Grandpa

So, my grandfather is dying.

He's got cancer, and they are giving us the tentative guess (which means that they have no idea really) that he has until February. I know that I should be sad about this, and I will be for sure, but the only thing that Grandpa and I have ever seen eye-to-eye on is death.

We talked a few weeks ago about whether Christians should really fear death. It was a pretty gutsy conversation on my part, but I am glad that I had it with him. I will not mourn his death. I will mourn our loss, but my grandfather is a good man, has been all his life, and there is no doubt that he will be joining my mother in heaven.

This week is kinda the "last harrah" more or less for the family, and it is oging to be rough. Part of me wants to ignore it completely, keep giving the old man a hard time and challenging him for all that he is worth, part of me cant help but step back and see that he, and I, are still too young for this loss.

I have dealt with death only one other time in my young life, and it was under completely different circumstances. When Mom died, it was tragic, sudden, and hard to comprehend. With Grandpa, we have this month that I guess I am booking to be the month he dies or something. I have the burden of knowing that the last few times I see him will be coming up, and that if I dont show him my love now, I fail as a grandchild. At least with Mom, I didnt have to stress about it beforehand (not that I mind), but it is almost like I am experiencing part of the grief now in the preparation that I get to have this time.

I learned with my mother that death is a part of life. In order to appreciate one, you have to appreciate the other. Wish it was as easy as it sounds.