Dancing Christian, Dancing Buddhist, Dancing Queens

Haven't posted in a while. Nothing too exciting going on, except at my legal clinic. And everything I deal with there is confidential. Not like, "Oooohhh... this is gonna piss-a-bitch off," but more like "Ooops, I can't become a lawyer anymore" confidential. So.

I went to our Law Prom this last weekend. I was kinda dreading it really, and only went because I am on the team of people that helps plan these events. I thought my date was being reticent about the whole thing, and I was kinda forced by default to hang out with a group I had barely even talked to in a while.

Well, I had a freaking blast. The folks I hung out with are great people, and I was reminded why I loved hanging out with them so much last year. And my date... he was charming, sexy, didn't mind meeting a million law school folks, and we had a blast getting down on the dance floor.

On that point, I give my school great credit. Attending a Catholic law school in the Midwest, I have had to put up with my fair share of crap as a gay man at the school. If I had to make my decision to attend here again, I would heavily reconsider. But at this dance... it was almost utopian. Nobody seemed to give a crap that I was dancing up on a hot guy, or that he was dancing right back up on me. After thinking about the whole thing in the fog of hangover the next morning, I realized that in the 7 years that I have been out and in education, I have never once brought a guy to a school dance. In fact, I can hardly think of an official social function where I have brought a true "date." Admittedly, most of that is the fact that I have been perpetually single for most of my life, but that only made the experience more fun: I had someone to bring to this dance, and then everyone was amazing about it.

And speaking of amazing, the guy I brought is, well, quite something. He's Buddhist (like a for-real practicing Buddhist) which gives him far more depth than most of the other guys I have met in a really long time. Witty, fun, and a great kisser on top of all that. There are moments when I looked at him on Saturday and just felt very lucky to have him with me.

I had met the Buddhist a few weeks back at a party on an idle Friday night. I had found myself at a party with a bunch of people who shouldn't have been drinking, and was kinda in a mood about that, cause that is really not a good situation for me to be put in. I was a bit salty for much of the evening, and finally I had this guy call me out for being a giant dose of negative energy. I went to mentally tackle this interloper on my negative streak when I realized that the guy was totally right. And he was cute. We ended up talking for a while, but when my friends made to leave I oddly told this guy, the Buddhist, that, "Hey, I look forward to bumping into you again." No numbers exchanged, just left it up to fate.

The next morning I woke up and wanted to slam my head against a wall for that decision.

Later that night (this is Saturday now), I was riding around in a limo for a friend's birthday. We were having a blast and ended up at one of the gay bars I never go to (seriously, this was my second time there). And who do I bump into? The Buddhist.

We started dancing there, and may have made out a little bit on the dance floor (I am indeed a classy guy). Needless to say, numbers were exchanged that night.

Sooo... After the dance this last weekend, I officially like this one. I know that in my last posts I have talked about the wonder of being single, and I am pretty sure that it will take someone pretty amazing to make me want to give that up anytime soon. The Buddhist just might be amazing.

Of course now that I have opened myself up to that possibility, the nervous part of me starts to react, and wonder whether "He's just [that] into me." Well, he's given me some interesting indications that he is taking this thing rather seriously (pulled me aside on the dance floor to let me know that he's not interested in children, responding to my idle expression of interest in a family one of the first times we met. My reaction? "I'm pretty sure we are still on our second date.") (feeling that he needed to express to me that he is still seeing other guys). It sounds as if we are still on the same page as far as interest in each other and interest in pursuing the "relationship thing."

Which is good. Very good.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Easy" Barenaked Ladies,
Barenaked Ladies Are Me

Why Dan Savage is my Hero

And why Mary Cheney is a Hypocritical Whore.

Long week..

It's Friday night, and I'm still in my apartment, still in my pajamas from last night. This recuperation day was much needed.

This week was truly truly draining. Seems like I was just barely able to keep my head above water. Along with a night out with the Professor on Monday, my computer meltdown on Tuesday (Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks!), and having to buy a new computer on Wednesday, last night I had to deal with some homophobic asshole who tried to pick a fight with me at Bar Review. Oh, the gems that St. Thomas attracts.

Sooo... It's a night in for me. I can get back to the work and play tomorrow. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

One more reason to love Texas

I have no idea if this is real, but it had me laughing uncontrobaly during my Jurisprudence class. Definitely worth the read, if for no other reason than professional aspiration. Without further adue, a Texan Divorce.

I'm a Mac guy now

I'm not going to promise that this decision wasn't a direct result of their brilliant marketing and the "I'm a Mac" ads. Although I have been a PC and Windows user since I was 12 (longer than almost anyone else I know), I'm now done with it.

A little less than two years ago my Windows based PC had to be replaced because it was freaking out in a variety of ways.

Last night my Toshiba literally started melting. (Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks!)

My tech savy friend John Roberts then worked actively to "turn me" (which is funny, cause I have been actively working to "turn him" for ages... but in a whole other manner). In the end, the question was not "why" to go to a Mac but rather, "why not?"

So I have a brand new white Powerbook. Its taking a bit of adjustment. I miss my two button mouse with its scroll, and I now need to replace my printer and some software, but the adjustment is moving along quickly. I love the battery. I love the simplicity. It's my new little baby.

And, while I am not thrilled to have had to dump a good deal of money on a new machine, there's a certain reality that there is nothing I could do about it: the melting wasn't my fault, there was no recessitating the Toshiba, and I can't function without a computer. So thank God that my student loans came in and that I am in the privileged position that I can just run out and buy another.

And it was a Mac.

Melt Down

Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks!

I apologize, but I think that I'm going to be inserting that little tag line into my posts for a while. Tuesday afternoon my Toshiba laptop, a little over a year and a half old, was working perfectly. No issues, no problems, no bugs.

I went to my 6pm Adoption Law class and tried to turn on my computer. No go. No lights, no sounds, no nothing. I breathed hard and tried not to panic. After class I went home and called Toshiba tech support. They told me to plug the computer in, to try removing the battery, etc. I was on the phone with them for about 20 minutes before I started to smell something...

Sniff. Sniff. Burning.

I turned over the computer and saw a quarter-sized portion of the plastic that was starting to bubble. Huh, what?

The tech support folks told me to unplug the computer (duh) and advised me that the motherboard was most likely shot.

I awoke today and went to the "authorized service agency." The guy just looked at it and laughed. Fan system is burnt out and the motherboard is shot. It would cost me about $2500 to fix. Warranty? Ran out in March. So. So. So. I'm pretty much screwed.

Buyer beware... and well they should. You buy a Toshiba, and it may well melt on you two years in.

Literally.

Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks!

Dinner date with a Professor

I have been working for one of my past law professor's for the past 9 months or so. A friend and I were painstakingly editing his book, and just finished the work about two weeks ago. As a reward for our hard work, this professor decided to take us out.

So last night, the three of us met up for dinner and a Timberwolves game. I was a little nervous. At first glance, this Professor and I have absolutely nothing to talk about. I was wraking my brain for "safe" conversation topics as I sat waiting for our little date. I certainly couldn't go into most of my social life. Definitely not the Cowboy Auction of this last weekend. Not particularly interested in sharing details of my family life... Politics was HUGELY off the board, as he has pictures in his office of him with every Republican President since Nixon. I resigned myself to a night of very awkward non-conversation.

Turns out, my cynacism (and that of a few of my friends) was off base. I had a pretty good time at dinner (although the conversation was little centered on the topics of the book we had just finished editing and on faculty tenure procedures) and then the game freakin rocked our socks off! The seats he had treated us to were amazing, and the Timberwolves pulled out a killer victory breaking the Sun's long wining streak. It was quite the game to be at, and I was thankful for the generosity of the professor.

There was a moment however when I wondered:
"You think he knows I'm checking out the guy sitting in front of us?"

Oh, and to those wondering: we did run out of butter.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"I Don't Feel Like Dancin'" Scissor Sisters,
Ta-Dah!

