Just Breathe

It is definitely that time of year. With about a week and a half of actual classes left, I have all the end-of-the-semester shit staring me in the face and work (for my actual job) piling up to dangerous levels.

Its all about breathing. Just reminding myself that it will all get done, and that I've managed to get through this far, another week ain't gonna kill me.

One of my favorite lawyers I work for just asked me if everything was okay, and if I needed to talk to "Uncle (Lawyer)?" My response: "No time, I'll tell you later!"

Not whining. I'll make it.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Today's the Day" Aimee Mann,
Last Kiss Soundtrack

Happy Thanksgiving

Deadly Sin for the Weekend: Sloth

It was amazingly gratifying to have a weekend to myself without any sort of massive deadlines hanging over my head. Rest assured, there's still plenty of stuff to do, but I have no fear that I can't accomplish it during the week. At least for now. I go home to the fam for about a week on Tuesday, so this week seems comically easy in that light.

So I spent the weekend catching up on some of my favorite shows, which is amazing, because I don't have cable, and rarely watch TV in what little spare time I have. But I forgot how much fun some of those shows can be. "Heroes" is definitely a new favorite. And as derided as "Studio 60" is getting lately, I enjoy the Aaron Sorkin wit (although it is definitely the ugly step-sister of West Wing: I'm only willing to consider it because the other isn't available).

What's amazing is the way that I am able to watch these shows. Apparently Im one of the last to catch on, but the networks are offering "On Demand" shows for FREE on their own websites. Limited Commercials. Up til now, I had figured that I had to pay for this stuff on iTunes. And for that price, Id prefer to hold out for the DVDs, so that it is something I can actually have in my hands.

Anyway. These offerings are pretty damn cool. If I had even a single urge to pay out the ass for cable, it has completely diminished: I can get it all for free, at way greater convenience!

I do wonder, however, why these channels aren't utilizing this technology to make them WAY more money... It would be really simple to make users create a username and password, and when registering give all sorts of demographic information... That way they could know WHO is watching which program, but better, target ads specifically to ME. No more AmbienCR, Advil or estate planning ads would be wasted on me, a target demographic that advertisers are absolutely killing for. They could see instantly that I am a 20-something year old man in law school... They would know exactly what to try and sell me: alcohol.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Can't Take it In" Imogen Heap,
Chronicles of Narnia Soundtrack

"I'll F'ing Break Your Arms"

Just got home from a house party. It is very nice to finally engage my social life a little bit, and it felt great to talk about social and political circumstances outside of law school.... Fun times. Thank God for helping me make it through this week. The feeling of being done with my Appellate Brief, the last of my legal writing assignments, can only be described as complete and total exuberance.

As I walked to this house party, I was struck by the beauty of the City's lights on the low-hanging clouds... It was fantastic, and, if anything, reminded me of the gratitude that I must have for the higher power that has gotten my through this last week. Anyway... I feel like a whole new man.

And this party was great. Very intelligent people all around. Great conversations on great topics. But at one point a close friend passed out, and one of the guests (one to whom I openly show my animosity as much as possible) tried to fuck with him. I got furious. Dont fuck with my friends. If I could have a motto for my life, that would be it: "Don't fuck with my friends." After trying my best to restrain this guy verbally, I finally threw him against a wall, "I'll F'in break your arms if you touch him again..." That may have been the end of the party, but I think it was well worth taking a stance...

Anyway, Im home, glad to have made it through the week. Glad I didn't get the crap shocked out of me by campus police at the library. Glad.

Best Morning Ever...

Life is full of those little pleasures.

I didn't quite get 4 hours of sleep last night, but I am walking on air because my Appellate Brief is completely done: about 36 hours ahead of schedule. Wow. That's some crazy shit. Very much unlike me. It feels great though. Wow.

Plus, I woke up to my new favorite crush: Brian Faas.

Before I sound all stalkerish, I have been watching this guy for about 6 months on the VH1 Video Podcast of "Best Night Ever." The podcast rotates the comedians it uses to mock the previous night's television, and Brian is by far my favorite. Not only is he super cute, but he is downright hilarious. (mental note: does he look a little like (Mitchell)?)He's got this corny thing actually working for him, and it keeps me smiling on my trek to work. "Details magazine isn't for gay people... It's for douchebags!" People wonder why I am giggling on my bus ride to work.

