions often stand as ugly presdispositions against our clients who may have made some sort of confession, or pissed off a cop enough to get him to make up details about something that may not have ever occurred.

It is a good week for us.

First of all, Slate.com examines the police failure and fraud that led the New York Times to pass judgment far too quickly in the scandal regarding the Duke Lacrosse team. Apparently the cops made some screw ups and have been contradicting themselves throughout the investigation. WHAT? NEVER! And yet, I am willing to bet good money on the fact that when these officer's are called to the stand, they will testify unequivically in the case against the players. There's a lesson to be learned here: Cops are just people, like any one of us, no more or less trustworthy than you or I. We also see a key witness (the other exotic dancer) hedging her exculpatory testimony because the prosecutor is offering her a deal in another case... Not unusual in the least: she's essentially being bribed not to exonerate the defendants.

Secondly, turns out that wierdo crazy-person John Mark Karr made a false confession in the JonBenet Ramsey case. Why? Who knows... But false confessions happen. People may be intimidated by authoritites interrogating them, they may have some sort of delusional psychosis, they may be high and/or intoxicated during questioning... We are watching a tape in my Evidence class where the defendant alledgedly confessed immediately after his brother died... But listening to the tape there is no doubt that this guy was grief-striken and definitivel beyond himself... But juries largely believe anything that is touted as a "confession." At least in the Karr case (as opposed to the Duke Lacrosse case) the prosecutor recognized that he didnt have a case and dismissed the charges.

Maybe these stories will help remind people that our system of justice is not infallible.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Untitled" Fuel,
Sunburn

Making strides

One of my favorite blogs posted this photo:

The ad reads: "We have always been a part of this community. Gay and straight, we play ball together, and see each other at the barbershop and church. It's time to treat us with the love we deserve."

This is being sponsored by an organization called WeArePartofYou.org, which I think is simply incredible. It is taking a strong, non-political, simple stance of that old fashioned, "We're here, we're queer..." be nice to us. HUGE props to this group. I hope this stuff starts getting disseminated throughout the urban communities of the U.S.

4:30am Wakeup

Well, it's now 5:30 am, and I am wide awake. In fact I have been for a good hour now. It's not that I went to bed early (I didnt) but rather that every little busy thought I have been trying to hide in the back of my head all of a sudden *poof* surfaced in my consciousness and suddenly my mind is racing in about a hundred different directions about a hundred different things.

Acceptance is key. I can't quiet my mind, so I might as well listen to it. I've had a couple really good ideas already this morning. So, Im not going to fight the early morning wake up, although this is going to make my already 12-hour long day really really really long.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Cautioners" Jimmy Eat World,
Bleed American

Lawyer Joke Dreams

Its rather amazing that even after 19-some years of education, now working on my terminal degree, I still have "first day of school" nightmares.

I woke up last night at about 2am when I got freaked out about a dream I was having. I had fallen off a boat in the Caribbean, and was surrounded by sharks. Funny enough, I wasnt scared of them, but just worried about getting some sort of project done without disturbing them. I didnt awake thinking, "Damn, that was scary," but rather, "Damn, that was wierd..."

If there was ever an Id-like reference to lawyer jokes, it was this.

Welcome back to law school.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Send me on My Way" Rusted Root,
When I Woke

Once again with the Venezuelans...

Who-boy. I have a lot I feel like I need to write about. Head is going a bit too fast, mostly because classes start up again tomorrow and I feel like Im not going to have much opportunity to sit and relax and write after that. (which, of course, is completely paranoid as I tend to write more when I am stressed and have a lot going on)

I spent most of the day yesterday at an orientation for the Law Journal. It was largely non-painful, and I think I am going to be able to handle the work-load involved. Good group of people. I managed to stick my foot incredibly far down my throat at one point in the day, but Im sure no one gave a second thought to it (except, of course me, as I like to dwell on things I cannot change...). After bowling with the Journalers for a little while, I went home, took a nice long nap, and went out with my roommate-to-be, Sarah.

It was splendid. She has some amazing friends, and I had some kick-ass conversations throughout the night. Its so nice to have a roommate who has friends, does things with them, and is overall fun to be around. My current roommate is benign, but deadly anti-social and boring. Its all good though, he's only around for another 4 days or so. Whooppeee!!!

It was also nice that Sarah has a bunch of gay friends (or friends of friends or whatever). I was looking forward to making new friends, but when I showed up, it was a crowd that I already knew! It was the same group as from Anthony's Bachelor party, so as a consequence, I had already made-out with about half of them (God, that night was fun)! Funny though, there was a circle of about ten of us gays sitting outside, and this Pakistani girl who had kinda been flirting with me came out and joined us. She was there for about ten minutes before someone said something about "all us gay guys." She looks straight at me, laughs, and says, "But YOU'RE not gay, right?" Oh sweetheart. "You just dont look gay to me..." she continues.

