Voices from the Past

I went to the local gay bar in my hometown last night for a little while with my father (yeah, he rocks) and after he left I ended up chilling out with an old buddy. I did a favor for this guy years back at Christmas, and he's pretty well convinced that I'm the second-coming. We sat and caught up for a while, but it didn't take him too long to get drunk enough to begin telling me what a great guy he thinks I am, and that I deserve all the joys in life, etc. etc. It was actually really what I needed at that moment. Someone to remind me to be patient, stick to my guns, and everything will fall into place (see last post). And let's be honest: it never hurts to have someone rave about you for a little while. I think I need to put this guy on speed dial for when I'm feeling down.

Along those same lines, I have gotten a couple of emails recently bringing me back to my time at Marquette University. As I understand it, I was mentioned during the mid-year graduation speech as the tour guide who inspired the speaker to come to Marquette, and was a shining example of everything Marquette should be. It's a pretty cool thing to be reminded of the mark I left on that community. Plus I finally made it into a Senior Speech.

(Back story: I was originally selected to be the graduation speaker for my graduation, but the President of the University overrode the committee's decision (and a couple of his Deans) because he thought that I was uncontrollable and couldn't be counted on to stick to my speech. True, I had, at that point, recently helped stage University-wide protest of the dumb-ass decision to name our athletic teams the "Gold"... but they had reversed that decision by graduation. Ahh well... I knew what I was risking and I took one for the team in the name of integrity)

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"These Are the Days" 10,000 Maniacs,
Our Time in Eden

Success and Happiness

In my youth, my mother posted a saying on one of our kitchen cabinets, where it remains to this day:

"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."

Lately I have been riding myself pretty hard about what I lack in my own life. When visiting my cousins these last couple of days, I joked self-derogatorily about my inability to find and hold onto a boyfriend. My elder cousins have all paired off and found wonderful spouses. Even some of the younger ones are showing me up in the relationship department. It's easy to look around the room and feel like your whole life doesn't measure up to the glamour of those partnerships.

One of my cousins-in-law gave me a wake-up call though: "Look around this room," he said. "Who among your cousins, or even their spouses, has the job prospects that you have? It seems to me that you are doing pretty well for yourself right about now."

I've had to concede recently that I have sacrificed a lot in terms of social-life and relationship prospects so that I could pursue my goals through law school. I have had to put my hobbies on hold. I'm not as fit as I currently would like to be. And yet I lead a very happy life. I'm surrounded by great people. I have a job I love. I am kicking ass at school (I may have to revise this after grades get posted).

I have long understood the despair that comes from comparing yourself to those around you. I think it is time for me to start being happy with the things I have earned myself, and let everything else fall into place as it will. And have faith that it all will.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Keep it Precious" Melissa Etheridge,
Never Enough

Holiday Break

I suppose that it's rather obvious by now, but I have been taking a break from blogging while at home enjoying my family. I will be back in the Twin Cities on the 30th, and have a couple posts up my sleeve, but for now I am just enjoying the warmth and sloth of my father's house. Hope everyone has enjoyed their holidays!

UPDATE: The Previous 3 posts, and the following 3 posts are what I had stewing.

Losing my Flirt

I realized the other day that I have lost my "flirt."

Perhaps it is that I live in an academic and work world where it is not okay to "put yourself out there" and take risks that could damage your reputation. Perhaps I spent so much time flirting from behind the safety of a bar that I can no longer survive without that safety net. Perhaps I just need to grow a pair.

For whatever reason, I no longer seem to be able to approach men. This has been crimping my style for quite a while. I dont want to seem lame, I dont want to get shot down, I dont want to be seen as "that guy," so instead I am not seen at all. Guys continue to pressume that I am straight/taken/intimidating and I miss a hell of a lot of opportunities.

My friend Peter in Chicago tried to teach me some of his style last time I visited him. Its the "Im fucking Christian!" mentality. I guess the idea didnt take. The other night at the fundraiser (see previous post) I struck up a conversation with an extremely attractive eligible bachelor. We actually talked about our inabilities to approach men. And it would have taken just a little bit of guts to say, "Hey, would you be interested in going for dinner sometime." And yet I let him walk away without following through with the encounter.

I found out the next day that later that night he had scheduled a date with another guy.

Then after I was finished rushing around the city today with an incredible red-wine-hangover, I got onto a bus toward home to pack and catch my flight home. I get on the bus, and see this guy with beautiful eyes sitting a bit ahead of me. I can see his eyes because he keeps turning and casually looking at me. At one point our eyes catch and we have "Eye Sex" for about 10 seconds before I looked away. Then I got up to get off, and he got up and stood with his back to me, milimeters away from me. He got off at the stop before mine. I should have gotten off with him, walked the extra block, asked him if he lived around here. Asked him his name. Generally struck up a conversation. Damnit.

My internet bf (dont ask) was telling me about how he hit on his waiter and ended up having great sex as a result. Im less jealous of the sex than his ability to strike up interest from a perfect stranger.

I think if I have a New Year's Resolution it is this: Take the Friggin Risk! It has become apparent to me that the coy thing isn't working out for me, and it is time to let go of some of the safety of hiding behind my ego and seeming above it all. It's not working. It's time to flirt.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"You Still Touch Me" Sting,
Mercury Falling

That Christmas Feeling

I had just finished up my Evidence exam, and a flood hit me of freedom and excitement to have my semester completely finished. As I hadn't gotten a chance to start my Christmas shopping started, with only a few days left before the holiday, I decided to head off to start checking some things off my list.

Among the gifts I bought were some things for a family I kinda adopted. They were desperately in need of some Christmas cheer, and I had figured out a cool way to anonymously get some gifts for them. So I wandered around Target for near 2 hours grabbing stuff off the shelves and then got to the Christmas stockings. For some reason, Christmas stockings have always been more essential to Christmas even than the tree for me. In my family, the gifts in the stockings were smaller, but usually more meaningful. We always got an ornament, and Santa writes my sister and I a personalized letter that always makes me tear up.

I was fortunate enough to be able to get this family their stockings for the year, and as I stood in the middle of Target, I started to tear up. Staring at the stockings and just picturing the joy it might bring to another family. That combined with the cumulative exhaustion from finals... It was my first Christmas moment of the season.

Later that night, I was volunteering for a fundraiser my roommate had asked me if I wanted to attend. It was this amazing jazz benefit for kids with HIV and AIDS. The work needed of the volunteers was pretty light, so I bought a celebratory bottle of one of my favorite wines, and let the music just soak into me. It was some of the most awesome Christmas singing I have ever heard. And the event raised an amazing amount of money.

It just felt so good to be reminded that, yes, we actually are in the midst of the Christmas spirit. A spirit of charity and good will. There's nothing better.

God bless us, every one.

Who is it that Likes Hillary Clinton?

Someone needs to fill me in on this. I work/live/love a lot of liberals, and I have yet to hear one person make a solid argument about how Hillary Clinton would be electable. It really has me puzzled. How can someone be the front runner if no-one will vote for her?

The latest Newsweek published a poll stating that "47% of those polled said they would not even consider" voting for Hillary. Wow. And the other 53% are certainly not ALL going to go to her. The Right has had 16 years to drag her name through the mud. Add to that the fact that we dont have a popular vote system for president, and I really don't understand how she can win any states that Kerry lost while even holding those he won. It just aint gonna happen.

I would like to have someone, anyone, explain to me how she stands a chance. Anyone?

Right now, I like Edwards for the win, but Obama for the loss, but a loss to a moderate Republican (McCain or Giuliani). But if we nominate Hillary, I swear to you Mitt Romney will be our next president.

And that scares the shit out of me.

Guilty

I got my first jury verdict yesterday. I had been working on this case for about three and a half months, and earlier in the day was extremely excited to see the work conclude and ship the file off of my desk. That was, of course, before I realized just what that would mean for our client.