City Mouse and Country Mouse

We got to the Cowboy Auction at 5pm. My roommate, in all her glory, was pimping me out for yet another event for her nonprofit. As she works for a truly admirable cause, I'm always happy to play along, and have had some truly cool experiences through her.

Well, I was on the Auction Block, and was a little nervous about it. I had slept fitfully the night before (although oddly for that uneasy sleep lasted for about 14 hours). I had had a very odd "stress-dream" about the whole thing. I'd describe it if I could. I had also not had a chance to eat much that day, so I was starved by the time we got to the auction. I grabbed a free bowl of chili and started taking on the Beer Bust. I figured I needed something to help the nerves. And it did. (if you havent figured it out yet, the lack of good sleep, the not eating and the quick drinking added up to some questionable decisions... questionable but fun...)

I made a concerted effort to introduce myself to the other cowpolk, as I was one of the only outsiders being auctioned off. Along the way I met a gentleman who was, well, quite taken with me. Well, I continued to make my rounds, and met some genuinely nice people. After about two hours of drinking, the auction was good to start. I was third up, and I watched as the first two candidates got only moderate attention standing on a low-stage tucked into the corner of the bar. Well, nobody puts Baby in the Corner. When my time came around, I jumped right up on the bar in the center of everything.

With the first two Auctionees, the Caller started with bids of about $25. Much to my surprise, as soon as I jumped up on the bar, she started at $200!!! Well, after a short bout of bidding, I was up to $350. Which turned out to be the second highest amount of the evening. (and I must say I was proud to hit that while maintaining my dignity... no nipple-clamps, ball-gag, kilt or stripping for me... I got that money through charm and style) (don't burst my bubble... let me think that for a while).

Well, the night was a blast, and I ended up a) accidentally winning another "Cowboy" for $125; b) getting into a fight with a guy who kept grabbing my ass, and then the guy who threatened to kick me out for standing up for myself (Hi. Drama. This is Christian. Why don't you two hang out for a while?); c) going to White Castle with my roommate, a drag queen, and a pig farmer; d) going home with said pig farmer; e) all of the above.

Lest anyone get the wrong impression, I had a really good time with the Pig Farmer. In fact it wasn't until the next morning when I awoke in a trailer park and he was pillow-talking about fertilizing sows that I realized just what a cultural juxtaposition I had drunkenly stumbled into. These guys (the drag queen, his partner, and the farmer) were such absolutely wonderful guys, but truly cut from a different cloth of life. It was quite fun hanging out with them and getting a little taste of a whole other culture.

So I count Saturday night as a success: I went home with one Cowboy, was "bought" for a date with another, and "bought" my own date for a third. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"This River is Wild" The Killers,
Sam's Town

50 First Dates

This semester seems like it is going to be a bit easier than the past three. I no longer fear my classes, professors, or classmates, and since I am not technically working this semester at a paying job, my days tend to be a lot shorter. This has afforded me the opportunity to cook like crazy (this last week: Cherry-Glazed tenderloins, Three-Mustard Chicken, Indonesian Peanut Chicken, and a Vodka-Bolognese Pasta). It has also given me the opportunity to date.

A lot.

In the last three weeks I have gone on first-dates with five different guys. As one of them later commented, “It’s like dating season hit early.” I guess it’s the mild weather. Reminds me of a John Mayer song.

While the string of “first dates” with few seconds might seem dismal, I have actually really enjoyed the ability to get to know someone, determine their worth in 30-minutes or less, and then get on with my life. (I’m kidding about that last part). I have always thought that the first dates were always the most fun: getting to know someone, quietly peering into the future to see if there would be any possibility with the guy, fantasizing just a little about that prospect. It’s far removed from the actual nitty-gritty of a relationship and also gives you the opportunity to feel wanted and to remind yourself that you ARE indeed a quality dating candidate.

It’s rather funny: when you are single and not dating, you fantasize about having a boyfriend. But now that I am dating, I am not so keen on the boyfriend idea: I’m having fun doing this part, and wouldn’t want to peremptorily latch onto one candidate for fear of missing out on someone more suitable. While this threatens to turn me into a “serial dater” if Nebraska (see June entries) was any indication, I can see a good thing when it comes along. (p.s. I saw him at the bar not too long ago with a really… less attractive… date. That’s always affirming. Even though he still wouldn’t say Hello without a great deal of awkwardness.)

So that’s me. Cooking and dating. And really happy about it.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"St. Patrick's Day" John Mayer,
Room for Squares

Spiders on Drugs

I hate spiders. But this actually garners some affection. Science is fun!

Dead Mother's Society

Wow... I usually don't write about television shows, but Grey's Anatomy just hit that one on the head. Amazing.

After my mother died unexpectedly when I was 17, I joined a newly-formed "Grief Group" at my high school. The school counselor had noticed that many students had recently had losses in their families, so he got permission for us to skip class once a month or so and sit around and talk about it. I remember that their were 12 of us. And 10 had lost their mother's in previous year. Eerie.

I don't remember if it was there or later when I was living in Venezuela with a wonderful girl from D.C. who had also lost her mother. But I know that it was there that we officially started coining the "Dead Mother's Society." We actually teasingly ostracized our other best friend down there who had a family blessedly untouched by death. And when another friend lost her mother, we were quick to let her into our club. While we struggled with living in a whole new culture, we both had to address aspects of our losses. There was something about the solidarity to be found in others who you know understand that which is completely non-understandable: death. We were so young, but so mature in that one (limited) respect. We had something. It was a horrible burden while also being an incredible blessing.

Well, in Grey's Anatomy this week George's father died. At the end of the episode, Christina welcomed him into the "Dead Father's Club." And George said one of the most profound lines I have ever heard on television:

"I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't."

Seven years out, I still live those words.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"We Will Be Silhouettes" The Postal Service,
Give Up

It's Strep! Where are the Republicans?

Went to the doctor's office this morning. My throat was so bad last night that I could hardly breathe. Not a fun feeling. I actually had quite a pleasant (and quick) experience with the medical clinic I go to. The doctor took one quick look down my throat, said, "Oh my goodness, that's Strep." And I was on my way with some antibiotics. Sweet. I'm actually already beginning to feel better.

I went to one class, then a meeting, and then was on my way into Clinic, where I saw the Prof. I told her about my diagnosis, and she said, "What are you even doing here? Get the hell out of the building. Now." So, now I have the afternoon off.

With this free time, already feeling better, I started to wonder: Is there anyone I'd like to infect with Strep? The people at the DMV were assholes to me last time I was there... But they already work in a semi-hell.

Oh... Wait... Where is it that they are planning the Republican National Convention? I should go "volunteer" for the afternoon.

Nothing wrong with licking a few phones and doorknobs.

(this idea brought to you by Dan Savage)

Single and Sick

So I've been dating a lot lately. In the last week or so, I mean. I have had the opportunity to get to know four new guys, and have really enjoyed this new... deluge of quality people. Most are decent friend material if nothing else, but I've got my eye on one in particular...

It's nice to finally have time to make this happen. Because I am on a "leave of absense" this semester and finally finished both editing the book and working the murder trial (motion for mistrial filed) I actually have a pretty easy semester scheduled. Rather decadant to get to take dates, go out occassionally on weeknights, cook... be a normal human being.

I am, however, at one of those moments when being single sucks: I'm sick.

I had to fight off a 24 hour bug last week, and had substantially nursed myself back to health, but then I woke up this morning and my throat was horridly swollen, my back ached, my head felt feverishly warm... Flu. Flu. Yuck.

I know its lame, but the fun of being single is quickly sapped when all you want is for someone to take care of you... Feed you soup, rub your back.

Oh well. Knowing my immune system, I will kick this by tomorrow and life will resume its normality. I have a Happy Hour date scheduled for tomorrow. And possible dates on Friday and Sunday. Hopefully I can get back to it...

Any suggestions?

Just got home from judging Moot Trial competitions for undergraduate students. Actually quite a fun way to spend the day. I got to dish out some of what I have been taking for the last couple of years (don't worry, I was comparably gentle, even when I practically announced a mistrial this afternoon when one side took a few liberties during closing arguments). Good stuff. (Im such a law geek.)