I figure, well, I'm attracted to him, so he's obviously got to be straight.

Then I get to work and Google Mr. Faas to find a picture for this post, and discover he has a MySpace page... And I quickly discovered that my intuition was wrong. SEE! I CAN be attracted to gay people! Told you so! And NOW WE'RE FRIENDS!!! LIKE FOR REAL!!! God bless Myspace, and God bless Google.

It's gonna be a good day.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Paul McCartney" Scissor Sisters,
Ta-Dah!

An "I Told You So," -- Eight Years Coming

On the New York Times front page today was a surprising flashback from, well, 10th Grade. Way back then, I threw a giant stink when the school district was trying to implement "New Math," aka "Core Math." I went to school board meetings, made it into the paper, and generally made very few friends among the math teachers and administrators of the public school I had just joined.

My major complaints were that the new teaching styles and concepts had not been empirically tested, and the students in our district were being used as lab rats. The SAT/ACT tested the traditional styles of math. The entire "Core Math" theory was modeled out of a California trial that had eventually gotten scrapped when the students' test scores started sinking. So our school board in all it's wisdom, decided to give it a try in our district... Essentially we were getting screwed in our math educations. The school district eventually caved and let me take my math at the local college, but I was the squeaky wheel. Not everyone had that option.

Well today I received my due reward. The NYTimes printed "As Math Scores Lag, A New Push for the Basics." Read it if you can (subscription might be needed).

"The changes are being driven by students’ lagging performance on international tests and mathematicians’ warnings that more than a decade of so-called reform math — critics call it fuzzy math — has crippled students with its de-emphasizing of basic drills and memorization in favor of allowing children to find their own ways to solve problems."

“When my oldest child, an A-plus stellar student, was in sixth grade, I realized he had no idea, no idea at all, how to do long division,” Ms. Backman said, “so I went to school and talked to the teacher, who said, ‘We don’t teach long division; it stifles their creativity.’ ”

"Across the nation, the reconsideration of what should be taught and how has been accelerated by a report in September by the National Council of Teachers of Mathematics, the nation’s leading group of math teachers."

"It was a report from this same group in 1989 that influenced a generation of teachers to let children explore their own solutions to problems, write and draw pictures about math, and use tools like the calculator at the same time they learn algorithms."

So... In short. I was right. HAHAHAHAHA!!! Okay. I'm being mature about this. But there are a few math teachers I feel like calling up right now. "I saw through this as a 10th grader!"

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Snow (Hey Oh)" Red Hot Chili Peppers,
Stadium Arcadium

She loved it when I sang

Ive been working on my Appellate Brief all weekend, and have made some decent progress on it. It's nice to have the weekend to dedicate to the project. The apartment is quiet, and I am remaining relatively disciplined in my task. This morning I woke, though, with an odd memory. Rather out of place, rather distant, it was the remembrance of how much my mother loved when I sang.

I had always been a bit of a singer. One of my first childhood memories was of me playing on the playground by myself, singing to myself a made-up musical in my head. Later, I put my song to more social uses singing for my church, joining choirs, acting in (actual) musicals, and eventually doing some solo work and getting leads in those musicals. It was never effortless for me. It was something that I always had to work very hard at, even with the easiest music. I was definitely not a natural, but it was something that I loved.

Whether it was pride in her own flesh, or an acknowledgment of her own dreadful singing voice, my mother was truly the biggest fan of my singing. It was something that made her happy. I remember going on a family trip to New Orleans, where we saw a man singing on the corner of a street. Mom prodded, "Go up there and sing with him!" I was sheepish, but the man and I ended up ripping out a jazz version of "Amazing Grace." When we were done, we had attracted a crowd, and Mom was just glowing.

When she died just a few months later, I sang that same song at her death bed, knowing that would be the proper way to say goodbye if such a thing existed. I tried to sing it for her funeral, but could barely get the notes out. This was a woman who inspired so much in our community that her wake took two days, and had lines running out the door of the church. Her funeral was standing-room only. To have that woman take pride in me, take pride in my voice, it gave me something that I haven't found since. The world is full of critics, and Mom was more than just a fan... she was Mom.