This was a first degree murder trial, which means that when the jury found our client guilty, the client I had sat behind for two weeks, that he gets a mandatory life sentence. They spent just four hours deliberating how this 24 year old man gets to spend the rest of his life.

Setting aside the fact that the prosecutor pulled some dirty-ass stunts on the last day of trial, and that there are some serious "sufficiency of the evidence" issues to take to the Court of Appeals, I just have trouble looking at this guy, who was allegedly the get-away-driver in the shooting, and seeing that he could have no potential value to our community. I know more about this guy's gang history than almost anyone else on the planet, and I know that it isnt pretty. But I can honestly say that I think he is fundamentally a good guy. A good guy that has just fucked up. A lot.

I was asked to sit in on the "exit interview" with the client after the verdict was read. We went back to the holding area and just sat there for what felt like forever. What the fuck does someone say to a guy who has just had his adult life sentenced to a cell, with no hope of parole til he's in his 60s? To not get to participate in his child's life? He was betrayed by friends on the stand who we KNOW were lying to get a deal from the prosecutor. No eye-witness could put him at the scene. And it took four hours to convict. We just sat there swearing to ourselves under our breathe. When it was all over we got up and both gave the guy a sincere hug. A very sincere hug. It was all we could do.

Someone asked me later if this makes me more or less inclined to work in criminal defense. I dont even have to think about it. More. How can I walk away feeling like the system doesnt need more people standing up for defendants when I see it as so fundamentally broken that we throw people away for the rest of their lives?

I went home and exercised as many coping methods as I could (besides the obvious: drinking, which I tried to stay away from). I worked out until my body was wracked with pain. I crumpled, sobbing, in the shower. I cooked for a couple hours, binging along the way on anything I could get my hands on. Then fell asleep watching Elf, trying to think of better things. It worked to some extent.

I wish that there was a happy ending to this one. But I do work in the criminal justice system. Usually not happy beginings and few happy endings.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Crawling in the Dark" Hoobastank,
Hoobastank

Internet Issues

Just so nobody is getting disappointed out there, I have not fallen (completely) off the face of the earth. My internet has.

I have been super busy with finals coming at me and the trial that just finished yesterday. I have still been writing, but havent had time to post much of it because I no longer am receiving free wireless from an unknown source in my apartment. Sad.

Two Unknown Phone Numbers

So Saturday night became rather eventful...

I had spent the day at the office trying to get things ready for the end of the trial I am working on, and then came home and started to study for finals, as most of my friends were doing. I was content to drink a bottle of Syrah, cuddle up to a few favorite gay flicks and enjoy a solitary night home.

Then I got a call from an unfamiliar number...

It was the gay republican who I blew off after I figured out that he had some "issues" going on. One of which being that he liked to insult me. The other being an extreme discomfort with "being gay." I hadn't been completely confident in my decision to end things with him when I had done so, and getting a call out of the blue on a solitary Saturday night didn't help me feel much more certain about my decision. Thoughts start to arise, "Maybe I should give him another chance." "Maybe I should have settled for... (insert issues here)." I called my sister, who had been adamant about this guy being wrong for me, but she wasn't around, so I didn't have that fortitude to back me up. All of a sudden my "solitary" Saturday felt a bit more "lonely."

Then I got my second call from an unfamiliar number...

This one from one of my best friends who had left me for Boston. He was *surprise* in town for the weekend and *not surprised* up for going out. "Get showered and shave, we're going out!" Sweet! I miss this buddy dearly, and it was great to see him. Went to a quick houseparty, then off to the Saloon where I proceeded to get drunk enough to take off my shirt. It wasn't that I drank a lot there, but that I had forgotten about the bottle of wine I had drank earlier with my more innocuous intentions.

Ended up closing up the bar, making out with a friend, having a very good night. It's amazing to me the difference that having these people in my life makes. One made me feel particularly bad about myself. The other made me feel like a rock star. I really shouldn't be so dependant on the people around me for how I feel about myself... But I am only human, after all.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:

Minneapolis Gays Officially Boycot Blue & White Cabs (?)

Well... I suppose someone had to do something.

It was reported some months ago that cab drivers working for Blue & White cab company in Minneapolis had kicked out gay patrons for kissing in their cabs. I did some personal investigation into the matter over the summer, and there is definitely some legitimacy to these claims.

Well, now someone has done something about it.

As a result of the claims, I have personally avoided Blue & White. But now the "Rainbow Transgender Veterans of U.S.A." have started to post papers in downtown Minneapolis asking the GLBT community to officially boycott Blue & White.

I can't, at the moment, recall the exact language of the paper I saw while waiting for my bus, but it was certainly strongly worded.

Good for them. Whoever "them" may be.


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Lovely 2 C U" Goldfrapp,
Supernature

Just Breathe

It is definitely that time of year. With about a week and a half of actual classes left, I have all the end-of-the-semester shit staring me in the face and work (for my actual job) piling up to dangerous levels.

Its all about breathing. Just reminding myself that it will all get done, and that I've managed to get through this far, another week ain't gonna kill me.

One of my favorite lawyers I work for just asked me if everything was okay, and if I needed to talk to "Uncle (Lawyer)?" My response: "No time, I'll tell you later!"

Not whining. I'll make it.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Today's the Day" Aimee Mann,
Last Kiss Soundtrack

Happy Thanksgiving

Deadly Sin for the Weekend: Sloth

It was amazingly gratifying to have a weekend to myself without any sort of massive deadlines hanging over my head. Rest assured, there's still plenty of stuff to do, but I have no fear that I can't accomplish it during the week. At least for now. I go home to the fam for about a week on Tuesday, so this week seems comically easy in that light.

So I spent the weekend catching up on some of my favorite shows, which is amazing, because I don't have cable, and rarely watch TV in what little spare time I have. But I forgot how much fun some of those shows can be. "Heroes" is definitely a new favorite. And as derided as "Studio 60" is getting lately, I enjoy the Aaron Sorkin wit (although it is definitely the ugly step-sister of West Wing: I'm only willing to consider it because the other isn't available).

What's amazing is the way that I am able to watch these shows. Apparently Im one of the last to catch on, but the networks are offering "On Demand" shows for FREE on their own websites. Limited Commercials. Up til now, I had figured that I had to pay for this stuff on iTunes. And for that price, Id prefer to hold out for the DVDs, so that it is something I can actually have in my hands.

Anyway. These offerings are pretty damn cool. If I had even a single urge to pay out the ass for cable, it has completely diminished: I can get it all for free, at way greater convenience!

I do wonder, however, why these channels aren't utilizing this technology to make them WAY more money... It would be really simple to make users create a username and password, and when registering give all sorts of demographic information... That way they could know WHO is watching which program, but better, target ads specifically to ME. No more AmbienCR, Advil or estate planning ads would be wasted on me, a target demographic that advertisers are absolutely killing for. They could see instantly that I am a 20-something year old man in law school... They would know exactly what to try and sell me: alcohol.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Can't Take it In" Imogen Heap,
Chronicles of Narnia Soundtrack

"I'll F'ing Break Your Arms"

Just got home from a house party. It is very nice to finally engage my social life a little bit, and it felt great to talk about social and political circumstances outside of law school.... Fun times. Thank God for helping me make it through this week. The feeling of being done with my Appellate Brief, the last of my legal writing assignments, can only be described as complete and total exuberance.

As I walked to this house party, I was struck by the beauty of the City's lights on the low-hanging clouds... It was fantastic, and, if anything, reminded me of the gratitude that I must have for the higher power that has gotten my through this last week. Anyway... I feel like a whole new man.

