Feeling Good???

Yawn... Perhaps I should have stayed home today. Cloudy day... Woke up to my roommate darting into the bathroom (late) so I had to sit and wait for him, because he slept in. Shitty roommate thing to do.

I couldn't figure out why I had a sour day at work yesterday until I talked with my Pops last night: I had spent the entire day looking through some 800 pages of text reading all about what a shitty life our client has had. This (alleged) gang shit is scary. To spend my entire day immersed in it was mentally and emotionally draining. Perhaps that's an indication of something...

Found a new blog today, and I developed an insta-crush on one of the writers, Josh K. He's a local, and seems to have a great eye for appreciating the beauty of the area, and what Minneapolis has to offer. Click for his blog: Josh and Josh are Rich and Famous.

I have a busy night tonight: Happy Hour with the Law Bitches, then a meeting for the law journal, then a date with this guy. He's a model-type, so Im not sure about that, but Im at the point where I am open to meeting someone and just hanging out and seeing if we click, no biggie. Besides, as of Sunday I'll be in Michigan with the family, and I dont think I'll be getting much "gay exposure" for the week. Then I get back and get thrown into the law school roll within a week. WEEE! Here we go again! My point is just that I might as well take advantage of a date while I can (and by "take advantage of a date," I of course mean ruffies).

Apparently hair dye can give you cancer. Shit, I doomed myself in high school... It was worth it, of course, just to be voted "Best Hair." The article says, "Its still safer than crossing the street or driving..." That's exactly my take on this cancer shit: everything gives it to you, Im young, Im gonna live my life. I read an article about a year ago that the acid in tomatoes can increase the growth rate of some cancers... While my recent "nipple scare" sucked, it is not going to make me change my life. Maybe Im an idiot that way. But Im a happy idiot.

Finally, both the StarTribune and the Pioneer Press had a front page story today about a man who was brutally beaten to death in an out-state jail when he was placed with a homicidal cell-mate. The man had been jailed pending a gross-misdemeanor arraignment for his third ticket for driving without insurance. He had no other criminal history. Its an incredibly sad story, and I truly hope that it starts a push to reform the smaller jails around the state. Something like that could (practically) never happen here, as offenders are (supposed to be) sorted by offense type, and there are no shared cells. But nevertheless, hopefully this will also push judges to look more at the negative consequences of keeping someone locked up pending trial, rather than constantly fearing what would happen if they let that person out on minimal bail. This poor family...

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Name" Goo Goo Dolls,
A Boy Named Goo

Without a doubt the funniest take on Mel-Gate

I'm Mel Gibson and I don't hate Jews. I actually said "I Hate Juice"

Keeping Busy

Im going to a family reunion all of next week, so will be away from my desk for a while, so I am kicking my own ass this week to try to get shit done. I have a murder file staring at me that is about 4" high, and I have about 7 motions to write on that before I go. Most of them are going to be complete stinkers, but especially with murder cases, we throw everything at them that we can, good bad or ugly... (and most of it is pretty ugly, not going to lie).

The last few days have been pretty nice. Sunday I pulled a "Carrie Bradshaw" and went on a "date" with my city. My date was wonderful. First we went to mass for the first time in a while, then just meandored around downtown for a little while. I have learned to deal with "his" flaws and inadequacies: the crazy people and homeless wandering around on a Sunday afternoon. But I also love when "he" surprises me with something grand and unexpected: there was an art fair that I wandered through after buying some frames for my Photo Thesis (the one Ive literally had thumb-tacked to my wall for the last year). We had our laughs, and my "date" even had a way of making me feel good about myself: there is nothing that makes me feel skinnier than going pant shopping -- apparently most men are either fatter or shorter than I. I wear a 34x34, which is apparently unusual... Sizes for my pant length are usually MUCH bigger in the waist, and sizes for my pant waist are usually fairly shorter in length. Which either makes me a freak, or smile about my body (which doesnt happen much). It was a wonderful afternoon to be alone with my "date" and just chill. Just what I needed.

Monday I went to Eau Claire, WI to knock on doors asking people to vote against the marriage amendment there. As I have mentioned before, as a Marquette graduate, this thing hits pretty close to home for me. It was an interesting social excursion, and I definitely met a demographic of people I dont normally come into contact with. I suppose its a good idea to remind myself every once in a while that these people exist, and are still out there. While our group as a whole (which knocked on some 240 doors) had much more positive feedback than negative, that did not happen to be the case with me. I dealt with more than my share (literally) of people who were overtly scared or resentful of "the gays" and had about 8 houses tell me that "No matter what the amendment does to straight people (as it has negative repercutions for non-married straights), what's important to me is that gays can't get married." I also had one woman refer to me as a "monkey." Here's how that went:

Woman with huge breasts and children running everywhere (WHB): "If you choose to be gay, there's no reason that I need to respect such a disgusting choice."

Me: "So if you think being gay is a choice, may I ask you when you chose to be straight?"

WHB: *gasp* "What do you mean...? How dare you? If God designed people to be gay, then they could have kids."

Me: "Do you think that there is any chance that God could have a bigger plan than you realize?"

WHB: "Excuse me?"

Me: "Perhaps gays are God's solution to the overpopulation problem in our world."

WHB: "Ive never heard anything like that... Gays are just unnatural. God wouldn't create anything like that."

Me: "Are you aware that there are thousands of documented cases of homosexuality occuring in nature?"

WHB: "What are you, some kinda monkey?" *slams door and proceeds to scream about the encounter so loud to whoever else was in her house that I thought her big ol' boyfriend was gonna come out and attack me...*

I mean, how DARE I come to her house and question her beliefs? Especially when it is ONLY about an amendment that would permanently divest me of rights in Wisconsin. How DARE I!?! (on the plus side, this woman wasnt even a registered voter... she just happened to have moved into the previous residence of someone who was).

In another encounter I was speaking to a woman who was very much in favor of the amendment and I mentioned that this same amendment had been used in Ohio to strip unmarried women of domestic-abuse protections (as shielding them from abusive boyfriends would be recognizing a relationship "same or similar to marriage"). This woman said clearly, "If they're not married, that's their fault. Who are these people who think its okay to live together without getting married and then whine to us about it. If you love someone enough to live with them, you should get married."

I pointed out to her that it actually sounded like she very much supported gay marriage rights. She didnt like that much. (I also pointed out that forcing people to get married so that they could be protected by the government might actually DEGRADE the institution of marriage... She didnt seem to like that argument either).

The whole encounter made me understand just a little bit more how much work has yet to be done, and why people make comments like this (comparing homosexuality with murder and cannabalism).

It was nice to get out and DO something about this issue. It was healthy to get a taste of the "real world" away from the utopian big city life and academia. Anyway, back to that utopia, I have to get to work on this homicide. (note the irony)


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Jesusland" Ben Folds,
Songs for Silverman

The Question I want to ask God...

Life comes with a series of questions that we may not know the answers to until we reach heaven, at which time God will answer all the things that have been puzzling us so that we may truly be at rest. Last night I came upon a really good one:

"How does a gay guy pick up another gay guy at a straight bar?"

I LOVE straight bars. If I had my druthers, I would never set foot in a gay bar. But as it turns out, I'd never ever get laid that way. I was out with some buddies on Friday at a straight bar and had a truly engaging discussion about Crime and Punishment, the War in Lebanon, and some other rather intriguing issues. I cant tell you the last time I had a conversation of any substance beyond, "He's hot." "Yeah, he is." at a gay bar (actually it was October, when I met some new friends at Boom for showtune night, but that hasnt happened in months). But this entry isnt about me hating gay bars, its about me prefering straight bars.

EXCEPT ... how the hell do you pick up someone without getting your ass kicked in the process? At one point last night, a guy walked by and held eye contact with me for an extremely long time. Killer handsome. And in watching him closely, I was able to figure out that he plays for my team (I think). So now what. Technically he made the first move by holding eye contact, so it is now up to me. "Your line..."

Maybe its a bit of internalized homophobia that I am not comfortable walking up to someone and saying, "Hey, you're cute, and I was wondering if you happen to be gay." I mean, if I truly believe there is nothing wrong with being gay, NOONE should ever be insulted by such an approach. But I see great potential for ass-kicking there. I mean even last night I was outside having a cigarette when three guys come out. The last of the three looks at the other two and says, "You're gay, and you're gay," so as to chide them for some sort of misdeed. As I was standing there, I said, "And Im gay..." in a rather, "your point being?" way. The guy looks at me and says, "Oh, its cool." Gee, I think, thanks for your approval. After insulting me to my face, I was really hoping that you would tell me that you're not going to attack me too.

On that note, however, I would prefer to deal with that sort of ignorance, than the ignorance that seems to pervade the "youngest" gays. Ive written on that before.

So once again: Ive found a guy who's cute, potentially gay, and has made first contact. Now what? One of life's mysteries.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Dandy Life" Collective Soul,
Dosage

Second Major Attack on Gays in as many weeks

There is strong sociological evidence that supports the inference that as the populace receives messages that it is okay to hate on a particular minority group in a political sense, acts of violence rise against that minority group. I dont have time to cite my research on this right now, but its out there, and its a pretty common sense conclusion: while even the middle-of-the-road politicians may be saying, "Marriage = man and woman," nut jobs out there hear, "Its okay to beat up fags."