Wow. I need to wear more pink.

Fun though, was that I ended up "sneaking" around the house with this guy from Venezuela, a total hottie. We were trying to be all sly, making out in nooks and crannies, partially because I felt wierd about getting it on in someone else's house, partially because I didnt want people to think that I am a slut (I think the ships sailed on that one), and partially because he had an ex-bf passed out in one of the bedrooms. Anyway, it was that half-drunken, "We think we are being stealthy and no one will notice us as we disappear together" sort of thing... Which was comical for everyone else to watch, and kinda a fun little juvenile adventure for us. It was like we were waiting for our parents to walk in on us at any moment. And of course, when I came downstairs, I couldnt even try to keep a straight face with Sarah. I just erupted with laughter.

And there is nothing like a Venezuelan man. Ahhh... the memories.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Asunto Sexual" Caramelos de Cianuro,
Miss Mujerzuela

My tweezers

"Today on Christian's blog, we are going to learn soemthing really gay about him: He loves his tweezers."

Now, Im just waiting for the masturbatory jokes about "loving" tweezers, but I'll set that aside for now. I am an avid eye-brow plucker: I dont tweeze for a straight and girly thin line of hair, but rather to aviod the promagnum-man look of the unibrow. I started plucking when I was about 16 (shortly before I came out) and was encouraged by the mother of a guy (hottie) in my youth group who would regularly wax the eyebrows of a bunch of the guys in the youth group. (Ironically, this same youth group kicked me out when I did come out of the closet... "Please, you people are the ones who have been waxing my eyebrows for the last year and a half... And you're concerned about MY gay activities?")

Anyway, I lent my sister my favorite tweezers while we were at the family reunion two weeks ago (remarking loudly and half-drunkenly in front of the conservative relatives, "Honey, of course I have tweezers, I AM gay!"). I am 90% certain that my sister returned the tweezers to me, as she knows better than to gank my things. (I once got into a blow-out, end-of-the-world fight with my father when he refused to return one of my precious, beloved G2 pens in a timely fashion... My sister knows how I get...) So, I think that I must have failed to put these tweezers back in my own bag. Shit.

So, upon discovering that I am tweezer-less, I went to Walgreen's and checked out their selection. I actually ended up buying two "professional grade" types, figuring one of them HAD to work. Not so.

These low grade, horrid excuses for beauty products are both too sharp for their own good, which means they will sever the hair, leaving **TaaDaa** a deep, dark, inexcessible root in the middle of my eyebrow line. This proceeds to piss me off, making me try to gouge out the root with these sharp little tweezers, and before you know it I look like some sort of tractor accident.

At this point, I am actually thinking about calling the rental company of the place we stayed and asking if they found my beloved tweezers. I wonder what kind of reaction THAT would get?

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"I am in Love with You" Imogen Heap,
Speak for Yourself

My Own Advice for the 1L Class

As everyone else has written there own foreboding warnings to the entering classes of First Year Law students (1Ls), I figured I should throw in my own advice, especially since mine seems to be contrary to everyone else's words of wisdom. I actually learned to enjoy my first year of law, although I can't say it was easy to get to that point. But the hard stuff were all the personal issues that I had to deal with this last issue, not the schoowork, classes or professors.

A lot of people dwell on how painful law school is. "Run while you can." "The Beatings will Continue Until Morale Improves..." While I understand the frustration that is the source of such warnings, I dont think it helps anyone. So here are my own words of wisdom:

You will only be as miserable as you make yourself.

The best advice that I received going into law school was "Dont let other's stress become your own." And truly, that is half the battle. For those of us (all law students) who are used to being at the top of the class, it can be grueling to feel yourself compared (on a forced curve even) with students who are definitively smarter than you. So let it go. It doesnt matter anyway. Some of the students I know who spent the most time in the library were the ones who did poorest, whether through mental break-down or simple overstudying.

Sooo... Learn to balance, enjoy yourself... You'll make it. Perhaps you'll even have some fun along the way. I spent a good portion of yesterday trying to relate similar messages to the 1Ls at my own school, and I can only hope that they were listening.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Dancing Through Life" Original Broadway Cast,
Wicked

Ive lived in Number 1 and Number 2...

Forbes.com - Rates America's Drunkest Cities

Next up, it's got to be Columbus, Boston or Austin... I think of those three, Boston is a safe bet...