And this party was great. Very intelligent people all around. Great conversations on great topics. But at one point a close friend passed out, and one of the guests (one to whom I openly show my animosity as much as possible) tried to fuck with him. I got furious. Dont fuck with my friends. If I could have a motto for my life, that would be it: "Don't fuck with my friends." After trying my best to restrain this guy verbally, I finally threw him against a wall, "I'll F'in break your arms if you touch him again..." That may have been the end of the party, but I think it was well worth taking a stance...

Anyway, Im home, glad to have made it through the week. Glad I didn't get the crap shocked out of me by campus police at the library. Glad.

Best Morning Ever...

Life is full of those little pleasures.

I didn't quite get 4 hours of sleep last night, but I am walking on air because my Appellate Brief is completely done: about 36 hours ahead of schedule. Wow. That's some crazy shit. Very much unlike me. It feels great though. Wow.

Plus, I woke up to my new favorite crush: Brian Faas.

Before I sound all stalkerish, I have been watching this guy for about 6 months on the VH1 Video Podcast of "Best Night Ever." The podcast rotates the comedians it uses to mock the previous night's television, and Brian is by far my favorite. Not only is he super cute, but he is downright hilarious. (mental note: does he look a little like (Mitchell)?)He's got this corny thing actually working for him, and it keeps me smiling on my trek to work. "Details magazine isn't for gay people... It's for douchebags!" People wonder why I am giggling on my bus ride to work.

I figure, well, I'm attracted to him, so he's obviously got to be straight.

Then I get to work and Google Mr. Faas to find a picture for this post, and discover he has a MySpace page... And I quickly discovered that my intuition was wrong. SEE! I CAN be attracted to gay people! Told you so! And NOW WE'RE FRIENDS!!! LIKE FOR REAL!!! God bless Myspace, and God bless Google.

It's gonna be a good day.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Paul McCartney" Scissor Sisters,
Ta-Dah!

An "I Told You So," -- Eight Years Coming

On the New York Times front page today was a surprising flashback from, well, 10th Grade. Way back then, I threw a giant stink when the school district was trying to implement "New Math," aka "Core Math." I went to school board meetings, made it into the paper, and generally made very few friends among the math teachers and administrators of the public school I had just joined.

My major complaints were that the new teaching styles and concepts had not been empirically tested, and the students in our district were being used as lab rats. The SAT/ACT tested the traditional styles of math. The entire "Core Math" theory was modeled out of a California trial that had eventually gotten scrapped when the students' test scores started sinking. So our school board in all it's wisdom, decided to give it a try in our district... Essentially we were getting screwed in our math educations. The school district eventually caved and let me take my math at the local college, but I was the squeaky wheel. Not everyone had that option.

Well today I received my due reward. The NYTimes printed "As Math Scores Lag, A New Push for the Basics." Read it if you can (subscription might be needed).

"The changes are being driven by students’ lagging performance on international tests and mathematicians’ warnings that more than a decade of so-called reform math — critics call it fuzzy math — has crippled students with its de-emphasizing of basic drills and memorization in favor of allowing children to find their own ways to solve problems."

“When my oldest child, an A-plus stellar student, was in sixth grade, I realized he had no idea, no idea at all, how to do long division,” Ms. Backman said, “so I went to school and talked to the teacher, who said, ‘We don’t teach long division; it stifles their creativity.’ ”

"Across the nation, the reconsideration of what should be taught and how has been accelerated by a report in September by the National Council of Teachers of Mathematics, the nation’s leading group of math teachers."

"It was a report from this same group in 1989 that influenced a generation of teachers to let children explore their own solutions to problems, write and draw pictures about math, and use tools like the calculator at the same time they learn algorithms."

So... In short. I was right. HAHAHAHAHA!!! Okay. I'm being mature about this. But there are a few math teachers I feel like calling up right now. "I saw through this as a 10th grader!"

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Snow (Hey Oh)" Red Hot Chili Peppers,
Stadium Arcadium

She loved it when I sang

Ive been working on my Appellate Brief all weekend, and have made some decent progress on it. It's nice to have the weekend to dedicate to the project. The apartment is quiet, and I am remaining relatively disciplined in my task. This morning I woke, though, with an odd memory. Rather out of place, rather distant, it was the remembrance of how much my mother loved when I sang.

I had always been a bit of a singer. One of my first childhood memories was of me playing on the playground by myself, singing to myself a made-up musical in my head. Later, I put my song to more social uses singing for my church, joining choirs, acting in (actual) musicals, and eventually doing some solo work and getting leads in those musicals. It was never effortless for me. It was something that I always had to work very hard at, even with the easiest music. I was definitely not a natural, but it was something that I loved.

Whether it was pride in her own flesh, or an acknowledgment of her own dreadful singing voice, my mother was truly the biggest fan of my singing. It was something that made her happy. I remember going on a family trip to New Orleans, where we saw a man singing on the corner of a street. Mom prodded, "Go up there and sing with him!" I was sheepish, but the man and I ended up ripping out a jazz version of "Amazing Grace." When we were done, we had attracted a crowd, and Mom was just glowing.

When she died just a few months later, I sang that same song at her death bed, knowing that would be the proper way to say goodbye if such a thing existed. I tried to sing it for her funeral, but could barely get the notes out. This was a woman who inspired so much in our community that her wake took two days, and had lines running out the door of the church. Her funeral was standing-room only. To have that woman take pride in me, take pride in my voice, it gave me something that I haven't found since. The world is full of critics, and Mom was more than just a fan... she was Mom.

I stopped singing when I went to college. Maybe it was that my mother was no longer around to support me in this endeavor. I think it was more the competitive and self-serving feeling that singing started to take on. Singing became part of a career goal, something that would advance my personal interests. It wasn't about sharing, it was about achieving. I lost interest.

Maybe it's time to start singing again.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Landslide" Fleetwood Mac,
The Dance

My First and Favorite Crush is Single

We all have "the list," right? The list of people who you would breakup with even your most serious relationship to be with. I think you know what I mean.

Danny Roberts was the first one on my list. And I think he will always be there.

When Danny was on Real World: New Orleans, he was one of the first positive gay role models that I saw on television. Take that back: he was THE first. At the time, I was living in Venezuela, largely pushed back into the closet by the machismo culture there, and had little to no exposurer to gay life at the time. Like many others in the closet, I was starting to regress into thinking that maybe "they" were right, and I was wrong. Maybe being gay WAS a bad thing.

Then I saw Danny. Weekly, I would see him having fun, being healthy, and having a solid loving and compassionate relationship. I remember many nights tearing up over the scenes of him, knowing that back home I would find a community, find a man, or even just find myself. The image that he presented, and MTV gets some major credit for this, gave me hope.

Part of the whole thing was that Danny was dating Paul, an Army Ranger whose face had to be consistently covered up to avoid being kicked out of our armed forces. If there was ever an argument against "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," it is Paul.

Well, at first today, I was gleeful at the thought that lovable, adorable, funny Danny is single. Hope lives on for my crush. Then I saw the video I have posted below, and it made me remember how special I felt their relationship was. Sad that it's over. There was truly love there.

God bless them both for being positive role models when there were none. If only we all had that strength.

Liberal Enough for You?

As if you needed another reason to remove power from this despot. This video is dead on.

Voting Shirtless

I jetted downstairs today midway through re-shaving my mohawk to get voting out of the way before I had to head to my 8am meeting. The polls opened at 7a.m. I was downstairs (the precinct votes in my building) at 7:05a.m... There was already a line around the lobby.

I was wearing a shirt with this logo:

with the word "Democrat" written below. (I had specially ironed the shirt last night... Anyone who knows how much I hate ironing knows that this means Im die-hard. )

Anyway, after waiting in line for about half an hour, I finally get into the polling area, where I woman kindly tells me I can't wear my shirt in there... It's considered campaigning. Hmmm... I didnt want to argue with her, and I wasnt about to leave just to have to come back and wait in line.

So I took off my shirt.