Thus, in a political atmosphere that is increasingly focusing on gay marriage (again) for the election, we have had two very scary incidents of hate crimes in various parts of the country. (see San Diego story) This shit is scary.

This is straight off another site (Towleroad.com):

Sorry to bring you so much violent, ugly news this week but I think it's important that these incidents get as much visibility as possible.

Police in New Mexico report that a woman and a gay man were kidnapped and beaten for hours last weekend during a party at a mobile home in rural Edgewood.

The two victims met up with another woman and one of their attackers before driving to the party. That woman left the party early, but confirmed to police that those who attacked the two victims used anti-gay language toward the man and taped part of the party on a cell phone.
After reportedly threatening to throw their victims into a yard full of "several large barking dogs" they took them to a camper parked in the yard of the mobile home and that is where an all-night torture began:

While some of the partygoers tied up the gay man with rope and began hitting him, "Uriah told them that this was a kidnapping and they were not going to die yet," according to the warrant. A female from the party lifted the woman's head and kicked her in the face, the warrant says. The woman said she felt her nose break, the warrant says.

"(The woman) was not tied up, but was held in the camper for most of the night while all of the male subjects kept hitting, kicking, slapping and knocking (the gay man) down," the warrant states. "The male subjects would knock (the gay man) down and if he did not get up off of the ground within a certain count or if he would make any noise, they would jump on him, hitting and kicking him.

"This continued all night until the sun was about to come up."

Said Prosecutor Donna Dagnall: "It's pretty clear to us that his homosexuality was the reason for the beating."

The male victim suffered "bleeding on the brain and a concussion as well as facial lacerations and bruising" and has been released from a hospital. The female victim did not require hospitalization, according to reports.

Two men, age 17 and 21, are in custody, and have been charged with "two counts of kidnapping, aggravated battery causing great bodily injury, false imprisonment and conspiracy." Another has not yet been apprehended. The three will be charged with hate crimes.

Reasons why I freakin love Will!!

No Gobi, No Gobi, No Gobi, No Gobi, No Gobi

So 20 minutes after last night's last post I was feeling way better. I ended up calling my best friend, Will, who is serving in the Peace Corps in Mongolia. I have lived on various continents, but it is still surprising to me that I can use my cell phone, a $20 phone card, and call this guy in the most remote part of the planet on his cell. Pretty amazing to think about.

I remember first meeting Will in a horrible Journalism class we ended up together. We all wondered for a very short time if he was gay (he's not) and he and I ended up hanging out for a while, and being an essential member of my 21st birthday crew. We became fast friends over my junior year, and when I went to Spain, I seemed to call him a ton, just cause he had a way of balancing me out with his sense of humor. Making even the most extreme situations seem like just another day (important on days that feel like catastrophe has hit: ie. the Madrid bombings). He is also one of those friends that I can share everything with without fear of judgment, but also knowing that he will call me out on my shit if I stray too far from the ethical values he knows I try to live by.

One of Will's best qualities is his rather crude sense of humor. There is a very small circle of people who actually "get" Will and his style of humor, but once you do, it is deadly. We laughed throughout our conversation last night, about things both trivial and important to us both. It felt good. Laughing at one's own life can have an incredibly healing power.

About half of the music I currently listen to comes from Will's music library. In fact the song I am listening to right now. I remember him trying to "expose" one of my other dear friends, D, to Tool's particularly hard music during our roadtrip down to Florida. Turns out she was perfectly familiar, and it became just one more thing they ended up bickering about. That road trip was one of the only things I remember clearly from that trip: we at least refrained from drinking while we drove...

Will's also wicked smart. Loves challenging you on your views, and we had some of the best conversations of my life about politics, love, philosophy, whatever... I remember wanting to bust his head open on his views on hate-crime legislation and feeling completely daunted by his views on affirmative action. Through our debates, I have been able to craft my own views from "naively liberal," to "debatingly moderate, with liberal tendencies." What a gift to get from a friend: wisdom and understanding.

My grandfather often said to me when I was a lonely youngster (I was *shockingly* not very popular before I hit highschool) that one good friend is far better than 10 decent ones. I dont know that I believed him until I met Will.

No Gobi, No Gobi, No Gobi, No Gobi, No Gobi

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Disconnected (Out of Touch)" Trapt,
Someone in Control

tired thoughts

Its getting later in the evening, and I am exhausted from this (great) day.... But that's when these thoughts tend to haunt me:

I had something really cool to celebrate. And I feel like no one to celebrate with.

It's that loneliness creeping back in.

I just wish that at the end of such an incredible day like this I could have shared my victory with someone on the level I continue to search for. Dont get me wrong. I had plenty of people to call and brag to... but no one to come home to who would revel in not just my success but the shared success of a shared life.

Im starting to think back to Nebraska, and wondering if I should drop him a line. Perhaps its an uncharacteristic move, but it felt SO good when I was with him for that FLASH week of getting to know him. I'd also like to know what the hell happened...

Its probably a bad idea. I'll probably wake up tomorrow and remember how much I love the life I lead, how incredible I am, how patient I must be, how faithful I need to be... but for right now, I just want to be held.


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"23" Jimmy Eat World,
Futures

Big day for me

Wow. That was cool! I can't wait till I win my first trial!

I got the chance to make my very first arguments in front of a court today. They were small, but important: way cool! I was doing felony arraignments with one of the lawyers I have buddied up with, and she gave me three cases to argue after we interviewed the in-custody clients.

Here's what you have to understand about felony arraignments and our office (the PDs). Felony means "serious" crimes. Arraigment means arguing bail. The PDs office means that your clients can almost never ever pay any type of bail, as they are broke. So the only real chance of getting our clients out, which of course is the goal, is getting an NBR (no bail required). Except judges hate doing that, because with serious crimes, it looks bad to release someone without at least some sort of bail hanging over their head. So we RARELY get clients out during felony arraignments. In fact, I have heard other clerks gripe about not wanting to argue them, because they are futile.

Well, I did okay.

Actually, I got 2 out of my 3 clients released.

The sheriff's deputies were actually rooting me on at one point. Felt pretty damn cool. My first case was a homeless guy in on terroristic threats. The biggest problem there was not the charge (as terroristic threats is a trumped up, stupid ass charge in the first place) but the fact that this guy cant be pinned down to one location. The judge even wanted to make it a condition of his release that he give an address. I fought on that and won too. "The incident charged here did not even begin with my client, but with a fight instigated by the complaintant. My client has no history of violence and there is not even the inference that he might pose a threat to society if released..." I win!

My second client was in on a felony DWI charge. This means he has at least 4 DWI's in his history. Thanks to MAD, the judges always try to appear as harsh as possible on these. However he had no criminal history besides alcohol related offenses, and we were willing to have him put on alco-sensor (constantly monitors your BAC), so my argument was that there was no threat so long as he was sober, and alco-sensor would assure us of that. Here the prosecutor was relying on the fact that TWO OTHER JUDGES had refused to NBR this guy.... And yet, I through in some good biographical info and... I still WIN!!! Yeah!!

I came back to the office and was getting high-fives from some of the lawyers, my bosses... Felt pretty damn good. At one point one of the supervisors said something along the lines of, "...future in this office..." Wow. That feels damn good!

Im going to go play in the sun for a bit!

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"When in Rome" Nickel Creek,
Why Should the Fire Die

A plea to your consciences

Okay people:

I havent written in a while, not because there hasnt been much going on, but more because so much has. I will update later today after I get back from court. But first:

I know a bunch of you are from Wisconsin. I have this fancy Sitemeter thing now that shows me generally where you are all from. Thanks for reading. I love my beer and cheese state. I consider it very much a second home.

The Pioneer Press printed an article on Monday about the marriage amendment that is on the ballot in Wisconsin this fall. This stuff makes me so incredibly sad. It is hard not to take it personal. This movie short somewhat sums up the frustration.

So here is what I am asking: Do something. If not for yourself, do it for me. I am thinking about taking a field trip with some Wisconsinite friends into one of the western cities of WI one of these weekends to do some door-to-door campaigning. Please figure out someway to help, and make it happen. Here is the main website for the NO campaign: FairWisconsin.com. This is SO important. Courts have stopped invalidating these amendments, so if this passes, it will be around for a very very long time.

Thank you. I know you'll take this stand with me.


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Actually It's Darkness" IdleWild,
100 Broken Windows

One more reason I ADORE Ann Coulter

Coulter Comes Out Against Gay Clinton Marriage - Wonkette

Mark Kennedy - 6th District Candidate

Its too bad that this guy rated a ZERO on the HRC rating scale (that's out of 100)... Cause otherwise I would vote for him just cause of this ad...

(oh, and if you are so independant, why have you NEVER broken from party lines?)

55 Arab Linguists have been fired from Armed Services for being gay

U.S. Newswire : Releases : "Servicemembers Legal Defense Network: Army Dismisses GayArabic Linguist"

Gay Bashing at local gay bar

This is coming from a VERY credible source, and its extremely disturbing.

