Vote for Rudy?

A good friend emailed me this blog post about Rudy Giuliani's run for president. In short, could the gay community support a candidate who has fully complied with our exceptions of a progressive candidate on "our" issues, even if he does happen to be a Republican? The entry seems to have a fairly disdainful view of the Human Right's Campaign and its historic support of almost exculsively Democrat candidates. However, the question I ask myself is, "Could I vote for this guy?"

I generally think of myself as a fiscally conserative moderate who in other eras could be considered an independent voter. However in my reply to my friend, I noted that in my entire lifetime as a voter, now going on 6 years, I haven't been able to vote for Republicans in good conscience because I know that doing so could continue to deny me rights I consider crucial to my basic citizenship (let's be honest, if the Scalites had their way, my bedroom activities would still be illegal). But without that imminent threat, could I vote Republican?

I have always found Log Republicans to be laughable. How a gay person can even think about voting for someone who will in turn vote with/for an administration that is deadset on a middle-aged ethic on sexual health and a republican congress that is happy to let it happen, it simply seems naive to me.

But McCain? Giuliani? I would seriously think about it. I'm sure it wouldn't take me too long to remember the other reasons that I vote Democrat, but this would take a seriously leg out of that argument.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Black Horse & the Cherry Tree" KT Tunstall,
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Boston Legal: Gender Compliance?

Don't get me wrong. I love me some Boston Legal. I think it's witty and hilarious, and legally totally absurd. But as the clip below indicates, at the end of the day with the show it often addresses very real societal concerns, often to an intelligent and ... ahem... liberal resolution.

But there is one story line that is deeply troubling me. It is that of a character who initially came on as "Clarise." "Clarise" was a large black man who felt more comfortable expressing himself as a female. I think that many of my fellow LGBT activists would feel comfortable classifying this character as Transgendered. The storyline began innocently enough, highlighting the difficulties of such a life path in today's world. However, then it took a significantly less educated and progressive turn.

Another character in the show forced "Clarise" to gender-comply and become "Clarence." I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and for it to become clear that such forced gender-compliance can only have negative repercussions on someone' s personality. However, the show's producers seem intent on making it clear that by forcing "Clarence" to forgo his wig, dress, and fairly outlandish female persona, the character has accepted a better life. A life where "he" now has a girlfriend, a phenomenally good career, indeed is even trying murder cases (where before he couldn't date and wasn't able to find a job, and then only as a law clerk).

While the clip below makes a phenomenal case about the absurdity of the whole "ex-gay" movement, it concerns me that out of the other side of the proverbial mouth comes the idea that while gays can't be changed, transgendered people can. It makes me so angry that I end up yelling at the television each and every time I see that story line. I hope that the producers fix this dreadful storyline to make it more in tune with what we know about gender compliance. Cause more scenes like this would be amazing:

Dancing Christian, Dancing Buddhist, Dancing Queens

Haven't posted in a while. Nothing too exciting going on, except at my legal clinic. And everything I deal with there is confidential. Not like, "Oooohhh... this is gonna piss-a-bitch off," but more like "Ooops, I can't become a lawyer anymore" confidential. So.

I went to our Law Prom this last weekend. I was kinda dreading it really, and only went because I am on the team of people that helps plan these events. I thought my date was being reticent about the whole thing, and I was kinda forced by default to hang out with a group I had barely even talked to in a while.

Well, I had a freaking blast. The folks I hung out with are great people, and I was reminded why I loved hanging out with them so much last year. And my date... he was charming, sexy, didn't mind meeting a million law school folks, and we had a blast getting down on the dance floor.

On that point, I give my school great credit. Attending a Catholic law school in the Midwest, I have had to put up with my fair share of crap as a gay man at the school. If I had to make my decision to attend here again, I would heavily reconsider. But at this dance... it was almost utopian. Nobody seemed to give a crap that I was dancing up on a hot guy, or that he was dancing right back up on me. After thinking about the whole thing in the fog of hangover the next morning, I realized that in the 7 years that I have been out and in education, I have never once brought a guy to a school dance. In fact, I can hardly think of an official social function where I have brought a true "date." Admittedly, most of that is the fact that I have been perpetually single for most of my life, but that only made the experience more fun: I had someone to bring to this dance, and then everyone was amazing about it.

