Displaced once again...

Dear Elders,

I moved to Minneapolis in August of last year to attend law school, leaving everyone I knew behind at my undergraduate and back home. It has been a rough transition, as I have found it difficult to connect with people and make friends in this bigger city. After a little under a year at toiling to make friendships happen, I find myself slipping back a little.

I took an excellent job at a local firm where I am getting great training, but the hours are pretty nuts. I feel that I am quickly losing touch with the friends I started to make over the year, and their lifestyle no longer fits into my schedule. Everyone talks about how hard it is to balance work with a social or family life, but I have never had a problem with it before. My friends have always meant the world to me, and I feel like I will be so lost here if I lose the ones I have worked to find...

I guess I am looking for advise as to how to best balance work and friendships when your work seems to require all that you have? Is it enough just to tell my friends how much they mean to me?

ELDER RESPONSE I:
It's important to tell your friends that they mean a good deal to you, but it's a fact of life that people--and friendships--change and that much of this change has to do with lifestyle changes: proximity, time, and job interests all impact friendships.

Take stock of the free time you have. Do you have weekends off? Lunchtime free? Monday evenings? Then schedule dates with those friends you really want to keep for those times, but make it a point to do so regularly.

Meanwhile, you may just find yourself making new friends who are in much the same situation through work or school.
Best Regards,
Jud

ELDER RESPONSE II:

From what I've observed and been told, law school is an intense experience that leaves little time for other things. In addition, you are working in a law firm. Sounds like your plate is full.
Sometimes we have to put our personal lives aside for a while in order to achieve a goal.
Your schedule and work load are intense. It is hard for people who have never experienced this kind of work load to know how hard it is to get off the treadmill.

You can tell your friends how much they mean to you, send little e-mail messages and cards to let them know you are thinking of them and hope they understand.

You can also look for new friends who are in the same work/school situation as you. They will be more understanding. As our lives change, our friends often do too. It is part of life's passages.

True friends, who like and love you for who you are, will always be your friend. These are rare in one's life. I've had a couple of friends for over 45 years. In that time, I've also had lots of acquaintances. Now that I have retired, I have made two new very close friends. It takes time and effort. When I was working full time at a hectic 18-hour job, the only people I ever saw were co-workers. That's just the way life is sometimes.

Be good to yourself and don't try to do everything at once.

Best Regards,
shreya