I hang out at this bar all the time. Its my favorite spot in Minneapolis, and is about 2 blocks from my apartment building. This is fucking scary. As the story below indicates, the fact that this can happen in a city like Minneapolis and a neighborhood like Loring Park really says something about the world that homosexuals still have to face. God, this sucks.

It would be nice to at least feel safe where I live.

Gay Bashing at the 19 Bar
posted by Andy Birkey at 6:28 PM on July 26, 2006

"I was playing darts with friends last night at the 19 Bar, Minnesota's oldest LGBT bar (est. 1952), when a man came in and approached the bartender (apparently to ask for change for bus fare). A patron at the bar spoke to the guy (may have hit on him?) and the guy beat the patron to the ground and began kicking him while he was down. He took off out the door, and then for some reason, several minutes later, he ducked his head back in.

That's when Brandon the bartender, myself, and 2 friends ran outside and found him standing at the bus station at the corner, re-enacting the beating to his friends. Brandon dialed 911 and after very brief wait (maybe 2 minutes) for the Minneapolis Police Department, the guy was arrested and thrown into the back of the squad car.

It's unfortunate that this stuff still happens. Even if the guy was upset at getting hit on by another guy (which is not clear in this case), this kind of violence is uncalled for and, unfortunately, happens a lot more than is actually reported. Imagine if every woman who was subject to unwanted advances in straight clubs beat down every guy who was harrassing them. We still live in a climate where violent acts are committed based on bias against LGBT people, even in progressive Minnesota, ultra-liberal Minneapolis, uber-gay Loring Park. And in my favorite hangout, the 19 Bar.

I think it's important to acknowledge the quick thinking by Brandon at the 19 Bar, and the very quick response by MPD. They've taken a lot of heat lately with rising crime, and their response to this crime was incredible."

My World Turns Upside Down!!!

WHAT?!?

NEVER!

Lance Bass is Gay???

All I have to say is that they didnt quite hit the mark when airbrushing this guy... damn he hasn't aged well. Years in the closet (was he ever really in the closet?) apparently dont wear well on a guy. (does this cattiness completely contradict my previous post about Butt Doubles? Perhaps. But I feel like its okay to make fun of Lance Bass...)

Oh, and Time, Inc. has announced that it will no longer be producing "Teen People." How sad for the world!


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"I Need to Wake Up" Melissa Etheridge,
An Inconvenient Truth

Favorite of the Day

Butt Doubles

There is a story on Slate.com about how both of the Wilson brothers in their respective recent roles had to have "butt doubles."

It's an interesting thought that even the "beautiful people" are not perfect. How sad that we make them pretend that they are. I wonder where we get our body image issues from?

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"All Good Things (Come to an End)" Nelly Furtado,
Loose

Tragically Romantic and the A.S.U., pt II

Back to it then. I spent the day yesterday doing Voir Dire (jury selection) for one of the attorney's a adore. She let me and another law clerk essentially play jury consultants for the day and make the choices for preemption (getting rid of jurors) and I think I did a pretty good job with it. It is a very intuitive exercise, watching people and their reactions to each other and the attorney's. I was exhausted after the day, more or less because watching a group of 25 people non-stop for 6 hours is mentally tiring.

Back to the weekend:

After (Wicked) left me wondering when I would be able to find someone like him locally, I tried to encounter a few friends at the bar. I ended up catching a ride home from the guy from Thursday. He was nice about it, but distant. I wonder if I did something wrong. He had sent me an email about "trying to seem straight." I get frusterated by that bullshit. I never accuse anyone of "trying" to act gay. (although I have a few that I joke with about it... but they are close friends) Anyway... I'll still give him a call sometime this week. He seems like he's worth making another attempt.

Was in bed about 2am, and my 7am alarm came a bit early for my liking. Jumped in the car with my new roommate (im gonna have to come up with a pseudonym for her soon) and her friend. I had met the friend before when the Roomie had come to look at the apartment, and I thought he was a sweetheart. Once again, I need to get my gaydar checked: he's straight. Well, that was pretty much the only dissappointment of the entire weekend from there on in...

We drove to Eagle Bend, MN (some 2 hours north-west) and started to meet the bikers at the school. Just to recap in case I missed it: this was a motorcycle tour to benefit Camp Heartland put together by an incedible local couple. Camp Heartland is a camping program for children with HIV/AIDS.

After mingling with some of the riders (getting the first comment about how I should make sure not to get Roomie pregnant) I was hooked up with a guy from the CMA to ride with. The CMA is the Christian Motorcyclist's Association. They are this huge fellowship of guys who look pretty roughneck, but evangelize for Christ, go to meetings, and dont drink. They were phenominally friendly with me. After being terrified on the back of the bike for a little while, I calmed down and actually found the riding to be very prayerful: just the wind in your ears, riding so fast as to leave the rest of the ride behind. I had a decent talk with my rider about that too... He talked about how Christ had restored his family. Pretty cool stuff coming from a motorcyclist.

We rode around the country side for about 4 hours (I got a tad sunburned), stopping at various watering holes along the way. There were about 130 riders, all riding to raise money for kids with HIV. Pretty damn cool. And the riding was amazing. It was just so freeing.

Overall the day and later the party that night shattered a ton of my preconceived notions. These were some of the nicest people ever. They welcomed the three of us city-folk in a way that I hadnt felt in a while. Quite honestly, the gay community is uber-judgmental: are you fat/skinny, built/stringy, rich/poor, hung/lacking... none of this shit meant anything to these people. While there were a very select few who harbored racial prejudices and I definitely didnt come out over the weekend, I am not even sure how much of a problem those things would be. One of the ladies we partied with at the end of the night mentioned that she thinks her son is bi ("and he takes giant shits, so i think he could take a dick..." --she was very drunk at this point) (this was the same lady who looked at me and Roomie and said, "That's so cool! You guys will be like Will & Grace, except you're not gay!"... yes... just like that...).

I did have a conversation (short as it was) with a guy I had noticed earlier with Iron Crosses on his bike, a confederate flag on his back, and then at closer inspection a nazi symbol on his collar. I approached quite gently, and just questioned him on his thoughts about those symbols. "Im a white racist," he said. REALLY? I couldnt tell! I started to question his premises for his beliefs, and he did indeed believe that slavery was appropriate and genocide was okay in some circumstances. But the interesting part was that he had these unshakable "facts" that were the basis for his beliefs: black people want to kill white people, they all want reparations, Jews have been taxing us to the ground since the middle ages, Latinos are taking away our jobs, (but not any of his... the bad economy did that.. which of course had to do with all the illegals on welfare). These unshakable ideas were not something I was even going to get into, so I agreed to (very much) disagree, and went and talked with the other people at this party. I must emphasize that this was only one person in about 200... We all have our crazies.

We partied at this incredible farm/solice area among the trees, where there were prizes and raffles and karaoke and motorcycle games... Roomie's friend got a hankerchief as a door prize. It was adorned with a screamin eagle, giant flag, and the acronym A.S.U... The three of us looked at it for about 30 seconds trying to figure out what that could stand for. I finally clued in... "Ummm... Dude, turn the hankerchief around."

Turns out that "A.S.U." becomes a fairly well known acronymn when reversed. :-)

It was a good weekend.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Satin in a Coffin" Modest Mouse,
Good News for People who Love Bad News

Tragically Romantic and the A.S.U., pt. I

What a phenomenal weekend this has been. So full of... everything. An incredible cultural juxtaposition of high-culture city living and country/biker loving.

I made it through Friday with little trouble, except for a Sheriff's Deputy making a fairly discriminatory comment to my supervisor about me at felony arraignments in the afternoon (you think I let that fly? I took care of it...). I had been texting with the Wicked guy much of the day, and at about 5pm he let me know that he could get me a main floor ticket for about $80. I totally dont have the money to blow right now, but I convinced myself that it would be worth it. I am so very very glad that I did.

I had the best tickets I have ever had for a big show. Ever. Row J, center section, main floor. For those of you counting, thats 10 rows back. The show was exuberant and wonderful. I could write an entire entry just about how incredible the whole thing was. It's vibrant and the music is creative without trying too hard and the story manages to connect you with the characters without being oppressive about it. We saw a stand in for Elphaba (the wicked witch) who blew our socks off. I cant imagine a better performance, and was astounded when I found out that she was an understudy. Her vocals were flawless. At the end of one song, she sustained a low note that just made my jaw drop. The actor playing Galinda had also added some movements to the choreography which simply made the show. And it was so fun to have someone to watch, as my new friend was in almost every scene.

One song about whether there is any truly altruistic act or only hiddenly selfish acts that have positive external and internal results. Reminds me of a debate I had in college with a fight choreographer.

Overall, the show made me remember how much I miss the theater world. Being caught up in something so overtly positive and mirthy. It exudes so much good karma into the world. I miss being a part of that. For better or worse, the world I work in currently is a bit darker: crime and punishment does not make for many moments of laughter (although we certainly try).