(Oh, and Props to Dan the Jew who grew up in Milwaukee, went to undergrad in Minneapolis, and is now in law school in Boston... not sure he is as proud as I would be of this article accomplishment)

Role Models

An opinion about Why Do We Want Ian Thorpe to be Gay? emphasizes the need for good solid role models for gay teens. (and he's solid in more than on e way, mmmkay!)

I couldn't agree more. But then, as far as Im concerned, all the young queers of this country should just look to me as their role model. There. I said it.

What if 9/11 Never Happened

In catching up on my reading from this last week, I have noticed a number of articles online about what the world would be like if 9/11 had never ocurred. The speculations shouldnt surprise anyone, and I dont care to speculate any further. However, I do wish to write about the overall effect of 9/11.

Perhaps it is people's continued dwelling on the 9/11 attacks that puzzles me. Statements like, "9/11 had 'changed everything'" and that "nothing would ever be the same" simply do not resonate with me. The power of terrorism is in the fear of death. It has driven our country to the brink of madness and back. However, for those who wish to defeat the evil of terrorism, the answer is simple: defeat your own fear. Terrorism becomes powerless in this light.

And yet our country seems more and more enthralled with the power of fear (thanks Fox News) which only serves to make terrorism all the more powerful in our society.

I do not downplay the tragedy of 9/11 and the lives lost (and that continue to be lost) because of that attack. However, our country has become wrapped up in a religious fervour of self-preservation, forgetting the non-violent message of Christ when the reality, at least for those of us who call ourselves Chrsitians, is that death is not to be feared, but welcomed as the passage to the heavenly thereafter.

I know that it is easy to say we dont fear death, and that when faced with such a prospect, most of us can only cower, but shouldnt our country be working more along the lines of instilling bravery and courage in Americans, statements that "We will overcome beat back this threat of hate with the power of love, charity and grace." Wouldnt that be more successful in the long run at ending the cause of terrorism, while disarming its power over us?

9/11 did not change my world. I simply will not allow that. Perhaps it is my own personally zealous, faithful beliefs, but I suppose if you are going to fight zealots, one must be a bit zealous.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Let You Know" Hoobastank,
Hoobastank

A bit more personal

So it is now the Tuesday after my week off, just 6 days before classes start once again for me and mine. The vacation was much needed, and while I come home to loads of work for the Journal, my Editing job, and a large case file I am working on for my real job, it all seems a bit more manageable after having had a week to chill.

Sooo... Two Saturdays ago I flew into Chicago, had lunch with Justine, Karen, and Justine's new found love, Kirk. Kirk was a little odd, but then so is Justine, and she is my best friend. I love her, Im sure I will learn to love him. To his credit, when the bartender made fun of me for ordering a "girly" drink, Kirk, who owns his own restaurant, took it straight to the manager of the restaurant. I wasnt even slightly bothered, but Kirk was, and I admire that. Anyway, Justine and Karen are fabulous as ever and we had a wonderful lunch.

Then took a train downtown, met up with Nate, napped and then went to a house party thrown by his adorable girlfriend, Frances. We had a blast, told absurd jokes and stories and just chilled. We were also joined by Will's old friends Betsy and Ryan, who I think are some of the sweetest people in the world. Betsy willingly becomes the lovable brunt of all jokes. She is an absolute beauty, but some people are just really easy to rib-up a little:

Nate: (says something about how the Gobi desert should be bearable for Will after knowing Betsy)

Betsy: "How am I anything like the Gobi desert?"

Christian: (barely listening up til that point, now piping in) "You're both frigid and barren."

Anyway, we ended up bar hopping and landing in a spot called "Ty's till 4" where we danced till about 4:30 to some of the best music I have heard in a while. Damn fun. It was one of those nights that I was certain I was the best dancer in the room, mostly cause I was at that drunken stage of "invincibility" though: the next morning I realized that I more likely looked like a drunk flailing white guy. No matter, it was still a blast.

After cruising around downtown Sunday with Nate and Frances, I caught a train to Michigan for the family reunion. Staying with Nate is always a blast, and I had a really good time. Thanks buddy!

Once in Michigan, Dad picked me up, and we drove to Douglas, MI where my grandparents had rented a house. Dad and I stayed up late just catching up and talking. Part of me forgets how awesome that is, but then Grandpa said something that made me realize how special that is. Grandpa is somewhat estranged from his son (my uncle) and I think he is envious of the relationship my father and I have. Im pretty lucky that way.

The next few days were very nice. It's interesting, because on this side of the family, there is a bit of feuding, but my branch of the family (Dad, Carey and I) all get along with everyone, so we just get to sit back, enjoy a beer (or several) and watch the drama unfold. I found my way to The Dune's, a local gay bar, almost every night of the week, and that was a nice (if expensive and booty-less) way to just get away from the family element at the end of the day. Kept me sane.