I went on my first date in ages last night. Pretty cool actually. Regardless of the fact that this guy was pretty damn cool, I simply havent had a real, honest to God date in a really long time. We went to a nice dinner, a good movie, and parted ways. Wow. Comfortable and cordial, and we were sober and everything! Getting to know this guy seems like it's going to be fun.

Im refusing to be "that guy" and so my only thought on it at this point is this: my major social scenes and fun for the past year and a half in law school has been at the bars. Happy Hours with friends, Bar Review with school people, parties to celebrate different things (tonight and tomorrow). I enjoy my social life, and am rather proud that I have been able to sustain what I have this last year or so. But we're not big on the sober activities.

And this guy is.

So my query is this: what non-alcoholic activities does one do in the middle of a frigid winter to have fun and get to know a guy? Bowling comes to mind, but I'd like to reserve the REALLY lame until they are necessary. Any suggestions?

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Give and Take" Kina,
Kina

Law Student's New Year's Resolutions

To be adopted by all, no exceptions, alterations, extensions, or objections allowed.

1. I will remember that my fellow law students are human beings and treat them as such.
   
2. I will not base my self-worth on my school's US News ranking or my firm's Vault ranking.
3. I will recognize that the law is powerful and that I can aid those who are powerless, and will do so.
4. I will make as much money as I can while doing something I enjoy.
   
5. I will share outlines and notes freely and without prejudice.
6. I will act ethically at all times.
   
7. I will cultivate at least one interest or hobby outside of law school.
8. I will party, travel, and relax as hard as I can and as often as I can, as this may be my last real chance to do so.
9. I will not forget the big picture.
   
10. I will remind myself daily that as bad as this might be, I am privileged to be here.

(list care of M at Yet Another Law Blog)

My personal Resolution: "Take the Risk!"

Voices from the Past

I went to the local gay bar in my hometown last night for a little while with my father (yeah, he rocks) and after he left I ended up chilling out with an old buddy. I did a favor for this guy years back at Christmas, and he's pretty well convinced that I'm the second-coming. We sat and caught up for a while, but it didn't take him too long to get drunk enough to begin telling me what a great guy he thinks I am, and that I deserve all the joys in life, etc. etc. It was actually really what I needed at that moment. Someone to remind me to be patient, stick to my guns, and everything will fall into place (see last post). And let's be honest: it never hurts to have someone rave about you for a little while. I think I need to put this guy on speed dial for when I'm feeling down.

Along those same lines, I have gotten a couple of emails recently bringing me back to my time at Marquette University. As I understand it, I was mentioned during the mid-year graduation speech as the tour guide who inspired the speaker to come to Marquette, and was a shining example of everything Marquette should be. It's a pretty cool thing to be reminded of the mark I left on that community. Plus I finally made it into a Senior Speech.

(Back story: I was originally selected to be the graduation speaker for my graduation, but the President of the University overrode the committee's decision (and a couple of his Deans) because he thought that I was uncontrollable and couldn't be counted on to stick to my speech. True, I had, at that point, recently helped stage University-wide protest of the dumb-ass decision to name our athletic teams the "Gold"... but they had reversed that decision by graduation. Ahh well... I knew what I was risking and I took one for the team in the name of integrity)

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"These Are the Days" 10,000 Maniacs,
Our Time in Eden

Success and Happiness

In my youth, my mother posted a saying on one of our kitchen cabinets, where it remains to this day:

"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."

Lately I have been riding myself pretty hard about what I lack in my own life. When visiting my cousins these last couple of days, I joked self-derogatorily about my inability to find and hold onto a boyfriend. My elder cousins have all paired off and found wonderful spouses. Even some of the younger ones are showing me up in the relationship department. It's easy to look around the room and feel like your whole life doesn't measure up to the glamour of those partnerships.

One of my cousins-in-law gave me a wake-up call though: "Look around this room," he said. "Who among your cousins, or even their spouses, has the job prospects that you have? It seems to me that you are doing pretty well for yourself right about now."

I've had to concede recently that I have sacrificed a lot in terms of social-life and relationship prospects so that I could pursue my goals through law school. I have had to put my hobbies on hold. I'm not as fit as I currently would like to be. And yet I lead a very happy life. I'm surrounded by great people. I have a job I love. I am kicking ass at school (I may have to revise this after grades get posted).

I have long understood the despair that comes from comparing yourself to those around you. I think it is time for me to start being happy with the things I have earned myself, and let everything else fall into place as it will. And have faith that it all will.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Keep it Precious" Melissa Etheridge,
Never Enough

Holiday Break

I suppose that it's rather obvious by now, but I have been taking a break from blogging while at home enjoying my family. I will be back in the Twin Cities on the 30th, and have a couple posts up my sleeve, but for now I am just enjoying the warmth and sloth of my father's house. Hope everyone has enjoyed their holidays!

UPDATE: The Previous 3 posts, and the following 3 posts are what I had stewing.

Losing my Flirt

I realized the other day that I have lost my "flirt."

Perhaps it is that I live in an academic and work world where it is not okay to "put yourself out there" and take risks that could damage your reputation. Perhaps I spent so much time flirting from behind the safety of a bar that I can no longer survive without that safety net. Perhaps I just need to grow a pair.

For whatever reason, I no longer seem to be able to approach men. This has been crimping my style for quite a while. I dont want to seem lame, I dont want to get shot down, I dont want to be seen as "that guy," so instead I am not seen at all. Guys continue to pressume that I am straight/taken/intimidating and I miss a hell of a lot of opportunities.

My friend Peter in Chicago tried to teach me some of his style last time I visited him. Its the "Im fucking Christian!" mentality. I guess the idea didnt take. The other night at the fundraiser (see previous post) I struck up a conversation with an extremely attractive eligible bachelor. We actually talked about our inabilities to approach men. And it would have taken just a little bit of guts to say, "Hey, would you be interested in going for dinner sometime." And yet I let him walk away without following through with the encounter.

I found out the next day that later that night he had scheduled a date with another guy.

Then after I was finished rushing around the city today with an incredible red-wine-hangover, I got onto a bus toward home to pack and catch my flight home. I get on the bus, and see this guy with beautiful eyes sitting a bit ahead of me. I can see his eyes because he keeps turning and casually looking at me. At one point our eyes catch and we have "Eye Sex" for about 10 seconds before I looked away. Then I got up to get off, and he got up and stood with his back to me, milimeters away from me. He got off at the stop before mine. I should have gotten off with him, walked the extra block, asked him if he lived around here. Asked him his name. Generally struck up a conversation. Damnit.

My internet bf (dont ask) was telling me about how he hit on his waiter and ended up having great sex as a result. Im less jealous of the sex than his ability to strike up interest from a perfect stranger.

I think if I have a New Year's Resolution it is this: Take the Friggin Risk! It has become apparent to me that the coy thing isn't working out for me, and it is time to let go of some of the safety of hiding behind my ego and seeming above it all. It's not working. It's time to flirt.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"You Still Touch Me" Sting,
Mercury Falling

That Christmas Feeling

I had just finished up my Evidence exam, and a flood hit me of freedom and excitement to have my semester completely finished. As I hadn't gotten a chance to start my Christmas shopping started, with only a few days left before the holiday, I decided to head off to start checking some things off my list.

Among the gifts I bought were some things for a family I kinda adopted. They were desperately in need of some Christmas cheer, and I had figured out a cool way to anonymously get some gifts for them. So I wandered around Target for near 2 hours grabbing stuff off the shelves and then got to the Christmas stockings. For some reason, Christmas stockings have always been more essential to Christmas even than the tree for me. In my family, the gifts in the stockings were smaller, but usually more meaningful. We always got an ornament, and Santa writes my sister and I a personalized letter that always makes me tear up.

I was fortunate enough to be able to get this family their stockings for the year, and as I stood in the middle of Target, I started to tear up. Staring at the stockings and just picturing the joy it might bring to another family. That combined with the cumulative exhaustion from finals... It was my first Christmas moment of the season.