I proceeded to take my time voting shirtless, attracting a bit of attention. Funny, I dont think anyone even noticed my shirt until I had to take it off. And when I left the polling area, I think that the 50-something people in line noticed much more when I walked out shirtless, went to the bank of elevators to go back to my appartment, and put my "Democrat" shirt back on.

That's right. Democrats do it shirtless. And with the lights on. Hot.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Bleed American" Jimmy Eat World,
Bleed American

500-some Criminal Defense Attorneys went into the Woods...

Nope. Not the start of a joke. A start of my weekend.

My office went on a huge ass retreat/conference this weekend with all of our sister offices from around the state. It was amazing, fun, and very stimulating. It was nice to be around that many intelligent, liberal individuals. There's just something about people who will go through 7 years of education and then take a 50% pay cut to work for the poor. Partied like crazy, and just got away from all the crap that had been stressing me out all week. Granted, I will go back to being stressed out about it tomorrow again, but that's okay. I'll live.

I must pause to pat myself on the back a little bit though. A weekend of booze and professionals, and I managed to not make an ass of myself (regardless of campfire beer fights, pick-pocketing, shaking booty with my boss and firework fun). In fact, I am fairly sure I made a pretty good impression. The more I can strategically integrate myself into all aspects of my office, the better my chance that when it comes time to hire new attorneys they look at my file and say, "Well, we just can't let him go. He's awesome!" One can only hope.

Had some interesting reflections this weekend too. The 2nd would have been my mother's birthday. And the breaking of the whole Haggard scandal, and his background as a man who has made so many LGBT people feel austasized and excluded from Christ's love, well that pulls my mind back to a time when I was kicked out of a faith community in the name of Righteousness. That year I had to do a lot of growing. I learned my strengths and my friends. And that the two are not entirely seperate concepts.

I just watched a gay movie called "Dorian Blues." Not bad for a gay-flick. Toward the end it had a line, "They say a boy becomes a man the day his father dies...."

For me, I think it must have been my mother.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Winding Road" Bonnie Somerville,
Garden State

New Heroes

As busy as I have been this week, I have found new heros who have brought me inspiration and hope for America.

First, Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass) was on the Bill Maher show this last week and if you have iTunes, you really should subscribe to the Bill Maher podcast just to listen to his arguments. He was perhaps one of the most well articulated voices I have heard in politics in a very long time. Favorite part: "Scalia just went into a dither" when we decriminalized gay sex.



Secondly, and on a (perhaps) less partisan note, watching the great dignity with which Michael J. Fox presented himself in the Katie Couric interview was truly inspirational. Here is a man who could, with all rights and with the support of every reasonable American rip Rush Limbaugh a new asshole for his disrespect and audasity, but rather he focused on the issue at hand: stem cells and on his own personal struggle. He took the high road, and Im sure that was not easy. As someone wh ooften gets dragged into the dirt by opposition opinions, I find Fox's conduct to be amazing and inspirational.

What a wonderful view, "You get in your life very few chances to make a difference. If these are the circumstances that make that possible, like I said, I'm grateful for it."

Much Relieved

I woke up on yesterday morning at 2am with one of those "OH MY GOD, Im not going to make it through this week" panic attacks. I had just been handed an extra 12-15 hours worth of work unexpectedly the day before, an assignment that needed to be completed within an already time strained week. And completed with a partner. AHHH! That and the massive amount of cases that were slowly starting to amass on my desk. Etc. etc. etc.

I did my best to calm myself. Meditated. Prayed. Tried to problem solve good use of my time. Wrote down the issues that I thought were going to be problematic as the week quickly progressed. And things got better.

I got another work team to take the last minute assignment off my hands. Then I stayed at work til almost 9pm to get some motion to the work that had started to stagnate. As I walked home last night in the newly chilly fall air, the only feeling I had was one of deep relief. I had made it. It is going to get better. I am going to get through it all. Thank God, in the absolutely literal sense. The prayer helped focus me. The gift of other team members who were willing to take some time off my hands for the time being.

The next 20 days are still going to be among the most strenuous of my academic career, but I'm going to make it. That's relieving to remember.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Cosy in the Rocket" Psapp,
Grey's Anatomy Soundtrack

Brutal and Priceless!

Towleroad has posted the companion video to the rather incendiary RNC ad against Harold Ford. The parody ad is delightful. Really not to be missed.

Attacking a citizen

In the last day or so, I've been reading a lot about Virginia Senator George Allen's staff "roughing up" a blogger who was asking some rather inflammatory questions. Video can be seen here. While the journalist in that video surmises that there may have been some security risk presented by the blogger, the blogger (who also happens to be a law student and ex-marine) states that he only wanted to ask questions regarding rumors about Allen's ex-wife and their allegedly abusive relationship.

Distasteful? Perhaps. Grounds for sanctioned assault? Certainly not.

While my friend over at TJ's Double Play characterizes this guy as "raving mad," I have to say that I agree with the statement from the blogger who was attacked. When the day comes that our government officials can perpetuate an attack on its citizens simply because they dont like the questions that we are asking... It seems a far cry from the country that our founders designed.

Perhaps this guy actually posed a legitimate security threat. I doubt that. If he had, believe me he would have been detained or arrested. Cops dont take that sort of thing lightly. If a threat was made, then the proper response would have been to immediately remove the Senator from the area and have police (who were undoubtedly present given the presence of protesters outside the building) intervene.

More likely? Allen's staffers are on edge about the increasingly dire poll numbers (10/29 poll showing Webb up by 5 pts.), and this Blogger's questions about Allen's allegedly abusive marriage hit close to home, especially for this "Save-Marriage-from-the-Gays" candidate.

Either way, I'd take this blogger's case in a heartbeat.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Hit the Floor" Linkin Park,
Meteora

A Little Journey Makes it All Better

I had a very very long day. Work is piling up, and I came home just drained to the point of exhaustion. I havent eaten, and I have no food in the house, no desire to order anything, and no energy to cook even the Ramen that I have left... Then my iTunes randomly hit on a Journey song, and my outlook got just a bit brighter.

The song triggered a fantastic memory from my last trip to Chicago. My sister and I completely jamming out to Journey blasting in Dad's mini-van while he is looking more and more perplexed by our strange enchantment at the song... We're not the only ones...

Confused by Time

I spent most of the day today forgetting that we had gained an hour by daylight savings time. Oops... Then proceeded to get REALLY confused at my office when I couldnt tell if it was 4:30 or 5:30. Anyway...

Just got back from a political function which served as a great networking opportunity with my law school mentor. Fun to meet all sorts of new people, most of whom were very well connected. As a matter of fact, I started speaking with the owner of the bar hosting the function, and he kinda offered me a job. We just got into talking about bar life, and my experiences, and how much I miss it, and he said that he could use someone to fill spots occassionally. God, that would be a blast! I feel like I would be a bit daunted by the skill of the other bartenders at this place, but it would certainly be a lot of fun. Ill just have to see what comes of it. SWEET!

I spent about 10 hours in the office this weekend trying to bring my life back to some semblance of normality after focusing so diligently on the Halloween party. And last night I went to the office Halloween Party. I had quite a good time, and while I felt some seperation from some of the attorneys simply by the fact of my age, I ended up hanging out with the younger crowd and getting along just fine. They even got me to sing Karaoke! I havent done that since I lived in Venezuela! (thats about 6 years Ive been able to get away with not singing Karaoke)

Wow... I keep coming back to the prospect of bartending. Thrilling!

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Stay" Small Sins,
Small Sins

This, Right Now, Is Why I'm Single

Friday night. 10:30 p.m. I'm staying in. I couldn't be happier about that.

I spent the last few weeks stressing out about planning last night's Halloween party for the law school. It ended up being a kick-ass party, and everything went well, but I was exhausted from putting everything together and literally sleeping in my office last night so as to save time between helping to close the bar at 2:30am and working at 7:30am.

