Bad night out

I have so much to catch up on... But first I feel a certain obligation to cover the events of the past evening. It has been a hard day to be certain, but I feel like I am dealing with what I need to to gain perspective, and control, over the situation.

I awoke this morning to a police officer in my bedroom shouting to me. Apparently he had tried knocking and shouting from the door, but he was unsuccessful in waking me until he was but a few feet away. Why was there an MPD officer in my room? Here's a good story:

I got really really drunk last night. I started at a friend's at about 7pm, had two glasses of wine, and then went to another friend's house where I had two or three Captain and Coke's (heavy). Then we walked to the Lone Tree and I proceeded to have a few more Captains. It was a good night. I got wasted. I knocked booty with a fun couple of friends on the dance floor. Then I decided to walk home.

First of all, it is important to know that I used to make that walk while on the phone with (Mitchell). I remember missing him during the walk, and I remember calling my sister. I proceeded to concoct some absurd story about being kidnapped in Cuba and tried to tell her, and then my father when I scared her bad enough that she put him on the phone, that I loved them and that they shouldnt worry about me. Before my phone died, I managed to convince them both that I was seriously in grave danger. Then I passed out in bed.

I had terrified both my father and sister. Dad stayed up all night trying to reach me, finally calling the cops, as well as officials at my school.

After the cop woke me up, I dressed and went to school and met up with a couple of prospective students. I still smelled like booze, and was in fact still drunk.

This is a problem. I manipulated and abused my relationship with my family. I dissappointed and embarrassed my school. I have rarely been this ashamed in my life.

I may have a problem with alcohol.

It is incredibly hard for me to find perspective on this issue. I need to deal with this. "The guy" at my school who I am dealing with is suggesting an alcohol assessment test. He thinks I may be an alcoholic. My friends, on the other hand, dont see the big deal. Everyone does stupid things while they are drunk. Everyone drunk dials everyonce in awhile.

I stand somewhere in the middle. I dont think that I am an alcoholic. I dont need or even desire alcohol, it is just a part of my social life. I dont look forward to my next drink. BUT hurting my family, which is the most dear thing in the world to me, is absolutely unacceptable. And I will do whatever is in my power to make sure that it never happens again. Perhaps I am not an alcoholic, but I may still be willing to give up alcohol, because it is the smart thing to do to protect my relationships. And "the guy" makes a good point: What more do I need to lose or harm before I am willing to give up drinking? What is it going to take?

Ironically, the person being most relaxed about this is my father. With his background, and a history of pressuring Carey and I to not drink and to recognize our genetic alcoholic predispositions, I figured that he was going to harp on my to quit. The reality though is that he seems glad that I am just taking responsibility for the situation and willing to look into it.

So here's the game plan... I am taking a week break from drinking. Just to see how it feels. To think this over. I will go and take the alcohol assessment early next week. I have already met with a new friend who is trying to get me into AA meetings, and if nothing else is sharing his story. I see myself as having a couple of options: quit drinking with AA, quit drinking without AA, start only drinking wine and beer and no hard alcohol, or just continue on in my otherwise prosperous life until the next time I screw up majorly... I'll let you know what I decide.