After the show, (Wicked) took me backstage and showed me everything. I had a million questions, and I saw how everything worked, poked at the costumes, figured out where the trap doors are and everything. Saw his dressing station... It was probably could not have been more honored. Then we went out for a late dinner and drinks. Talked and talked. On my end, I guess I couldnt figure out why he was into me... Call it low self esteem, but I wonder if he just wanted someone to talk to, because at a certain point it because clear that we were not going to be going home together. (which, while a tad disappointing, helps me to hope that we will continue to have a dialogue as friends, which rarely happens after you sleep with someone random). Then I took him to Krave, where we danced for just a bit before he decided to go to a party that he felt compelled to attend. I couldnt tell if I was getting the blow off or whatever, but at that point I didnt much care... I couldnt have enjoyed my night more. (Wicked) had given me one of the most romantic evenings of my life, perhaps without even trying. While I havent been lacking in the "getting laid" area of my life, it has been easily a year since a good solid romantic night. (think Mo's Steak with Mitchell and then moonlit walk along Lake Michigan). Sometimes it is just nice to connect with someone on that level, even if the tragedy is that he is already onto another city. He talked about how its actually hard to make connections with people too given the life he leads, so I can only hope that the night felt as nice to him as it did to me.

Funny enough, when he left he was going to a party that he felt I couldnt come to because some of the people there would be too cruel to me. The drama types that thinks its fun to make fun of outsiders or something. I tried to impress upon (Wicked) that I am can dish it out as well as I can take it, and am not one to be easily daunted, but he "didnt want me to think less of him." I dropped it and let him go. It was an interesting end to the evening though, because after being filled with such longing to return to the theater world during the show, afterwards hearing all the drama and narcissism and relative cruelty of some of the "theater people" I remember why I left it behind. To have someone tell me that he thinks I couldnt put up with it for a night only reminded me how truly hard it can be to deal with.

I am going out with Anthony in a little while, so Im gonna have to finish the rest of this tomorrow. This is getting long anyway.


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Alejate" Josh Groban,
Josh Groban

Having a Wicked time

Geez that's lame. I'll explain further down.

Last night was another late one. I got home from work, took a nap, and went to dinner with Derrick, a friend from Milwaukee I miss heartily. He, as with many of my friends, has a knack for keeping me out late and getting me into trouble. Well, after dinner we went to a near-empty Saloon and hung out there and chatted until things picked up. Another new friend then joined us (one of the guys I made out with at the recent bachelor party). We then goaded each other until I had the guts to walk down the bar and say HI to a really cute guy who had been making eyes at us (me?). (On a side note, I need to remember that almost universally, I should be more willing to be gutsy and approach people... it has turned out into some great conversations/friendships if not relationships... I am ALL too willing to approach people for a friend, but when it comes to personal "cruising" I lose that hutspa: I forget how fabulous I really am sometimes.)

Turns out that this guy was in town with the production of Wicked... Absolute sweetheart/stud. Gorgeous eyes... He leaves in three days and I had to keep telling myself I wasnt going to go home with him. Not even sure why... Just felt like it wasnt prudent (and because Derrick was planning on crashing at my place). He gave me his number (I didnt even have to ask) so I may see if I can meet up with him again tonight. Not sure I would be so prudent if I saw him again. Fortunately, he's one of those guys that I would just love to be in a relationship with. Downside: he's a traveling actor leaving in three days.

After that, I saw another friend across the bar and I invited him to hang out with us. I saw a wonderfully fun side of him that I havent necessarily seen before, and felt very honored to have him join us. The night was incredible that way: I finally felt like I had a GROUP... That's truly what I miss the most about Milwaukee: that sense of belonging in the bars and social circles. It took me forever to develop that there, and I am slowly making progress here too. All night long I saw people I knew (even some who I havent slept with)... I felt like I got a taste of the social super-stardom that I secretly love so much.

Im a bit tired today, but it was totally worth it.



Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"I Woke Up in a Car" Something Corporate,
Leaving Through the Window

Legally Impotent

So today got to be a bit frusterating.

I am working on this assignment trying to get a charge tossed because the police stop of the vehicle seems to be pretty pretextual: usual stuff-- music was too loud, object suspended in the rearview... Driving while Black. I had written about 85% of my motion when I started to research the final reason the cops had for pulling this guy over: the owner the car was registered to no longer had a valid license.

My first argument was that simply because the owner had an invalid license, doesnt mean that the driver needs to be pulled over. Except then I found a recent MN Supreme Court case right on point: finding that a vehicle's owner has a suspended license creates the pressumption that the owner is driving and is a valid reason to pull a vehicle over. Shit. That destroys our argument. Completely.

So I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to parse together different arguments why the case shouldnt apply, when it really should. I am trying to keep plugging away at the argument, but it is like struggling to get your seat cushion out on an aircraft hurtling toward the ground: pretty hopeless.

The thing is, I know the attorney is not going to accept "Sorry it just isnt going to work" on this case. And since she wont, I cant accept it either.


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Forever" Vertical Horizon,
Go

Welling up...

I just saw this clip on one of the blogs I read. It is pretty damn cool. Given my experience teaching 11th graders in an inter-city environment, I am extremely impressed by this project.

Here is some background information about the class and the project. Here is the video. Maybe its just that Im a sucker for Coldplay's "Fix You"... good stuff either way.

Home and Abroad

Well, Im not completely sure Im sober at work today. On one hand I think that I might be, on the other, well, my head is pretty foggy.

I walked into work and my supervisor wanted to have a chat. "You're just doing so phenomenally...We are so happy about how engaged you, in particular, are." I was just hoping I didnt have beer breath. (On a side note, I had my performance review yesterday and have been getting rave reviews from the attorneys I have worked for... I think I have decided that I wont stay on for the school year, but will definitely come back for the summer... I got onto Law Journal and actually think I may do it, as much as it seems like a bad idea).

I went out last night, meeting up with someone who is quickly becoming an "old friend": I feel like he and I just have a great bond, and our friendship is very fun. We started out with a few drinks at the 19 and then a couple of friends joined us and we went to the Townhouse from there. There was this guy... (that's how most of my stories start I suppose) ... He's cute, successful, nice, good sense of humor... We'll see what happens there. I (let) him drive me home in his super fun car. Nothing happened. Geez, you guys! I dont always put out when I first meet someone!

Last night I tried to make a viable attempt at being a good friend to my buddies abroad. Ryan just arrived in Kuwait, where he is stationed for awhile before being taken into Iraq. I wanted to send him something nice. And I bought a phone card to be able to call Will in Mongolia. These guys are important to me, and in the midst of everything else that goes on in my life, I need to remember them.

So there is this Guy... actually that's his name. He was absolutely essential to me while I was coming out. I remember driving through a thunderstorm to his house late at night after I got kicked out of my youth group and didnt want to face my father with the shame they had made me feel. He taught me many lessons in the early days of my "gayhood." But for some reason I felt that I had outgrown our relationship: perhaps I wanted to leave behind those reminders of how weak I have been in the past through coming out and dealing with my mother's death. Anyway, through the wonders of blogging, I have been able to somewhat restore our relationship. I am able to get a quick eye into his (much changed) life, and he mine. It is amazing to rekindle that connection. I am hearing about people who I have long since left behind, and this of course tugs at my heart strings. Theater folk. TC folk. It seems like it was another life.

Okay, I need to get to work, as I have an upcoming deadline and two trials next week. Oh, and I have organized a staff trip to Hooters today. Hopefully I'll sober up by that point...


Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Someone to Believe" The Normals, Better Than This

Unearned fabulousness

First of all, the lead singer of the now-defunct Savage Garden, Darren Hayes, has just come out of the closet in marrying his partner in London. That's a big "I told you so" to a bunch of friends from like 11th grade. His song, "Affirmation" was truly such an... affirmation as a young gay male. It was pretty cool to hear as a teenage gay male struggling for positive messages in society.

Second, my trip to the maximum security prison yesterday was pretty intense. Its not quite like "Oz" but getting there. I was impressed by the guards, impressed by the facility, but it is hard not to view the tons and tons of steel and concrete as a giant failure in human nature. Many many lives will be kept there until they cease to threaten society. A couple of things: There was a board where the guards kept track of gang affiliations. I had never realized how prominent gangs are in the offending society of Minnesota. The scariest? By far the amount of "White Power" guys are in there. Somehow I find it easy to dismiss gangs that are made up of minorities as a result of bad neighborhoods, generations of cultural, monetary and racial discrimination, but then there are the white guys who just hate people. That's fucking scary to me.

It was also pretty amazing how much the staff at the prison almost universally hated Gov. Pawlenty. Cutbacks in funding, salaries and inmate education (which statistically makes them more docile and compliant.

Finally, I thought it particularly intriguing that our guide mentioned that the week of July 4th, the inmates undergo complete lockdown. The sense of irony escaped the guard as I mentioned, "So much for Independence Day." That joke didnt go over well. (the reason for the lockdown is so that more guards can go home and spend time with their families)

Dad and Carey were here over the weekend, and it was just fucking awesome. I went through a night of withdrawal after they left. All of a sudden I feel very alone. It will pass, and I have plenty to keep me occupied, but it is the contrast of being surrounded by unconditional love and laughter to *poof* ... the silence of living alone in a big city. I have some fun social events later this week, so I have some things to look forward to, but it is an interesting emotional juxtaposition.

