Better and Better...

I was giving this tour one day around Marquette, something that had become so old-hat for me by that point that it was said that I could "Enroll an atheist in the seminary" when a public safety officer stopped the tour. As we passed he asked, "How you all doing?" I responded with, "Just fine," continuing along with my well-timed tour. He stopped us and said, you really should say "Better and Better," because that's all we get in this life, and that sort of optimism is what makes people achieve more. He prattled on for a bit, and quite frankly I was glad to escape from him when I finally got the tour to move on.

Recently though, I have taken to this "Better and Better" answer. There is really so much to it. Although some days I feel like I am saying it almost sarcastically, most of the time it is a wonderful reminder of the world of opportunity that lies ahead. Today is gray and rainy, and I had a long day of classes, so I can surely say that things will get "better and better." Yesterday I had a job interview and got a call from someone very unexpected, so things were indeed getting better and better.

It felt so good to go out with my friend Meg on Sunday night. I had, until then, only gone out with the gay crowd (with my roommate who I then had to remove) once in this city. Law school is wonderful, but it is so very very sterile and clean, and free from any sort of gay life. And whether I want to admit it or not, being gay has become part of my culture. I have started to sorely miss being around people who are part of that culture. Anyway, ShowTune Sunday at Boom was wonderful because I got to be around a bit of it. Also, Meg's friends are all very spiritual (Meg's partner and two of the others that were there are preachers) so it was indeed even more amazing for me to be able to "get my gay on" without the conversation inevitablly turning to sex. A solid group of good people.

Anyway, while I was there, I put in what I call a "dead application." This is when you give the app to someone who just nods, smiles, and sticks it in a drawer. At bars, especially for competitive bartending spots, if you dont speak with the manager or owner, you dont have a chance. But I had brought my old bosses' very kind letter of rec, and the group letter of rec that I had, and just took my chances. Along the same lines, the group of guys were goading me to be a bit more brave than I would normally be, and I took an unusual chance, which tendered no apparent results.

Well, Monday I got a call from the bar manager. This is truly astounding. Tuesday he interviewed me, and hired me on for Saturday nights. Amazing! He is totally willing to work with my schedule, and this place is very classy. I have to were a uniform (dont worry, it is more than a purple thong)! So, now I have a new home bar, a place where I can "get my gay on", earn a little money, and distract me reasonably from law school. It's perfect!

Also yesterday, I got a phone call regarding my other venture, which was also quite unexpected! Better and Better!

So, I had a lot of blessings, have relaxed with friends who are both faithful and fun, and truly had a good week of things. We all had our Lawyering Skills midterm on Tuesday morning, which I felt I had prepared to the best of my ability for. The only thing that worries me is the curve: there are some smart ass kids in my section! But no matter what, I did my best, as cheesy as that sounds.

I have one more midterm left on friday, after which I drive to Milwaukee for the night, spend some time with (Mitchell) and then drive to TC for Sat-Monday. Tuesday I drive to Chicago, spend the night with Will, J, D, and hopefully Carey, and then go back to Milwaukee Wednesday to spend the rest of break with (Mitchell). This was a hard schedule to figure out, becuase there are so many people I want to see and because (Mitchell) initially planned on coming but then had to deal with work things. At first that got to me, but I soon realized that this job change he is doing is important to him, thus it is important to me, and there is nothing that either of us can do about this scheduling hardship during my break. No point in getting salty about it.

The break will also be good to reestablish the relationship between him and I. It could just be that he is distracted, or it could mean that his feelings have changed but the phone calls have been dwindling, he doesnt seem much interested in talking to me, and I remember that "pre-hickies" he sent me periodic text messages saying he missed me. I dont think he has said that or the L-word in a while, which just makes things feel much more chilly. Hopefully, this next week will either a) determine one way or another if he is still interested in me and b) rekindle the relationship if he is.

My panic mode is a bit less right now than it was before. After our last weekend together, I was essentially told (by him) to operate as if I was single out here. In doing so I have rediscovered a bit of self-worth that I have lost along the way. I am at the point myself where I would LOVE if my relationship with (Mitchell) could continue, could strengthen, but I no longer hold the blind hope for it that I did before. Perhaps this is what the substance of a REAL relationship is about: functionalism of realizing how important a friend the other is. I have never allowed a relationship to get past the dying of the honeymoon stage before. Perhaps this all is normal. Nonetheless, this next week should be very determinitive for us, for good or for bad, and I look forward to the resolve one way or another.

Better and Better.