Anyway, my party-mojo is a bit spent. I have at least two parties I could make it to tonight, and was planning on going out until about 20 minutes ago. But I'm relieved as hell to be sitting peaceably in my apartment watching DVDs and listening to music.

I have moments lately when I look at my life and wonder why Im not sharing it with someone else. In the darker moments I begin to wonder, "Is there something wrong with me?" The truth is, however, that I am just not "out there" right now. The dating pool at a law school party is rather shallow (although I did have a cutie handcuff himself to me last night... but I think he is straight). And while there would undoubtably be eligible gay bachelors at the parties tonight, here I sit in my apartment.

Law school is undoubtably one of those things that one must just "get through." And this semester is likely the busiest I will have. I'm weathering things well. Very well in fact. And I suppose that if that means that I have to neglect my social life for a little while for personal sanity and health, Im just going to have to be patient with myself.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"When I Fall" Barenaked Ladies,
Born on a Pirate Ship

Had to Repost: Red State Glory

Courtesy of Josh & Josh:

"If the blue states are sinkholes of moral decay, as right-wing pundits insist, how come red states lead the nation in violent crime, divorce, illegitimacy, and incarceration, among other evils?"

*Nine out of the top ten states with the highest incarceration rates are red states, with Louisiana, Mississippi, and Texas leading the pack. Delaware is the only blue state in the top ten.

*All of the top ten states with the highest incarceration of women are red states, with Mississippi, Oklahoma, and Louisiana leading the pack.

*The ten states with the highest number of executed prisoners are red states. Texas, Ohio, and Oklahoma are the top three states.

*The top fifteen states for highest rate of death by firearms are all red states. Alaska, Louisiana, and New Mexico lead the group.

*Fourteen of the fifteen states with the highest rate of suicide are red states, with Wyoming, Alaska, and Nevada at the top of the list. The only blue state to appear is Oregon.

*The ten states with the highest divorce rates in the United States are all red states. Nevada, Arkansas, and Wyoming have the highest rates of divorce.

*Nine out of the ten states with the highest rates of illegitimacy are red states. The only blue state in the top ten is Delaware.

*Fourteen of the fifteen states with the highest percentage of obese residents are red states, with Mississippi, Alabama, and West Virginia coming in as the most obese states. Michigan is the only blue state in the group.

*Meanwhile, eight of the ten smartest states (based on state education rankings) are blue states. Vermont, Connecticut, and Massachusetts are the smartest states. Minnesota ranks sixth. Virginia and Montana are the only red states to appear on the list.

data from: "Red State Babylon", Vanity Fair, November 2006, p.162-168

Beautiful Disaster

Before I begin my recap, I have to touch on a bit of news: today at 3pm, the New Jersey Supreme Court will rule on whether it is legal to prohibit gays and lesbians from getting married in that state. With less than two weeks until the mid-term elections, this ruling could change the entire face of it. While it would be beautiful to see another court uphold the dignity of same-sex relationships, the result of a positive ruling would devestate the campaign against a Constitutional Amendment to ban same-sex marriage in Wisconsin, the first state in the union where the polling shows that such an Amendment could be beaten. On the flip-side, if the NJ Court were to find that it is within the realm of the legislature to forbid gay marriage, it would be another example of unfortunate jurisprudence, but it would utterly defeat the argument that "activist judges need to be restrained."

I dont know what I hope for on this one. Defeat in the battle for victory in the war? "Beautiful disaster" seems about right.

As for me, this Monday I returned from a week of distractions from all things law and law-related. It started with a staff-party that was just killer two Fridays ago. Most of the lawyers in my office just ripping it up on a Friday night. It was amazing fun, and I had to excuse myself rather early so I could assure that I woke up on time for my flight to Chicago the next morning.

I then spent the next five days visiting with family and friends in Chicago, which was just beautiful. We ate well, and I have always said that I never laugh as much as when I am with my family. (sister: "You know this song is about masturbation..." My father and I both scandalized, "You're a dirty whore!") My sister is starting to date, and that is amazing to see. Granted, Im going to have to knee-cap the first gentleman who breaks her heart, but its good to see that guys are starting to realize how stellar she is.

Hung out with some of my oldest friends in the world last Monday, who accompanied me to a gay bar where we realized we were one friend short of our group of Boy Scouts, all sitting around at the gay bar. The next morning went on a fun personal quest for a shower... Fun story.

Back in Minneapolis I dealt with some drama I had created the week before, which resolved well in the end. Also got to take TWO trips to the DMV to become an official citizen in this State. That was never-ending fun! (more never-ending than fun) Then last weekend I staffed a camp for kids being adopted out of foster care. Simply amazing. I essentially got to spend the weekend playing and roughhousing with a group of about 40 while working with some of the most incredible people I have met in a while. Im pretty sure that I fell in love with several of the other staffers. Just the most genuine, caring and diverse crowd you could imagine. And organically diverse too... I enjoyed the weekend so much that it all has me really thinking about my future in law. I was invited to apply for postition to work at the camp for the summer, and while it would be about the worst career move ever, Im seriously considering it. I suppose that could be another "Beautiful Disaster."

Now that Im back, this week is a bit overwhelming, but it helps that I took the break to get an even keel. Ive had meetings all week that Ive helped to plan on top of my regular schedule, and Ive also been in charge of planning our law school Halloween party which will (hopefully) be for about 150 people. Its been quite a project, forcing everything (including whatever schoolwork I would normally do) to the backburner. I will be a very happy camper when Thursday has come and gone.

In all of this, many of my friends havent seen me in months. Sorry if you are one of them. I wish I could claim it was going to get better. Until Thanksgiving I am so busy I can hardly see straight. We'll hang out during finals?

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Beautiful Disaster" Kelly Clarkson,
Breakaway

Caution: Don't Operate Under the Influence of Anger

Where did my Zen go?

And my charm with it?

This week I got angry. I let something get to me on Sunday. A wrong that I knew just had to be righted. People had come to me seeking guidance, and I took their issues on as my own.

I am trying really hard not to write off the lessons of this week as "Drink more, Care less," which is, of course, my first inclination. But I think there is a greater lesson to be learned. I got so very very full of righteous anger at this situation that in the process of trying to solve this "great ill" I stepped on a dear friend's toes and insulted her, perhaps overstepped the bounds of a leadership position that I have been trusted with, and might have umm... well... threatened the Dean. Yeah. Im feeling like a pretty popular guy right now. All because I let myself get angry.

It's like this Incredible Hulk thing. People generally find me gregarious and easygoing. But if something manages to get me angry, well, then Im not so much fun to be around. I want Justice, and I want it NOW!!! Unfortunately, 99% of the time, that is not the way the world works. The person who is to blame for the situation I am trying to solve will undoubtably face consequences in his life for his actions (or not). But the situation which I suppose should concern me more is the way that I have allowed myself to become isolated in my anger at the situation. And there is noone to blame for that but myself. I havent let others become involved in the ways that they otherwise might come forward. I havent respected my school enough to at least let them TRY to get this right. They might not, but I guess the greater issue is whether I am going to let myself become lost in the process.

Maybe the lesson here is, "Drink more, but still care in the right way." The irony is that the prayer, reflection and even breathing that I have tried to make integral parts of my life got completely left on the wayside here. And I lost.

Learn this lesson Christian.

Damnit. Learn this lesson.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"The World I Know" Collective Soul,
Collective Soul

A student ... and North Korean Nukes

So... I've seen some recognizable faces in the news lately.