And speaking of amazing, the guy I brought is, well, quite something. He's Buddhist (like a for-real practicing Buddhist) which gives him far more depth than most of the other guys I have met in a really long time. Witty, fun, and a great kisser on top of all that. There are moments when I looked at him on Saturday and just felt very lucky to have him with me.

I had met the Buddhist a few weeks back at a party on an idle Friday night. I had found myself at a party with a bunch of people who shouldn't have been drinking, and was kinda in a mood about that, cause that is really not a good situation for me to be put in. I was a bit salty for much of the evening, and finally I had this guy call me out for being a giant dose of negative energy. I went to mentally tackle this interloper on my negative streak when I realized that the guy was totally right. And he was cute. We ended up talking for a while, but when my friends made to leave I oddly told this guy, the Buddhist, that, "Hey, I look forward to bumping into you again." No numbers exchanged, just left it up to fate.

The next morning I woke up and wanted to slam my head against a wall for that decision.

Later that night (this is Saturday now), I was riding around in a limo for a friend's birthday. We were having a blast and ended up at one of the gay bars I never go to (seriously, this was my second time there). And who do I bump into? The Buddhist.

We started dancing there, and may have made out a little bit on the dance floor (I am indeed a classy guy). Needless to say, numbers were exchanged that night.

Sooo... After the dance this last weekend, I officially like this one. I know that in my last posts I have talked about the wonder of being single, and I am pretty sure that it will take someone pretty amazing to make me want to give that up anytime soon. The Buddhist just might be amazing.

Of course now that I have opened myself up to that possibility, the nervous part of me starts to react, and wonder whether "He's just [that] into me." Well, he's given me some interesting indications that he is taking this thing rather seriously (pulled me aside on the dance floor to let me know that he's not interested in children, responding to my idle expression of interest in a family one of the first times we met. My reaction? "I'm pretty sure we are still on our second date.") (feeling that he needed to express to me that he is still seeing other guys). It sounds as if we are still on the same page as far as interest in each other and interest in pursuing the "relationship thing."

Which is good. Very good.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Easy" Barenaked Ladies,
Barenaked Ladies Are Me

Why Dan Savage is my Hero

And why Mary Cheney is a Hypocritical Whore.

Long week..

It's Friday night, and I'm still in my apartment, still in my pajamas from last night. This recuperation day was much needed.

This week was truly truly draining. Seems like I was just barely able to keep my head above water. Along with a night out with the Professor on Monday, my computer meltdown on Tuesday (Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks!), and having to buy a new computer on Wednesday, last night I had to deal with some homophobic asshole who tried to pick a fight with me at Bar Review. Oh, the gems that St. Thomas attracts.

Sooo... It's a night in for me. I can get back to the work and play tomorrow. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

One more reason to love Texas

I have no idea if this is real, but it had me laughing uncontrobaly during my Jurisprudence class. Definitely worth the read, if for no other reason than professional aspiration. Without further adue, a Texan Divorce.

I'm a Mac guy now

I'm not going to promise that this decision wasn't a direct result of their brilliant marketing and the "I'm a Mac" ads. Although I have been a PC and Windows user since I was 12 (longer than almost anyone else I know), I'm now done with it.

A little less than two years ago my Windows based PC had to be replaced because it was freaking out in a variety of ways.

Last night my Toshiba literally started melting. (Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks!)

My tech savy friend John Roberts then worked actively to "turn me" (which is funny, cause I have been actively working to "turn him" for ages... but in a whole other manner). In the end, the question was not "why" to go to a Mac but rather, "why not?"

So I have a brand new white Powerbook. Its taking a bit of adjustment. I miss my two button mouse with its scroll, and I now need to replace my printer and some software, but the adjustment is moving along quickly. I love the battery. I love the simplicity. It's my new little baby.