I stopped singing when I went to college. Maybe it was that my mother was no longer around to support me in this endeavor. I think it was more the competitive and self-serving feeling that singing started to take on. Singing became part of a career goal, something that would advance my personal interests. It wasn't about sharing, it was about achieving. I lost interest.

Maybe it's time to start singing again.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Landslide" Fleetwood Mac,
The Dance

My First and Favorite Crush is Single

We all have "the list," right? The list of people who you would breakup with even your most serious relationship to be with. I think you know what I mean.

Danny Roberts was the first one on my list. And I think he will always be there.

When Danny was on Real World: New Orleans, he was one of the first positive gay role models that I saw on television. Take that back: he was THE first. At the time, I was living in Venezuela, largely pushed back into the closet by the machismo culture there, and had little to no exposurer to gay life at the time. Like many others in the closet, I was starting to regress into thinking that maybe "they" were right, and I was wrong. Maybe being gay WAS a bad thing.

Then I saw Danny. Weekly, I would see him having fun, being healthy, and having a solid loving and compassionate relationship. I remember many nights tearing up over the scenes of him, knowing that back home I would find a community, find a man, or even just find myself. The image that he presented, and MTV gets some major credit for this, gave me hope.

Part of the whole thing was that Danny was dating Paul, an Army Ranger whose face had to be consistently covered up to avoid being kicked out of our armed forces. If there was ever an argument against "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," it is Paul.

Well, at first today, I was gleeful at the thought that lovable, adorable, funny Danny is single. Hope lives on for my crush. Then I saw the video I have posted below, and it made me remember how special I felt their relationship was. Sad that it's over. There was truly love there.

God bless them both for being positive role models when there were none. If only we all had that strength.

Liberal Enough for You?

As if you needed another reason to remove power from this despot. This video is dead on.

Voting Shirtless

I jetted downstairs today midway through re-shaving my mohawk to get voting out of the way before I had to head to my 8am meeting. The polls opened at 7a.m. I was downstairs (the precinct votes in my building) at 7:05a.m... There was already a line around the lobby.

I was wearing a shirt with this logo:

with the word "Democrat" written below. (I had specially ironed the shirt last night... Anyone who knows how much I hate ironing knows that this means Im die-hard. )

Anyway, after waiting in line for about half an hour, I finally get into the polling area, where I woman kindly tells me I can't wear my shirt in there... It's considered campaigning. Hmmm... I didnt want to argue with her, and I wasnt about to leave just to have to come back and wait in line.

So I took off my shirt.

I proceeded to take my time voting shirtless, attracting a bit of attention. Funny, I dont think anyone even noticed my shirt until I had to take it off. And when I left the polling area, I think that the 50-something people in line noticed much more when I walked out shirtless, went to the bank of elevators to go back to my appartment, and put my "Democrat" shirt back on.

That's right. Democrats do it shirtless. And with the lights on. Hot.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Bleed American" Jimmy Eat World,
Bleed American

500-some Criminal Defense Attorneys went into the Woods...

Nope. Not the start of a joke. A start of my weekend.

My office went on a huge ass retreat/conference this weekend with all of our sister offices from around the state. It was amazing, fun, and very stimulating. It was nice to be around that many intelligent, liberal individuals. There's just something about people who will go through 7 years of education and then take a 50% pay cut to work for the poor. Partied like crazy, and just got away from all the crap that had been stressing me out all week. Granted, I will go back to being stressed out about it tomorrow again, but that's okay. I'll live.

I must pause to pat myself on the back a little bit though. A weekend of booze and professionals, and I managed to not make an ass of myself (regardless of campfire beer fights, pick-pocketing, shaking booty with my boss and firework fun). In fact, I am fairly sure I made a pretty good impression. The more I can strategically integrate myself into all aspects of my office, the better my chance that when it comes time to hire new attorneys they look at my file and say, "Well, we just can't let him go. He's awesome!" One can only hope.

Had some interesting reflections this weekend too. The 2nd would have been my mother's birthday. And the breaking of the whole Haggard scandal, and his background as a man who has made so many LGBT people feel austasized and excluded from Christ's love, well that pulls my mind back to a time when I was kicked out of a faith community in the name of Righteousness. That year I had to do a lot of growing. I learned my strengths and my friends. And that the two are not entirely seperate concepts.