Last spring, for those who remember, I had an absolutely dreadful semester teaching kids at a downtown school different lessons related to the law to their 10th grade English class. It was, bar none, the worst volunteer experience of my life. However, I had one student who was engaged (if overly so) and was constantly trying to bait us into "Why shouldn't we impeach Bush" discussions. In short, he was awesome. I continued to play to the middle, and by the end of the class he accused me of not only being conservative but of being homophobic. Alas, I just couldnt win with that crowd.

Well, I just saw him in the news, confronting some homophobic parents who were protesting about the lessons at the school being too open about sexuality. God bless him. Seriously, almost makes the miserable volunteer experience worth it. Almost.

[edited for a minor amount of discretion]

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, North Korea purports to have successfully tested a nuclear weapon. Is there anything else G.W. can fuck up?

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Weenie Beenie" Foo Fighters,
Foo Fighters

Just showing Im not the only one who thinks he's a jerk...

Justice Scalia started out the judicial term with a bang. Not much of one, for him, and yet still a pretty decent gaffe if it were to come from a normal person. Something about Mexicans not being expected to abstain from their tequila. They are Mexicans after all.

From Slate.com:

"Nobody laughs. But then, nobody winces or flinches, either. Somehow, a remark that would have flattened us had a Souter spoken it is just a solid day at the office for Scalia. I have no idea where the tequila comment should register on the nation's macaca-meter. The more interesting question is about Scalia's deliberate carelessness with language, his sense that he is somehow above the sorts of linguistic delicacy the rest of us expect in our dealings with others. Indeed, he seems to think it's his obligation to be ever more reckless with his words, perhaps because he's about the only guy left who faces no consequences for his rhetorical body-slams."

Interestingly, that is exactly what I had questioned him about some weeks ago: not his judicial theory, but his callous use of the English language.

"If George Allen had uttered Scalia's 'nobody thinks your client is abstaining from tequila' crack today, it would have been front-page news. The rest of us would have been forced to form some opinion as to whether it was an 'aspersion,' a stereotype, a gaffe, or just a celebration of worm-laden beverages. But the court exists on a different plane, and for good reason. We don't want every branch of government to be beholden to the electorate, but that doesn't mean that the justices shouldn't be beholden to themselves. Scalia wants to be a part of the national conversation, but not on the terms the nation has agreed to. And each time he unleashes one of these remarks, I find myself wondering whether he's protecting his right to express himself, or just relishing his free pass."

At least I know that, at my school, he didnt get a free pass.

I wouldn't let him have one.

How Republicans made me sick

I had a wonderful day yesterday, ending up with me going to my school's Diversity Potluck (the gay org brought rainbow Jello). For the second year in a row, I was delightfully surprised by how much I enjoyed being around other people who realized the necessity for increased diversity of all types. At one point, a named-partner from one of the local firms talked about how diverse his office has become, and I went, "Wow. I could work there." That, from me who has avidly sworn off firm life.

Well, among the many diverse foods at the potluck, the Republicans brought McDonald's cheeseburgers. Classic. Way to show your diversity.

Anyway, I was hungry, and had a little bit of everything, and did indeed eat the cheeseburger. It was the only meat I ate, and about 4 hours later, I regreted that decision with every lurch of my stomach. I have not felt that sick in a very very long time.

I think it was my body just rejecting the fruits of the Republican party. (or perhaps it was the really really low-grade meat that the rich feed the poor to increase their profit margins...)

Funny, I went on a few dates with a Republican a couple of weeks back. He was charming, witty, had a great apartment and a pretty good body. But there were some major self-hate issues going on. The final straw was when he refused to kiss me good bye in his car when dropping me off in my uber-gay neighborhood. I have worked for 7 years now to be comfortable with who I am, Im not about to start heading backwards.

Speaking of republicans (or Democrats if you believe Fox news) the internet is all abuzz with the Mark Foley scandal. My only thoughts for the moment are this: I am tired of Americans using alcoholism as an excuse for everything from racism to ephebophilia (being attracted to adolescents). Its truly vexing that a serious social disease is just being cast around as an excuse to get people off the hook.

Secondly, here is where I think sexuality fits in:
"If this has a familiar ring, look in the Catholic Church for the bell. Republican leadership was acting like the Catholic hierarchy, which played shell games with men accused of sexually abusing children. And there's a good reason for the similarity. The inability to deal straightforwardly with gay people leads to other kinds of truth-avoidance when things go south. But that's what comes from not wanting to know something, and going out of your way to remain ignorant." David Link of the Boston Globe

It's time to deal with people as they are. Haven't we learned from our past that telling people that they are "wrong" to be gay only confuses them as to what is truly right and wrong?


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"You Learn" Alanis Morissette,
MTV Unplugged

Pelosi's 100 hours

Why I love this woman. This would be like a dream come true.

Pelosi Says She Would Drain GOP 'Swamp' - washingtonpost.com

Election Fun

Its not making much news right now, but the new polls may prove me wrong in my previous post reacting to the NYT story about Democratic strategy.

If the election was held today, the Dems would gain 3 or 4 seats (we need 6 for a majority) with two states in a very close toss-up. The delightful thing is that the toss-up states are far from those you might expect: Tennessee and Missouri, classic Republican strongholds. The only seat that the Dems look to lose is New Jersey, and that race is within 2pts. Also, it's pleasant to see the vile Santorum down by a full 13 points in Pennsylvania. Good Lord, I will weep the day that man is pushed out of office. For joy.

As far as the House, the national polling is even, with 48% on each side saying they would vote either Red or Blue. There is at least one Florida seat that I am fairly certain the Dems are going to win. What a hypocritical jerk. I feel like I should have sympathy for the pathetic state of his life, but then again... I dont.

As for Minnesota, both the 2nd and the 6th seem to be polling Red by about 9pts. Both House seats were Red last election, so there is really nothing lost, but given Bachmann's serial idiocy, and the dress she was seen in at my law school last week, her victory would be rather unfortunate. Do you really want your Congressperson to dress so tragically? You can tell she definitely doesnt have any gay friends... They wouldnt let her leave the house looking like that.

As for governors, a lot of Red states look likely to elect Blue executives (Co, Ark, Oh, Pa), and it is good to see that my homes states are at least looking hopeful: Hatch is anywhere between 2pts up to 4 pts down against incumbent "If I cant eat it, Im not paying for it" Pawlenty. Dem Jim Doyle is up by anywhere between 3-9% in my favorite drinking state, and Granholm is between 2-8pts up in Michigan. That last one looks tight, and will effect my family (read: father) more than any other race. I'll send good karma that way.

MY night

Last night I stayed in.

It felt so friggin good. I cooked for the first time in weeks, did five loads of laundry, cleaned out my briefcase, got shit off my desk, payed bills, drank a bottle of Syrah, and watched some Will & Grace. It was great!

This semester is thusfar going very well. But I am at that brink of panic when I look at my calendar on Monday and realize that I dont have any personal time for 5 days. Ive been working, volunteering, getting Journal stuff done, planning OUT!Law events, doing Moot Court, helping out at Bar Reviews, and of course doing homework occassionally. Yesterday, I didnt qualify into the semi-finals for Moot Court (top 8) and it was somewhat a blow to my ego. But then I went out and enjoyed a few beers with some friends, sitting in the sun, and got to enjoy the rest of my Saturday. It was probably the biggest "blessing in disguise" I could have hoped for.

I have a fair amount of stuff to accomplish today, and another busy week ahead of me, but it all seems far more reasonable now that I have regained my mental focus. Thank God for that.

Oh, and for those who have asked for a shot of the new haircut:

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Lie to Me" Jonny Lang,
ALBUM TITLE

Here we Go Again...

The New York Times (I wont even try linking, as it requires a subscription) reported today that in the next six weeks before the midterm election they would be focusing on the Republican majority's failures in ... Education? No. Health Care? No. The Deficit? No. Energy Policy? No. Environment? No.

Iraq.

