I woke way too early this morning. The bright rising sun was shining into the living room. I forgot what beautiful mornings we can see in this apartment. It has been years (literally) since I was up early enough to see the sun rising out our windows.
The last couple of days have been... not my norm. I have just been really all over the place emotionally. I have been prone to anger. I hadnt hung out with Justine in about a week, and hadnt talked to her all weekend. Things were just going "full-moonish." I had a wierd-ass shift on Monday. I just have not been feeling right with the world.
Where I left off last time I wrote was getting off work on Sunday. That was a fun shift, but a little lonely. [Webster] then came and picked me up on his way up from Chicago. He had been home all weekend. He is doing that a lot more lately. I respect his desire to be with his buddies from home, but I kinda hate getting left here alone. Anyway, he then kinda ditches me to go hang out with his regular hook-up. I was a little sore about that. He ended up bringing her back here and we watched an episode of the Sopranos, but that is just not the same.
Anyway, Monday we all got our asses handed to us in our dance class. So much so that I don't really feel like going today. I know that is not a good idea though. Then a decent workout with [Webster]. Classes were fine... I was really tired through them. Then a nap before I headed off to work. On the way I returned a voicemail from [Julie] saying that she needed to talk to me. She needed to lean on me. So I called her, and she told me she didnt want to talk about it at the moment. Okay. Fair enough. But I also let her know that I had needed to talk to her all weekend, and she showed no interest in being with me or talking or anything. She swallowed it and I went to work.
Work was... off. Phil and Dave and Billie and Geoff are saints. I guess it was just good to have friendly faces. Jimmy (the old fuck from last Wed. who would not get his hands off me) was there. I served him politely, kept moving and was just happy he was down on Brian's end of the bar. But NO... he moves down to my end with his young leaching friend. He starts badgering me, asking me why I am not talking to him... I finally go off on him, letting him know that his actions the other night were inappropriate, and that if he was going to regard me as a piece of meat, I was going to regard him as the lecherous old man he is. Everyone else at the bar just dropped their jaw, knowing that this was totally unlike me. Jimmy just shut up and sat there, and was gone within minutes. Now, that was never my intention, and I am seriously worried about Jimmy going to my boss, with whom he is good friends (and he reminds me of that in a way that seriously resembles cooersion), and telling him that I was mean to him. I wish I could say that I know Bill will have my back. But he has proved pretty unsupportive when it comes to these sort of conflicts.
Anyway, then some guy collapsed near the men's bathroom. I just heard this giant crash bang. I FLEW over there, and his eyes were rolled back in his head... Every Boy Scout nerve in my body panicked. He wasn't drunk, in fact I had only served him one beer. He came to, very dissoriented, and said he was fine, just a little lightheaded. So I put him in a chair with a back to it and gave him some water. Brian was downstairs or something, so I didnt know what else to do. Then, 30 seconds later, the guy goes down again. Brian took care of it this time, and I just manned the bar. I guess it turned out to be some medical thing. Just got my adreneline pumping HARD.
At closing, we had a TON of restocking to do, and Brian lightly repremanded me for my attitude that evening. We didnt get out of there until about 3:45. Then I had the world's WORST taxi driver, who I totally reemed out. He ignored my directions, so ended up hitting every light in town, and then went all the way to Highland Ave. to turn west... I made him turn off the meter. And waiting on my phone was the most bilesome, mean voicemail I have ever gotten. [Julie] called accusing me of "playing games," and being a bad friend for making her bad day worse. Look who you're talking to here sweetheart.
Then yesterday, I didnt even try to get up for my first class. I finalized my speech, using the suggestions that Ken Anselment had sent me. God bless that man. It was incredibly helpful. I then went and read it for Dr. Phyliss Ravel in the Theater Department, who gave me some suggestions. Then to Dr. Ghanem, my PR prof. Then Ethics, which was a great break-up to the speech-centric nature of the rest of my day. Talked about animal testing. Finally a subject that we disagree on! Fun stuff! Then I read the piece to Dr. Meyer, more suggestions. Then back home, Sopranos with [Webster] and a nap.
Woke up dressed (looked sharp too) and went to go see the Senior Speech committee. (On the way, I had to turn around and run back for a copy of my speech to give them... shit, that could have been bad). The speech went almost flawlessly, and my answers to the rest of their questions were witty and intelligent... Oh, except that I forgot my majors... When we were doing intros around the room, they came back to me, and I totally blanked on my majors.... Oh, and then I "disclosed" my new tattoo to them... I thought that was funny. They looked scared shitless when I told them that "I had not been honest about something on my application..." Hahaha.
So, then I come back for dinner, [Julie] and I finally catch up, easily smooth things over. Her father is going through some horrible medical stuff. He might lose his legs (in the long term). I kept trying to gently remind her to just be greatful that she still has both her parents. That can be a hard argument to make though. Anyway, things were cool, and then Will and Justine and I went out to Mel's on Water, and had an absolute blast. It was exactly what I needed. Time with the two of them. Total cutie there too. Andy. Straight. But... Anyway, we all had a blast, and Justine just talked about the stupid stuff we hadnt been able to in a while. (like La Perla being shut down... WTF... I HATE this new police chief!!!) We had a close ass dart game (Justine and I got beaten by 1 point) and then went to George Webb's. What a perfect way to end such a shitty couple days.
Here is what I am thinking: I hope that I dont see any repercussions for Monday night at work. Bill gets back on Wednesday, and I will need to talk to him about the way Jimmy went after me physically. Part of me feels like I should wait until Jimmy makes it an issue again, so that I am not tattling on my boss' friend... I am thinking that I just finished pretty much the last thing I give a damn about this semester... I am thinking that I need to make sure Justine and I dont go that long without hanging out... I am thinking that things can go back to normal now.
I am listening to this Howie Day Cd right now, and in one of his songs he sings, "Even the best fall down sometimes," and that is how I felt this last weekend.
It is time to get back up.
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