And, while I am not thrilled to have had to dump a good deal of money on a new machine, there's a certain reality that there is nothing I could do about it: the melting wasn't my fault, there was no recessitating the Toshiba, and I can't function without a computer. So thank God that my student loans came in and that I am in the privileged position that I can just run out and buy another.

And it was a Mac.

Melt Down

Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks!

I apologize, but I think that I'm going to be inserting that little tag line into my posts for a while. Tuesday afternoon my Toshiba laptop, a little over a year and a half old, was working perfectly. No issues, no problems, no bugs.

I went to my 6pm Adoption Law class and tried to turn on my computer. No go. No lights, no sounds, no nothing. I breathed hard and tried not to panic. After class I went home and called Toshiba tech support. They told me to plug the computer in, to try removing the battery, etc. I was on the phone with them for about 20 minutes before I started to smell something...

Sniff. Sniff. Burning.

I turned over the computer and saw a quarter-sized portion of the plastic that was starting to bubble. Huh, what?

The tech support folks told me to unplug the computer (duh) and advised me that the motherboard was most likely shot.

I awoke today and went to the "authorized service agency." The guy just looked at it and laughed. Fan system is burnt out and the motherboard is shot. It would cost me about $2500 to fix. Warranty? Ran out in March. So. So. So. I'm pretty much screwed.

Buyer beware... and well they should. You buy a Toshiba, and it may well melt on you two years in.

Literally.

Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks! Toshiba sucks!

Dinner date with a Professor

I have been working for one of my past law professor's for the past 9 months or so. A friend and I were painstakingly editing his book, and just finished the work about two weeks ago. As a reward for our hard work, this professor decided to take us out.

So last night, the three of us met up for dinner and a Timberwolves game. I was a little nervous. At first glance, this Professor and I have absolutely nothing to talk about. I was wraking my brain for "safe" conversation topics as I sat waiting for our little date. I certainly couldn't go into most of my social life. Definitely not the Cowboy Auction of this last weekend. Not particularly interested in sharing details of my family life... Politics was HUGELY off the board, as he has pictures in his office of him with every Republican President since Nixon. I resigned myself to a night of very awkward non-conversation.

Turns out, my cynacism (and that of a few of my friends) was off base. I had a pretty good time at dinner (although the conversation was little centered on the topics of the book we had just finished editing and on faculty tenure procedures) and then the game freakin rocked our socks off! The seats he had treated us to were amazing, and the Timberwolves pulled out a killer victory breaking the Sun's long wining streak. It was quite the game to be at, and I was thankful for the generosity of the professor.

There was a moment however when I wondered:
"You think he knows I'm checking out the guy sitting in front of us?"

Oh, and to those wondering: we did run out of butter.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"I Don't Feel Like Dancin'" Scissor Sisters,
Ta-Dah!

City Mouse and Country Mouse

We got to the Cowboy Auction at 5pm. My roommate, in all her glory, was pimping me out for yet another event for her nonprofit. As she works for a truly admirable cause, I'm always happy to play along, and have had some truly cool experiences through her.

Well, I was on the Auction Block, and was a little nervous about it. I had slept fitfully the night before (although oddly for that uneasy sleep lasted for about 14 hours). I had had a very odd "stress-dream" about the whole thing. I'd describe it if I could. I had also not had a chance to eat much that day, so I was starved by the time we got to the auction. I grabbed a free bowl of chili and started taking on the Beer Bust. I figured I needed something to help the nerves. And it did. (if you havent figured it out yet, the lack of good sleep, the not eating and the quick drinking added up to some questionable decisions... questionable but fun...)

I made a concerted effort to introduce myself to the other cowpolk, as I was one of the only outsiders being auctioned off. Along the way I met a gentleman who was, well, quite taken with me. Well, I continued to make my rounds, and met some genuinely nice people. After about two hours of drinking, the auction was good to start. I was third up, and I watched as the first two candidates got only moderate attention standing on a low-stage tucked into the corner of the bar. Well, nobody puts Baby in the Corner. When my time came around, I jumped right up on the bar in the center of everything.