Sunday night I took Dad and Carey to the Gay 90s for the drag show, where I greased a few palms to have a drag queen present Dad with a birthday cake for his 51st birthday. It was quite fun, and the first time he or Carey had seen real drag (not the honky shit they had experienced back home...). The interesting thing though, to which I dedicated the title of this post, was that it was 18 and older night at the 90s. Which means the teenage crowd was out in force.

Perhaps this goes with my "getting old" post from last week (ps... I have sprained the ligaments in my lower back so wont be able to play tennis anymore... grrr...), but I am a little bit repulsed by this "younger" generation of gay men (boys). The thing that has held the gay community together for so long is the sense of commonality in the struggle of the coming out experience. With time, that experience has gotten easier and easier, to the point where it may not have been a hardship for many of these youngins (speaking in generalities of course). They walk with this sense of fabulousness that they have adopted from their gay-forefathers, without having to have earned their stripes to get there. Dont get me wrong, I am not saying that they should be undergoing the harsh realities that often came (and still do come) with coming out, but simply that I think there is no longer a respect for those that came before... (God, now I really sound old).

Some of you may be thinking: "you're just pissed because you're not hot shit any longer." You would be wrong. I am still hot shit. I got hit on Sunday (while with my family, always a little wierd) more than I normally do. But I wouldnt be interested in most of these queeny vapid young queers if it was that or the vagina. Even my father was surprised by the attitude of expectancy of most of these guys.

Its like the saying, "Im here, Im Queer, get used to it," has morphed into, "Im Gay, Im Hot, bow to my fabulousness." I, for one, am not impressed.

Musical Fodder for my Writing:
"Affirmation" Savage Garden,
Affirmation

The "game" used in the clips below... great workplace prank

Flash Maze Game - Test your skills!

Scared crapless II

You need to see the one below to really get this... freakin great. I need to find that game for people at work...

Scared Crapless I

Feeling Old, in so many ways

wow... When did I become an old man?

Yesterday was a good day. Went to mental health court (crazies there!) had lunch with Kenzie, and got to help try and cause a stir about a gay couple that was kicked out of not one, but two Blue and White cabs over the last weekend for kissing in the cabs (not making out even: kissing). See the story here. So I contacted WCCO, which had run a story about the same sort of incident with the same cab company back in December (here) and they are likely to run another story. While I was on an office errand, I also stopped by the Civil Rights Office of the City of Minneapolis and talked to a complaint investigator who is interested in pursuing the matter. Then I found out that the anonymous poster on the blog that started all of this is a friend of mine from my building! Small gay world! Anyway, it felt good to actually DO something for once.

After work I went uptown to try and find some new pants with the Express gift card I have. Except the Express up there is only for women. Oops. So I stopped by another random store, Kuhlman's, where they were having a buy-one-get-one-free sale on everything, and all the shirts were marked down to $9 or $19. Sweet! I got 8 dress shirts there and two pairs of cufflinks for $71. Then went to American Eagle, where I got HOOKED UP by a new friend and got four more shirts and a free movie ticket (for trying on a pair of jeans) for $28. What a great shopping day! I didnt end up with any pants, but I managed to get 12 shirts for under $100. Pretty sweet!

Went home and planned on getting some work done, but decided to use my free movie pass to go see Pirates of the Caribbean II. This is where the "feeling old" part starts to kick in.

Pirates is PG-13. Within 5 minutes of starting, we see someone's eye pecked out by a bird, and some time later a character is whipped viciously ala The Passion. I know I dont have kids yet. I know it will be awhile before I have to start making movie judgments for a teenager, but I have a very hard time thinking that I would be okay with my 13-year-old seeing this movie. My roommate commented, "Come on, by 13, they have played so many slasher video games and so much Grand Theft Auto, this stuff wont even phase them." Not my kids damnit! If I know one thing about the way that my sister and I were raised, not watching endless television and not playing hours and hours of video games made us into ambitious, top-of-the-class kids better prepared for social interactions through, well, having them. That is not even about violence, it is about having control over what sort of media, and how much of it, your child consumes... (I joked last night during the pre-previews at the THREE ads for football videogames: "If you're too lazy to get off the couch, too anti-social to join a team, and too fat to do the exercise, EA Games." Its fake football for Christ-sakes! Shouldnt we as a society be promoting kids to go play REAL football?!?)

Anyway, I am kinda unnerved that Disney can no longer be trusted not to push gruesome content onto kids just cause they can get away with it. The rating system has long been a joke, but a blockbuster movie made by Disney should have some sort of social responsibilty to it. Looking at the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops Office of Film and Broadcasting (where they do "family values" ratings), this movie is still rated appropriate for adolescents... maybe this means I am just a krumudgen. I have moved right past the Catholics. Shit. (Maybe I'd feel more comfortable in communist China: see why)

The other thing was that the movie kept me up past my bedtime. I didnt get in until about 12:30. Gasp! Today I am feeling physically old: sore from tennis, tired from the movie, and I cant see well cause my glasses are still being fixed. When did it become difficult to get up sober after 6 hours of sleep and function like a human being?

I did enjoy the movie though, at least the parts I didnt cover my eyes for...

Getting the short end of the stick... and pissed about it

Spent most of the morning so far sending emails to friends, getting caught up on one of my email accounts. Thats 2/4 (who said technology made life easier? I have four real email accounts, and three fake ones on myspace, facebook and friendster... how is a boy to keep up?)

Anyway, i got bored being a good friend, and decided to bum around the courthouse for a little bit. Sat in on what was supposed to be jury selection on a gun case, until the judge strong-armed a settlement. Now, I know settlements are good, but so are civil rights. This was a case where the mandatory minumum was 5 years (simple illegal posession of a gun... we can go into the absudity of that later) and the judge said pretty verbatim: "You settle this you get 5 years, you dont, well, I'll tell you right now that I think guns are ruining our cities, and I am disposed to give you the maximum." WAYYY out of line for her to hvae said that. So, the PD did what any good lawyer would do and convinced her client to take the 5 years... Essentially what the judge was doing was saying, "I recognize that you have a right to a jury trial, but Im going to make you pay to exercise it." Downright pisses me off.

Then I got a phone call that the motion I was supposed to argue on Wednesday was denied without argument. First of all, that sucks cause I was excited to argue it. Second of all, I was excited to WIN it! If I have worked on a clear cut winner thusfar, it was this case. The prosecution screwed up, and then the court screwed up by allowing them to get away with it. The rules were clear, and the case law was clear. So to be denied outright seems truly aggregious to me. RAAAAHR!

On the plus side, my new roommate emailed me, and she seems both awesome and excited about the move, so that cheered me right up.

But could we possibly get a fair shake just once for our clients? Geez!

Spoke too soon...

As to that last post, I decided to find what other people had to say on the subject and googled Amanda Congdon's name.

Turns out there was some crazy power struggle and some idiot producer gave her marching orders. Wow... Bad move. You just lost your entire view base. I, for one, will be siding with Amanda in this internet turf war.

Her side of the story in at http://amandaunboomed.blogspot.com/ and there is a CNN story at http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/internet/07/07/vlogger.exits.ap/index.html

Oh the internet drama!

betrayed... in a podcast way

So I was puzzled this morning when, as part of my morning routine, I was updating the podcasts I listen to/watch and one of my favorites, RocketBoom, a tech-news/commentary videocast would not update. This daily videocast hadnt updated since the end of June. Puzzling.

I pull up their website in benign interest (www.rocketboom.com) and find that the broadcaster, Amanda Congdon, had quit the podcast to pursue other goals in L.A.

Its not that I fault her for pursuing her dreams, but I am feeling a little "Say it isnt so!" about the whole thing. No warning, no farewell. She kinda just left her loyal listeners (geeks) high and dry with no warning. Sad! I'll get over it, but it seems like a silly move on her part to create that sort of resentment. Alas, we'll miss you Amanda!

The unfrozen heart

Just got home from Anthony and Dan's wedding. It was absolutely amazing, truly probably one of the highlights of my year. It is just something so wonderful to see two people who you love, who love each other, stand up and commit themselves to each other. To see them hand in hand at the altar truly brought tears to my eyes. I was pretty much wiping tears away from the moment they proceeded in till they walked out a happily married couple.

Part of it is the vision of possibility and the hope of having such a ceremony supported by so many friends and family. Dan's grandparents were there, and I got to talk with his grandfather for a little while who said, "I wouldnt want it any other way." They have all welcomed Anthony as a son. God, I can only hope that my grandparents live long enough to show me that sort of affirmation. They love me, but they dont like to talk about the "gay thing." A wedding is just such a wonderful sign from everyone involved that they support the marriage and will be there for both parties through thick and thin.

The party afterward was very fun, and I wish I could have stayed longer, but have to work tomorrow so I snuck out about dusk so as to avoid a) getting too drunk b) hitting on someone I shouldnt have and of course c) staying out too late. Truly, it was less about the party for me and more about the ceremony itself. And it was well worth it.