Extremely nice to see my sister, although I dont feel like we truly "connected" over the short time we were together. Usually things click quicker and with less effort for us. It's all good though, we still had fun together. I guess maybe I should have made a better effort. Anna came down for a splendid afternoon in the sun. Great to catch up.

On Thursday I drove Carey's zippy little stick-shift Saab up to TC. I'll tell you, for a car with 260,000 miles on it, it drives damn well. I get a bit jealous. Anyway, I made it up a bit early (read: drove 90), and thought about spending some money on buying Carey a new sound system for her car. I was totally ready to drop some major money, but then the guys at the local Best Buy were HUGE jerks, so I walked. Not something I tolerate well. Bad Best Buy. Bad.

Then to Jeff and Dick's for a wonderful evening with Ian, Justin and Dan. There was another guy there from L.A., but he was pompous and hard to deal with. He started quizzing me on the business plan aspects of my long term dreams... That just seemed so invasive. This is a dream my friend, not something that needs to have data supporting it. Anyway, the night was wonderful as usual, and great to hear the tremendous things Justin and Ian are doing. I would expect nothing less from them.

Friday I woke at Jeff and Dick's palatial log home (for sale... email me if you want to buy a $6 million home) and they made blueberry and banana pancakes before I took off. Then spent some time getting some shopping done along with a haircut. Hopped online and made a new friend in the area, then wound up going to the Double Wide Trailer (gay bar) to meet up with everyone.

The Trailer was interesting because I saw WAY too many people I recognized. Look to the left, there's my old Boy Scout leader. Look to the right, there's my old swim instructor with our maid... Wierd. My hometown is just too small. But it was also nice to catch up with the local crowd. A favorite of mine, Roy, is still all drama, but he has snagged himself quite the handsome man. He's such a dear man.

The next morning I groggily packed my things, went to breakfast with Dad and we drove the convertible down to GR, where I met up with Anna, who drove me the rest of the way to Chicago, where I took the L to the Airport. My plane was late, which was fine except that somewhere near our gate there was a slight dinging alarm that started to arouse some of my more homicidal urges. I just dove into my book, and tried to ignore it. (Im a tumor, Im a tumor... ala Family Guy...)

The NEW roomie gave me a ride back, which was wonderful, as I hadnt seen her in a few weeks. Then wound up at a house party with my friend Mike. Got in a conversation with a guy I was interested in, and proceeded to try and use my best moves on him. Mike gave me the red light a little later that night. "He's not into you..." I am truly puzzled...

"Why wouldnt someone be into me?"

Damn straight!

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Lonely Stranger" Eric Clapton,
Unplugged

Catching Up

hey there. how you doin? wanna go for a ride on my segway?

First to the news:

Anti-Gays show their true colors: Religious Right Defends Domestic Violence. Reinforcing the fact that not only should gay-couples not receive any rights, neither should any unmarried couple receive any benefits from the state. This is reprehensible. If this doesnt offend you, we really aren't friends. (P.S... it's not the defense of a domestic violence defendent that is horrid, as I do that on a daily basis... it's that it is done in connection with the marriage amendments in various states... read the story, you'll see my point).

On a similar note: Learn to screw over the anti-gay American Family Association and get free stuff at the same time! This story put a HUGE dastardly smile on my face yesterday. Let me tell you, everyone in my family is getting "The Chronicles of Narnia" gift set for Christmas. Do this. It's for real.

Andrew Sullivan posted a summation of how I am beginning to feel about the Catholic Church: it is part of my culture, part of who I am. But just like that crazy Aunt who believes she can predict the future, I dont have to agree with it to remember it is a part of who I am.

The Iranians show us exactly what happens to gays and lesbians when you let a theocracy run your country. Turns out Socialist France might be the only place to turn to.

The 3-step rule teaches us proper street-cruising technique. This will definitely help with my daily walks home down Nicolett Mall. All this time, I was doing it all wrong.

"Since 2001, new cases of HIV in the homosexual population... have been rising about 1.9 percent per year." (University of Pittsburgh study) As a former STD prevention worker, this is concerning, but I also have to wonder, how much of that raise is caused by an increase in people self-identifying as "homosexual." Since 2001 there has been a drastic increase in the social (clearly not political) acceptance of sexual differences. While the HIV rate is clearly rising, perhaps it is not as bad as it looks: maybe there are more gay people who are willing to "out" themselves to sex workers.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"The City" Joe Purdy,
Grey's Anatomy Soundtrack

No Social or Political Relevance, but just looks like a hellofa cool time!