With the first two Auctionees, the Caller started with bids of about $25. Much to my surprise, as soon as I jumped up on the bar, she started at $200!!! Well, after a short bout of bidding, I was up to $350. Which turned out to be the second highest amount of the evening. (and I must say I was proud to hit that while maintaining my dignity... no nipple-clamps, ball-gag, kilt or stripping for me... I got that money through charm and style) (don't burst my bubble... let me think that for a while).

Well, the night was a blast, and I ended up a) accidentally winning another "Cowboy" for $125; b) getting into a fight with a guy who kept grabbing my ass, and then the guy who threatened to kick me out for standing up for myself (Hi. Drama. This is Christian. Why don't you two hang out for a while?); c) going to White Castle with my roommate, a drag queen, and a pig farmer; d) going home with said pig farmer; e) all of the above.

Lest anyone get the wrong impression, I had a really good time with the Pig Farmer. In fact it wasn't until the next morning when I awoke in a trailer park and he was pillow-talking about fertilizing sows that I realized just what a cultural juxtaposition I had drunkenly stumbled into. These guys (the drag queen, his partner, and the farmer) were such absolutely wonderful guys, but truly cut from a different cloth of life. It was quite fun hanging out with them and getting a little taste of a whole other culture.

So I count Saturday night as a success: I went home with one Cowboy, was "bought" for a date with another, and "bought" my own date for a third. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"This River is Wild" The Killers,
Sam's Town

50 First Dates

This semester seems like it is going to be a bit easier than the past three. I no longer fear my classes, professors, or classmates, and since I am not technically working this semester at a paying job, my days tend to be a lot shorter. This has afforded me the opportunity to cook like crazy (this last week: Cherry-Glazed tenderloins, Three-Mustard Chicken, Indonesian Peanut Chicken, and a Vodka-Bolognese Pasta). It has also given me the opportunity to date.

A lot.

In the last three weeks I have gone on first-dates with five different guys. As one of them later commented, “It’s like dating season hit early.” I guess it’s the mild weather. Reminds me of a John Mayer song.

While the string of “first dates” with few seconds might seem dismal, I have actually really enjoyed the ability to get to know someone, determine their worth in 30-minutes or less, and then get on with my life. (I’m kidding about that last part). I have always thought that the first dates were always the most fun: getting to know someone, quietly peering into the future to see if there would be any possibility with the guy, fantasizing just a little about that prospect. It’s far removed from the actual nitty-gritty of a relationship and also gives you the opportunity to feel wanted and to remind yourself that you ARE indeed a quality dating candidate.

It’s rather funny: when you are single and not dating, you fantasize about having a boyfriend. But now that I am dating, I am not so keen on the boyfriend idea: I’m having fun doing this part, and wouldn’t want to peremptorily latch onto one candidate for fear of missing out on someone more suitable. While this threatens to turn me into a “serial dater” if Nebraska (see June entries) was any indication, I can see a good thing when it comes along. (p.s. I saw him at the bar not too long ago with a really… less attractive… date. That’s always affirming. Even though he still wouldn’t say Hello without a great deal of awkwardness.)

So that’s me. Cooking and dating. And really happy about it.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"St. Patrick's Day" John Mayer,
Room for Squares

Spiders on Drugs

I hate spiders. But this actually garners some affection. Science is fun!

Dead Mother's Society

Wow... I usually don't write about television shows, but Grey's Anatomy just hit that one on the head. Amazing.

After my mother died unexpectedly when I was 17, I joined a newly-formed "Grief Group" at my high school. The school counselor had noticed that many students had recently had losses in their families, so he got permission for us to skip class once a month or so and sit around and talk about it. I remember that their were 12 of us. And 10 had lost their mother's in previous year. Eerie.