For me this was a model of the way it is "supposed to be." Surrounded by love, swearing your undying love for someone else, asking God to bless your relationship, and asking all those around you to forever respect and support your marriage. These are the things I want. I want a man who I love so much that I cant bear to let go of his hand as we begin our life together as a married couple. There is also something significant to say about the religious/cutural background of a jewish ceremony: there is so much to fall back on... I definitely respect that.

I have been meaning to write for a little while about the effect that Nebraska has had one me. Not him so much even as the "aspect" of him that gave me hope. While he turned out to be less available than I would have hoped, he reminded me of what it felt to open my heart to someone. And now that its over with him, I find myself thinking again of (Mitchell). We broke up about 9 months ago, after just a short relationship, but truly, truly, if I still had his number in my phone tonight, I would have called him. He was the only man I have ever known who I wanted to forge a life with.

As much as I was all smiles tonight, as this was Anthony and Dan's night and I am beyond happy for them, there is a pretty decent part of me that is phenominally jealous of what they made happen for themselves tonight. Right or wrong, I want it to be my life.

Seeing them both together, now bonded forever, makes the solitude of my own life seem much more stark, much more sad. I learned in Venezuela the difference between being alone and being lonely, but tonight was a bit more on the lonely side. I just want that person to share this all with. (as I type this, I realize why straight chicks are so easy at weddings: this feeling is the entire premise of "The Wedding Crashers")

Nebraska reminded me to the way relationships are supposed to work: not this one night stand shit, but having someone who you know will be there, you know is going to be a part of your life. My heart thawed just a tad. Its a healthy wake up call, as much as it makes me realize my own sadness. I really havent hooked up with anyone since him, and perhaps thats a good thing. Maybe its time to focus on the relationship thing.

God works in mysterious ways...

so that I don't donkey-punch some ass hole preacher man standing on a Walmart* stepstool on Nicollet Mall ranting about how gays are going to hell.

I got off the bus to go to the bank a block before I should have. I thought it was wierd, and didnt understand why I did it, but later I saw the guy yelling right where I would have gotten off the bus. Glad I didnt have to confront him. Dick head.

Just got back from the Lodge. I love it there. It was a good call to leave, as I need to get some major work done tomorrow, and have a fantastic wedding to go to in the afternoon. Funny thing about tonight: girls were all over me. One of the cocktailers was eyeing me so much that my friends were commenting on it. Then as I was on my way out, the bartender asked me for my number. I gave it to her. I'll have to explain things to her another day. I'll just take the ego boost for now.

I seem to have lost my favorite Marquette hat. Bummer. Just one more reason that I have to get to Milwaukee soon. I loved that hat. I wear hats so often that the couple getting married tomorrow thought I didnt have hair the first couple of weeks we were friends.

What got deleted from that last post was that I spent most of the day today trying to square away travel plans (what to do when Dad and Carey are in town next weekend and how to get back home in August for the Family Reunion) and squaring away the roommate thing. I had a bit of an open house today to show the apartment. There were two really good candidates, and I picked a girl who seems to have a lot of character, works for a nonprofit, and seems totally cool. Im actually really excited that I might have a roommate who I can develop a friendship with. Or at least a conversation. Sheesh. I cant believe that my current roommate has lived with me almost a year (as of Sept.). Oh how the time flies.

Work has been good. I had to be uber-productive on Wed and Thurs as I had 2 major projects due on Thurs. (hence not posting much). They both went well, and then I had an emergency follow-up issue to deal with on Friday, but largely have nothing else to do. Because we are assigned on rotation with the other clerks, and the last-minute assignment counted, I will probably not get a new assignment till Wed or Thurs... Sweet. Gotta love a government job. I spent Fri morning bumming around Property court first appearances. Just something to do.

Its also funny, what a lawyer I am quickly becoming. My aunt called the other day to ask how bail works (honestly I have no idea; most of our clients cant afford to make bail). Then on the bus home tonight, I heard three black guys talking about using self-defense in a domestic altercation that they anticipated happening. I interjected: "Self-defense is a triable defense. Which means that you go to a jury, usually a mostly white jury, and have to convince at least one of them that it was absolutely necessary for you to hit your girlfriend. I wouldnt recommend it." It was an interesting moment. Maybe that's how I can make my money, giving criminal defense advice on buses...




*Walmart, btw represents all things evil to me... Not so much because of their economic policies or the fact that they tend to squeeze out small businesses in areas to employ people at minimum wage (there was a great Slate.com discussion on that) but more because their stores are fashion-hell-holes. Target, on the other hand, is all things good. There was an article in Newsweek about their corporate giving that literally made me cry... Granted I was having a sappy moment, but it was a well-written article and they really do some amazing things.

Takin care of biznass!

Shit! This post apparently got deleted... I'll have to update tomorrow. Fuck.

Black Friday

This week has been interesting. Not intellectually interesting, but emotionally interesting.

Monday started out shitty. I hadnt gotten much night before, and a couple of friends (unknowingly) ganged up on me and were calling me out on various things. Never good to start a week feeling defensive. By the time I was done with work on Monday, I felt like a pretty worthless human being... one of those days that you cant do right by anyone.

My roommate is moving out, which is dandy by me, but another stressor to add to everything. My sister is struggling in ways that I simply cant help her. My father's relationship is as tenuous as ever. My glasses were crushed at last weekend's festivities. My best friend is in Mongolia.... All stuff that has just been adding up.

Well, I found me some "friend-loving" and ended up partying that night with an old friend from college and her friends at a random guy's house. Very fun, relaxing (cheap)... exactly what I needed. Everyone was very non-critical of me which was uber-important at that moment, and I felt much better in the morning. The morning, speaking of, was kinda funny, cause it was this total high school flashback: the parents came home and started freaking our about the people sleeping everywhere and the beer bottles all over the place. Wow... Havent had that experience in a while. We cleaned up and respectfully departed.

As for the Fourth itself, I made sure that first and foremost I used this (unpaid) vacation to take care of myself. I knew that I was slipping, so I made sure that I took some time to pray and then to clean. I know that sounds odd, but when my apartment is in disorder, that only adds to the feeling that my life is in disorder...

I gotta run to court now, but more later, esp. about Nebraska waking up the "emotion" in me and me all of a sudden missing (Mitchell) again. Oh, and feeling important because of lobbyists... Get to that later.

Oh Yeah... And I need a roommate

Oh, and I forgot to mention that my roommate is moving out on Sept. 1. I have already ponied up the dough for a membership on roommates.com and checked out craiglist, but if any one knows of anybody looking for a place, my apartment rocks, and well... they would get a chance to live with me.

Okay... Maybe leave that last part out.

Defending the right to kill myself... just not in the cold.

I was directed by a friend's blog to an article in the Star Tribune about the new smoking room at the Saloon. http://www.startribune.com/462/story/517491.html

Its a great room. Completely closed off from the rest of the bar, it is heated, with a fireplace, sound system, covered... all that stuff. Apparently the Saloon owners got approval of their design from the city, spent almost a half million constructing it... Now the city is giving them crap. They have had to take out the windows and close up the service bar that was available there.

This really gets to me. As I have long debated with many people over the smoking ban (including Gary Schiff himself, the author of the ban), I feel I dont particularly need to get into my beliefs that it is BS for the government to be in the business of going into private businesses and telling people what legal products can or cannot be used by private individuals. please... Shut down McDonald's first.

Anyway, this is only further infuriating. I truly do understand (even though I will still fight) the concept that non-smokers need to be saved from the evils of those of us that light up. But here the Saloon has gone through the proper channels to create a "smoking lounge" and through "poor communication between departments and a lack of clear guidelines" by the City are still being penalized. Thats some bullshit.

I guess, even here, I just dont get it. Would one of you please explain the continued need to regulate this? In this scenario, it is no longer about second-hand smoke. The patio is for smoking: that is what it was designed for. The rest of the bar is available for non-smokers. The patio is even well ventilated to make sure that smoke doesnt waft into the rest of the bar. So what possible rationale now exists for requiring further changes? I just dont get it... Tobacco is legal. Are we simply trying to exile all those who would choose to use it to the frigid tundra of the Minnesota winters?

Slutty Slutty Hoebag... And other Bachelor-Party Euphemisms

Good God... Last night was a lot of fun.

My head hurts so much right now that it hurts to type. Not sure Im gonna make it through this post...

(some 8 hours later)

Well... It has certainly been a fun couple of days. From what I can remember ;-)

Friday night I ended up cheering up and playing with the setup on my Blog. Hence the fucked up way that it is reading at the moment. On the plus side, I feel proud that I figured out how to add things to my sidebar in HTML all on my own. Downside: I screwed up the whole page so it reads funny now. Hmmm... I have a couple of my wonderful geek friends looking into it. I fell asleep after I got frusterated and missed all the calls that I was lamenting not receiving in the last post.

Yesterday I got an amazing amount of nothing done before I went to Anthony's Bachelor party. I did end up getting a call from Nebraska, and I made it clear that I was kinda put off by him not calling last night when I thought we had plans, and I left it as, "Well, you give me a call when you want to hang out." It 's the "ball is in your court, Im not going to work for this" tactic my friend Will taught me. More on this later.