This is why I find it so very very hard to identify with the Democrats some days. Not for their values, but for their dumb-ass strategies. We lost the 2004 election pounding the electorate with negative messages over Iraq. Granted, far more people now realize that Iraq is, was and continues to be a mistake, but it is not a motivating issue for voters. Sorry to say it, but we already tried this and lost.

The other reason we lose by pounding the Iraq war is that there is no solution. We tried to pass pull-out resolutions earlier this term, and low-and-behold, we were labeled as cowards. Not a good plank to run on. Further, opposing Iraq war opens a rhetoric discussion which we lose not on the merits but on the sound-bites. We say, "Iraq was wrong." They say, hear and replay, "We dont care about our national defense." As much as you and I see through that as total B.S., we are not the voters in play here.

With strategies like these and the slowly decreasing price of petrol, Im losing confidence in this election. I need to start running campaigns.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Stay (Wasting Time)" Dave Matthews Band,
Before these Crowded Streets

Tired

Today seemed like a long day. Im pretty sure that it was.

I know that with my question to Justice Scalia brought a certain level of controversy into my life. I know that my participation in online forums discussing gay rights since that day have further opened the discussion. And I have largely been pleased with the supportive reactions of many of my friends. But to be honest, there are times when the educating that I do, the debating that I engage in, the tirades that I tolerate... it all becomes like a bandage ripping off a wound that I sometimes forget has not quite healed.

To some extent I had largely forgotten that there are people around me who judge me based on my sexuality. I get very comfortable around my friends, around those I trust. But wake-up calls occur, and as I said, I am the one who set the alarm for this particular wake-up. But that doesnt mean that I am not still exhausted.

This is why I love Milwaukee: The only city where you can walk into a bar and get your head shaved...

I spent this last weekend partying it up in Milwaukee. Anyone who knows me understands what that means for my liver.

We got in a little before midnight and my friends dropped me off, backpack and all, at the bar I used to work at. That place had become like my second home, and walking back in there made me miss my old haunt and my old friends very much. I was lucky enough to bump into the Owner and a couple of the other bartenders I used to work with. After hanging out with them for a little while, my favorite of them, known for his distinct Bitchiness, said something along the lines of, "Your hair is WAY too long... It makes me want to just attack your head with a pair of scissors." Hmmm... Okay!

Before I knew it, the Owner of the bar was using the bar scissors to remove chunks of hair from my head. As the event progressed, it became increasingly clear that I was just going to have to shave it all. It was totally worth it. My hair is now shorter than I have EVER had it, and actually looks pretty good.

But I know few other people who have gotten their heads shaved at a bar. There's seriously no place like Milwaukee.

I then hung out until about 4:30 at the dance club, drinking and reconciling with a surprising friend from the past.

The weekend was full of all sorts of other fun and debauchery, and the 5 hour car ride both ways with the belching, farting girls was all sorts of fun. Interesting conversation about how love gets harder as we pass through relationships and lose the faith and naivety of youth. Later a comment by myself about art in France: "The Louvre is just like the Mall of America. But with Art." Glad Im so cultured.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Wake Me Up When September Ends" Green Day,
American Idiot

Today, Justice Scalia Spanked Me

Justice Scalia came to our law school today. He started with some quick comments about why he is smarter than everyone else and then moved into question and answer. I was the first questioner:

Question: In reading Lawrence v. Texas and Romer v. Evans I largely agreed with your judicial reasoning, but I had trouble looking past the scathing language you used and the stereotypes you cited into the record. Mr. Justice, do you believe that, as a member of the United States Supreme Court, you have the intellectual responsibility to look past gross stereotypes of communities of people, rather than reinforcing them as you did in Romer v. Evans by stating that gay and lesbian communities are largely affluent and centered in distinct areas of the country? And if you don't (interrupted)

Justice Scalia: I think they may have been erroneous, but not stereotypes...

Me: I would contend they can be both.

Justice Scalia then proceeded to explain his judicial philosophy in Romer (which hadnt been my contention) and then insult my question as a "When did you stop beating your wife?" ... I felt a bit sore about it for about 20 minutes before I realized that I had a) managed to get a Supreme Court Justice to have to avoid a question and b) just gotten spanked by a Justice of the highest court of our land. As a second-year law student, I can walk away from that my head held high.

Part of my reasoning behind the question was less about the answer, but more about the question itself. I dont want (My School) to be seen as the place where men like Scalia can come and vent their bile without ever being challenged. When you cut through his humor, he spent 90% of the time making fun of anyone who disagreed with him. In retrospect, I am proud to be among the ridiculed.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Polaris" Jimmy Eat World,
Futures

(UPDATE: Although I had more than a few people at school avoiding making eye contact with me for my perhaps brazen tactics, I also had a few who came up and thanked me for having the guts to ask the question others may have been afraid to. I have never been afraid to confront authority. Why start now?

Still feeling a little awkward about the spanking I had received, I went to into work. I love this place. As I told my story to a few co-workers, I started getting high-fives.... I went to tell my supervisor about the whole thing, and she said, "Oh, Justice Scalia is in town? I thought I felt loathing eminating from that area of the city." I then told her about my question, at which point she marched me into the Big Boss, who said, "Let me shake your hand. Congratulations for having that kind of courage." He also noted that Justice Scalia's little rip at me at the end of his answer only indicated that he felt threatened by the astutness of my question.

I love my workplace.)

This Just In: QUIET PLEASE!

Sooo... This just got printed in our inter-school updates:

"Library Quiet Policy: Please remember that the entire library is considered a quiet zone, with the exception of the second floor area next to Circulation. We are a professional community, and we expect each member of our community to be respectful of others as they study in the library. We encourage you to remind each other of the need for quiet. If one or more of your colleagues continues to be disruptive, you are welcome to contact library or public safety staff. Library staff will also be making more regular visits to all floors of the library. We hope these steps will reduce the noise level very quickly, but we will continue to follow up and make sure that quiet zones remain quiet."

This is the direct result of a 1L student who not only got in the faces of a bunch of upperclassmen because the upperclassmen were enjoying themselves (as they have for the last two years) in their normal study spaces. This kid got all aggravated that people were talking, and went and told a librarian. When the librarian intervened, one of the upperclassmen approached the 1L to apologize and explain that the same students had studied, albeit noisily, on that floor for two years, and the 1L might want to find a new place to study if it bothered him (believe me, we do not want for study spaces in this building). The 1L then proceeded to insult the upperclassmen in all sorts of ways. Other upperclassmen intervened, and the 1L went to a Dean and tattled that people had "threatened him." Yes... A gang of rebel law students had "threatened" him in the mutha-fukin law library. Okay...

Im starting to agree with my new favorite blog in describing some of these 1Ls as "douchetastic douchenozzles."

A little environmental ranting...

Hey there. The world is ending. Do something. And try not to drive yourself while you do it.

I read a beautiful article, "If only gay sex caused global warming."

"NO ONE seems to care about the upcoming attack on the World Trade Center site. Why? Because it won't involve villains with box cutters. Instead, it will involve melting ice sheets that swell the oceans and turn that particular block of lower Manhattan into an aquarium.

The odds of this happening in the next few decades are better than the odds that a disgruntled Saudi will sneak onto an airplane and detonate a shoe bomb. And yet our government will spend billions of dollars this year to prevent global terrorism and … well, essentially nothing to prevent global warming."

Its worth reading.

Interesting from a psychological perspective how we (and by we, I mean a GOP-run government) are not smart enough as a human species to take steps to prevent something as oncoming and threatening as this problem.

Meanwhile, "many of Earth's lifeforms are far more sensitive to subtle climate changes than us temperature-controlling, high-tech-home-dwelling humans, and some scientists fear that the planet is poised to lose 10-50% of its species. Global warming is introducing temperatures that haven't been felt in 24 million years. 'We may very well already be on the breaking edge of a wave of mass extinctions.'" Thanks Towleroad.

