Started off the day a bit rough.... Went to go see my counselor, and ended up just bawling. Tomorrow is my birthday, and my mom's death seems to be hitting me harder than usual. Mom's are the ones who are supposed to make you feel special on your birthday. Important. I have a photo on my wall of my mother looking at me for the first time some 24 years ago. But for some reason this year I feel like I just dont have anybody to make me feel special. I have an exam the next day, so I dont quite know how I am going to celebrate the day, and I kinda feel like it is just going to pass me by without notice, and that just feels depressing.
I can think of at least one person who will read this and perhaps feel slightly offended because she would be at my side if I showed even the slightest willingness to divert from my studies, and I totally appreciate that. But this year my life just feels a little bit empty. For my 22nd I was so completely happy to celebrate by going to a "parilla" dinner while reading Harry Potter in downtown Madrid, so what I am feeling is not about being alone, but perhaps it is about being lonely. Whatever that means.
The day did look up however. I got an email confirming that our CATHOLIC law school would buy a table at Minneapolis Pride this year as a recruitment effort. This is a major deal, and I was preparing for a fight to make it happen, and am beyond ecstatic that it came about with so little pressure. Makes me very proud of St Thomas. Then I had a meeting with the other OUT!Law chairs and got pretty excited about what we are thinking up for next year. There are a lot of people willing to put some leadership in, and that always feels good.
Then I spent the rest of the day studying in the park for this dreadful exam. At one point one of Brianna's friends joined us and helped to quiz me on my flashcards. Turns out I know my stuff pretty well! NICE!
Tomorrow I turn 24.
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