Before the party, I was a little nervous about the money to be spent on the evening, and it truly was a pricey night, but it was a fun one to be sure. We started at his place (2 drinks) where we changed and got into the limo (2 more drinks) and went to the St. Paul Grill (2 more drinks) and had a very upscale dinner. I started chatting with this guy (M) who I thought had something to him, seemed deep, cute enough, whatever. We have a couple of smoke breaks together, and Im feeling it. We got done with dinner just in time to catch the Taste of the Cities fireworks (shhh... no one tell Anthony that they weren't for him). At that point I got a call from Nebraska saying that he would be out that evening, and he wanted to see me. I told him cool, and that he should give me a call when he knows exactly where he would be. We then go to a St. Paul bar, Trikkx. Fun enough. I could see it getting really fun when its packed, but it was mostly an older crowd. I picked Anthony up at this point, threw him over my shoulder and paraded him around to get spanked by the various patrons. Oh the fun hasnt even started yet.

We left and drove (2 drinks) to Boom (1 drink). Along the way I found time to make out with M in the limo. That's One.

We hung out at Boom just long enough to finish our drinks, then drove (one drink) to Saloon, where we paraded in. It was a fun crowd, and kinda a blur at that point. I usually drink beer, and I was doing vodka tonics and champgne all night. Soon after we got to the Saloon, I found that M was kinda on all types of other guys. Hmmm... Whatever. I can roll with that. Then I saw.... Nebraska.

To start, I am not the guy who waits around for guys to call him. It is my biggest pet peeve when people say they are going to call and then dont. So I walked over to Nebraska with a big smile, with the whole Bachelor Party watching me. I give him a hug, pull back, and pull out my phone. "No missed calls, no messages. Thats too bad. Talk to you later." And I walk away. Just to make it clear, that was me ending it with him. Too bad too, cause I liked him. Thought about him a lot. Some things just werent meant to work. None of my friends liked him anyway, so no giant loss.

So, I go to find M, find him dancing shirtless on the dance floor with another guy in our group, R. I go up and dance with them, and together they wrestle my shirt off me (havent danced shirtless in an age). Then R and I start making out while M is dancing up on me. Wow. Okay.

The only other eventful thing (that I remember) at the Saloon was that this incredibly awkward kid J kept trying to get cozy with me. He kept putting his arm around me and squeezing or grabbing my chest or whatever. He probably figured that since I was making out with everyone else... Anyway, I almost broke his arm, twice, trying to make it clear that he was not allowed to touch me. Eghhh... Some guys just dont get it until you are pinning their arm behind them with their face pressed against a wall while you shout obsenities at them. Now that I think of it, hopefully that wasnt a turn on. Ewwww.

As things are slowing down (3am?) we start to head back out to the Limo and we continue drinking there. One of our group needed to throw up, so while he is being taken care of, I had a couple more drinks with this guy who had been there with his boyfriend (his bf was, in fact right outside the limo). Well, he started making out with me. (notice the use of passive voice) It was hot, but wierd too, cause the bf evidently didnt care... Either that, or those were some damned good tinted windows.

Then went back to the house, were I promptly passed out on a leather couch. Apparently there was a good little after-party in that room... People must have just sat around me... I was out.

Funny moment though, was that I woke up to music playing. Someone had turned on the stereo. I looked down and the floor is littered with a couple of sleeping guys. I got up to turn off the stereo, turn around and there was already someone asleep on the couch where I had been. Part of me was mad, but I was more impressed than anything by the ingenuity of the guy who had conned me out of my comfy couch spot... I let him keep it and found another couch.

Woke up and no one loved me...

Talk about wakin up on the wrong side of the bed.

Im in a relatively bad mood. It's about 8:30 at night on Friday, and I can count at least 5 people who were supposed to call me to get together. Yuck. Nebraska is officially giving me the "no call break-up." Yuck. Im pretty sure my sister and I are in one of those default force-of-will contests over who will call first (because calling first is, of course, an admission of error). Yuck.

Tonight is not one of those Fridays that I have mentally prepared myself to stay in. To be honest, I anticipated a good happy hour with a diverse group of friends, meeting up with Nebraska and getting laid by this point. Guess not.

As for the "break-up," believe me that it is the last thing I am going to shed tears over, but it is certainly inconvenient. I could have spent the last week working on other hook-up options. Shit! I might not get laid this weekend! THAT pisses me off. It has been a very long time since I have gotten the blow-off from a guy, so I suppose that turn-about is fair play and all. Still leaves me questioning why he was all coupley last weekend (Pride=the hook-up highlight of the year) and then all of a sudden lost interest. I fear that he may have finally caught on to some of my more callous statements last weekend (see blog entry), but I dont think thats the case as he didnt even seem to wince at the time. Whatever. Next!

As for my sister, well, thats just a family trait. But now with my Dad in China till Sunday, and her apparently not wanting to talk to me... Feeling kinda alone at the moment. Oh sad.

Time to drink till I cant feel feelings.

Great article to think about

I had this "judicial conservative" guy get in my face last semester about the role of the courts. He was aggressively touting how great it was that finally we are getting a "conservative" Court which will back off and let the "real" democracy do their thing. I didnt quite know how to react. I am proud of some of the progressive measures the Court has put into place in the past, and I have never been willing to concede that the court system isnt part of our democratic process.... I wish I had read this article then to be able to better have this conversation...


Fair to Meddling - The myth of the hands-off conservative jurist. By Seth Rosenthal

Good God!

I just woke up and have had Michael Jackson's "Heal the World" running through my head. Why? No idea. Havent heard that song in a decade. Apparently it is impossible to exorcise from your memory. I have two thoughts:

1) Can you dig a song out of your head with scissors?

2) If there was ever an indication that it is going to be a shitty day...

Interesting Day

Spent the day today at a Continuing Legal Education seminar on divorce law and procedure, which was both interesting at parts and boring at parts. It was nice to focus on a different aspect of law for a day, but I do look forward to returning to work tomorrow.

Got the first of two calls from my sister mid-day: she was dying to tell me this gay joke she had come up with. I kinda humored her and went on with my day. She had called me twice last night to tell me the joke, but I was asleep when she called (calling twice is also our family signal for emergencies, but I dont think she realized she had done it). Anyway, much later today she calls to tell me that she is working with this guy who hurt his knee taking off his cowboy boots and giving himself a pedicure, and it made her think of me, cause he's gay. I was kinda appalled really, and at first didnt say anything. Then I decided to call her back: I really dont like being thought of as the "token gay" in the family. Come on! If anybody should be past that stuff, it should be them.

Think of me when someone is witty, generous, a good listener, supportive, abbrasive, terse, aggressive, WHATEVER... but dont think of me when you hear about some guy painting his toenails. That's not who I am! Im not some episode of Will & Grace... I just am really past being thought of as the "gay one." My Dad has a tendency to do that too, and I addressed him about it. He is, afterall, the one who wanted me to be "more than just gay." So I am turning the tables and asking them to think of me as more than it too.

On one hand I am so unbelievably lucky to have the supportive family that I have. But on the other, I kinda want them to move past that (or perhaps do something about it... maybe what is truly bothering me is that my sexuality is used for joking, but never for politics or for activism.... Maybe I should tell my father that for every funny Cher joke he says to me, he has to go to a PFLAG meeting... anyway). Well, now my sisters pissed, even though I tried to be as constructive and kind about pointing out the whole thing as I could be... She got really pissed saying I was way out of line. Hmmm... I dont think so, especially since I was literally just telling her how I was feeling, and it DID happen twice in one day. Maybe Im wrong...

I realize though that I miss Dad... He's still in China until Sunday. Im sure its amazing, and I hope he's doing well. Its funny how strong our connection still is though. There have been a number of times (esp. given an ethical dilemna I had last weekend) that I have wanted to call him up and talk something through with him. This situation with my sister is one of them.

I guess I am also worried that my sister is floundering. She's not doing so hot at life right now, so no one is calling her on her shit. So things keep getting worse. I could go on about this extensively, but I wont at the moment. Suffice it to say that I feel like I was quite fair in ONLY telling her how I felt about the things she was saying to me.

Then I spent the evening interviewing a couple for my "long paper" (essentially a law school thesis). This gay couple had adopted 3 kids about 5 years back, and they literally have the exact life that I long for, down to the Saab Convertible and the kitchen with a granite island and great knives. Oh, and the kids are pretty damn cool. Anyway, it was an interesting peek to get into their lives.

On a political note, I havent been able to read about the Supreme Court's Hamdan decision, but just getting a glimpse of CNN, I think Im going to be a happy camper tomorrow. That, and I get to see Nebraska. Later!

Everyone should read this article.

These are the things we all KNOW about Guantanemo... But here are the facts to back that up.

http://www.slate.com/id/2136422/

Curiouser and Curiouser

Well, it has indeed been a good week so far. I have mostly been revive from a weekend worth of gay-fun. Its nice to be back to the real world, getting some of my real work done. I got one project done on Monday, and looking to finish another today. Im heading to the Court of Appeals today just for fun, so got all dressed-up nice for that.

Havent really seen Nebraska in the last couple of days. Not worried about that though, as we did spend the entire friggin weekend together. I have social/work/networking engagements for the next two nights, but I think he and I plan on getting together for Happy Hour on Friday, which should prove to be fun. I gotta say, its smart of him to give me my space right now. Most guys would "move in" at this point and I would get to feeling overwhelmed and under-interested. Well played... "Your move, holy man..."