Later that night, I was volunteering for a fundraiser my roommate had asked me if I wanted to attend. It was this amazing jazz benefit for kids with HIV and AIDS. The work needed of the volunteers was pretty light, so I bought a celebratory bottle of one of my favorite wines, and let the music just soak into me. It was some of the most awesome Christmas singing I have ever heard. And the event raised an amazing amount of money.

It just felt so good to be reminded that, yes, we actually are in the midst of the Christmas spirit. A spirit of charity and good will. There's nothing better.

God bless us, every one.

Who is it that Likes Hillary Clinton?

Someone needs to fill me in on this. I work/live/love a lot of liberals, and I have yet to hear one person make a solid argument about how Hillary Clinton would be electable. It really has me puzzled. How can someone be the front runner if no-one will vote for her?

The latest Newsweek published a poll stating that "47% of those polled said they would not even consider" voting for Hillary. Wow. And the other 53% are certainly not ALL going to go to her. The Right has had 16 years to drag her name through the mud. Add to that the fact that we dont have a popular vote system for president, and I really don't understand how she can win any states that Kerry lost while even holding those he won. It just aint gonna happen.

I would like to have someone, anyone, explain to me how she stands a chance. Anyone?

Right now, I like Edwards for the win, but Obama for the loss, but a loss to a moderate Republican (McCain or Giuliani). But if we nominate Hillary, I swear to you Mitt Romney will be our next president.

And that scares the shit out of me.

Guilty

I got my first jury verdict yesterday. I had been working on this case for about three and a half months, and earlier in the day was extremely excited to see the work conclude and ship the file off of my desk. That was, of course, before I realized just what that would mean for our client.

This was a first degree murder trial, which means that when the jury found our client guilty, the client I had sat behind for two weeks, that he gets a mandatory life sentence. They spent just four hours deliberating how this 24 year old man gets to spend the rest of his life.

Setting aside the fact that the prosecutor pulled some dirty-ass stunts on the last day of trial, and that there are some serious "sufficiency of the evidence" issues to take to the Court of Appeals, I just have trouble looking at this guy, who was allegedly the get-away-driver in the shooting, and seeing that he could have no potential value to our community. I know more about this guy's gang history than almost anyone else on the planet, and I know that it isnt pretty. But I can honestly say that I think he is fundamentally a good guy. A good guy that has just fucked up. A lot.

I was asked to sit in on the "exit interview" with the client after the verdict was read. We went back to the holding area and just sat there for what felt like forever. What the fuck does someone say to a guy who has just had his adult life sentenced to a cell, with no hope of parole til he's in his 60s? To not get to participate in his child's life? He was betrayed by friends on the stand who we KNOW were lying to get a deal from the prosecutor. No eye-witness could put him at the scene. And it took four hours to convict. We just sat there swearing to ourselves under our breathe. When it was all over we got up and both gave the guy a sincere hug. A very sincere hug. It was all we could do.

Someone asked me later if this makes me more or less inclined to work in criminal defense. I dont even have to think about it. More. How can I walk away feeling like the system doesnt need more people standing up for defendants when I see it as so fundamentally broken that we throw people away for the rest of their lives?

I went home and exercised as many coping methods as I could (besides the obvious: drinking, which I tried to stay away from). I worked out until my body was wracked with pain. I crumpled, sobbing, in the shower. I cooked for a couple hours, binging along the way on anything I could get my hands on. Then fell asleep watching Elf, trying to think of better things. It worked to some extent.

I wish that there was a happy ending to this one. But I do work in the criminal justice system. Usually not happy beginings and few happy endings.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Crawling in the Dark" Hoobastank,
Hoobastank

Internet Issues

Just so nobody is getting disappointed out there, I have not fallen (completely) off the face of the earth. My internet has.

I have been super busy with finals coming at me and the trial that just finished yesterday. I have still been writing, but havent had time to post much of it because I no longer am receiving free wireless from an unknown source in my apartment. Sad.

Two Unknown Phone Numbers

So Saturday night became rather eventful...

I had spent the day at the office trying to get things ready for the end of the trial I am working on, and then came home and started to study for finals, as most of my friends were doing. I was content to drink a bottle of Syrah, cuddle up to a few favorite gay flicks and enjoy a solitary night home.

Then I got a call from an unfamiliar number...

It was the gay republican who I blew off after I figured out that he had some "issues" going on. One of which being that he liked to insult me. The other being an extreme discomfort with "being gay." I hadn't been completely confident in my decision to end things with him when I had done so, and getting a call out of the blue on a solitary Saturday night didn't help me feel much more certain about my decision. Thoughts start to arise, "Maybe I should give him another chance." "Maybe I should have settled for... (insert issues here)." I called my sister, who had been adamant about this guy being wrong for me, but she wasn't around, so I didn't have that fortitude to back me up. All of a sudden my "solitary" Saturday felt a bit more "lonely."

Then I got my second call from an unfamiliar number...

This one from one of my best friends who had left me for Boston. He was *surprise* in town for the weekend and *not surprised* up for going out. "Get showered and shave, we're going out!" Sweet! I miss this buddy dearly, and it was great to see him. Went to a quick houseparty, then off to the Saloon where I proceeded to get drunk enough to take off my shirt. It wasn't that I drank a lot there, but that I had forgotten about the bottle of wine I had drank earlier with my more innocuous intentions.

Ended up closing up the bar, making out with a friend, having a very good night. It's amazing to me the difference that having these people in my life makes. One made me feel particularly bad about myself. The other made me feel like a rock star. I really shouldn't be so dependant on the people around me for how I feel about myself... But I am only human, after all.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:

Minneapolis Gays Officially Boycot Blue & White Cabs (?)

Well... I suppose someone had to do something.

It was reported some months ago that cab drivers working for Blue & White cab company in Minneapolis had kicked out gay patrons for kissing in their cabs. I did some personal investigation into the matter over the summer, and there is definitely some legitimacy to these claims.

Well, now someone has done something about it.

As a result of the claims, I have personally avoided Blue & White. But now the "Rainbow Transgender Veterans of U.S.A." have started to post papers in downtown Minneapolis asking the GLBT community to officially boycott Blue & White.

I can't, at the moment, recall the exact language of the paper I saw while waiting for my bus, but it was certainly strongly worded.

Good for them. Whoever "them" may be.


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Lovely 2 C U" Goldfrapp,
Supernature

Just Breathe

It is definitely that time of year. With about a week and a half of actual classes left, I have all the end-of-the-semester shit staring me in the face and work (for my actual job) piling up to dangerous levels.

Its all about breathing. Just reminding myself that it will all get done, and that I've managed to get through this far, another week ain't gonna kill me.

One of my favorite lawyers I work for just asked me if everything was okay, and if I needed to talk to "Uncle (Lawyer)?" My response: "No time, I'll tell you later!"

Not whining. I'll make it.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Today's the Day" Aimee Mann,
Last Kiss Soundtrack

Happy Thanksgiving

Deadly Sin for the Weekend: Sloth

It was amazingly gratifying to have a weekend to myself without any sort of massive deadlines hanging over my head. Rest assured, there's still plenty of stuff to do, but I have no fear that I can't accomplish it during the week. At least for now. I go home to the fam for about a week on Tuesday, so this week seems comically easy in that light.

So I spent the weekend catching up on some of my favorite shows, which is amazing, because I don't have cable, and rarely watch TV in what little spare time I have. But I forgot how much fun some of those shows can be. "Heroes" is definitely a new favorite. And as derided as "Studio 60" is getting lately, I enjoy the Aaron Sorkin wit (although it is definitely the ugly step-sister of West Wing: I'm only willing to consider it because the other isn't available).

What's amazing is the way that I am able to watch these shows. Apparently Im one of the last to catch on, but the networks are offering "On Demand" shows for FREE on their own websites. Limited Commercials. Up til now, I had figured that I had to pay for this stuff on iTunes. And for that price, Id prefer to hold out for the DVDs, so that it is something I can actually have in my hands.

