My Incredibly (un?)Justified Fear of Shoe Shiners

See, maybe it's that I'm a guy who buys cheap shoes... I had a friend the other day laugh at me when I acknowledged that most of my shoes have come from Payless. But only recently have I been wearing better shoes that might be worthy of taking care of. Shoes that deserve a good shine.

I'll admit it: I never really learned how to shine my shoes. My Boy Scout troop was all para-military, but that was never something we had to do. So now, in my adulthood, I face a dilemma: I must either go out and buy the materials (shoe polish, brush, etc.) to figure out how to shine my own shoes, or I can pony up the $6 to have one of the many many shoe shiners in Skyway do it for me.

Except: they scare me.

I don't know where this comes from, but for some reason I am really uncomfortable about the prospect of someone else shining my shoes. Perhaps its because I always think that the guys sitting up in those chairs reading the Wall Street Journal look like pompous asses. Part of it is that it is SUCH a subservient role for the person doing the shining, and I'm not particularly comfortable about that. Part of it is also that the fag in me doesn't want a professional judging my footwear thinking to themselves, "Well, maybe he didn't get these at PayLess, but he certainly could have."

Well, earlier this week I decided to face my fear. I went and paid my money, sat in the chair, and listened to the crazy Zydeco music playing at the little shop where the guy nearest my office sits. He seemed to be quite experienced, and I tried to make polite conversation with him so as not to feel like a pompous ass in the process. (I left my WSJ on my desk.)

But here's the problem: he FUCKED UP MY SHOES!!!

They now look worse than when I started: black sole paint on the leather, scuff marks on the top!

Now I am not only scared of shoe-shiners, but have a fucked up pair of shoes to legitimize my phobia.

Maybe its "do it yourself" time. Fuck.