I just watched a gay movie called "Dorian Blues." Not bad for a gay-flick. Toward the end it had a line, "They say a boy becomes a man the day his father dies...."

For me, I think it must have been my mother.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Winding Road" Bonnie Somerville,
Garden State

New Heroes

As busy as I have been this week, I have found new heros who have brought me inspiration and hope for America.

First, Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass) was on the Bill Maher show this last week and if you have iTunes, you really should subscribe to the Bill Maher podcast just to listen to his arguments. He was perhaps one of the most well articulated voices I have heard in politics in a very long time. Favorite part: "Scalia just went into a dither" when we decriminalized gay sex.



Secondly, and on a (perhaps) less partisan note, watching the great dignity with which Michael J. Fox presented himself in the Katie Couric interview was truly inspirational. Here is a man who could, with all rights and with the support of every reasonable American rip Rush Limbaugh a new asshole for his disrespect and audasity, but rather he focused on the issue at hand: stem cells and on his own personal struggle. He took the high road, and Im sure that was not easy. As someone wh ooften gets dragged into the dirt by opposition opinions, I find Fox's conduct to be amazing and inspirational.

What a wonderful view, "You get in your life very few chances to make a difference. If these are the circumstances that make that possible, like I said, I'm grateful for it."

Much Relieved

I woke up on yesterday morning at 2am with one of those "OH MY GOD, Im not going to make it through this week" panic attacks. I had just been handed an extra 12-15 hours worth of work unexpectedly the day before, an assignment that needed to be completed within an already time strained week. And completed with a partner. AHHH! That and the massive amount of cases that were slowly starting to amass on my desk. Etc. etc. etc.

I did my best to calm myself. Meditated. Prayed. Tried to problem solve good use of my time. Wrote down the issues that I thought were going to be problematic as the week quickly progressed. And things got better.

I got another work team to take the last minute assignment off my hands. Then I stayed at work til almost 9pm to get some motion to the work that had started to stagnate. As I walked home last night in the newly chilly fall air, the only feeling I had was one of deep relief. I had made it. It is going to get better. I am going to get through it all. Thank God, in the absolutely literal sense. The prayer helped focus me. The gift of other team members who were willing to take some time off my hands for the time being.

The next 20 days are still going to be among the most strenuous of my academic career, but I'm going to make it. That's relieving to remember.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Cosy in the Rocket" Psapp,
Grey's Anatomy Soundtrack

Brutal and Priceless!

Towleroad has posted the companion video to the rather incendiary RNC ad against Harold Ford. The parody ad is delightful. Really not to be missed.

Attacking a citizen

In the last day or so, I've been reading a lot about Virginia Senator George Allen's staff "roughing up" a blogger who was asking some rather inflammatory questions. Video can be seen here. While the journalist in that video surmises that there may have been some security risk presented by the blogger, the blogger (who also happens to be a law student and ex-marine) states that he only wanted to ask questions regarding rumors about Allen's ex-wife and their allegedly abusive relationship.

Distasteful? Perhaps. Grounds for sanctioned assault? Certainly not.

While my friend over at TJ's Double Play characterizes this guy as "raving mad," I have to say that I agree with the statement from the blogger who was attacked. When the day comes that our government officials can perpetuate an attack on its citizens simply because they dont like the questions that we are asking... It seems a far cry from the country that our founders designed.

Perhaps this guy actually posed a legitimate security threat. I doubt that. If he had, believe me he would have been detained or arrested. Cops dont take that sort of thing lightly. If a threat was made, then the proper response would have been to immediately remove the Senator from the area and have police (who were undoubtedly present given the presence of protesters outside the building) intervene.

More likely? Allen's staffers are on edge about the increasingly dire poll numbers (10/29 poll showing Webb up by 5 pts.), and this Blogger's questions about Allen's allegedly abusive marriage hit close to home, especially for this "Save-Marriage-from-the-Gays" candidate.

Either way, I'd take this blogger's case in a heartbeat.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Hit the Floor" Linkin Park,
Meteora