Anyway. These offerings are pretty damn cool. If I had even a single urge to pay out the ass for cable, it has completely diminished: I can get it all for free, at way greater convenience!

I do wonder, however, why these channels aren't utilizing this technology to make them WAY more money... It would be really simple to make users create a username and password, and when registering give all sorts of demographic information... That way they could know WHO is watching which program, but better, target ads specifically to ME. No more AmbienCR, Advil or estate planning ads would be wasted on me, a target demographic that advertisers are absolutely killing for. They could see instantly that I am a 20-something year old man in law school... They would know exactly what to try and sell me: alcohol.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Can't Take it In" Imogen Heap,
Chronicles of Narnia Soundtrack

"I'll F'ing Break Your Arms"

Just got home from a house party. It is very nice to finally engage my social life a little bit, and it felt great to talk about social and political circumstances outside of law school.... Fun times. Thank God for helping me make it through this week. The feeling of being done with my Appellate Brief, the last of my legal writing assignments, can only be described as complete and total exuberance.

As I walked to this house party, I was struck by the beauty of the City's lights on the low-hanging clouds... It was fantastic, and, if anything, reminded me of the gratitude that I must have for the higher power that has gotten my through this last week. Anyway... I feel like a whole new man.

And this party was great. Very intelligent people all around. Great conversations on great topics. But at one point a close friend passed out, and one of the guests (one to whom I openly show my animosity as much as possible) tried to fuck with him. I got furious. Dont fuck with my friends. If I could have a motto for my life, that would be it: "Don't fuck with my friends." After trying my best to restrain this guy verbally, I finally threw him against a wall, "I'll F'in break your arms if you touch him again..." That may have been the end of the party, but I think it was well worth taking a stance...

Anyway, Im home, glad to have made it through the week. Glad I didn't get the crap shocked out of me by campus police at the library. Glad.

Best Morning Ever...

Life is full of those little pleasures.

I didn't quite get 4 hours of sleep last night, but I am walking on air because my Appellate Brief is completely done: about 36 hours ahead of schedule. Wow. That's some crazy shit. Very much unlike me. It feels great though. Wow.

Plus, I woke up to my new favorite crush: Brian Faas.

Before I sound all stalkerish, I have been watching this guy for about 6 months on the VH1 Video Podcast of "Best Night Ever." The podcast rotates the comedians it uses to mock the previous night's television, and Brian is by far my favorite. Not only is he super cute, but he is downright hilarious. (mental note: does he look a little like (Mitchell)?)He's got this corny thing actually working for him, and it keeps me smiling on my trek to work. "Details magazine isn't for gay people... It's for douchebags!" People wonder why I am giggling on my bus ride to work.

I figure, well, I'm attracted to him, so he's obviously got to be straight.

Then I get to work and Google Mr. Faas to find a picture for this post, and discover he has a MySpace page... And I quickly discovered that my intuition was wrong. SEE! I CAN be attracted to gay people! Told you so! And NOW WE'RE FRIENDS!!! LIKE FOR REAL!!! God bless Myspace, and God bless Google.

It's gonna be a good day.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Paul McCartney" Scissor Sisters,
Ta-Dah!

An "I Told You So," -- Eight Years Coming

On the New York Times front page today was a surprising flashback from, well, 10th Grade. Way back then, I threw a giant stink when the school district was trying to implement "New Math," aka "Core Math." I went to school board meetings, made it into the paper, and generally made very few friends among the math teachers and administrators of the public school I had just joined.

My major complaints were that the new teaching styles and concepts had not been empirically tested, and the students in our district were being used as lab rats. The SAT/ACT tested the traditional styles of math. The entire "Core Math" theory was modeled out of a California trial that had eventually gotten scrapped when the students' test scores started sinking. So our school board in all it's wisdom, decided to give it a try in our district... Essentially we were getting screwed in our math educations. The school district eventually caved and let me take my math at the local college, but I was the squeaky wheel. Not everyone had that option.

Well today I received my due reward. The NYTimes printed "As Math Scores Lag, A New Push for the Basics." Read it if you can (subscription might be needed).

"The changes are being driven by students’ lagging performance on international tests and mathematicians’ warnings that more than a decade of so-called reform math — critics call it fuzzy math — has crippled students with its de-emphasizing of basic drills and memorization in favor of allowing children to find their own ways to solve problems."

“When my oldest child, an A-plus stellar student, was in sixth grade, I realized he had no idea, no idea at all, how to do long division,” Ms. Backman said, “so I went to school and talked to the teacher, who said, ‘We don’t teach long division; it stifles their creativity.’ ”

"Across the nation, the reconsideration of what should be taught and how has been accelerated by a report in September by the National Council of Teachers of Mathematics, the nation’s leading group of math teachers."

"It was a report from this same group in 1989 that influenced a generation of teachers to let children explore their own solutions to problems, write and draw pictures about math, and use tools like the calculator at the same time they learn algorithms."

So... In short. I was right. HAHAHAHAHA!!! Okay. I'm being mature about this. But there are a few math teachers I feel like calling up right now. "I saw through this as a 10th grader!"

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Snow (Hey Oh)" Red Hot Chili Peppers,
Stadium Arcadium

She loved it when I sang

Ive been working on my Appellate Brief all weekend, and have made some decent progress on it. It's nice to have the weekend to dedicate to the project. The apartment is quiet, and I am remaining relatively disciplined in my task. This morning I woke, though, with an odd memory. Rather out of place, rather distant, it was the remembrance of how much my mother loved when I sang.

I had always been a bit of a singer. One of my first childhood memories was of me playing on the playground by myself, singing to myself a made-up musical in my head. Later, I put my song to more social uses singing for my church, joining choirs, acting in (actual) musicals, and eventually doing some solo work and getting leads in those musicals. It was never effortless for me. It was something that I always had to work very hard at, even with the easiest music. I was definitely not a natural, but it was something that I loved.

Whether it was pride in her own flesh, or an acknowledgment of her own dreadful singing voice, my mother was truly the biggest fan of my singing. It was something that made her happy. I remember going on a family trip to New Orleans, where we saw a man singing on the corner of a street. Mom prodded, "Go up there and sing with him!" I was sheepish, but the man and I ended up ripping out a jazz version of "Amazing Grace." When we were done, we had attracted a crowd, and Mom was just glowing.

When she died just a few months later, I sang that same song at her death bed, knowing that would be the proper way to say goodbye if such a thing existed. I tried to sing it for her funeral, but could barely get the notes out. This was a woman who inspired so much in our community that her wake took two days, and had lines running out the door of the church. Her funeral was standing-room only. To have that woman take pride in me, take pride in my voice, it gave me something that I haven't found since. The world is full of critics, and Mom was more than just a fan... she was Mom.

I stopped singing when I went to college. Maybe it was that my mother was no longer around to support me in this endeavor. I think it was more the competitive and self-serving feeling that singing started to take on. Singing became part of a career goal, something that would advance my personal interests. It wasn't about sharing, it was about achieving. I lost interest.

Maybe it's time to start singing again.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Landslide" Fleetwood Mac,
The Dance

My First and Favorite Crush is Single

We all have "the list," right? The list of people who you would breakup with even your most serious relationship to be with. I think you know what I mean.

Danny Roberts was the first one on my list. And I think he will always be there.

When Danny was on Real World: New Orleans, he was one of the first positive gay role models that I saw on television. Take that back: he was THE first. At the time, I was living in Venezuela, largely pushed back into the closet by the machismo culture there, and had little to no exposurer to gay life at the time. Like many others in the closet, I was starting to regress into thinking that maybe "they" were right, and I was wrong. Maybe being gay WAS a bad thing.

Then I saw Danny. Weekly, I would see him having fun, being healthy, and having a solid loving and compassionate relationship. I remember many nights tearing up over the scenes of him, knowing that back home I would find a community, find a man, or even just find myself. The image that he presented, and MTV gets some major credit for this, gave me hope.

Part of the whole thing was that Danny was dating Paul, an Army Ranger whose face had to be consistently covered up to avoid being kicked out of our armed forces. If there was ever an argument against "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," it is Paul.