Nothing Major...

Dont have much to report this morning... My date canceled last night, so I ended up going to Boom with a friend for dinner and drinks. Was an early night as I had had a long (but nice) day. I decided early on that I was going to sleep in.

So, sleep in I did, waltzing into work about an hour and a half late. I'll make up the time another day.

Tomorrow I fly out to Chicago, spend the weekend there, then take a train to Michigan for the family reunion, then drive to Traverse City for a quick meet-up with some of mybest friends, then back to Chicago next Saturday to fly back. Fun stuff. Have a good week ya'll!


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Nothing Better" The Postal Service,
Give Up

Feeling Good???

Yawn... Perhaps I should have stayed home today. Cloudy day... Woke up to my roommate darting into the bathroom (late) so I had to sit and wait for him, because he slept in. Shitty roommate thing to do.

I couldn't figure out why I had a sour day at work yesterday until I talked with my Pops last night: I had spent the entire day looking through some 800 pages of text reading all about what a shitty life our client has had. This (alleged) gang shit is scary. To spend my entire day immersed in it was mentally and emotionally draining. Perhaps that's an indication of something...

Found a new blog today, and I developed an insta-crush on one of the writers, Josh K. He's a local, and seems to have a great eye for appreciating the beauty of the area, and what Minneapolis has to offer. Click for his blog: Josh and Josh are Rich and Famous.

I have a busy night tonight: Happy Hour with the Law Bitches, then a meeting for the law journal, then a date with this guy. He's a model-type, so Im not sure about that, but Im at the point where I am open to meeting someone and just hanging out and seeing if we click, no biggie. Besides, as of Sunday I'll be in Michigan with the family, and I dont think I'll be getting much "gay exposure" for the week. Then I get back and get thrown into the law school roll within a week. WEEE! Here we go again! My point is just that I might as well take advantage of a date while I can (and by "take advantage of a date," I of course mean ruffies).

Apparently hair dye can give you cancer. Shit, I doomed myself in high school... It was worth it, of course, just to be voted "Best Hair." The article says, "Its still safer than crossing the street or driving..." That's exactly my take on this cancer shit: everything gives it to you, Im young, Im gonna live my life. I read an article about a year ago that the acid in tomatoes can increase the growth rate of some cancers... While my recent "nipple scare" sucked, it is not going to make me change my life. Maybe Im an idiot that way. But Im a happy idiot.

Finally, both the StarTribune and the Pioneer Press had a front page story today about a man who was brutally beaten to death in an out-state jail when he was placed with a homicidal cell-mate. The man had been jailed pending a gross-misdemeanor arraignment for his third ticket for driving without insurance. He had no other criminal history. Its an incredibly sad story, and I truly hope that it starts a push to reform the smaller jails around the state. Something like that could (practically) never happen here, as offenders are (supposed to be) sorted by offense type, and there are no shared cells. But nevertheless, hopefully this will also push judges to look more at the negative consequences of keeping someone locked up pending trial, rather than constantly fearing what would happen if they let that person out on minimal bail. This poor family...

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Name" Goo Goo Dolls,
A Boy Named Goo

Without a doubt the funniest take on Mel-Gate

I'm Mel Gibson and I don't hate Jews. I actually said "I Hate Juice"

Keeping Busy

Im going to a family reunion all of next week, so will be away from my desk for a while, so I am kicking my own ass this week to try to get shit done. I have a murder file staring at me that is about 4" high, and I have about 7 motions to write on that before I go. Most of them are going to be complete stinkers, but especially with murder cases, we throw everything at them that we can, good bad or ugly... (and most of it is pretty ugly, not going to lie).

The last few days have been pretty nice. Sunday I pulled a "Carrie Bradshaw" and went on a "date" with my city. My date was wonderful. First we went to mass for the first time in a while, then just meandored around downtown for a little while. I have learned to deal with "his" flaws and inadequacies: the crazy people and homeless wandering around on a Sunday afternoon. But I also love when "he" surprises me with something grand and unexpected: there was an art fair that I wandered through after buying some frames for my Photo Thesis (the one Ive literally had thumb-tacked to my wall for the last year). We had our laughs, and my "date" even had a way of making me feel good about myself: there is nothing that makes me feel skinnier than going pant shopping -- apparently most men are either fatter or shorter than I. I wear a 34x34, which is apparently unusual... Sizes for my pant length are usually MUCH bigger in the waist, and sizes for my pant waist are usually fairly shorter in length. Which either makes me a freak, or smile about my body (which doesnt happen much). It was a wonderful afternoon to be alone with my "date" and just chill. Just what I needed.