Went out last night for a couple of friends birthdays. They went to dinner first, which I didnt join since I am as broke as I have ever been in my life (is it sad that I had a dream last night that my grandparents died and left me a ton of money?) and felt a little queasy about dropping a bunch of money on a nice meal. But I joined later and really enjoyed catching up, as I havent seen the two friends I was there for in a couple of weeks. We went out, got shafted by Brothers (I always hated that shitty bar) and went somewhere with $2 taps. Sweet!

Anyway, after staying out till about 11pm with those girls, I took the bus home and say these two guys at my entrance. I dont know how to properly preface this story without going too far into the history of the thing but I'll try: one guy I met while he was visiting campus and he just smelled gay. I approached him, and now he's coming to UST Law next fall. He lives with a roommate who I met at the 19 one night and have kinda developed a mild crush on. As 19 is a gay bar, and they live together, and they both seem pretty gay, and they live in the "gay neighborhood," I always presumed that they were both gay.

So, I come home last night, see them smoking and decide to join them (mostly cause I have a crush on the one guy). We start chatting and after a little while, I ask them how they enjoyed Pride, things of that nature... then the one going to UST Law mentions his wife. What? You're married? I was very confused. Apparently he wasnt playing with me. Okay... Cool. I can roll with that, I wasnt interested in him anyway. Then they insist that I go up to their place and have a drink, and I try to be coy and then give in. We go up and have a drink, and it is now getting very late for me, and then the one I think is cute mentions something about being straight. Huh? Say again? Yep. Straight.

I have always known that I go for straight-ish guys (Nebraska being a good example) but apparently I need to truly realign my gaydar. Holy shit, I used to be spot on accurate with that stuff... I have been bumping into these guys for 6 months now, (in fact I was still with (Mitchell) when I first met the UST-bound one) and I could have sworn they were gayer than a box o' leprechauns. Where does one go to get their gaydar re-aligned?

On the political front, anyone who loves reading Scalia's raging, abusive opinions may appreciate the first day of dialogue referring to it on Slate: http://www.slate.com/id/2144476/entry/0/
Someday when I am truly bored at work I want to look up some of Scalia's writing before he was a justice. I wonder when his writing style turned so un-Godly hateful. Oh, and the other thing I like about the Slate article is the mention of Justice Thomas' use of italics. It is pretty funny.

Moving on to the executive branch, I, funnily enough, actually appreciate the line-item veto that Bush is trying to get passed. I have always liked the idea that the President (or morelike his staff) can cut through the pork that inevitably gets attached to a bill. Two arguments can be made as far as the legislative effect: a) it will either allow legislators to save face by being able to say, "Hey, I tried..." or b) it will relieve legislators of any sense of duty to responsible spending in their state. Perhaps argument (b) only exists in an idealized world. Anyway, Bush's veto plan would get around the New York v. Clinton because it allows Congress to override the specific item vetoed with a simple majority vote. (Besides, given the dissents on New York v. Clinton and the changes in the Court since then, it wouldn't rule the same now anyhow.) My only concern with the thing is whether it will lead to partisan abuse: ie. allowing pork projects that help Congressmen from your party while disabling spending for those opposition party members who are vulnerable... I guess we'll have to see.

Funny though that the only President to never veto ANYTHING out of Congress, but to use more "signing statements" (essentially "Fuck Yous, Im going to do what I want") than any president before him is pushing for this line-item power....

Enough for now.

A Terrifying Message from Al Gore

Anything that combines Futurama and my favorite political issues is okay by me.

A big gay t-shirt!

So this last weekend was Pride, and I had an unbelievable amount of fun. I spent most of the weekend with Nebraska, which was very cool, and funny enough I didnt get annoyed with him. That says something. Normally after about 12 hours with someone, I'm ready to cleave their skull in two. Not so with Nebraska. He gave me my space, let me do what I needed to, yet we still spent a good amount of time together being all "coupley." And I didnt have any homocidal feelings. Thats a good sign.

By Saturday night I was all Prided-out. I had enough "gay culture" for the evening. So Nebraska and I went to go see Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth." I need to do some independent research to see how much of what he is saying is slanted or whatever, but my first thought is that the movie was damn compelling. Definitely recommend it. Great ending too with a Melissa Etheridge song. Anyway, back to Pride--

A couple of observations about Pride: first-- What the fuck do I have to do to convince people Im gay?

I spent a good chunk of the weekend helping to man the booth for my law school, and got to be the "Im a student here, and I love it," guy. And people would cock their heads and puzzle, and finally ask, "Well, are YOU gay?" Id kindly respond that I was, and I love my school. But it must have happened a good 20 times. Maybe I should have been wearing a tighter shirt.

Then, I was watching the Pride parade yesterday with Nebraska by my side, still being coupley and everything, and this guy taps me on the shoulder: "You're straight, right?" Huh, what? Im standing at the mother-fucking Pride Parade with the guy Im sleeping with, and Im still getting that? What do I need to do, develop a lisp and a limp wrist? Seriously. My question for the guy who was asking was then, "Why do you ask?" His response, "You just look straight, and I was trying to prove a point that not everyone here was gay..." So, apparently, this guy looked into a crowd of homos and determined that I was the straight one.

I guess the only reason that this even mildly bugged me is because I spent the weekend NOT judging (at least out loud) (okay, outloud but at least not so they could hear me) the relatively freaky fags that come out at Pride. Good for them. God Bless. Not my type/style/size/color, but whatever. And yet I dont happen to fit into the norm on the other end, and I get questioned. Wierd.

Second observation: just cause Im at Pride doesnt mean I want you speculating about my "relationships" any more than anywhere else. Its really none of your business.

I was walking hand-in-hand with Nebraska, which feels pretty damn cool, and this guy from the Minnesota Committed Couples booth (or something of the sort) comes and gets in our face, "Are you two a couple?" I almost mauled out his eyes. Here I am, a somewhat committment-wary guy, trying to avoid "the talk" as best as possible. By "the talk," of course I mean the "we're-sleeping -together -regularly, -so -what -are -we, -lets -get -a -definition -out -on -the -table, -and -PS -you -cant -look -at -other -guys" talk. Then comes along a complete stranger who decides he needs that talk to have happened and for us to come hang out with him now. That warrants a mauling in my mind.

Later last night I had rejoined Nebraska at the bar (where we were oddly exiled outside... wierd setup) and another person asked us. Having a few beers under my belt, the answer was glibbly, "He's good in bed, so Im gonna stick with him till I get bored or annoyed." Funny enough, Nebraska didnt seem to mind that answer. Maybe he might work afterall.

Favorite t-shirt quote of the weekend:
"I dont cuddle, but I'll hold you tight while I fuck you."

I have someone who empties my garbage at night...

I just had that thought: everyday when I come in to work, my trash is empty. I've never had someone that performed such an invisible personal service. New.

I went out with Nebraska again yesterday. He and I went out for lunch, then met up after I had a meeting with the Prof I am working for. I turned in the chapters I had been doing, and that felt rather nice. Then he handed back a stack to edit almost just as big. Great. Here's to a fun summer. Anyway, Nebraska and I had dinner at this Mexican place a couple blocks away then went for a romantic stroll in the sculpture gardens. He's totally an introvert, but he is quickly opening up, and I cant seem to take my eyes off of him. It was totally a nice date, just hanging out the two of us. I could get used to this.

Today, work has been good. I was assigned a new "rush" case which I have to push myself a little on. I should have a good chunk of it finished tomorrow though if I focus... And I went to meet the attorney on the case, and I already love her. She seems very cool. Moreso to in that she is letting me argue the motion! Kickass! While I cant be certain, Im fairly sure that winning this would secure release for a kid who's in for five years. Sweet! Best of all, its a winnable case. I just really have to kick my ass this next week getting the arguments together.

Mob Internet Justice, Part II; Nebraska, Part II

I awoke this morning to some fun news: the story that I posted June 10th about the guy how was seeking justice through the internet for his friends stolen SideKick finally resulted in an arrest of the individual involved. I gotta be honest, as someone who is now part of "the system," when the Internet guy, Evan, started running into roadblocks by the police, I was fairly certain that this whole thing would stall out, and that justice would never be done, regardless of how much work this one man had put into it, and how much attention he had received.

But here is is: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/21/nyregion/21sidekick.html

The original link is also: http://www.evanwashere.com/StolenSideKick

Now this girl's case will undoubtably land on a PD law clerk's desk in Queens for receiving stolen merchandise. (I say PD's office not because they are Mexican, but because they bought a SideKick from a taxi driver...) Should be an interesting case, I might be geeky enough to follow it myself.

On a completely different note, I went out with Nebraska again last night. Had him meet me and a couple friends out for drinks. (or "drink" in his case... this guy definitely isnt a lush. but then, I can corrupt anyone) We ended up having some fairly deep conversation. He doesnt talk much, but he is one of those people that you want to listen to when he does, cause it is usually something important. Anyway... He and I have lunch today. That makes me smile.