I don't remember if it was there or later when I was living in Venezuela with a wonderful girl from D.C. who had also lost her mother. But I know that it was there that we officially started coining the "Dead Mother's Society." We actually teasingly ostracized our other best friend down there who had a family blessedly untouched by death. And when another friend lost her mother, we were quick to let her into our club. While we struggled with living in a whole new culture, we both had to address aspects of our losses. There was something about the solidarity to be found in others who you know understand that which is completely non-understandable: death. We were so young, but so mature in that one (limited) respect. We had something. It was a horrible burden while also being an incredible blessing.

Well, in Grey's Anatomy this week George's father died. At the end of the episode, Christina welcomed him into the "Dead Father's Club." And George said one of the most profound lines I have ever heard on television:

"I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't."

Seven years out, I still live those words.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"We Will Be Silhouettes" The Postal Service,
Give Up

It's Strep! Where are the Republicans?

Went to the doctor's office this morning. My throat was so bad last night that I could hardly breathe. Not a fun feeling. I actually had quite a pleasant (and quick) experience with the medical clinic I go to. The doctor took one quick look down my throat, said, "Oh my goodness, that's Strep." And I was on my way with some antibiotics. Sweet. I'm actually already beginning to feel better.

I went to one class, then a meeting, and then was on my way into Clinic, where I saw the Prof. I told her about my diagnosis, and she said, "What are you even doing here? Get the hell out of the building. Now." So, now I have the afternoon off.

With this free time, already feeling better, I started to wonder: Is there anyone I'd like to infect with Strep? The people at the DMV were assholes to me last time I was there... But they already work in a semi-hell.

Oh... Wait... Where is it that they are planning the Republican National Convention? I should go "volunteer" for the afternoon.

Nothing wrong with licking a few phones and doorknobs.

(this idea brought to you by Dan Savage)

Single and Sick

So I've been dating a lot lately. In the last week or so, I mean. I have had the opportunity to get to know four new guys, and have really enjoyed this new... deluge of quality people. Most are decent friend material if nothing else, but I've got my eye on one in particular...

It's nice to finally have time to make this happen. Because I am on a "leave of absense" this semester and finally finished both editing the book and working the murder trial (motion for mistrial filed) I actually have a pretty easy semester scheduled. Rather decadant to get to take dates, go out occassionally on weeknights, cook... be a normal human being.

I am, however, at one of those moments when being single sucks: I'm sick.

I had to fight off a 24 hour bug last week, and had substantially nursed myself back to health, but then I woke up this morning and my throat was horridly swollen, my back ached, my head felt feverishly warm... Flu. Flu. Yuck.

I know its lame, but the fun of being single is quickly sapped when all you want is for someone to take care of you... Feed you soup, rub your back.

Oh well. Knowing my immune system, I will kick this by tomorrow and life will resume its normality. I have a Happy Hour date scheduled for tomorrow. And possible dates on Friday and Sunday. Hopefully I can get back to it...

Any suggestions?

Just got home from judging Moot Trial competitions for undergraduate students. Actually quite a fun way to spend the day. I got to dish out some of what I have been taking for the last couple of years (don't worry, I was comparably gentle, even when I practically announced a mistrial this afternoon when one side took a few liberties during closing arguments). Good stuff. (Im such a law geek.)

I went on my first date in ages last night. Pretty cool actually. Regardless of the fact that this guy was pretty damn cool, I simply havent had a real, honest to God date in a really long time. We went to a nice dinner, a good movie, and parted ways. Wow. Comfortable and cordial, and we were sober and everything! Getting to know this guy seems like it's going to be fun.

Im refusing to be "that guy" and so my only thought on it at this point is this: my major social scenes and fun for the past year and a half in law school has been at the bars. Happy Hours with friends, Bar Review with school people, parties to celebrate different things (tonight and tomorrow). I enjoy my social life, and am rather proud that I have been able to sustain what I have this last year or so. But we're not big on the sober activities.

And this guy is.

So my query is this: what non-alcoholic activities does one do in the middle of a frigid winter to have fun and get to know a guy? Bowling comes to mind, but I'd like to reserve the REALLY lame until they are necessary. Any suggestions?