Monday I went to Eau Claire, WI to knock on doors asking people to vote against the marriage amendment there. As I have mentioned before, as a Marquette graduate, this thing hits pretty close to home for me. It was an interesting social excursion, and I definitely met a demographic of people I dont normally come into contact with. I suppose its a good idea to remind myself every once in a while that these people exist, and are still out there. While our group as a whole (which knocked on some 240 doors) had much more positive feedback than negative, that did not happen to be the case with me. I dealt with more than my share (literally) of people who were overtly scared or resentful of "the gays" and had about 8 houses tell me that "No matter what the amendment does to straight people (as it has negative repercutions for non-married straights), what's important to me is that gays can't get married." I also had one woman refer to me as a "monkey." Here's how that went:

Woman with huge breasts and children running everywhere (WHB): "If you choose to be gay, there's no reason that I need to respect such a disgusting choice."

Me: "So if you think being gay is a choice, may I ask you when you chose to be straight?"

WHB: *gasp* "What do you mean...? How dare you? If God designed people to be gay, then they could have kids."

Me: "Do you think that there is any chance that God could have a bigger plan than you realize?"

WHB: "Excuse me?"

Me: "Perhaps gays are God's solution to the overpopulation problem in our world."

WHB: "Ive never heard anything like that... Gays are just unnatural. God wouldn't create anything like that."

Me: "Are you aware that there are thousands of documented cases of homosexuality occuring in nature?"

WHB: "What are you, some kinda monkey?" *slams door and proceeds to scream about the encounter so loud to whoever else was in her house that I thought her big ol' boyfriend was gonna come out and attack me...*

I mean, how DARE I come to her house and question her beliefs? Especially when it is ONLY about an amendment that would permanently divest me of rights in Wisconsin. How DARE I!?! (on the plus side, this woman wasnt even a registered voter... she just happened to have moved into the previous residence of someone who was).

In another encounter I was speaking to a woman who was very much in favor of the amendment and I mentioned that this same amendment had been used in Ohio to strip unmarried women of domestic-abuse protections (as shielding them from abusive boyfriends would be recognizing a relationship "same or similar to marriage"). This woman said clearly, "If they're not married, that's their fault. Who are these people who think its okay to live together without getting married and then whine to us about it. If you love someone enough to live with them, you should get married."

I pointed out to her that it actually sounded like she very much supported gay marriage rights. She didnt like that much. (I also pointed out that forcing people to get married so that they could be protected by the government might actually DEGRADE the institution of marriage... She didnt seem to like that argument either).

The whole encounter made me understand just a little bit more how much work has yet to be done, and why people make comments like this (comparing homosexuality with murder and cannabalism).

It was nice to get out and DO something about this issue. It was healthy to get a taste of the "real world" away from the utopian big city life and academia. Anyway, back to that utopia, I have to get to work on this homicide. (note the irony)


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Jesusland" Ben Folds,
Songs for Silverman

The Question I want to ask God...

Life comes with a series of questions that we may not know the answers to until we reach heaven, at which time God will answer all the things that have been puzzling us so that we may truly be at rest. Last night I came upon a really good one:

"How does a gay guy pick up another gay guy at a straight bar?"

I LOVE straight bars. If I had my druthers, I would never set foot in a gay bar. But as it turns out, I'd never ever get laid that way. I was out with some buddies on Friday at a straight bar and had a truly engaging discussion about Crime and Punishment, the War in Lebanon, and some other rather intriguing issues. I cant tell you the last time I had a conversation of any substance beyond, "He's hot." "Yeah, he is." at a gay bar (actually it was October, when I met some new friends at Boom for showtune night, but that hasnt happened in months). But this entry isnt about me hating gay bars, its about me prefering straight bars.

EXCEPT ... how the hell do you pick up someone without getting your ass kicked in the process? At one point last night, a guy walked by and held eye contact with me for an extremely long time. Killer handsome. And in watching him closely, I was able to figure out that he plays for my team (I think). So now what. Technically he made the first move by holding eye contact, so it is now up to me. "Your line..."

Maybe its a bit of internalized homophobia that I am not comfortable walking up to someone and saying, "Hey, you're cute, and I was wondering if you happen to be gay." I mean, if I truly believe there is nothing wrong with being gay, NOONE should ever be insulted by such an approach. But I see great potential for ass-kicking there. I mean even last night I was outside having a cigarette when three guys come out. The last of the three looks at the other two and says, "You're gay, and you're gay," so as to chide them for some sort of misdeed. As I was standing there, I said, "And Im gay..." in a rather, "your point being?" way. The guy looks at me and says, "Oh, its cool." Gee, I think, thanks for your approval. After insulting me to my face, I was really hoping that you would tell me that you're not going to attack me too.