Then there is also the fun news ice is melting at unprecedented rates in the North Pole. There goes Santa. "This situation is unlike anything observed in previous record low-ice seasons. It is highly imaginable that a ship could have passed from Spitzbergen or Northern Siberia through what is normally pack ice to reach the North Pole without difficulty. If this anomaly continues, the Northeast Passage, or 'Northern Sea Route' between Europe and Asia will be open over longer intervals of time, and it is conceivable we might see attempts at sailing around the world directly across the summer Arctic Ocean within the next 10 to 20 years."

And the most recent:
"Global Warming: Polar bears drowning due to melting Arctic icepack; Gore says tax pollution, not payrolls; Bush officials tried to suppress federal scientist from discussing the link between global warming and hurricanes." Thanks Towleroad.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Dont Drink the Water" Dave Matthews Band,
Before These Crowded Streets

Want to know what its like to have two Dads?

Doesnt seem like this kid minds much. Ahhh... Europe.

Today I officially became a Christian

Granted, I have officially been "Catholic" since the 8th grade, but that's neither here nor there.

At 8:45 this morning, I officially took on the name that you all know (and love?) me by. I have gone by "Christian" for over 6 years now, and it was just time to make that official. I didnt realize how important this would be for me until I was standing in front of the judge, shaking a abit in anticipation. It was actually really exciting. Standing there saying, "This is who I am, who I want to be."

Nice way to start a day.

In Honor of National Talk Like a Pirate Day

Seriously one of my favorite holidays!

My pirate name is:

Red William Rackham

Passion is a big part of your life, which makes sense for a pirate. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Margaritas at the Office

I just bumped into my boss for the first time in a while. Actually, to say that he is my boss is a bit of a jump. He's my boss' boss' boss. So he's perhaps a few ranks up there. Anyway, it reminded me of an interesting story I have yet to share:

About a week back, we had our Mexican Independence Day celebration at the office with a salsa and guacamole competition and margaritas starting at 3pm. It was a total blast, but I may have learned a quick and dirty lesson about drinking at the office. Then again, I may not have.

I think that my comments had far more to do with being bone-headed than they had to do with Tequila, but Im sure the Tequila helped.

I'm standing with some of the newer attorneys, chatting about things, when someone mentions that one of the Profs at her old law school slept with one of the students. Halfway through the story, the Big Boss joins the conversation, and we are all kinda joking about the situation. And I say blithely, "Well, isnt that every student's dream, to hook up with one of their Professors?" My Big Boss turns to me and says, "Umm... Christian, you realize I teach at your school, right?"

Ummm. Awkward?

Better still was when he later walked into a conversation I was having with a few of the female senior attorneys about shaving our legs.

Yep. Tequila at work is a good idea. I cant wait for the Wine and Cheese party next Friday.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Hello Again" Hoobastank,
Hoobastank

This is why I freakin LOVE Spain!

God I miss this place.

Two Air Force Privates Wed in Seville, Spain

This is precisely why, whenever someone starts going on about "America as the Greatest Country on Earth" I start feeling like a debate.

Right now, Spain seems like the place to be.

Closing Credit Cards

Now that the student loans have come in, and I have had the chance to pay off most of the debt from this last summer, it is once again time to close off some credit cards. Why exactly is it that while you HAVE a credit card, it feels like you are being gang-raped by a toolbox, but when you finally want to close a card, it is like you are clubbing a baby seal?

"Well, we at Discover have enjoyed our relationship, and we're sorry to see you go."

Fuck yeah you've enjoyed the relationship. Glad one of us has. Geez.

Funny, the last time I was on the phone with Discover I was trying to figure out why my interest rate had suddenly skyrocketed. "Not a whole lot I can tell you. I think your intro rate is just over..." Gee thanks... It was June, and my intro rate was NOT over... At that point, I was carrying a decent amount on the card, knowing that I had a Zero percent rate until October of this year, and had paid meticulously on time so that I wouldnt lose that rate. Then, all of a sudden, Im paying 25% on WAY too much balance. I freaked, opened a new card with a new intro rate for Zero, and paid $80 to transfer the balance. Shit.

So tonight I call Discover:

Sweetest Operator on Earth who likens my closing my account to Kitten Genocide: "Can I ask why you would like to close your account?"

ME: "Cause ya'll jacked up my rate on me, and I got screwed and scared and took my money elsewhere."

SOE: "That's just horrible. Well, I can take your rate back down now, if I can get you to come back to us, we'd hate to lose you..."

ME: (inner monologue) OMG YOU FUCKING HATEFUL BITCH! I HATE YOU AND ALL YOU STAND FOR!!! (actually spoken) Ummm... No. Thanks though.


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Drop Dead Gorgeous" Republica,
Republica

This Alcohol paid for by the Minnesota State Government

So. Alcohol is one of the only things that keeps law students sane. That is a well proven, infallible truth. It allows us to flush out the mental anguish of a semester/week/day/morning without the psychoanalysis that would surely only serve to crush our spines with additional debt. But my alcohol usage is now measurable on another level: economic.

I am still working as a clerk at my government job from the summer. I love it, but I am now half-time at government pay, which doesnt come out to all that much. Nonetheless, I got paid this last Friday and was happily looking forward to the added bump in my financial fitness.

I went to go check my statement this morning, and saw no change from earlier this week. "Hmmm... That's wierd," I think to myself. I go to see what's up.

Yep, I got paid.

Oh.

Turns out that in the last 5 days or so, I have drank enough to nullify this week's paycheck. That's a lot of beer. Granted, I threw a party last night, and am on a Social Committee charged with pulling off all the school's many parties (which can also get expensive), but that's still a lot of beer.

Good thing: Im not drinking myself into indebtedness.

Bad thing: Well, I really dont see a downside here, actually. I cant possibly think of anything more worthwhile or valuable for me to spend my money on right now, so rock on, I guess. I'll just have to remember to thank the State of Minnesota for funding my binge drinking. (looks like Pawlenty missed that when he was "balancing the budget... hahahaha... sucker)

BOOOO!!!

The "coffee date" turned into a "platonic, show you around my corporate office" thing. Booo!!! I dont know how this turned out like that. Booo!!!

Damnit. I was excited about this thing too.

Ready

Wow... Here's a good feeling.

For the first time in about a month, I feel like I am ready for the day ahead of me. I have had an astoundingly busy few days for the last while, and I feel like I am reeling a little from it, but am recovering quickly. Allow me to take note: I can do this. All of this. Its always nice to have moments like this. You need them, otherwise the despair can overtake you faster than you might imagine.

But I made it. Im still standing. I am heading toward another work-filled weekend, but Ive resigned myself to the normality of that mediocre fact. But I will make it to that weekend, catch up and be just fine. Then to another week... But I'll make it. That's nice to know


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"El Amor de Mi Vida" Ricky Martin,
La Historia

Coffee Date

Just too bad I dont drink coffee...

Soo, I have a coffee date with a super cute guy that I met while I was in Duluth two weekends ago. I met him through a friend at the super quaint Pride festivities, and next thing I know, he is being adorable on stage with some lesbians toddler. Totally melted me right then and there... Since I didnt really know him and am somewhat gutless with guys, I determined to get his phone number later that night.

At the bar, I saw him again, and we started chatting. He goes to the MBA program right across the street from my school, and I invited him to participate in our LGBT/Ally group. He gave me his email, and then ended up coming to our first meeting (which I ended up leading... looking all "authoritative" as my friends put it). Well, after a couple quick emails yesterday and today, and two very very busy schedules, it looks like we are making time to grab coffee on Thursday. Im all giddy. It's cute. I'll update with how it goes.

Its interesting. For how much I screw around, I dont date much. I forget how much fun ACTUALLY getting to know someone can be.


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
No Music: ITunes is updating