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Give and Take" Kina,
Kina

Law Student's New Year's Resolutions

To be adopted by all, no exceptions, alterations, extensions, or objections allowed.

1. I will remember that my fellow law students are human beings and treat them as such.
   
2. I will not base my self-worth on my school's US News ranking or my firm's Vault ranking.
3. I will recognize that the law is powerful and that I can aid those who are powerless, and will do so.
4. I will make as much money as I can while doing something I enjoy.
   
5. I will share outlines and notes freely and without prejudice.
6. I will act ethically at all times.
   
7. I will cultivate at least one interest or hobby outside of law school.
8. I will party, travel, and relax as hard as I can and as often as I can, as this may be my last real chance to do so.
9. I will not forget the big picture.
   
10. I will remind myself daily that as bad as this might be, I am privileged to be here.

(list care of M at Yet Another Law Blog)

My personal Resolution: "Take the Risk!"

Voices from the Past

I went to the local gay bar in my hometown last night for a little while with my father (yeah, he rocks) and after he left I ended up chilling out with an old buddy. I did a favor for this guy years back at Christmas, and he's pretty well convinced that I'm the second-coming. We sat and caught up for a while, but it didn't take him too long to get drunk enough to begin telling me what a great guy he thinks I am, and that I deserve all the joys in life, etc. etc. It was actually really what I needed at that moment. Someone to remind me to be patient, stick to my guns, and everything will fall into place (see last post). And let's be honest: it never hurts to have someone rave about you for a little while. I think I need to put this guy on speed dial for when I'm feeling down.

Along those same lines, I have gotten a couple of emails recently bringing me back to my time at Marquette University. As I understand it, I was mentioned during the mid-year graduation speech as the tour guide who inspired the speaker to come to Marquette, and was a shining example of everything Marquette should be. It's a pretty cool thing to be reminded of the mark I left on that community. Plus I finally made it into a Senior Speech.

(Back story: I was originally selected to be the graduation speaker for my graduation, but the President of the University overrode the committee's decision (and a couple of his Deans) because he thought that I was uncontrollable and couldn't be counted on to stick to my speech. True, I had, at that point, recently helped stage University-wide protest of the dumb-ass decision to name our athletic teams the "Gold"... but they had reversed that decision by graduation. Ahh well... I knew what I was risking and I took one for the team in the name of integrity)

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"These Are the Days" 10,000 Maniacs,
Our Time in Eden

Success and Happiness

In my youth, my mother posted a saying on one of our kitchen cabinets, where it remains to this day:

"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."

Lately I have been riding myself pretty hard about what I lack in my own life. When visiting my cousins these last couple of days, I joked self-derogatorily about my inability to find and hold onto a boyfriend. My elder cousins have all paired off and found wonderful spouses. Even some of the younger ones are showing me up in the relationship department. It's easy to look around the room and feel like your whole life doesn't measure up to the glamour of those partnerships.

One of my cousins-in-law gave me a wake-up call though: "Look around this room," he said. "Who among your cousins, or even their spouses, has the job prospects that you have? It seems to me that you are doing pretty well for yourself right about now."

I've had to concede recently that I have sacrificed a lot in terms of social-life and relationship prospects so that I could pursue my goals through law school. I have had to put my hobbies on hold. I'm not as fit as I currently would like to be. And yet I lead a very happy life. I'm surrounded by great people. I have a job I love. I am kicking ass at school (I may have to revise this after grades get posted).

I have long understood the despair that comes from comparing yourself to those around you. I think it is time for me to start being happy with the things I have earned myself, and let everything else fall into place as it will. And have faith that it all will.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Keep it Precious" Melissa Etheridge,
Never Enough

Holiday Break

I suppose that it's rather obvious by now, but I have been taking a break from blogging while at home enjoying my family. I will be back in the Twin Cities on the 30th, and have a couple posts up my sleeve, but for now I am just enjoying the warmth and sloth of my father's house. Hope everyone has enjoyed their holidays!

UPDATE: The Previous 3 posts, and the following 3 posts are what I had stewing.