On that note, however, I would prefer to deal with that sort of ignorance, than the ignorance that seems to pervade the "youngest" gays. Ive written on that before.

So once again: Ive found a guy who's cute, potentially gay, and has made first contact. Now what? One of life's mysteries.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Dandy Life" Collective Soul,
Dosage

Second Major Attack on Gays in as many weeks

There is strong sociological evidence that supports the inference that as the populace receives messages that it is okay to hate on a particular minority group in a political sense, acts of violence rise against that minority group. I dont have time to cite my research on this right now, but its out there, and its a pretty common sense conclusion: while even the middle-of-the-road politicians may be saying, "Marriage = man and woman," nut jobs out there hear, "Its okay to beat up fags."

Thus, in a political atmosphere that is increasingly focusing on gay marriage (again) for the election, we have had two very scary incidents of hate crimes in various parts of the country. (see San Diego story) This shit is scary.

This is straight off another site (Towleroad.com):

Sorry to bring you so much violent, ugly news this week but I think it's important that these incidents get as much visibility as possible.

Police in New Mexico report that a woman and a gay man were kidnapped and beaten for hours last weekend during a party at a mobile home in rural Edgewood.

The two victims met up with another woman and one of their attackers before driving to the party. That woman left the party early, but confirmed to police that those who attacked the two victims used anti-gay language toward the man and taped part of the party on a cell phone.
After reportedly threatening to throw their victims into a yard full of "several large barking dogs" they took them to a camper parked in the yard of the mobile home and that is where an all-night torture began:

While some of the partygoers tied up the gay man with rope and began hitting him, "Uriah told them that this was a kidnapping and they were not going to die yet," according to the warrant. A female from the party lifted the woman's head and kicked her in the face, the warrant says. The woman said she felt her nose break, the warrant says.

"(The woman) was not tied up, but was held in the camper for most of the night while all of the male subjects kept hitting, kicking, slapping and knocking (the gay man) down," the warrant states. "The male subjects would knock (the gay man) down and if he did not get up off of the ground within a certain count or if he would make any noise, they would jump on him, hitting and kicking him.

"This continued all night until the sun was about to come up."

Said Prosecutor Donna Dagnall: "It's pretty clear to us that his homosexuality was the reason for the beating."

The male victim suffered "bleeding on the brain and a concussion as well as facial lacerations and bruising" and has been released from a hospital. The female victim did not require hospitalization, according to reports.

Two men, age 17 and 21, are in custody, and have been charged with "two counts of kidnapping, aggravated battery causing great bodily injury, false imprisonment and conspiracy." Another has not yet been apprehended. The three will be charged with hate crimes.

Reasons why I freakin love Will!!

No Gobi, No Gobi, No Gobi, No Gobi, No Gobi

So 20 minutes after last night's last post I was feeling way better. I ended up calling my best friend, Will, who is serving in the Peace Corps in Mongolia. I have lived on various continents, but it is still surprising to me that I can use my cell phone, a $20 phone card, and call this guy in the most remote part of the planet on his cell. Pretty amazing to think about.

I remember first meeting Will in a horrible Journalism class we ended up together. We all wondered for a very short time if he was gay (he's not) and he and I ended up hanging out for a while, and being an essential member of my 21st birthday crew. We became fast friends over my junior year, and when I went to Spain, I seemed to call him a ton, just cause he had a way of balancing me out with his sense of humor. Making even the most extreme situations seem like just another day (important on days that feel like catastrophe has hit: ie. the Madrid bombings). He is also one of those friends that I can share everything with without fear of judgment, but also knowing that he will call me out on my shit if I stray too far from the ethical values he knows I try to live by.

One of Will's best qualities is his rather crude sense of humor. There is a very small circle of people who actually "get" Will and his style of humor, but once you do, it is deadly. We laughed throughout our conversation last night, about things both trivial and important to us both. It felt good. Laughing at one's own life can have an incredibly healing power.

About half of the music I currently listen to comes from Will's music library. In fact the song I am listening to right now. I remember him trying to "expose" one of my other dear friends, D, to Tool's particularly hard music during our roadtrip down to Florida. Turns out she was perfectly familiar, and it became just one more thing they ended up bickering about. That road trip was one of the only things I remember clearly from that trip: we at least refrained from drinking while we drove...

Will's also wicked smart. Loves challenging you on your views, and we had some of the best conversations of my life about politics, love, philosophy, whatever... I remember wanting to bust his head open on his views on hate-crime legislation and feeling completely daunted by his views on affirmative action. Through our debates, I have been able to craft my own views from "naively liberal," to "debatingly moderate, with liberal tendencies." What a gift to get from a friend: wisdom and understanding.