Well, at first today, I was gleeful at the thought that lovable, adorable, funny Danny is single. Hope lives on for my crush. Then I saw the video I have posted below, and it made me remember how special I felt their relationship was. Sad that it's over. There was truly love there.

God bless them both for being positive role models when there were none. If only we all had that strength.

Liberal Enough for You?

As if you needed another reason to remove power from this despot. This video is dead on.

Voting Shirtless

I jetted downstairs today midway through re-shaving my mohawk to get voting out of the way before I had to head to my 8am meeting. The polls opened at 7a.m. I was downstairs (the precinct votes in my building) at 7:05a.m... There was already a line around the lobby.

I was wearing a shirt with this logo:

with the word "Democrat" written below. (I had specially ironed the shirt last night... Anyone who knows how much I hate ironing knows that this means Im die-hard. )

Anyway, after waiting in line for about half an hour, I finally get into the polling area, where I woman kindly tells me I can't wear my shirt in there... It's considered campaigning. Hmmm... I didnt want to argue with her, and I wasnt about to leave just to have to come back and wait in line.

So I took off my shirt.

I proceeded to take my time voting shirtless, attracting a bit of attention. Funny, I dont think anyone even noticed my shirt until I had to take it off. And when I left the polling area, I think that the 50-something people in line noticed much more when I walked out shirtless, went to the bank of elevators to go back to my appartment, and put my "Democrat" shirt back on.

That's right. Democrats do it shirtless. And with the lights on. Hot.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Bleed American" Jimmy Eat World,
Bleed American

500-some Criminal Defense Attorneys went into the Woods...

Nope. Not the start of a joke. A start of my weekend.

My office went on a huge ass retreat/conference this weekend with all of our sister offices from around the state. It was amazing, fun, and very stimulating. It was nice to be around that many intelligent, liberal individuals. There's just something about people who will go through 7 years of education and then take a 50% pay cut to work for the poor. Partied like crazy, and just got away from all the crap that had been stressing me out all week. Granted, I will go back to being stressed out about it tomorrow again, but that's okay. I'll live.

I must pause to pat myself on the back a little bit though. A weekend of booze and professionals, and I managed to not make an ass of myself (regardless of campfire beer fights, pick-pocketing, shaking booty with my boss and firework fun). In fact, I am fairly sure I made a pretty good impression. The more I can strategically integrate myself into all aspects of my office, the better my chance that when it comes time to hire new attorneys they look at my file and say, "Well, we just can't let him go. He's awesome!" One can only hope.

Had some interesting reflections this weekend too. The 2nd would have been my mother's birthday. And the breaking of the whole Haggard scandal, and his background as a man who has made so many LGBT people feel austasized and excluded from Christ's love, well that pulls my mind back to a time when I was kicked out of a faith community in the name of Righteousness. That year I had to do a lot of growing. I learned my strengths and my friends. And that the two are not entirely seperate concepts.

I just watched a gay movie called "Dorian Blues." Not bad for a gay-flick. Toward the end it had a line, "They say a boy becomes a man the day his father dies...."

For me, I think it must have been my mother.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Winding Road" Bonnie Somerville,
Garden State

New Heroes

As busy as I have been this week, I have found new heros who have brought me inspiration and hope for America.

First, Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass) was on the Bill Maher show this last week and if you have iTunes, you really should subscribe to the Bill Maher podcast just to listen to his arguments. He was perhaps one of the most well articulated voices I have heard in politics in a very long time. Favorite part: "Scalia just went into a dither" when we decriminalized gay sex.



Secondly, and on a (perhaps) less partisan note, watching the great dignity with which Michael J. Fox presented himself in the Katie Couric interview was truly inspirational. Here is a man who could, with all rights and with the support of every reasonable American rip Rush Limbaugh a new asshole for his disrespect and audasity, but rather he focused on the issue at hand: stem cells and on his own personal struggle. He took the high road, and Im sure that was not easy. As someone wh ooften gets dragged into the dirt by opposition opinions, I find Fox's conduct to be amazing and inspirational.

What a wonderful view, "You get in your life very few chances to make a difference. If these are the circumstances that make that possible, like I said, I'm grateful for it."

Much Relieved

I woke up on yesterday morning at 2am with one of those "OH MY GOD, Im not going to make it through this week" panic attacks. I had just been handed an extra 12-15 hours worth of work unexpectedly the day before, an assignment that needed to be completed within an already time strained week. And completed with a partner. AHHH! That and the massive amount of cases that were slowly starting to amass on my desk. Etc. etc. etc.

I did my best to calm myself. Meditated. Prayed. Tried to problem solve good use of my time. Wrote down the issues that I thought were going to be problematic as the week quickly progressed. And things got better.

I got another work team to take the last minute assignment off my hands. Then I stayed at work til almost 9pm to get some motion to the work that had started to stagnate. As I walked home last night in the newly chilly fall air, the only feeling I had was one of deep relief. I had made it. It is going to get better. I am going to get through it all. Thank God, in the absolutely literal sense. The prayer helped focus me. The gift of other team members who were willing to take some time off my hands for the time being.

The next 20 days are still going to be among the most strenuous of my academic career, but I'm going to make it. That's relieving to remember.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Cosy in the Rocket" Psapp,
Grey's Anatomy Soundtrack

Brutal and Priceless!

Towleroad has posted the companion video to the rather incendiary RNC ad against Harold Ford. The parody ad is delightful. Really not to be missed.

Attacking a citizen

In the last day or so, I've been reading a lot about Virginia Senator George Allen's staff "roughing up" a blogger who was asking some rather inflammatory questions. Video can be seen here. While the journalist in that video surmises that there may have been some security risk presented by the blogger, the blogger (who also happens to be a law student and ex-marine) states that he only wanted to ask questions regarding rumors about Allen's ex-wife and their allegedly abusive relationship.

Distasteful? Perhaps. Grounds for sanctioned assault? Certainly not.

While my friend over at TJ's Double Play characterizes this guy as "raving mad," I have to say that I agree with the statement from the blogger who was attacked. When the day comes that our government officials can perpetuate an attack on its citizens simply because they dont like the questions that we are asking... It seems a far cry from the country that our founders designed.

Perhaps this guy actually posed a legitimate security threat. I doubt that. If he had, believe me he would have been detained or arrested. Cops dont take that sort of thing lightly. If a threat was made, then the proper response would have been to immediately remove the Senator from the area and have police (who were undoubtedly present given the presence of protesters outside the building) intervene.

More likely? Allen's staffers are on edge about the increasingly dire poll numbers (10/29 poll showing Webb up by 5 pts.), and this Blogger's questions about Allen's allegedly abusive marriage hit close to home, especially for this "Save-Marriage-from-the-Gays" candidate.

Either way, I'd take this blogger's case in a heartbeat.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Hit the Floor" Linkin Park,
Meteora

A Little Journey Makes it All Better

I had a very very long day. Work is piling up, and I came home just drained to the point of exhaustion. I havent eaten, and I have no food in the house, no desire to order anything, and no energy to cook even the Ramen that I have left... Then my iTunes randomly hit on a Journey song, and my outlook got just a bit brighter.

The song triggered a fantastic memory from my last trip to Chicago. My sister and I completely jamming out to Journey blasting in Dad's mini-van while he is looking more and more perplexed by our strange enchantment at the song... We're not the only ones...

Confused by Time

I spent most of the day today forgetting that we had gained an hour by daylight savings time. Oops... Then proceeded to get REALLY confused at my office when I couldnt tell if it was 4:30 or 5:30. Anyway...

Just got back from a political function which served as a great networking opportunity with my law school mentor. Fun to meet all sorts of new people, most of whom were very well connected. As a matter of fact, I started speaking with the owner of the bar hosting the function, and he kinda offered me a job. We just got into talking about bar life, and my experiences, and how much I miss it, and he said that he could use someone to fill spots occassionally. God, that would be a blast! I feel like I would be a bit daunted by the skill of the other bartenders at this place, but it would certainly be a lot of fun. Ill just have to see what comes of it. SWEET!

