My thoughts on abdominal muscles...

So being single, I once again get to make observations about the market and dating here. The dating scene here seems to be more superficial even than I was used to before. Perhaps I am older, and thus less superficial. Perhaps I am older and more sensible. Perhaps I am just older, and now superficiality now works against me. But the bar, the internet, its all about muscle size and cock size. To be honest, perhaps it is liberating at first to see sexual desire so liberated, but then I start to think if it is actually liberating the desire and not bottling it up into little itty-bitty impossible images.

My roommate, who I like a lot thusfar, has this computer screensaver that flashes hot guys with six-pack abs and rippling muscles to be seen in the living room. At first I was attracted to the idea of having such a casual display of hot men. But then I started to get concerned. This is a media thing. While I dont blame the media culture for using the hottest guys and girls they can get their hands on to promote products, I do become concerned with how much of this stuff we take to heart. When we are told that THIS is what beauty is, it is almost impossible to stop from evaluating ourselves and others based on those same standards. Do I have a six-pack? No? Then I am clearly not beautiful. Does he have a six-pack? No? Then he isnt either.

I am quickly becoming acquinted with someone at work who is physically gorgeous but so devoid of any sort of morals or drive or passion that he comes off very sad to me. Everyone kinda drools over this guy, but I cease to even find him attractive regardless of his flawless look and willingness to show it off. I started to think about that...

Why am I not attracted to his abs? After a few moments of contemplation I thought, "Why would I be?" When I see someone with a perfect physique, with very few exceptions (Mitchell being one of them) I see narcissism and self-involvment. Dont get me wrong: I am all for fit and able bodies. I am myself moderately selective of the body types I will bunk up with. But I see a man who spends hours at the gym everyday and I see someone who ISNT involved in the community, ISNT helping others, ISNT taking those hours to make the world a better place. I suppose I see the same thing in people who dont lead an active lifestyle.

While we all need to stay in shape, and we all need to take care of ourselves, it should be for the greater good. We should do those things to empower and energize ourselves to be more capable in our vocations to better the world.

I wish that the world, and the gay world in particular, would see beauty in a much more diverse light. Gay men get hooked on Crystal and start wasting away, and they delight because they get skinnier. Gay men chase the HIV "bug" knowing that the medicines will deplete your fat cells and help you obtain those rock-hard abs. This shit is not healthy! And its not what I am into.

Abs can turn me on for a night, but come morning are useless to me. It is passion and committment and humor and intelligence and self-respect and grace that make up my ideal of beauty. I have taken to turning off my roommates computer screen in an effort to recognize that, at least for me, I refuse to accept such a boxed standard of beauty in my men and in myself.