My grandfather often said to me when I was a lonely youngster (I was *shockingly* not very popular before I hit highschool) that one good friend is far better than 10 decent ones. I dont know that I believed him until I met Will.

No Gobi, No Gobi, No Gobi, No Gobi, No Gobi

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Disconnected (Out of Touch)" Trapt,
Someone in Control

tired thoughts

Its getting later in the evening, and I am exhausted from this (great) day.... But that's when these thoughts tend to haunt me:

I had something really cool to celebrate. And I feel like no one to celebrate with.

It's that loneliness creeping back in.

I just wish that at the end of such an incredible day like this I could have shared my victory with someone on the level I continue to search for. Dont get me wrong. I had plenty of people to call and brag to... but no one to come home to who would revel in not just my success but the shared success of a shared life.

Im starting to think back to Nebraska, and wondering if I should drop him a line. Perhaps its an uncharacteristic move, but it felt SO good when I was with him for that FLASH week of getting to know him. I'd also like to know what the hell happened...

Its probably a bad idea. I'll probably wake up tomorrow and remember how much I love the life I lead, how incredible I am, how patient I must be, how faithful I need to be... but for right now, I just want to be held.


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"23" Jimmy Eat World,
Futures

Big day for me

Wow. That was cool! I can't wait till I win my first trial!

I got the chance to make my very first arguments in front of a court today. They were small, but important: way cool! I was doing felony arraignments with one of the lawyers I have buddied up with, and she gave me three cases to argue after we interviewed the in-custody clients.

Here's what you have to understand about felony arraignments and our office (the PDs). Felony means "serious" crimes. Arraigment means arguing bail. The PDs office means that your clients can almost never ever pay any type of bail, as they are broke. So the only real chance of getting our clients out, which of course is the goal, is getting an NBR (no bail required). Except judges hate doing that, because with serious crimes, it looks bad to release someone without at least some sort of bail hanging over their head. So we RARELY get clients out during felony arraignments. In fact, I have heard other clerks gripe about not wanting to argue them, because they are futile.

Well, I did okay.

Actually, I got 2 out of my 3 clients released.

The sheriff's deputies were actually rooting me on at one point. Felt pretty damn cool. My first case was a homeless guy in on terroristic threats. The biggest problem there was not the charge (as terroristic threats is a trumped up, stupid ass charge in the first place) but the fact that this guy cant be pinned down to one location. The judge even wanted to make it a condition of his release that he give an address. I fought on that and won too. "The incident charged here did not even begin with my client, but with a fight instigated by the complaintant. My client has no history of violence and there is not even the inference that he might pose a threat to society if released..." I win!

My second client was in on a felony DWI charge. This means he has at least 4 DWI's in his history. Thanks to MAD, the judges always try to appear as harsh as possible on these. However he had no criminal history besides alcohol related offenses, and we were willing to have him put on alco-sensor (constantly monitors your BAC), so my argument was that there was no threat so long as he was sober, and alco-sensor would assure us of that. Here the prosecutor was relying on the fact that TWO OTHER JUDGES had refused to NBR this guy.... And yet, I through in some good biographical info and... I still WIN!!! Yeah!!

I came back to the office and was getting high-fives from some of the lawyers, my bosses... Felt pretty damn good. At one point one of the supervisors said something along the lines of, "...future in this office..." Wow. That feels damn good!

Im going to go play in the sun for a bit!

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"When in Rome" Nickel Creek,
Why Should the Fire Die

A plea to your consciences

Okay people:

I havent written in a while, not because there hasnt been much going on, but more because so much has. I will update later today after I get back from court. But first:

I know a bunch of you are from Wisconsin. I have this fancy Sitemeter thing now that shows me generally where you are all from. Thanks for reading. I love my beer and cheese state. I consider it very much a second home.

The Pioneer Press printed an article on Monday about the marriage amendment that is on the ballot in Wisconsin this fall. This stuff makes me so incredibly sad. It is hard not to take it personal. This movie short somewhat sums up the frustration.

So here is what I am asking: Do something. If not for yourself, do it for me. I am thinking about taking a field trip with some Wisconsinite friends into one of the western cities of WI one of these weekends to do some door-to-door campaigning. Please figure out someway to help, and make it happen. Here is the main website for the NO campaign: FairWisconsin.com. This is SO important. Courts have stopped invalidating these amendments, so if this passes, it will be around for a very very long time.

Thank you. I know you'll take this stand with me.


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Actually It's Darkness" IdleWild,
100 Broken Windows