I spent about 10 hours in the office this weekend trying to bring my life back to some semblance of normality after focusing so diligently on the Halloween party. And last night I went to the office Halloween Party. I had quite a good time, and while I felt some seperation from some of the attorneys simply by the fact of my age, I ended up hanging out with the younger crowd and getting along just fine. They even got me to sing Karaoke! I havent done that since I lived in Venezuela! (thats about 6 years Ive been able to get away with not singing Karaoke)

Wow... I keep coming back to the prospect of bartending. Thrilling!

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Stay" Small Sins,
Small Sins

This, Right Now, Is Why I'm Single

Friday night. 10:30 p.m. I'm staying in. I couldn't be happier about that.

I spent the last few weeks stressing out about planning last night's Halloween party for the law school. It ended up being a kick-ass party, and everything went well, but I was exhausted from putting everything together and literally sleeping in my office last night so as to save time between helping to close the bar at 2:30am and working at 7:30am.

Anyway, my party-mojo is a bit spent. I have at least two parties I could make it to tonight, and was planning on going out until about 20 minutes ago. But I'm relieved as hell to be sitting peaceably in my apartment watching DVDs and listening to music.

I have moments lately when I look at my life and wonder why Im not sharing it with someone else. In the darker moments I begin to wonder, "Is there something wrong with me?" The truth is, however, that I am just not "out there" right now. The dating pool at a law school party is rather shallow (although I did have a cutie handcuff himself to me last night... but I think he is straight). And while there would undoubtably be eligible gay bachelors at the parties tonight, here I sit in my apartment.

Law school is undoubtably one of those things that one must just "get through." And this semester is likely the busiest I will have. I'm weathering things well. Very well in fact. And I suppose that if that means that I have to neglect my social life for a little while for personal sanity and health, Im just going to have to be patient with myself.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"When I Fall" Barenaked Ladies,
Born on a Pirate Ship

Had to Repost: Red State Glory

Courtesy of Josh & Josh:

"If the blue states are sinkholes of moral decay, as right-wing pundits insist, how come red states lead the nation in violent crime, divorce, illegitimacy, and incarceration, among other evils?"

*Nine out of the top ten states with the highest incarceration rates are red states, with Louisiana, Mississippi, and Texas leading the pack. Delaware is the only blue state in the top ten.

*All of the top ten states with the highest incarceration of women are red states, with Mississippi, Oklahoma, and Louisiana leading the pack.

*The ten states with the highest number of executed prisoners are red states. Texas, Ohio, and Oklahoma are the top three states.

*The top fifteen states for highest rate of death by firearms are all red states. Alaska, Louisiana, and New Mexico lead the group.

*Fourteen of the fifteen states with the highest rate of suicide are red states, with Wyoming, Alaska, and Nevada at the top of the list. The only blue state to appear is Oregon.

*The ten states with the highest divorce rates in the United States are all red states. Nevada, Arkansas, and Wyoming have the highest rates of divorce.

*Nine out of the ten states with the highest rates of illegitimacy are red states. The only blue state in the top ten is Delaware.

*Fourteen of the fifteen states with the highest percentage of obese residents are red states, with Mississippi, Alabama, and West Virginia coming in as the most obese states. Michigan is the only blue state in the group.

*Meanwhile, eight of the ten smartest states (based on state education rankings) are blue states. Vermont, Connecticut, and Massachusetts are the smartest states. Minnesota ranks sixth. Virginia and Montana are the only red states to appear on the list.

data from: "Red State Babylon", Vanity Fair, November 2006, p.162-168

Beautiful Disaster

Before I begin my recap, I have to touch on a bit of news: today at 3pm, the New Jersey Supreme Court will rule on whether it is legal to prohibit gays and lesbians from getting married in that state. With less than two weeks until the mid-term elections, this ruling could change the entire face of it. While it would be beautiful to see another court uphold the dignity of same-sex relationships, the result of a positive ruling would devestate the campaign against a Constitutional Amendment to ban same-sex marriage in Wisconsin, the first state in the union where the polling shows that such an Amendment could be beaten. On the flip-side, if the NJ Court were to find that it is within the realm of the legislature to forbid gay marriage, it would be another example of unfortunate jurisprudence, but it would utterly defeat the argument that "activist judges need to be restrained."

I dont know what I hope for on this one. Defeat in the battle for victory in the war? "Beautiful disaster" seems about right.

As for me, this Monday I returned from a week of distractions from all things law and law-related. It started with a staff-party that was just killer two Fridays ago. Most of the lawyers in my office just ripping it up on a Friday night. It was amazing fun, and I had to excuse myself rather early so I could assure that I woke up on time for my flight to Chicago the next morning.

I then spent the next five days visiting with family and friends in Chicago, which was just beautiful. We ate well, and I have always said that I never laugh as much as when I am with my family. (sister: "You know this song is about masturbation..." My father and I both scandalized, "You're a dirty whore!") My sister is starting to date, and that is amazing to see. Granted, Im going to have to knee-cap the first gentleman who breaks her heart, but its good to see that guys are starting to realize how stellar she is.

Hung out with some of my oldest friends in the world last Monday, who accompanied me to a gay bar where we realized we were one friend short of our group of Boy Scouts, all sitting around at the gay bar. The next morning went on a fun personal quest for a shower... Fun story.

Back in Minneapolis I dealt with some drama I had created the week before, which resolved well in the end. Also got to take TWO trips to the DMV to become an official citizen in this State. That was never-ending fun! (more never-ending than fun) Then last weekend I staffed a camp for kids being adopted out of foster care. Simply amazing. I essentially got to spend the weekend playing and roughhousing with a group of about 40 while working with some of the most incredible people I have met in a while. Im pretty sure that I fell in love with several of the other staffers. Just the most genuine, caring and diverse crowd you could imagine. And organically diverse too... I enjoyed the weekend so much that it all has me really thinking about my future in law. I was invited to apply for postition to work at the camp for the summer, and while it would be about the worst career move ever, Im seriously considering it. I suppose that could be another "Beautiful Disaster."

Now that Im back, this week is a bit overwhelming, but it helps that I took the break to get an even keel. Ive had meetings all week that Ive helped to plan on top of my regular schedule, and Ive also been in charge of planning our law school Halloween party which will (hopefully) be for about 150 people. Its been quite a project, forcing everything (including whatever schoolwork I would normally do) to the backburner. I will be a very happy camper when Thursday has come and gone.

In all of this, many of my friends havent seen me in months. Sorry if you are one of them. I wish I could claim it was going to get better. Until Thanksgiving I am so busy I can hardly see straight. We'll hang out during finals?

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Beautiful Disaster" Kelly Clarkson,
Breakaway

Caution: Don't Operate Under the Influence of Anger

Where did my Zen go?

And my charm with it?

This week I got angry. I let something get to me on Sunday. A wrong that I knew just had to be righted. People had come to me seeking guidance, and I took their issues on as my own.

I am trying really hard not to write off the lessons of this week as "Drink more, Care less," which is, of course, my first inclination. But I think there is a greater lesson to be learned. I got so very very full of righteous anger at this situation that in the process of trying to solve this "great ill" I stepped on a dear friend's toes and insulted her, perhaps overstepped the bounds of a leadership position that I have been trusted with, and might have umm... well... threatened the Dean. Yeah. Im feeling like a pretty popular guy right now. All because I let myself get angry.

It's like this Incredible Hulk thing. People generally find me gregarious and easygoing. But if something manages to get me angry, well, then Im not so much fun to be around. I want Justice, and I want it NOW!!! Unfortunately, 99% of the time, that is not the way the world works. The person who is to blame for the situation I am trying to solve will undoubtably face consequences in his life for his actions (or not). But the situation which I suppose should concern me more is the way that I have allowed myself to become isolated in my anger at the situation. And there is noone to blame for that but myself. I havent let others become involved in the ways that they otherwise might come forward. I havent respected my school enough to at least let them TRY to get this right. They might not, but I guess the greater issue is whether I am going to let myself become lost in the process.

Maybe the lesson here is, "Drink more, but still care in the right way." The irony is that the prayer, reflection and even breathing that I have tried to make integral parts of my life got completely left on the wayside here. And I lost.

Learn this lesson Christian.

Damnit. Learn this lesson.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"The World I Know" Collective Soul,
Collective Soul

A student ... and North Korean Nukes

So... I've seen some recognizable faces in the news lately.

Last spring, for those who remember, I had an absolutely dreadful semester teaching kids at a downtown school different lessons related to the law to their 10th grade English class. It was, bar none, the worst volunteer experience of my life. However, I had one student who was engaged (if overly so) and was constantly trying to bait us into "Why shouldn't we impeach Bush" discussions. In short, he was awesome. I continued to play to the middle, and by the end of the class he accused me of not only being conservative but of being homophobic. Alas, I just couldnt win with that crowd.

Well, I just saw him in the news, confronting some homophobic parents who were protesting about the lessons at the school being too open about sexuality. God bless him. Seriously, almost makes the miserable volunteer experience worth it. Almost.

[edited for a minor amount of discretion]

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, North Korea purports to have successfully tested a nuclear weapon. Is there anything else G.W. can fuck up?

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Weenie Beenie" Foo Fighters,
Foo Fighters

Just showing Im not the only one who thinks he's a jerk...

Justice Scalia started out the judicial term with a bang. Not much of one, for him, and yet still a pretty decent gaffe if it were to come from a normal person. Something about Mexicans not being expected to abstain from their tequila. They are Mexicans after all.

From Slate.com:

"Nobody laughs. But then, nobody winces or flinches, either. Somehow, a remark that would have flattened us had a Souter spoken it is just a solid day at the office for Scalia. I have no idea where the tequila comment should register on the nation's macaca-meter. The more interesting question is about Scalia's deliberate carelessness with language, his sense that he is somehow above the sorts of linguistic delicacy the rest of us expect in our dealings with others. Indeed, he seems to think it's his obligation to be ever more reckless with his words, perhaps because he's about the only guy left who faces no consequences for his rhetorical body-slams."

Interestingly, that is exactly what I had questioned him about some weeks ago: not his judicial theory, but his callous use of the English language.

"If George Allen had uttered Scalia's 'nobody thinks your client is abstaining from tequila' crack today, it would have been front-page news. The rest of us would have been forced to form some opinion as to whether it was an 'aspersion,' a stereotype, a gaffe, or just a celebration of worm-laden beverages. But the court exists on a different plane, and for good reason. We don't want every branch of government to be beholden to the electorate, but that doesn't mean that the justices shouldn't be beholden to themselves. Scalia wants to be a part of the national conversation, but not on the terms the nation has agreed to. And each time he unleashes one of these remarks, I find myself wondering whether he's protecting his right to express himself, or just relishing his free pass."

At least I know that, at my school, he didnt get a free pass.

I wouldn't let him have one.

How Republicans made me sick

I had a wonderful day yesterday, ending up with me going to my school's Diversity Potluck (the gay org brought rainbow Jello). For the second year in a row, I was delightfully surprised by how much I enjoyed being around other people who realized the necessity for increased diversity of all types. At one point, a named-partner from one of the local firms talked about how diverse his office has become, and I went, "Wow. I could work there." That, from me who has avidly sworn off firm life.

Well, among the many diverse foods at the potluck, the Republicans brought McDonald's cheeseburgers. Classic. Way to show your diversity.

Anyway, I was hungry, and had a little bit of everything, and did indeed eat the cheeseburger. It was the only meat I ate, and about 4 hours later, I regreted that decision with every lurch of my stomach. I have not felt that sick in a very very long time.

I think it was my body just rejecting the fruits of the Republican party. (or perhaps it was the really really low-grade meat that the rich feed the poor to increase their profit margins...)

Funny, I went on a few dates with a Republican a couple of weeks back. He was charming, witty, had a great apartment and a pretty good body. But there were some major self-hate issues going on. The final straw was when he refused to kiss me good bye in his car when dropping me off in my uber-gay neighborhood. I have worked for 7 years now to be comfortable with who I am, Im not about to start heading backwards.

Speaking of republicans (or Democrats if you believe Fox news) the internet is all abuzz with the Mark Foley scandal. My only thoughts for the moment are this: I am tired of Americans using alcoholism as an excuse for everything from racism to ephebophilia (being attracted to adolescents). Its truly vexing that a serious social disease is just being cast around as an excuse to get people off the hook.

Secondly, here is where I think sexuality fits in:
"If this has a familiar ring, look in the Catholic Church for the bell. Republican leadership was acting like the Catholic hierarchy, which played shell games with men accused of sexually abusing children. And there's a good reason for the similarity. The inability to deal straightforwardly with gay people leads to other kinds of truth-avoidance when things go south. But that's what comes from not wanting to know something, and going out of your way to remain ignorant." David Link of the Boston Globe

It's time to deal with people as they are. Haven't we learned from our past that telling people that they are "wrong" to be gay only confuses them as to what is truly right and wrong?


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"You Learn" Alanis Morissette,
MTV Unplugged

Pelosi's 100 hours

Why I love this woman. This would be like a dream come true.

Pelosi Says She Would Drain GOP 'Swamp' - washingtonpost.com

Election Fun

Its not making much news right now, but the new polls may prove me wrong in my previous post reacting to the NYT story about Democratic strategy.

If the election was held today, the Dems would gain 3 or 4 seats (we need 6 for a majority) with two states in a very close toss-up. The delightful thing is that the toss-up states are far from those you might expect: Tennessee and Missouri, classic Republican strongholds. The only seat that the Dems look to lose is New Jersey, and that race is within 2pts. Also, it's pleasant to see the vile Santorum down by a full 13 points in Pennsylvania. Good Lord, I will weep the day that man is pushed out of office. For joy.

As far as the House, the national polling is even, with 48% on each side saying they would vote either Red or Blue. There is at least one Florida seat that I am fairly certain the Dems are going to win. What a hypocritical jerk. I feel like I should have sympathy for the pathetic state of his life, but then again... I dont.

As for Minnesota, both the 2nd and the 6th seem to be polling Red by about 9pts. Both House seats were Red last election, so there is really nothing lost, but given Bachmann's serial idiocy, and the dress she was seen in at my law school last week, her victory would be rather unfortunate. Do you really want your Congressperson to dress so tragically? You can tell she definitely doesnt have any gay friends... They wouldnt let her leave the house looking like that.

As for governors, a lot of Red states look likely to elect Blue executives (Co, Ark, Oh, Pa), and it is good to see that my homes states are at least looking hopeful: Hatch is anywhere between 2pts up to 4 pts down against incumbent "If I cant eat it, Im not paying for it" Pawlenty. Dem Jim Doyle is up by anywhere between 3-9% in my favorite drinking state, and Granholm is between 2-8pts up in Michigan. That last one looks tight, and will effect my family (read: father) more than any other race. I'll send good karma that way.

MY night

Last night I stayed in.

It felt so friggin good. I cooked for the first time in weeks, did five loads of laundry, cleaned out my briefcase, got shit off my desk, payed bills, drank a bottle of Syrah, and watched some Will & Grace. It was great!

This semester is thusfar going very well. But I am at that brink of panic when I look at my calendar on Monday and realize that I dont have any personal time for 5 days. Ive been working, volunteering, getting Journal stuff done, planning OUT!Law events, doing Moot Court, helping out at Bar Reviews, and of course doing homework occassionally. Yesterday, I didnt qualify into the semi-finals for Moot Court (top 8) and it was somewhat a blow to my ego. But then I went out and enjoyed a few beers with some friends, sitting in the sun, and got to enjoy the rest of my Saturday. It was probably the biggest "blessing in disguise" I could have hoped for.

I have a fair amount of stuff to accomplish today, and another busy week ahead of me, but it all seems far more reasonable now that I have regained my mental focus. Thank God for that.

Oh, and for those who have asked for a shot of the new haircut:

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Lie to Me" Jonny Lang,
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